Welcome to Gaia! ::

Building the barriers would have been a lot more soothing if Ferros hadn't been emanating distress. It was work that needed care, attention to detail, and planning. But Ferros's muted anxiety was distracting Jordan, and by the time he started on the fourth barrier, he'd managed to hammer his thumb twice and knock the whole thing over once. That didn't help with his anger and frustration.

It wasn't Ferros's fault, really. The dragon didn't know why he was upset either, and he was having an unusual amount of trouble shaking off the strange mood. Jordan restrained himself from snapping at Ferros. Yelling was more likely to make the problem worse than solve anything.

I'm sorry, Ferros murmured.

It's okay. Which it wasn't, and they both knew it, but the thought carried the undertones of frustrated sympathy and worry along with irritation and distraction.

The time allotted for building was up. Jordan retreated to the observation booth. He did his best to ignore Princess Bix, who was occasionally singing a verse or two of a song and cooing at the butterflies that surrounded him. Where the butterflies had come from, Jordan didn't know, and he wasn't asking.

When the shadowlings finally retreated and Jordan went down to examine the remains of his barriers, he found that there was nothing left but broken boards. He kicked one in frustration, then set about putting them back up. The golem was battered and bloodied, but disturbingly, it was still singing.

Ferros was calming now, listening to Jordan's thoughts. The familiarity of the dragon's curiosity and interest as he followed each chain of thought soothed both of them, the sense of thought and emotion falling into harmony bringing their connection back into balance. In much the same way as Ferros's agitation had distracted Jordan, the weapon's steady attention to what they were doing helped him focus.

Sometimes that worried Jordan; he and Ferros were two parts of a whole, interwoven closely enough that neither of them could quite tell where one ended and the other began any more, a deliberate act of bonding and locking themselves together, but they'd been forcibly cut off from one another's minds once already, and the cuff that locked Tracey away from Rep was silent proof that it was all too easy to block that connection. What would he do if separated from Ferros by accident or intent? He'd slid uncomfortably towards instability in the hours they'd spent in Halloween, without Ferros's heavy quiet consciousness to keep him anchored and cut into the spirals of overthinking and nervous tension.

Ferros was uncertain. It couldn't be a bad thing that they bonded more closely. Wasn't that symbiosis to be desired? He would fight separation with his whole being; if he grew stronger, perhaps he could break through any blockage of their connection.

If they overextended, Jordan countered, it might not be possible. He built the barriers almost absentmindedly as they debated, the exchange of concepts and images and memories flickering faster than words. Even Caelius had been susceptible to that problem - they'd seen Circe dissolve, no longer able to stay summoned.

When the timer sounded, Jordan blinked back to himself with a jolt. They'd built reasonably solid fortifications while they argued, their realignment allowing them to use memory and experience without full conscious attention. Time to retreat to the observation post.

The golem was scratched and nipped, bleeding from multiple little cuts. It's a golem, Jordan reminded himself.

Desensitization?

Dammit, Ferros.

You said it yourself.

Jordan returned to the task of rebuilding the barriers. It was a golem, yes, but it was visually identical to his lover. His love. Given their divisions and their roles, it was much more likely that he'd die first. He and Rep. Sun division. Reckless and headstrong and powerful.

In a quiet, selfish part of his heart, he was glad. It was likely that he wouldn't have to watch Harrison die.

You protect those you love most the best, Ferros said.

Jordan focused more intently on building up the barriers again.

You can't love everyone.

"I know."

You shouldn't.

" ... I know."

They'd waded through a sea of corpses, picked up weapon tablets from among a watery boneyard. They'd heard others die to protect them. They'd saved the world at the expense of much of Sun and Moon divisions. They'd killed Julie who was no longer Julie.

Jordan's hands stilled on the boards for a few moments. Harrison hadn't struck out against Julie. No. The thing that had been Julie. If one of the people he loved -

No. No. He couldn't think about -

You have to think about it, Ferros said, gentle and brutal. If it happens and you haven't thought about it, you'll be unable to hunt.

Boards and nails and a hammer in his hand that wasn't Ferros. Jordan paused, staring at the grain of the wood. Then he looked up and back, to where the golem sat admiring a flower.

It's not him, he said to Ferros.

No, Ferros agreed.

If it was -