It is an extreme desire, to be able to exist in that same space...as you.
But it always seems that it's never meant to be. There's always some complication that makes me want to shut myself away. I guess I just became too comfortable at some point. Got used to the tales and the laughter that the story brings.
I am...infuriated that there were those that I couldn't trust. That people that I thought were mature and understanding got bent out over jealousy. I'm mad that people who I thought were smart enough to know where social lines are crossed them and set out a dark cloud over a few of my favorite things.
How badly it aches...how badly it tears me up, even though I am moving past it. The fights that broke out with some of my best friends...how much I loathed making friends at all in that very moment, and how hollow and torn I felt knowing that a story like that can't be told with different names, different characters. It's not a role-play, it's not a novel. It's life...my life...my mistakes...my history and my triumphs. It is me. And I had to let a piece of me die. I had to tear it off, lock it in a vault...even though it hurt. Because you...because I want you here. I want you near...I crave that, our time, our words, our friendship. We have always been linked. Sometimes I think it might be a curse. Not horrible by any means, but everything good that comes out of what we have is always met with a sort of consequence.
And I feel I couldnt say it...not directly. You wanted to feel okay. You wanted to know I understood and that we could move on. So I kept it simple...I did understand, it's not as if I did not recognize my mistake for being careless with such a tale. Perhaps it was because I was so used to living without you that I never considered what might happened if you came back. And that was careless of me...I'm sorry.
...and I guess what hurt the worst is know that I'm not good for you. I never have been. Every time something happens...it's pointed at me, it's my fault. It's my plague upon you and you are the victim. And I am this slow-metabolizing disease. And in that moment when those people tell you this...I feel small. I feel...disgusting. Like I shouldn't exist. Not in your life, not in anyone's life. And I agree with them, and I don't know why you stay if it's only trouble that comes this way...a dark and foreboding wind...a storm brewing over the mountains.
But I'm thankful...because you're like a light in my palms. A flame in the lantern when I'm in a dark cave and everything else gets so hard and confusing. At least this I know...this I am comfortable with. And then I go back to wishing we could just exist in the same space.
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From Dusk 'till Dawn
Only a fool of the night would let himself fall to the hands of darkness so easily.
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~Safari~ Electric (Emolga, Helioptile, ???)
Add me? Then PM me your FC so I can add you?