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 Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:07 am
When the pod had opened, Rep had been reintroduced to a world of unfathomable agony made all the worse for the complete lack of stimuli he'd experienced for weeks at a time. It was like being subjected to a clatter of pans after absolute silence for a long long time. Immediately he could feel his heart kick up in his chest, the blood seeping from the wounds as raw and fresh as the day they were made.
Unconciousness was a relief, and though he couldn't be sure he would ever wake from it, he was too weary to resist any longer.
When he woke it was to the same raw agony as before, but it was bearable now, his mind prepared to deal with the kind of stabbing pain every ragged breath drew in. His ribs were shattered where H had punctured them and exhaustion wracked him every time he tried to move.
It took him most of the morning to somehow retrieve his phone and tweet a few sentences, the sheer force of will and effort wearing him out enough that as soon as he was done he closed his eyes again and slipped back into the embrace of sleep. He could pretend he was stronger than he felt, the way he always had.
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:18 am
Jordan had braced himself for a long, weary wait. A year, or maybe a longer, lonelier time. When he'd picked up his phone to see that the most recent tweet was from Rep, he'd actually dropped the device out of sheer surprise, then hastily snatched it back up again with a sense of shocked relief ballooning in his chest. Two weeks was nothing in comparison to what they'd feared.
He'd gotten some dirty looks from the nurses on duty when he arrived at the infirmary, but had ignored them pointedly. People were going to make assumptions about what "side" he was on no matter what he did. Right now, his concern was Rep, looking fragile and pale on crisp sheets, still asleep. Jordan pulled a chair over to the bed and opened the book he'd brought with him. He'd wait.
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:28 am
Rep didn't take too long to wake up from his exhausted nap, the pain made it difficult to stay out for long and when he'd inadvertently tried to roll over naturally, he'd both met the restraints which held him in place and twisted ragged ribs.
He woke with a start and a gasp, panicked and wild as he tried to calm himself. He was in the infirmary, he'd be all right. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to lie still, to try and slow his brisk breathing which made everything worse.
It was only when his vision cleared that he realised he wasn't ********.. Jordan you.. when did you sneak in?" he said, shallow and breathy, nothing of his usual bark present in his voice. He had to be all softness and carefulness, by Tracey's orders.
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:38 am
Jordan put the book down and made himself wait, tense and quiet but unable to help leaning towards the bed. An unexpected touch might be interpreted wrong if Rep wasn't fully conscious, might make him fight the restraints harder and hurt himself worse. He waited until some of the wildness cleared from Rep's eyes, was replaced by recognition.
"Hey," he said quietly, and rested a hand over Rep's. "Came to see how you were. Haven't been waiting too long."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 5:02 am
Rep gave a weak smile, still cautious to do much lest he set off another chain reaction of pain. "Good." he said, and meant that he hadn't been waiting too long.
He wished that Tracey would just stop talking but he didn't have the effort to expend to make him.
<Ours.>
"I'm ******** glad I'm alive." It was a redundant thing to say but he meant it entirely. "I know you heard what happened."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 5:06 am
"You're an idiot." Jordan clasped Rep's hand in both of his before he folded forward and rested his forehead on the bed. His shoulders trembled almost imperceptibly. "I thought I'd lost you."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 5:35 am
He didn't have any witty retorts for being an idiot, it was practically raw fact at this point, time and ******** time again he ended up in here in this shitty infirmary and every time he told himself he'd never let it happen again.
"I wasn't so sure I'd make it through myself." he said, still meting out his words carefully. He hadn't been sure of anything at all trapped in that pod. He still wasn't sure what kind of a recovery he would make either. It was one thing to take a few claw injuries or blade ones, it was quite another to have your chest shattered.
He kept his eyes on Jordan despite his initial instinct to look away in guilt from emotional turmoil he'd helped create. It was his fault. Almost every time Jordan looked weary and drawn out, every time he seemed to be at the very end of his rope it came down to something he'd done. All he could think was back to the conversation he'd been forced to overhear in the podroom, Taym's words in particular haunting him over and over.
Because he's a psychopath. No empathy. He doesn't give a s**t about any of you people, or he wouldn't do what he does.
He cared about Jordan, he did. He wished he wouldn't get so upset by the myriad backlashes and punishments he sustained, he wished he wasn't so hurt by the things he said and did. That counted as empathy right? He would rather he didn't suffer, but sometimes s**t things happened and that was just what happened. He was sorry.
Tracey stated icily. And that was normal too. Everyone lamented not getting away with things, it wasn't abnormal. superior.>
His head hurt, much like the rest of him, and he tried not to think too intently about why seeing Jordan hurting was uncomfortable, if it was genuine shared empathetic pain or if he just really wanted not to be reminded of the fact he ******** up.
"But here I am. Still here." he said, and gave Jordan's hand a squeeze.
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 6:35 am
"You have to get it under control somehow." Jordan didn't look up, not trusting his expression. His voice came reluctantly, hoarse around the edges. "They'll just kill you next time. I can't - I don't want to see that happen."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 6:40 am
"There won't be a next time." he said with grim certainty in his voice.
He hoped there wouldn't be anyway, there was still a long line of people who needed comeuppance for their sneaky s**t and toxic comments. Kostya for one, Taym for another. He wouldn't allow himself to be caught though, no more obvious confrontations, no more being locked into a fight he'd have no choice but to finish. He'd get revenge in more subtle ways, hurt people in ways that weren't physical. They'd respect him and he'd survive.
"Tracey doesn't want it to happen either.", though it had been harrowing to realise that for a good long while the fallen angel hadn't cared too much one way or the other if he survived. "It was a shock for the two of us."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 7:11 am
Promise me. It wouldn't do any good. Jordan sat up and studied Rep's face, pale and tired and grim. Something would happen eventually. Maybe it wouldn't be severe enough to get Rep executed, but something would happen. Ultimately, that was out of his control; it always had been, always would be. The most he could do, perhaps, was influence the presentation. The decision that was his was whether or not he'd be there for the fallout.
(Get him out of there and see what you can do about the charges, said an echoed memory from a time and place that might have been. He could be useful to us.)
It wasn't a decision, not really. He'd made his choices already, he knew, and what was left was purely selfish. He wondered tiredly how much of anyone's behavior could be put down to the same process. Decision, action, justification. He wasn't blind, and pretending not to see would only hurt him.
(We're not so different, the memory of an echo that wasn't quite him said. You deal with things another way. The devil's in the details.)
What did it mean, after all, to say, you understand me? If he'd made a mistake, he wasn't taking it back. He'd see this out to the end with his eyes open.
His hand closed tightly around Rep's, maybe too tightly, and he leaned in to whisper, low enough that perhaps the audio pickups wouldn't catch his words, his tone unusually cold. "If the order comes down, I'm asking Simon to let me do it myself."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 7:35 am
Rep watched Jordan carefully, as always trying to get a handle on what he could potentially be thinking. It was never easy to tell, even knowing him as well as anyone could and Rep did find himself wondering if he was in more trouble than he realised.
He had to strain to hear what Jordan said but what he heard when he did sent a very immediate thrill of fear through him. There was an odd accompanying sensation as if just by the implications of the statement he was strung up between Tracey and Jordan, pinned into submission by the fallen angel's flat refusal to be killed and his own terror of being harmed by the ones he cared about. It was a potent statement but rather than upset him at the very idea Jordan would be able to kill him when pushed there was something grim and reassuring tangled up with the statement he couldn't explain. Something Blue.
It was hard to explain or understand the emotions he'd brought from blue kingdom with that other self, emotions that had only shone light on what was already there rather than changing anything. He asked for unquestioning forgiveness and loyalty, what he gave in return for both of them had always been the same.
"Do what you have to do if you have to do it." he said, his tone still quiet, still soft, but with the very distinct twang that marked Blue's speech. "And we'll do what we can to make sure you don't have to."
over.> Tracey hissed icily. me.>
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 7:54 am
Jordan held Rep's gaze for long moments, his eyes sharp and assessing. What he found there seemed to be enough, and his grip and his expression softened to a more familiar concerned affection. He nodded. "I know you will."
Ferros stirred in his mind, distressed. It was necessary, and they knew it, and his other memories likewise echoed back what his partner was and could be. It would break them both if it came down to the necessity, but they hoped, fervently, that the threat would be enough to close that avenue off for what time they had. What will you tell Harrison? the dragon asked.
What I need to, Jordan answered with a sharp ache of guilt. They'd built their relationship on full honesty. Either he would have to find some way to explain what he'd just done, or he would run the risk of having to explain it afterwards, explain it and reveal that he'd been holding this secret for however long it had been. He'd figure it out. He'd figure it out later.
He let himself lean on the bed again, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "How are you feeling?"
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 8:56 am
There was nothing else Rep could say about the threat, promise, whatever it had been other than to quietly remember it and hope that Tracey would stop looming so heavily in his thoughts. He'd possessed free reign before, much of the silence from the fallen angel feeling like indifference. It hadn't mattered what he did to and to who, now suddenly he felt like he was under constant and weighty scrutiny at all times. He wasn't really sure which he preferred. Ultimately it didn't matter, he couldn't change a damn thing about anything, especially not the voice in his head.
He gave Jordan's hand a feeble little squeeze in what he hoped came across as reassurance.
"Like someone punched a ******** hole in my chest." he said and the smile turned into a smirk.
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:06 am
"Wonder why that is," Jordan said dryly, returning the soft squeeze. "You'll mend. I'm glad you're alive." Nothing further needed to be said about what had just passed between them; it would take some time before things settled back to the usual comfortable understanding, a new element quietly incorporated. But the incident with Shiloh and the pods would have shaken their foundations regardless.
There were probably other people who might want to talk to Rep, or to talk to him. "I'll be here whenever I can," Jordan said. "Harrison will too, I know."
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Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:25 am
"Hopefully." He wasn't entirely sure if he'd mend entirely or if he'd still be a fractured mess, it was in Tracey's hands, and though they'd proven capable in the past, he wasn't sure where he stood with the fallen angel any longer.
<>
<>
"I'm glad I get another pop at not ******** up, I'll do it right this time. I appreciate and appreciated the visits. I'm glad you resisted Taym's little tantrum too. Otherwise I'd have to go out and kill him too and I'm no really feeling up to it right now."
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