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 Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:27 pm
The mission above had gone... well enough. Could have been better. Always could have been better. They had gotten what they came for, and no one had died, right?
Still, Jerry couldn't shake the knots in his stomach and the buzz in his head. He could swear there were voices behind him, other hunters no doubt, probably looking his way and speaking in hushed tones and judging judging judging, there goes that weirdo, any bets on how long he'll last?
The box he had retrieved from Sasha's room lay out on his knees as he sat on the edge of the cot. He hadn't had the courage to deliver it to her just yet. Maybe a shave first. A fresh shower. Somehow he didn't think that would make him feel better.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:38 pm
Jordan had taken a few minutes to change into his own clothes and toss the coveralls into the laundry; the things had been useful enough, but he much preferred clothes that actually fit comfortably. That done, he went looking for Jerry. The guy had been looking tense and haunted, and the stuttering was a sure sign that the stress was getting to him. Not good.
He found Jerry sitting morosely on the edge of his cot, staring into space and wearing an anxious, distant expression. Jordan tucked his hands into his pockets and said, "Hey, Jerry. You doing okay?"
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:43 pm
Jerry jumped at the sudden understandable voice, and the box went clattering to the floor, "Ah! OH, Jordan, you... you startle-artled-" He winced, shaking his head and starting again, "Startled me. Ah..." He cleared his throat, hands trembling as he picked the box up again, the knots in his stomach still holding firm, "I'm... I'm fine." He forced his mouth into a smile, scooting to the side if his friend wanted to sit as well.
His friend, he reminded himself, "Just fine," they were friends, he was his friend, he was here for him, it would be okay, "Totally fine," he wasn't... going to rub his face in his horrible decisions.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:48 pm
"Sorry, I didn't mean to." Jordan sat down when Jerry moved over and studied his friend with concern. "You're looking pretty frayed," he said after a moment. "Anything I can do?"
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:58 pm
"I'm alright!" He tried to say but immediately slouched further, his voice suddenly dropping in volume, "He's going to shoot me, I haven't seen him but I've been lucky, he's going to shoot me, Jordan, the next chance he gets I know it."
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:01 pm
"Wait, what? Who's going to shoot you?" Jordan frowned. "And no, he's not. Not going to let that happen."
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:06 pm
"Simon!" Jerry hissed, head twitching Jordan's way before vanishing above his knees and behind his hands once more. "Almost did it before the mission, he was ready, he kept them out on purpose, he was warning me, I've heard things, Jordan, in the hallway, people talking, and he almost did he was going to, if Allan and Killzone hadn't been there, he would have, but they warned me, after that Yeti incident but... I- I- My leg, that Horseman he had us and Rep wouldn't shut up he wouldn't and if it hadn't been for the fear shield I would be dead right now but my leg I think it's.. it's hurting and I don't dare go get it looked at, but I w-was already cracking-acking-acking and," He hissed and pursed his mouth shut, rocking faintly as he tried to control his breathing.
Immediately, the box was set aside before he dropped it again, his hands fumbling as he clumsily pulled the guitar out from under the bed, if only to hold it.
He didn't dare strike a chord, it could draw attention to himself, unwanted attention.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:16 pm
Simon? Had Jerry gotten so far off balance that the Sun assistant considered him a liability? He was pretty clearly on the verge of breakdown right now. Careful, careful. Jordan exchanged a rapid series of wordless thoughts with Ferros, and put a comforting hand on Jerry's back. "Hey," he said. "Breathe. Look. You and Roar are a good team, and if Allan and Killzone are both on your side, you've got some pretty important people who think you're worth the effort. Getting your leg checked out isn't going to mark you as weak. It'll show that you're taking care of yourself and doing all you can to stay in one piece and in good shape. I'll go with you if you want."
He sighed quietly. "I hate seeing you beating yourself up so hard. It's ridiculously stressful down here, that's not helping either. But it might help if you're not in pain."
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:26 pm
"I d-don't think I can take it, Jordan," He hissed, "I d-don't think I have the nerve. If... if I make it until we're done clean-up-eanup-eanup, I could maybe find a portal-ortal and... and..." He shook his head again, shuddering against his hand, "I just... I just..." The whispering was back again. Were people watching them? "It was... was easier when I could just... dissociate.. but every-ery one thinks that's BAD but I could get the j-JOB done then and..."
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:36 pm
And ... ? Did Jerry mean run, or did he mean something else? Jordan decided he was going to assume the former. It had better not be another alternative. "You dissociated as a method of coping," he said quietly. "And then we told you not to do that and took your coping method away without anything to take its place. s**t, no wonder you're having so much trouble now." He shook his head, feeling suddenly guilty.
"There's got to be something healthier that can help you deal with the horrifying stuff we see and do as Hunters," he mused. "Something that you can control, instead of letting it control you." He gave Jerry a steady, thoughtful look. "Dissociation and alcohol both take control away from you. So would dying or being put back in a pod." A moment of hesitation. "I shouldn't make assumptions. Do you want to be in control of yourself?"
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:39 pm
Jerry nodded heartily, trembling all over now as he gripped his guitar with both hands. "Used to... to... just... music and... but... I just... it annoys p-people and... I d-don't want to be a target, I don't want to..."
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:43 pm
"Yeah, I don't want you to be a target either," Jordan said, half-smiling. "Music, huh. What's a song you associate with comfort and safety?"
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:46 pm
He sucked in a deep breath, wetting his lips as he concentrated on breathing a little more, searching his internal database for a possible answer, "I... I... I d-don't know. My head's all full of... of a lot of songs but... but nothing useful." The shaking had dimmed down a bit, at least, his fingertips moving amongst the frets as though debating.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:48 pm
"Okay, uh. Let's see. What's the first song you learned to play on the guitar?" Jordan asked.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:54 pm
"Umm... um," His brows knit, derailed by this train of thought, "I... I don't know I was.. was a kid... um... I l-learned the ukulele first because it was smaller and my Gram thought it was cuter..." He babbled. Their lives before... seemed unreal now. Distant. "Ahaha... I c-could use a drink right now, ahahaha."
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