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 Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:27 pm
baneful Therapy room at 1300 tomorrow. prolixity Therapy room at 1300 tomorrow. toshihiko two Therapy room at 1300 tomorrow.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:17 pm
Rep's dismay at seeing there even was a therapy room was almost tangible. He was glad he had the others were with him, given that alone he would have had no clue at all where the place was and would have flat out refused to ask anyone. He didn't want people looking at him and guessing what sort of s**t he needed therapy for. <******** Killzone. He'd forgotten the threat on twitter, forgotten it right until the message arrived in his phone the day prior. He hadn't even eaten lunch, anxious as to what the hell was planned, and his anxiety showed in the fact for once he was completely silent. Not yammering on, not even making nervous conversation, just silent and looking rather serious.
He hated therapists, really hated them, resentful of being anyone's "project", just another client in a professional list. They asked him questions not because they cared about the answers but because they wanted to make assumptions about what he really meant. It had always rubbed him the wrong way, and to be faced with the prospect again had ruined his day.
When they arrived he just hovered anxiously. Not wanting to be the first to enter, despite being the reason they'd all been roped into this in the first place.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:59 pm
Jordan was much more nervous than he was willing to let show. In spite of his general conviction that Killzone could help, the man was sometimes more than a little unnerving, and Jordan was finding his old anxieties about therapists were still there, illogical and irrelevant as they might be to the situation. At least Killzone was undeniably manly, in spite of the leotards and sparkles. There was a reasonable chance that Rep would listen.
He put a hand lightly on Rep's back, not saying anything, just reaffirming his presence.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:14 pm
Harrison was just starting to wonder when his business had become company business. Alright, sure, you tell your employers about office relationships. But he hadn't filled out a lick of paperwork and they were getting booklets and talks and therapy.
Just what the hell.
The Safety Instruction had been useful, he didn't want to end up exploding in tentacles or the proud parent of a zombie baby, he just wasn't sure the therapy thing was necessary.
Harrison went in first, just wanting to get it over with.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:22 pm
Killzone, dressed somberly in a lilac leotard with a dazzling rainbow splayed across it nodded at the three hunters. "Jordan, Harrison, I'd like you to wait outside for a few minutes. This won't take long," his eyes slid to Rep, "they'll be right outside okay?" His voice was even and smooth, no bombastic attitude or swears were being thrown their way.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:30 pm
It wasn't entirely often that Rep got to feel raw irrational panic, but he felt it right then, faced with the prospect of being cut off from Jordan and Harrison. It made little sense, he wasn't a kid, he'd been fine on his own for years. He could be left on his own for ******** five minutes.
He took a shallow breath and nodded, heading into the room obediently. "Right, whatever you say mate." he said, about as casually as he could muster. "No problem."
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:31 pm
Harrison froze.
"Sure," Harrison said suspiciously, giving Rep a brief pat on the arm as he passed him. This wouldn't be how they- I mean, they wouldn't have invited him and Jordan if- no, stupid. That was stupid. His body language tightened anyway, and he went to wait in the hallway.
As close to the door was was acceptable.
He leaned casually against the wall, and crossed his arms, focusing intently on the floor and pushing away the urge to go right back in there.
Stupid.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:58 pm
Jordan guessed that Killzone probably just wanted Rep's unfiltered viewpoint before bringing them in. It didn't make it less nerve-wracking. He leaned against the wall beside Harrison, firmly suppressing the urge to pace.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 3:58 pm
Killzone watched them leave, turning his attention back to Rep once the door had closed. "There's plenty of seats here if you want take one," he chose to squat down on a large plush square with a brightly smiling face that was completely at odds with his own expression.
"I have a feeling those two represent the best of you, Rep. The side that's capable of caring for others and allowing them to care for you in return. The part that's willing to work toward positive relationships." The large man folded his arms over his chest, "Am I wrong?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:16 pm
Rep tried not to let the tension show too visibly as he sat down, giving Killzone a surprisingly earnest and willing look. He resented therapists, but it didn't mean he hadn't tried on occasion in the past to actually listen. And right now he was in the mood to pay rapt attention.
He chewed the question over, eyeing the door as he considered it, his thoughts wandering to the two men outside. "I..well" He hadn't really though about it on those terms. "They are important, if that's what you mean. And I don't want to ruin things, I guess that's willingness. So I guess yeah. They are the best of me. You aren't wrong."
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:32 pm
The Life hunter nodded, "But that's not the only side to you." He placed a stack of papers on a low table between them. Print-outs of his Twitter interactions, mission write ups from Aria and Simon. Transcripts and screencaps from various volatile interactions where Rep had been caught on camera. From the day he woke up, to just yesterday, a fairly thorough record of Rep at his worst.
"Clarice said she explained the consequences of becoming an on-going problem."
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:50 pm
The first thing that struck him about the papers were the sheer number. It was one thing to have a lingering suspicion that you were being watched, another to see it laid bare on the table in front of you, a catalogue of failings.
He couldn't take his eyes off them.
"She did." he said.
It was an image repeated so many times throughout his life. A quiet room, an unspoken disappointment in what he had failed to achieve and the evidence of where he had gone wrong.
The only difference this time were the odds.
There was nothing confident in his reply. "She said I had to look at my value."
He clasped his hands in his lap, interlocked fingers. It wasn't the same when they were his.
His thoughts raced, a thousand desperate excuses and pleas.
But I tried. I made friends. I survived. I gave everything, everything I had on missions and then I gave more. I don't want to lose this. Let me prove I can do it.
They felt stupid and childish.
"And she told me what it'd mean if I cost more than I was worth."
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:23 pm
"That's a pretty cold way to put it," Killzone admitted. "She wasn't wrong, but..." he sighed and looked Rep in the eye. "People like Caelius and the doctor? They have a lot of value going for them, a lot more than myself, truth be told. But at the end of the day, could you call either a good person?"
He leaned forward in his seat, "Value can save your life here, no doubt. But do you really think it'll make you a better man?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:38 pm
He met Killzone's gaze honestly and shook his head. "Nope. But sometimes the world like, needs the bad people. Sometimes they are the only ones who'll do the s**t no one else will. Morality is just a point of view taken by the people who can afford to take it."
He scratched his head with an uncertain frown. "Well, I don't think it will make me a better guy. But I just feel like I'm at that point now where I've tried to be the good guy. Tried and fell well short. I keep ******** up. There isn't time to be a better person, to fix myself. All I can hope is though some miracle to somehow ******** gain value in whatever time I have left.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:05 pm
"I'm sorry to hear that, Rep." He didn't specify what he was referring to. Could have been the justification for his behaviour or the loss of hope in becoming a better person, but chances were it was every damn word out of the trainee's mouth. His expression. His posture. "I'd like to help you become a better person, because you can be." He nodded to the door, "You've got the proof of that right out there." He paused, and a hardness crept into his expression. "But I won't help you with anything else unless you're willing to try and be that person everyday."
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