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It seems the wife and I both had weird/sad dreams last night. Both of them concerning people in the past. In my wife's dream, she had this major crush on me, but I ended up breaking her heart (and when she woke up she kept hugging me- but she knows I would never break her heart in real life).

In my dream: I went back to New York.

I have had many dreams where I went back to New York, and it was always fantastical, full of romance, and whimsy. It always followed the same set of rules with ultimately the same outcome.
But not this time...

This time I was in my 30's when I randomly called up my former best friend and asked her if she would come to New York with me. She agreed and said she would book her flight right away. I packed my bags and went to the airport...and ditched my smartphone for the old flip-phone I used to have back when I was dating a certain someone rolleyes

When I get to New York City, I land in a smaller airport near the slums. They tell me all my luggage will be at the main airport...and they offer to give me a ride there. But I'm stubborn and cocky and tell them I know the way, so, they leave me to my devices. But I am so hella lost. I wander around street corners and broken brick buildings...weaving my way through alleys and asking the corner ladies for directions. Finally I decide to look for tall buildings and head in that direction- and that leads me to the main airport.

This airport is weird as you enter at the top and then proceed to go down to get to the city. As I am riding down this belt...I am looking at my phone, and, out of the corner of my eye I think I see her...that girl from before, the one I used to text endlessly on this phone. This was it, this was what I had come to New York for. It was impulsive, weird, and a bit crazy...but in my dream, I knew that I had come to this place to see her, to talk to her...to confront her about all the things on my mind.

I ran right past her...

Not a single word could make it past my lips, not a single glance was shared. She never even noticed me, recognized me, or cared about the person heading in the opposite direction as her. I was invisible.

I guess the rest of the dream should not have really mattered at this point. I got my luggage, met with my friend, we went to our hotel and then decided to go exploring. She figured we were just on a vacation...but now the whole trip felt empty.
How do you find one person again amongst millions of people? What were the chances? Did I even have a plan? I had one chance...and I had let fear and anxiety get the best of me.

Then I felt it: "I shouldn't be here."

So I loitered around, my friend and I went on a haunted cruise...and the whole time she was having a blast. I put on a face, but ultimately, I felt empty. Then I woke up because my wife jerked away.
She just gave me a sad look and then hugged me close. We both admitted to having weird dreams, but I let her talk about hers. Her dream was more important, she was he one needing comfort. I just felt confused...but I wasn't hurt or scared like she was.

It was nice feeling her arms so early in the morning. I really do love it when she hugs me like that because I know she needs me just as much as I need her. Her exes were in her dreams as well. We both suffer from situations in which we got bullshit-for-closure. But, we are both working on it...together.

But yeah. It was just so strange- it was weird how different of a turn this 'classic fairytale' of a dream took last night.
Still not sure how I should feel about it really. sweatdrop