Name: Jordan Miller Nickname: Boss (Phoenixes only), Jordy (family only) Weapon: Ferros - Giant hammer Division: Sun (phone: 2-3-1024) Rank: Hunter
Personality: Jordan is serious and careful most of the time, though he's relaxed somewhat since he first arrived at Deus. He is intelligent and observant, interested in knowing how everything works, including people. He has a sometimes-wicked sense of humor and can occasionally be convinced to share his observations.
He is very aware of how he and others present themselves, and can sometimes be manipulative. He realizes this and is ambivalent about it. If he's gained someone's trust, he'll work to maintain and deserve the privilege. He also has a strong sense of duty and a tendency to worry and overthink things. Once his loyalty has been established, it's very difficult to break. Likewise, he remembers and holds grudges, sometimes for an unreasonably long time. He's willing to change opinions based on new information, but it will take longer if he's suspicious of someone's motivations or behavior.
He is almost compulsively neat, thoroughly addicted to caffeine, and very much not a morning person. He pays attention to his appearance and style and is picky about his wardrobe. He likes to read and solve puzzles.
General Information
DOB: June 26, 1990 Gender: Male Sexual Preference: Gay Blood Type: A Height: 5'10" Body Type: Lean muscled Scars: Long scar from collarbone to left hip, claw marks along right forearm, claw marks on left side of neck and jaw Tattoos: Dragon and phoenix on back Piercings: Industrial in right ear Birthplace: San Luis Obispo, CA Nationality: American Family: Mother and father deceased, aunt and three cousins surviving. Brother (Andrew Miller) is also a Hunter.
Personality
Likes: Logic puzzles, reading, swimming, running, coffee Dislikes: Boredom, messes, dishwashing, canned peaches Allergies: None Phobias: Bugs, drowning Hobbies: Drawing mazes, singing, stage magic, reading, surfing Talents: Problem-solving, fighting General Diet: Everything - likes Mexican and southern US foods when he can get them Smokes?: No Drinks?: Occasionally Drugs?: No Religion?: Lapsed Catholic Education: CalPoly - Psychology Minipets: Kiwi, fruit foxfire
Favorite...
Food: Coffee Song: Tori Amos - Black Dove Color: Red Movie: Clerks Book: The Hobbit
Western Zodiac: Cancer
A Cancer is a person born between the 22nd of June and the 23rd of July. The symbol of Cancer is the Crab. The moon is the ruling planet of Cancer and the element is Water. Mondays are said to be lucky days for Cancer. Cancer strengths are adaptability, loyalty, genuine attachment to a family, and empathy. Weaknesses of Cancer include moodiness, sensitivity, and emotional outbursts and indecisiveness.
People assigned the sign of Cancer are genuinely moody and have ever changing emotions. One minute they may be laughing and having a good time and the next minute you may find them mad at the world. No one single emotion or personality can label a Cancer.
Cancer will often masquerade their emotions with humor. Laughing is a common disguise used by Cancer to hide signs of depression. Cancer will set their aspirations high. Constant struggles for success and achievement lay beneath the exterior shell of Cancer.
Yelling or harshly snapping at individuals born under Cancer can cause their hearts to hurt. They will either shed tears openly or just completely shut down when hurt. When a Cancer is hurt you will not be able to break through the exterior shell. Time is the only thing that can heal the heart of a Cancer.
Sun in Cancer, Moon in Virgo:
You have come a long way from the child who was sensitive, timid, and afraid of his own shadow; for though you are still sensitive, and to some extent timid, you have rationalized yourself out of these traits and by sheer will-power and mental force taken your place in the world as a person to be reckoned with. You are still conscious of an inner quaver when you try to make important decisions, and especially when you try to make others do your bidding; but so strong is your need for success, and so completely have you developed reserve and poise beneath your protective armor, that you are likely to find yourself in some place of importance, with people hanging on your word and doing as you tell them. You are not an easy master, for being fundamentally unsure of yourself, you reverse this into being even more of an autocrat than is necessary and insist on absolute adherence to the letter of the law – and especially to your word.
You are utterly conventional, and although you may think along advanced social lines, you are a strict believer in authority – especially your own authority. Your power over people arises from your sensitiveness to what they are thinking and feeling and your ability to put yourself in their places without giving up your own individuality. Your tact can be either constructive, contributing to your progress, or it can be weak and subservient; but in either case it is dictated by your feeling for policy and expediency. You will rarely be found fighting a losing cause; you, like the God of Battles, will be found on the side of the greatest numbers. You are a sweet and tractable person, highly amenable to sympathy, affection, and understanding; thrown off your balance and confused by hardness or unkindness but capable of striking back if your opponent is not too big for you. You develop fearlessness and courage out of a feeling of shame over being the reverse. You are a loyal and understanding sweetheart (husband, wife) though you can drive your spouse crazy with your sensitiveness. And as an employer you can muddle those under you by changing your mind all the time. You must cultivate real self-confidence in order that your truly great abilities may meet with adequate recognition in the world.
Eastern Zodiac: Metal Horse
In many respects the Metal Horse resembles his (or her) astrological brother (or sister) Fire Horse. This is an individual endowed with a brilliant mind, great courage, charisma, magnetism, a steely determination to get exactly what he wants, and an instinctive and profound need to surpass himself and go beyond the limits of his forces. The panoply of his achievements in life is often quite impressive.
But this is also an eternally dissatisfied nature. Always wanting to win on all fronts, he cannot accept failure gracefully. As he demands too much of himself, he tends to harbor severe feelings of guilt and a tendency to self-chastisement; there is absolutely no question for him to indulge in any degree of self-complacency. His chance will be increased when he can handle his pride, which generally impedes him from asking for help or accepting advice from others.
There is conspicuously a moralistic side to his personality. Serious-minded and stern, he judges himself and the world at large with equal severity. The native is as ferocious in making unflattering remarks about himself as in telling others their faults. He also displays an ascetic tendency by showing some unmistakable reserve toward sensual pleasures and extolling the cult of the mind. But somehow he lacks serenity and stoicism in the face of even unavoidable misfortunes. He may proclaim himself an atheist, but this is basically a religious type, probably because of his fundamental need to believe in something and give some meaning to life.
Name: Ferros Nicknames: Ferr (Tracey only) Gender: Genderless, male-identified Weapon type: Giant war hammer, C-class heavy weapon Unsummoned form:Ring with red stone, worn on right index finger Former species:Iron (mechanical) dragon
Personality traits: Ferros is not as quick as his hunter, but he is practical and steady. His quiet common sense helps keep Jordan calm.
He doesn't mind being a weapon; he feels better with a strong personality to support and obey, and though he senses that he's not as gigantic as he once was, he can still destroy things and set them on fire, and that's just fine by him.
He loves Traciel, Rep's weapon; though their memories are gone, they were very close before weaponization, and the emotional bond carried over. When they were able to meet in weapon golem forms, they remembered the connection, if not why it was there, and they remain close.
Charged attacks:
Flashover (Y2 Battle Cry) - The hammer's head bursts into flame, inflicting extra fire damage and possibly setting the target on fire. Condensation (Y2 Chill) - Ferros emits a cloud of steam that wraps around the target, healing them Backdraft (Y3 Battle Cry) - A BIGGER FIREBALL
Hunters: ■■ : Harrison Hughes - Steady and sensible, with a good sense of humor. Jordan loves Harrison and holds a deep sense of loyalty to him. They're not together any more, but are cautiously rebuilding a friendship. ■■ : Rep (William Reid) - Rep is a complicated person and has issues, but Jordan loves him deeply, and they share a connection neither quite fully understands. They are together again, settling into a comfortable relationship. ■ : Robert Morris - A7, Phoenix Squad. Jordan's best friend and confidant. Has an uncanny ability to bring out the buried immaturity in Jordan's personality. ■ : Madison McKenzie - A2, Phoenix Squad. A close friend and companion. One of Jordan's favorite people. ■■ : Jerry Collins - Z4, Phoenix Squad. A good friend, in spite of that whole choir thing. Hopelessly socially inept, must sometimes be rescued from Robert. Jordan had a deep and hopeless crush on him, though the sentiment wasn't returned; he's over it, but still cares for Jerry as a close friend. ■■ : Ennea Petrakis - A9, Phoenix Squad. Jordan thinks of Ennea as a little sister. <3 ■■ : Allan - Sun Division lead. Jordan respects and likes Allan and will support and defend him, even if Allan is a little eccentric. ■ : Petra Walker - Z8, Phoenix Squad. An intelligent and reliable person; Jordan respects and likes her. ■ : Clerise Wilson - Generally awesome and a good friend, even if she was indirectly responsible for some mental trauma in the form of The Talk. Deceased. :c ■ : Candace Pennington - Jordan likes talking to Candace and regards her as a good ally and friend. ■ : Horace Nokoni - Jordan likes Horace and feels a kind of connection with him. ■■ : Roland Taft - A good friend, though there was some awkwardness when Rep got jealous of him. ■ : Clarice - Life Division assistant. Jordan likes her and considers her reliable and a good person. Deceased. :c ■ : Al (Corbin McAy) - Rep's minion. Sometimes annoying, but okay. ■ : Marcus Hasan - A reliable guy. ■ : Before (Milton Bates) - Nice guy, if sometimes excitable. ■ : Melvin Wood - Jordan likes Melvin, though they tend to snipe at each other and sometimes make one another uncomfortable. After Rin's death, Melvin's mental instability has caused him to make some choices that Jordan finds dubious. ■ : Leon Stone - Not the brightest crayon in the box, but reliable enough most of the time. Currently dating Maddie. Jordan isn't sure what he thinks about that. ■ : Washington Becker - Jordan considers Wash a reliable and sensible guy, but Wash is dating Sasha, and that makes things seriously awkward. ■ : Mark - Death Division assistant. As opposed to Allan, who is an awesome weirdo, Mark is an annoying weirdo. ■ : Sasha Belrose - Jordan initially liked Sasha, but after she changed, he wasn't as sure about her. The intense hate-rivalry thing going on between Sasha and Rep eventually shifted his opinion to outright and pointed dislike.
Creatures: ■ : Jove - Jordan still thinks Jove is a minipet. He likes foxfires. ■ : Sammy - Though they began as enemies, Sammy has shown herself to be interested in an alliance with humans. ■ : Zar - A logical and non-aggressive demon. ■ : Red - Jordan still appreciates the lessons Red taught when she was impersonating Aria, but he does feel a sense of betrayal at the deception. ■ : Remi - There's a grudge here. It involves taunting and underwear.
MISSION: This Is War (Gale, Jordan, Ripley, Shiloh, Shu) * - Undercover infiltration mission to a horseman clan - canceled?
Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:24 pm
■■■■■ Hunter RP (cont.)
EM: Death Bonding (Jordan, Rep) - A zombie cleanup mission +1 Solo: Rebuilding (Jordan) - Repairing the room and thinking about things +1 1v1: How to Train Your Trainee (Jordan, Kyle) - Newbie training * PRP: Show and Tell (Jordan, Sammy) - Talking about possible alliances +1 META: DayZero - Tally post +19 1v1: colder than this home (Jordan, Kostya) - Kostya getting used to fighting with one arm +2 PRP: Rewrite (Jordan, Rep) - Jordan talks to a Rep without memories +1 PRP: losing all my mind until I find it (Jordan, Felicia) - a conversation about alternate selves +1 PRP: Situational Differences (Jordan, Horace) - A conversation about relationships +1 PRP: Space Between (Jordan, Rep) - A conversation Solo: When Everything's Made To Be Broken (Jordan) - Thoughts immediately post-breakup (breakup log in journal post, 1/31/2016) PRP: where you'll find me (Jordan, Rep) - Aftermath conversation +1 PRP: Kindling (Jordan, Horace) - Beers and discussions +1 PRP: 2 B a minipet master (Jordan, Lawr, Melvin, Rodney) - Minipets research, capture, and ethics +1 PRP: Contacts (Jordan, Sammy) - Keeping in contact * Mission: Operation Conflict (Jordan, various) - Jungle mission +1 PRP: Meeting (Jordan, Melody) - Jordan and Melody meet during the mission PRP: Hello Again (Jordan, Melvin) - Jordan and Melvin talk during the mission +1 ORP: For This I'm Thankful (Jordan, various) - Jungle mission Thanksgiving dinner PRP: Stealth Mission (Jordan, Sammy) - Rescuing Sammy +1 PRP: Face to Face (Ferros, Sammy) - A conversation with a golem +1 PRP: A dilemma (Jordan, Mimsy) - Rescuing Sammy * PRP: Room for one more (Jordan, Melvin) - Melvin crashes on Jordan's couch +1 Mission ORP: Happy Holidays - Mission to Christmas, in which Jordan gets JOY-influenced and accepts presents from Melvin +5 Solo: Floating (Jordan) - ship angst yet again HH PvP: Time to Bleed (Joy, Yaya, Jordan) - Jordan rescues Joy from a hostile encounter PRP: Rough Night (Jordan, Melvin) - Jordan and Melvin talk relationships +1 Status Effect ORP: Peter Pan Syndrome (Jordan, various) - Creation de-ages everyone +1 PRP: Treefort (Jordan, Melvin) - Young Jordan and Melvin hole up in a treehouse and talk +1 PRP: Safe haven (Jordan, Melvin, Larry, Rodney) - The kids go to Larry's house PRP: Creation's Children (Jordan, Rep, Creation) - Creation tries to use Jordan to get the mask back PRP: Uncomfortable truths (Jordan, Rep) - A conversation about who's not sleeping with who, after age reversion PRP: Informational session (Jordan, Ro) - Jordan explains the basics to Ro PRP: Growing Pains (Jordan, Melvin) - Jordan and Melvin talk about family PRP: Undercover (Jordan, Melody) - A conversation about Melody's secret PRP: Mark's Perpetually Long List of Favors (Jordan, Sherry, Melvin) - A mission to the Sahara +1 PRP: Official Pony Business - (Jordan, Sherry, Melvin) - A discussion about humans PRP: On The Market (Jordan, Melvin) - Jordan and Melvin discuss relationships and dating +1 Meta: Rebellion: Tally post PRP: What About Sammy? (Joy, Jordan) - Joy and Jordan talk about Sammy and about other lives GM ORP: Deus Orientation July 2017 (Various) - Jordan helps rescue a group from the Sahara Boss ORP: We do not sow (Jordan, various) - Jordan helps fight a water monster and gets stranded on a desert island +1 Drabble ORP: casual counseling: forced vacation edition (Dawson, Jordan) - a conversation about relationships Island PRP: Fishing lines (Jordan, Ever) - A short conversation Drabble ORP: Coconut Shoreline (Melvin, Jordan) - A conversation about weapon bonds Drabble ORP: Once upon a sandbar (October, Jordan) - A conversation about dogs PRP: Gourmand (Jordan, Lysander) - Coffee and conversation * PRP: Breakable Bonds (Jordan, Melvin) - Talking about weapon bonds and other bonds +1 Solo: whoever that is (Jordan) - Thinking about the future +1 PRP: Gravity (Jordan, Rep) - A reunion ORP: Wet and Wild (Melvin, Jordan, various) - A talk about the rain and water golems *
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I hope you won't take his getting angry too personally. I think he still resents that we got thrown into the desert unprepared.
AMERICA JONES @******** its fine i get why he might be unhappy like since it was freely given an all might be taken for granted specially when it was hard won
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Thanks for understanding. I'd rather the information be available to help people. Are you going?
AMERICA JONES @******** might go back someday but no tayms getting sent there for 2 months with just that a*****e shyster jan to have his back sad
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I hope he comes back safe. I don't trust that Jan guy. There's something not quite right about him.
AMERICA JONES @******** nothing right about that man definitely dont trust him
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I think Taym's smart enough to see that. I wish him luck, anyway.
AMERICA JONES @******** you
June 2, 2014
AMERICA JONES @******** i know hes and a*****e and says the most shithead things and usually deserves every bit of sass thrown his way but please dont call
AMERICA JONES @******** fat again hes starting to get better about things but im so ******** scared hell go back to the way he was and sent to the sahara
AMERICA JONES @******** to die for real this time
AMERICA JONES @******** class="smilies smilies_sad"> sad
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Huh? I was making a joke about the new icon he put up, but okay. Sore point?
AMERICA JONES @******** okay i thought you knew i guess i just expect people to notice and i keep forgetting that boys dont get the eating disorder talks
AMERICA JONES @******** glad you didnt mean to though
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Eating disorder? Oh, s**t, I crossed a line. I didn't know. Okay, that's off limits, then.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Not sure he'd believe or accept an apology, but I am sorry.
AMERICA JONES @******** probably just piss him off gotta say hes touchy as ******** i swear i never met a man so eager to get in a snit over the wrong things
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I know a couple of people who could be described that way.
AMERICA JONES @******** bless those assholes theyre lucky to have awesome ******** people around looking out for them
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime It's exhausting sometimes, but worth it.
AMERICA JONES @******** it really is smile
June 4, 2014
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Minion.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Don't tell him I said that.
AMERICA JONES @******** class="smilies smilies_wink"> wink
AMERICA JONES @******** think thatd confuse him a whole bunch more cause he likes being useful to folks
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Useful's good. I don't know him, but you seem to have a good sense for people, so I'll trust your judgment.
AMERICA JONES @******** gotcha and maybe my first thought was lackey too
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Al's a good kid, if a little oblivious from time to time.
AMERICA JONES @******** hes hella sweet got some growin to do but i hope that doesnt come round any time soon
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He could use a little more situational awareness sometimes, but we're working on that.
June 27, 2014
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I need to ask you a favor, please.
AMERICA JONES @******** course whatcha need
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Could you back off on Rep about the wedding for a while?
AMERICA JONES @******** he being all up his butt again >sad
AMERICA JONES @******** will back off wedding stuff because you asked though no worries
AMERICA JONES @******** he needs to stop banking on dreams he wont even commit to and start appreciating reality >sad
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Not up to talking about it right now, but I'll explain later. Thank you, seriously.
August 7, 2014: Twitter arguments
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Someday I will learn that making dumb jokes on Twitter is a good way to start stupid arguments.
AMERICA JONES @******** dont know if I'm supposed to be inserted or pleased that my honey pot is now an anglerfish but im smiling either way
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Well, you could interpret it as being an irresistible lure, if you wanted to.
AMERICA JONES @******** i meant insulted now im stupid laughing gotta say
AMERICA JONES @******** talker wink
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime That's one of the best autocorrect errors I've ever seen, I have to say.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Hey, if I swung your way, I'd hit that, I won't lie.
AMERICA JONES @******** appreciate your good taste
August 12, 2014: Newbiie orientation
AMERICA JONES @******** away for a bit but once i get back we should have a drink
AMERICA JONES @******** sad as ******** i can sit in on the first orientation so please send me the play by play
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'll give you the full rundown over a beer, or whatever you'd prefer.
Jan. 3, 2015: During twitter speculation about Famine golems
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You know where Thompson is? He fell off Twitter very suddenly.
AMERICA JONES @******** dont
AMERICA JONES @******** its a bad subject
AMERICA JONES @******** him
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Okay. Just checking. Thanks.
Cee Dec. 1, 2014: Questionable catalogs
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime What kind of bribery would be required for a look at a catalog?
Cee @principessa856 No bribery required boo! I hit up the store last leave so u can have the catalog!
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You're a peach. I'll come by after dinner, if you're not busy.
Cee @principessa856 no prob!
Harrison: June 18, 2014
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u need 2 talk 2 rep
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime yeah.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime The last few times we've talked it hasn't gone well. But I will anyway
Harrison @OfficerStabALot yeah I noticed it hasnt gone well hes pretty upset ?? what did u guys say or do 2 each other anyhow
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He doesn't trust me, so he isn't letting me close. Which makes me feel shitty and him trust me less and I don't even ******** know any more
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I miss him. I miss feeling like I belonged, I miss all of us being happy
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I miss not feeling like I had to be perfect and never ******** anything up. Jesus. This sounds really pathetic. Sorry.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot can he trust u? do u trust him? I mean u said u miss him but he is who he is
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I trust him. I want to say he can trust me but I keep ******** it up, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot man wat u say and wat u do is different s**t. u didnt trust us enough 2 tell us where you were.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and u avoid s**t when it gets tough. I bet u still havent messagd him even tho hes clearly stewin about calling off the wedding
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't have an excuse or an explanation. I don't even know why I do it.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime maybe I think I'm going to fail and do it to myself.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot its cuz ur ******** afraid of bad s**t. but bad s**t happens. if rep gets angry I get angry back at him or show him Im gonna b there 4 him
Harrison @OfficerStabALot if I ******** up. u say ur gonna b there but I cant count on if u r gonna b or not
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime for what it's worth, I'm sorry. It's not worth much. I can say I'll do better but until I prove it you won't trust me and I deserve that
Harrison @OfficerStabALot thats about the size of it with me thats what I told rep 2 when he got podded
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime will you give me the chance?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well its like ok maybe u can change. but maybe ur just an unreliable ******** and u got 2 figure out how to deal wit the cards u got
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u should have a game plan and face up 2 it either way
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime well, how I'm doing now isn't working out too well, so I've got nothing to lose by trying to change
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime ancient of solitude, by the way. Universe's way of telling me if I keep going this way I'll just die alone, maybe.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot man thats a sad ******** a** way 2 spend a thousand years no wonder ur so down
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I got slapped in the face with all the s**t I'm doing wrong and having to face up to it. I am feeling like a piece of s**t
Harrison @OfficerStabALot didnt u go 2 psych school
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Yeah. Studying it only helps a little compared to living it.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot sumtimes ur gonna feel shitty but they r just feelings and its ok to have them good or bad they r not gonna bite ur a**
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you guys make me feel more than I ever have for anyone and that freaks me out a lot sometimes
Harrison @OfficerStabALot ok well heres some other hard questions I no u and rep havent been 2gether in a little while
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime yeah.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but say he never wanted 2 be with u again physical wise. what r u going to do then. wats ur relationship with him?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'd still want to be around him. If he wanted me there. As a friend.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot yeah 4 me I no 4 sure my feelings wouldnt change. and I wouldnt want 2 hurt him ever. even if that meant givin up somethin important 2 me
Harrison @OfficerStabALot which it does all the ******** time but thats being partners
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you're a hell of a lot better at this than I've been
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u guys havent even been friends 4 a while every time u talk its u missin how it used to b and rep not wanting that
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime but yes. I wouldn't want to hurt him, and my feelings wouldn't change, even if he never let me touch him again. Or you.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you're right. I really don't like admitting that, it hurts, but you're right.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot thats basic s**t. ur scared 2 b angry with rep. u got 2 care about him and u both and not run away from the s**t thats been bad between u
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime absolutely ******** terrified. This s**t's much harder than facing down the apocalypse
June 19, 2014
Harrison @OfficerStabALot so what did rep say?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He doesn't feel vows would mean much the way things are between us now
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime which I can't really argue, nothing's gong to work without trust
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime but don't you ******** dare think I'm just going to give up
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I would lay off of phys stuff while he is not comfortable with it. You should ask what he needs from u and also tell him
Harrison @OfficerStabALot what isnt acceptable for you either
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He hasn't let me touch him for weeks. Every time I get near, he tells me to back off. Guess it won't change anything if I stop even trying.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot you got 2 work on the trust first. between both of u, u got to trust him too. right now u r scared of him.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot we got stuff we should work on 2 I guess.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I have a request: when I do something that bugs you, tell me.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't do s**t to piss you off on purpose, and if I don't know what I did that bothered you, it'll be harder to avoid doing it again.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I can try to. I guess mostly I am never sure how much u notice or care when it comes to my safety and feelings. u dont check or ask about it
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I care. I care a lot. I try to get you stuff you need before you're out of it so you don't have to go for it. I stay close to you when
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime we're home, to show you that I care and I like being close to you. I listen when you're mad, and if you're mad at me I get out of the way so
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you don't have to deal with me. When we're fighting, you partner with Rep, so I stay out of the way so I don't throw you off and put you
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime both at risk. I wanted to protect you, out there. I didn't know you didn't know.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I guess I assumed that if you wanted me to do something else you'd say so. I'll ask, then, so you do know.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot that is kind of a sad ******** list
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I fight alongside rep part because he notices when I am hurt or sick or whatever which I have been plenty
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You really think I don't notice when you're hurt or sick?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u cant let things drop with rep even if u both r havin troubles
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He has.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot it hasnt been my experience with u in battle or out of it, no. or if u noticed u stayed out of the way or whatever
Harrison @OfficerStabALot he has what? let it drop? yeah cuz he ******** doesnt want to deal with it either he just wants to ******** break up
Harrison @OfficerStabALot which u just said u wouldnt let ******** happen
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I have been trying my damndest to meet all of his demands and respect his space and his needs and everything I do is wrong even if it's
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime what he JUST SAID HE WANTED
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and I am ******** angry and if I talk to him now I will hurt him
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and that is what I've been doing too much of even when I and trying not to
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't want to break up and I am not going to give up and if all he wants is for me to go away I don't know what to do
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and if you don't actually know that I care and I notice then I have been doing things wrong for three years and not showing you when
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I thought I was, so s**t, maybe I'm entirely blind after all
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime why didn't you ******** ask me sooner, so I could actually fix it?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Or did you just think that I wouldn't care and I was in it for the sex or something?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'm not. If that was ever in doubt.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot ask if u actually cared? cuz I ******** didnt no man. I dont think ur just in it for the sex. I just think ur bad at noticing s**t cuz
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well s**t for any number of reasons. u dont got a high opinion of urself u let whoever walk all over u like a ******** doormat. its not like
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I dont think u would give ur life for us or some s**t or that it means a lot 2 u. but u dont value urself any. all this suicide and solitude
Harrison @OfficerStabALot s**t but it doesnt occur 2 u that if ur there and we need help in battle u could be there to save us cuz u dont value urself
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and u must b like we’d be better off without u or u would let us no where you were and when you were in trouble
Harrison @OfficerStabALot this s**t is ******** symptoms. I dont know how u fix the underlying s**t. I dont expect people to change underlying s**t. I didnt judge u
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime All I've been doing is hurting you so maybe you would, I don't even ******** know any more
Harrison @OfficerStabALot on it its not like Im gonna leave u or let u die or some s**t or let u go without anything over u not noticing s**t even obvious s**t
Harrison @OfficerStabALot it just means I dont trust u with that s**t. and thats what I told 2 rep about him.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but Reps ******** different and if he cant trust u with everythin then he doesnt want 2 trust u with anything. and I dont got a rep roadmap
Harrison @OfficerStabALot like if u just give him flowers every day hes gonna turn around how much he ******** trusts u. only thing I know is when somebody is hurt
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u dont want them hurting.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I've been wrong, and I don't know what to do to be right. I don't even know where to start. Everything I've tried so far has made it worse.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I guess what I can do is ask you: what do you need me to do?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot made it worse s**t. weve only talked about this s**t for one day. and nobodys had a chance to do anything yet.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but if u let it drop with rep and dont talk to him while he wants to leave you are ******** up
Harrison @OfficerStabALot what Id like is 4 u 2 keep not avoiding s**t. u been talking with me at least. its not easy for me either.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'm sorry. I'm not used to this yet.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'll go back and start over and see if he's still willing to be my friend.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot its ok. and I appreciate u askin what I needed. that is a good place 2 start repairing
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I do love you.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I love u too.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Going to the cafeteria. Want me to bring back anything for you?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot sure a couple trayfulls of whatever they got down there
June 20, 2014
Harrison @OfficerStabALot Have u talked 2 rep today?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime asked him if I could help with the construction. I don't expect him to say yes.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Well. Slightly better than expected. Not a yes but not quite a no either.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot he does need help with the bar. u really need 2 b talkin to him about the issues hes got too
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Every time I try to talk to him about our problems he shuts me out.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'm not saying I won't.
June 24, 2014
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I heard you finally talked to Rep
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I also heard u talked about 5 minutes, hurt him b4 he could hurt u, gave the ******** up, then run the ******** away
Harrison @OfficerStabALot “dont u ******** dare it means Im going to give up” do u mean anything u say
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime How many times should I ask him what he wants and do what he says and then get pushed further away?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Apparently me just being anywhere near him hurts him.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime There's nothing left. He wouldn't even fight with me.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime When every time I keep trying and keep talking to him MAKES IT WORSE, how do I keep trying?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime If he can ever stand me again, I'm willing to try again. To talk to him and listen to what he needs and do it.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime But I can't make him love me. I can't make him tolerate me. I can't make YOU choose between us and try to balance us when we can't even
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime sleep in the same bed. When he won't even live in the same room where I keep my stuff, even if I'm not sleeping there.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You'll never trust me again. I understand that
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you don't have to. Maybe he'll stop resisting the wedding when I'm not there
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Ask him. Ask him if he wants me to be around. If I ask him what he needs from me and the answer is "leave," what do YOU ******** suggest I
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime do? Do I ignore what he needs and keep trying to get close? How is that going to help? It hasn't been.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I love him and I love you and I am not good for either of you.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I never trusted u with this kind of s**t. it doesnt mean I dont trust u period its like I said its just what it is.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I love u too still. ur always runnin away. I bet u didnt even ask him why.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I dont even know man.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime it's been too late for a long time now. Too little, too late.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I'll come by and get my stuff. You don't have to be there if you don't want to. And yes. I know. Running away.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Not running away isn't actually going to help.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot yeah well Ill b there
June 26, 2014
Harrison @OfficerStabALot happy birthday, even tho we been thru a lot of s**t u r still a great guy. I wuz tough on u but I wanted things 2 work out. birthdays are
Harrison @OfficerStabALot rare around here but we all made it this far cuz we r tough sons of bitches. so many happy returns and go treat urself instead of mopin
Harrison @OfficerStabALot in ur room all day. they got great spas in germany/switzerland. I left u a cake outside of ur door its no good just box cake and rep ate
Harrison @OfficerStabALot part of the icing but it should b ok. also got u a gift cuz ur probably tired of gettin coffee stuff all the time and thought u might like
Harrison @OfficerStabALot tryin somethin new. anyway happy birthday.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I will. Thank you. For everything.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot no probs man enjoy
June 27, 2014
Harrison @OfficerStabALot hey is it ok wit u if I talk 2 america about s**t?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Yeah, it's okay. I asked her earlier to back off Rep about weddings, as a favor to me, was going to explain in person.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot ok thats cool yeah I wuz thinkin the same thing
Harrison @OfficerStabALot theres something else I wanted 2 talk 2 u about. I no how long the wedding got put off a long time and 2 b honest it wuz a lot cuz u and rep
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't want to try to explain in text message character limit. And she might decide to ask Rep before I was done.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime So I'm going to go talk to her face to face instead.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot had s**t 2 sort out and all. I still dont no how things will go in the future but it is killin me evry day not 2 b married cuz I nevr no
Harrison @OfficerStabALot how much time we got left. I guess wat I am askin u I no u said it wuz ok but it had been like, 1 ******** day and the fact of the mattr is
Harrison @OfficerStabALot if s**t works out somehow or it nevr works out or whatever the case is between u and rep and me and u, I no I want 2 b married 2 rep
Harrison @OfficerStabALot no matter what. but I dont want u to feel like. we r hurrying 2 do it without u or some s**t it is just that like u wuz talking about vows
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and those vows wit him I feel like I made in my heart about a hundred times already
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I know. It's okay. I hope he won't be so resistant to having an actual ceremony now.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot thanks it means a lot. he is not getting a hundred diamond studded hummingbird-tiger mutants on fire that is for damn sure
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime The "on fire" part would probably cost extra.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot haha right before it burned down the entire island
Harrison @OfficerStabALot maybe the whole world
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I think if that happnd hed be pretty ******** happy about it
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Possibly laughing megalomaniacally the whole time.
July 1, 2014: Guilt effect
Harrison @OfficerStabALot jordan man Im so ******** sorry I said all those things and thats what drove u off
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and if I hadnt u would still b here
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime It's not, it'sn ot your fault, I failed you and I'm so sorry
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you never knew I cared, I should have been telling you, I should have talked to yu a lot more instead of just assuming you knew and
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime just letting things go and not protecting you like I should have
Harrison @OfficerStabALot even if u had said it every day all the time I still wouldnt have believed u becuz I just cant trust anybody or take them for their word
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I gotta b hard all the time and not even trust a guy I been with for two years
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and I wuz expecting too much out of u. u shouldnt have 2 prove s**t or do anything 4 me. I dont no why anybody even would want 2 b together
Harrison @OfficerStabALot wit me in the first place
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You're a good man, you're trustworthy, you care, you keep your word, you're hot and funny
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I couldn't even do what I said I would for you, I'm so ******** sorry
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime please stay with him he said he was going to kill himself and then didn't respond I'm worried
July 21, 2014: A present - woodcarving set
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Picked something up for you while I was out shopping, will leave it outside the room when I have time.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot aw u didnt have 2 do that thanks man
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Hope you get some use out of it.
August 23, 2014: after a twitter fight
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Can't think of a way to say "we need to talk" that doesn't sound ominous
Harrison @OfficerStabALot we do tho. where u want 2 meet up at
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Cafeteria? Shouldn't be too busy around now
Harrison @OfficerStabALot maybe somewhere not so public
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Beach, maybe?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot beach is ok. Ill b right down
Sept. 23, 2014: After zombie mission
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Going to be out on a mission for a while. Do you want to talk before or after?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime And before you say it: no, I'm not running off because of you. This mission has been in planning for over a month.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot if u want lets meet up at the bar so we can see u off in style. we can save talking about serious s**t 4 when u get back.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime okay. That works.
Dec. 25, 2014
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Merry Christmas. I hope it'll be a good one.
Jan. 1, 2015: After twitter comments - misunderstandings
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime So the times I said I wanted to talk, you really did think that that was code for sex?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Not a way to let me know that you didn't want to talk about it?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot what???
Harrison @OfficerStabALot what the ******** has this got 2 do with the sex
Harrison @OfficerStabALot the sex wuz fine there wuz nothin wrong wit the sex. the problem wuz u and rep couldnt work ur s**t out.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and once that became apprent my s**t didnt matter any more
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Before the end, I told you a few times that we should really talk. By which I meant talk.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime And figure out what was up with us. You and me.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Each time we ended up having sex instead. I figured that meant you didn't want to talk about it and wanted me to shut up.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well what did u want 2 talk about a longer more detailed memo of why it wuz over? I mean tellin me in person would have been nice but
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Before I left, goddammit. And the only reason I didn't tell you in person was that Rep told you first and I hadn't gotten back to the damn
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime room yet!
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I got the message anyhow. I helped u move out. Im not great at talkin but nothin wuz up with us that I wouldnt have worked on
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I would have worked on it, if my existing in our room wasn't already unbearable for him and ******** things up for you guys
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime unless by saying you would have worked on it you meant sex now and then and then leaving me alone again
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u were not ******** things up between me and rep goddamn. I can handle my own damn self that s**t wuz fine. It wuz u 2 that couldnt level
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I believed that if I stayed, the jealousy problems would start problems for you guys also
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't know. I could have been wrong. But things weren't working and we weren't talking
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and yes, I tried to tell you that I was getting concerned about our relationship, but got the distinct impression that you didn't want to
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime hear it and were fine with things
Harrison @OfficerStabALot look maybe when it comes down to it its like u said. it is good bein together I liked bein with u. ur funny and smart and ur not a good guy
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but thats all ways been fine by me. but when u left u didnt exactly beg me 2 come wit u either. u been ok this year. sad probly knowing u
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I liked being with you too. I regret assuming s**t and not trying harder to fix it then Jordan Miller
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You've got such a solid sense of who you are and what you want. You're reliable, and you're interesting.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but goddamn functioning at least. maybe I wuz just nice 2 have around instead of bein somebody u needed
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I didn't beg you to come with me. I thought you'd already chosen to be with him over me, and hell, if you guys could still be together
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime then that was some kind of good thing, anyway
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and I loved u and did the best I knew how 2 but maybe I didnt need u either
Harrison @******** if I left rep which I wouldnt he would have colapsed into a black ******** hole
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I know he would. And that's the other half of why I didn't ask you to follow me
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He needed you and he didn't need me. I could probably stay alive, but you guys are like two halves of one whole
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and me without rep its just a matter of time. so maybe all that is part of it but our relationship didnt mean nothin 2 me either. and I
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you guys were fine, he and I weren't, you and I weren't, I was the problem
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you never meant nothing to me, and even if we're not together I hope you can believe that
Harrison @OfficerStabALot thought we was all in it 2gether
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I just didnt understand why it wuz like. once rep couldnt have sex with u, u didnt want 2 b together anymore is all
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime It wasn't the sex. He wouldn't even touch me or talk to me
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime it was like being rejected for everything that I was, all of me
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I can live without sex, jesus, I have been, but without any touch at all, not so much.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I have a better idea of why, now. But it did some weird s**t to my head
Harrison @OfficerStabALot he wuz going thru some bad s**t I dont no what triggered it. I no it wuznt fair to u. he treated u shitty and it wuz nothin u did
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I know that now. I reacted badly then and that made it worse sometimes.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I thought you knew how bad my head was getting and didn't think it was important.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime that shows what a shitty place I was in, I realize.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot how can I no whats going on in either of ur heads?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot dont get down on urself like I said its nothin u did. maybe there wuz some perfect way u could have reacted that would have fixed it all
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but thats not ur responsiblity either
Harrison @OfficerStabALot u dont owe rep s**t except bein who u r
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I should have asked you about it, but I think I didn't want to hear confirmation, if that was really what was up
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and he doesn't owe me anything else, either. Nor do you.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot confrmation of what?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime It's been a really shitty year and I spent a lot of it miserable, and I'm not real sure there was any way to avoid that
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Confirmation that you were okay with how I was feeling
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't actually know how I expected you to know that if I hadn't told you.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well I wuznt ok with rep bein so shitty 2 u and u feelin so shitty about it either one
Harrison @OfficerStabALot thats why I told u guys u had 2 talk it out and stop that s**t
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but I guess I should have expected how good that all ******** went over
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I tried, dammit, and what I got from him was that I should back off and go away and quit bothering him
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and that there was nothing to talk out, I was just getting in his space and he wanted me out
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime And the part that would be hilarious if it wasn't ******** awful was that ******** off and leaving him alone entirely did fix it.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime But it hurt you, and there hasn't been a day I haven't regretted that
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I didn't plan to walk out. I don't know if you know that. I didn't think he'd let me.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot rep doesnt know what he wants half the damn time. if I was all the time tryin to please him Id b walking in circles
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and yeah I did get hurt by it
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I've had some time to clear my head and start to figure that out, yeah
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but I wuz like I guess I should have seen it coming
Harrison @OfficerStabALot but Im an idiot and I ******** didnt
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime What the hell, why would you have expected me to leave?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well u did didnt u dont get ******** indignant about it
Harrison @OfficerStabALot its cuz like I said when we were fightin when s**t gets tough u avoid it sometimes and its not the first time u left folks u loved
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and regrettd leavin them after. but u still left.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I mean hell I know u would go back now if u could but u cant
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and that shits personal I dont mean 2 needle u about it
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I wasn't actually informed I was dead to them until after I woke up. I don't know if that makes any difference to your opinion.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't ******** know what I would've done if I'd known I could never go home. But it's kind of a moot point now, huh
Harrison @OfficerStabALot so u didnt no u couldnt see them again? s**t man of all the times not 2 read ur contract. I read mine thats 4 ******** sure
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I thought u bein so technical about everythin u knew and made that decisn
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I probably didn't read it as well as I could have. It was a week after the funeral. I don't remember much of it at all.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well s**t
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime it's a theme for me, maybe. Miss one thing and it turns out to be the biggest thing to have missed
Harrison @OfficerStabALot sorry then man I didnt know
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime yeah, it's okay. No way for you to have known, since I never talked about it
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I avoid things sometimes, I'll give you that, but sometimes I just need some time to settle myself and work up to it
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime the record seems to show that if I do something by impulse without time to calm down, I'm way more likely to ******** it up
Harrison @OfficerStabALot yeah I know that at u needing space sometimes. last time I figured thats all it wuz u needing space
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime The most I ever really want to be away from people is a few days.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I can function, though.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot well u have had a hell of a lot of space this year
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I wuz ******** mad and hurt when u left
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I guess I wuz like if u could just leave like that then I didnt want u back anyway cuz it would all happen the same again
Harrison @OfficerStabALot and I dont handle that s**t good and I dont like bein vunerable again when everythin seems like its gonna be sweet and nice and ok
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I can understand that.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I was hurting pretty bad and making bad decisions. Angry too though I couldn't admit that at the time
Harrison @OfficerStabALot I dont no what to think. I dont no if its good or bad or where reps head is about it. I dont want him hurtin u again either
Harrison @OfficerStabALot hes just an a*****e
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I've had a lot of time to think about that, what it boils down to is he is who he is
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He's not about to change for me. Maybe for you, but he doesn't need me the same way.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Not going to demand you figure out what you think about me right now.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime but I wanted to tell you that I thought something had gotten lost between us.
Harrison @OfficerStabALot where are u at how do u feel
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime My room. Don't really know, I was pissed earlier but not any more, just kind of tired
Jan. 3, 2015: After the discussion about Famine clones
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime you guys okay?
Harrison @OfficerStabALot yeah reps been doin some death s**t lately things are gettin weird
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Yeah, sounded like it
Harrison @OfficerStabALot just b careful if u r goin off island
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I will. You too
Melvin: June 6, 2014
Melvin Wood @SciFiScientific Did you recover well from the Infirmary? Feeling better?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Yeah, I'm fine. Had to have a haircut and my tattoos are gone, though.
Rep: June 18, 2014
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Calling it off?
William Reid @Noaginger What do you think I meant?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Sounded like calling off getting married.
William Reid @Noaginger Sounds about right.
William Reid @Noaginger I mean be ******** serious, with s**t the way it is right now do you honestly think you could walk down the aisle and make promises.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You're right. It wouldn't ring true
William Reid @Noaginger Aye. That's how I feel too.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Then I guess, until it would be right, it's got to be off.
William Reid @Noaginger And you've got to ask yourself the question when, if ever it would be right.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I don't know, but I don't want to say never.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime If and when we trust each other enough.
William Reid @Noaginger I don't like this ******** wavering limbo thing. I don't like indecisiveness. I don't like feeling like the ******** chain around a neck.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I still want to, but if you don't, trying to shove you into it is just going to kill it. So, if you don't want it, it's off.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Either way, there's never going to be anyone else for me
William Reid @Noaginger So no pressure eh
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime That wasn't an attempt at a guilt trip. No, no pressure. You do not have to marry me and you don't have to do anything you don't want
William Reid @Noaginger It's a bit of a guilt trip though. Marry me and fix everything or don't and I will pine for ever and be unhappy.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime what I meant by that was that I'm not going to go off to someone else just because we're not married.
William Reid @Noaginger It's not just the marriage thing that's the problem you know.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I know. I kind of had all the s**t I've been doing wrong flung in my face out there and made to face up to it
William Reid @Noaginger I threw it in your face before and you said you'd face up to it then. And that didn't work either. You shouldn't have to change.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime The way I am now is hurting all of us.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime and I'm finding that I don't like myself too much, either.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime So, not a whole lot to lose there.
William Reid @Noaginger You can't just ditch the parts of yourself you don't like. It doesn't work that way.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime The way things have been going, I've been getting the feeling that I either change how I deal with everything or I lose you both.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime maybe I can't change what I am, but I can change how I act
William Reid @Noaginger I don't want you to act. That's the problem.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime acting as in actions instead of words, not as in faking anything
William Reid @Noaginger If you say so, I don't know if anything will change and at this point I'm running out of chances.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I haven't given you much reason to trust me. all I'm asking for is one more chance
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime if you ask me to leave, I'll go.
William Reid @Noaginger You already asked for a chance and it didn't ******** do anything. I don't know what you think will change this time.
William Reid @Noaginger And I'm not as open as I used to be either, I'm pretty locked up and it won't be easy to win me over.
William Reid @Noaginger And I don't know why you'd want to put yourself through it.
William Reid @Noaginger To me it just sounds like more stalling, more avoiding things, pretend its all right until next time its not.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I love you and I don't want to lose you. Maybe I already have, but I don't want to give up.
June 19, 2014
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime "Are you okay" would be a pretty stupid question, so instead I'll ask, anything I can do for you?
William Reid @Noaginger No. I don't need anything. I'm just ******** fine.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You don't sound fine.
William Reid @Noaginger Well I am, there's nothing wrong. I'm alive, I'm fine and that mission is over.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Mission ******** sucked. I'm glad it's over
William Reid @Noaginger I always enjoy being the other me. But I could have done without other s**t.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Being both drunk and completely paranoid, could have passed on that. The horseman thing was one of the weirder ones.
William Reid @Noaginger I'm pretty used to being drunk, high and paranoid.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Think I aged down to about 15 during that part. It was slightly better than 5, at any rate.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Going to go grab dinner before coming back to the room. Text if you decide you want anything brought back.
William Reid @Noaginger I'm fine.
June 20, 2014
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Anything I can help out with with the construction?
William Reid @Noaginger Idk, its an open project for anyone who wants to help. Figure it out yourself.
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime Okay. Thanks.
Robert: Dec. 13, 2013
Robert Morris @sofukinawsom Hey boss. All joking aside your Man is scaring me a little. He don't hurt you or nothing, right?
Robert Morris @sofukinawsom Like Ok i know he hurts other people but not you right?
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime He never hurts us. Don't worry. He also doesn't actually torture people, to the best of my knowledge.
Robert Morris @sofukinawsom Well he killed shiloh I was pretty pissed about that but that would have been nothing compared to hurting you
Robert Morris @sofukinawsom Thanks for letting me know
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime I was pretty pissed about that too, yeah. Thanks, man. It's okay, seriously.
Robert Morris @sofukinawsom Ok <3 Love you boss
Jordan Miller @AlphaHammerTime You too, dude. You too.
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