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This year has been a year of funerals for me. I lost my Father figure in February, and my Wife just recently lost her Grandmother this month. And right after losing her Grandmother, before she even managed to come home, our sister-in-law :iconladygreer: passed away.
I can not express just how sad I have been. Some might find it silly, but I just saw her two weeks ago. We made dinner plans and a Dot Hack movie night together. She was so excited for the Final Fantasy XIV update, and we were gonna start working out together once the gyms opened back up.
But she wasn't herself towards the end...and I even called the cops for a wellness check. At the time, they told me that she was fine, so I was content with that. I just figured she wanted some alone time (as someone with depression, I understand). But, a week later, she was gone.

The amount of people I have contacted and had to tell them about this loss...I can't say that it hasn't weighed on me a bit. I just knew that the longer we went without telling her friends, the worse it would be for them. Her friends were her life, her Discord was like her home, and I knew these people deserved to know, deserved to have their chance and mourn...and it didn't feel right to leave them in the dark. Greer was someone I had heard horror stories about before I met her. She was supposedly that mean and grumpy person that was just impossible to be around. When I first saw her (she towers over my 5"3 a**), with her black hair, sunglasses, etc. I was terrified.
She asked me to drive with her to the pet store one day and I was too scared to tell her 'no', so I went, not sure what to expect. What we did was talk about anime, porn, and Pokemon, and it was one of the most fun days I had ever had. That alone built a friendship that meant a lot to me...even if I had a hard time showing it.

I got on her streams, she gave me the nickname "Lezbot", and I gloated because having a nickname must mean I'm special...you know? I don't have a lot of friends, I'm a very picky person when it comes to people. So this was just an awesome moment. I know she had her besties and the people she talked to 24/7...but I was always thrilled when she came to me for advice or to vent. I did her house tour on facetime for her (with my wife) so she could see if she wanted her house before moving. When she was finally only 20 min away from me, I was actually happy that we would get to hang out more. She would come over, get a hot meal, play some video-games. I watched her play Dark Souls, and I'm the only person that got to see her beat Super Mario Odyssey. We were always talking horror games (especially Silent Hill), talking about our favorite anime, or helping each other on Animal Crossing. She wanted me to try FFXIV and was going to teach me how to play...but I put it off, and now I wish that I hadn't. I now have the free trial downloading...and I guess it's just one of the ways I'm trying to show my tribute to her.

I have had days where I cry...and today I'm doing better. I'm just bracing myself for the hardest parts that are bound to pop up in the future. I dunno what's going to happen...there's just so much stress. I wanna comfort her friends, but they barely know who I am. I wanna do something special for her, but I don't know what. I want to help her Husband, but I barely know him either...and so I just try to make him laugh when I see him. And I'm also trying to comfort my wife who lost 2 people she loved dearly in a matter of 2 weeks.

Before anyone asks (I probs should have made a disclaimer earlier), she did not die to COVID. There were some other things going on, but we still don't have a cause. So I ask that you please don't pry. I already have a ton of people I need to keep updated on the situation...so, if you have any other questions, thoughts, etc, I just ask that you DM me here or something. I will try and get back to you when I can.

I guess...I just needed to vent. One of the last things I mentioned to her is that I find it hard to believe that anyone likes me because of my awkwardness, anxiety, etc. she laughed and told me to "shut up". And I only wish I had been able to tell her how happy that made me...that I knew she was my friend, always had, and that it really, truly, meant the world to me. I was looking forward to so many adventures together that I could never express. And now she is gone.

And I miss her. I miss her a lot.

Rest in Peace Buttlord.

---Love: Lezbot