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Another random thought occurred to me today as I was booting up my xbox (in what seems like an eternity). I was greeted to a few messages of people asking where I was, how I had been, hoping that I was okay. I just wanted to play some Fallout 76 this morning and it got me to thinking about how I used to be a Leader in a ton of Amino communities...and how that really shaped me.

To clarify, Amino is an app that lets you create discussion boards based on specific interests. You can create chat rooms, make posts, polls, share pictures, even sell your goods/services. Each discussion board has it Leaders and its Curators, and the person running the entire board is the Agent Leader.
I ran so many Amino for...gods...years; and most of them were actually placed in my lap. And I guess, the funny thing about running these communities is that I was always handed them when they were on the brink of death, and then, under me...these communities "thrived". I am not usually the type to brag, but...the minute I stepped away from the picture, these communities went and died again and, it's because I literally gave my sweat and tears to these places. A lot of my mods and even Leaders that took over after me even went to calling my time in Leadership as the "Golden Age" of that Amino. So...it's flattering...but damn were those some dark times for me.

Here's what I was running:

arrow Fallout76 Amino (Agent Leader)
arrow Guild Wars 2 Amino (Agent Leader)
arrow MMO Amino (Leader)
arrow Yoshi Amino (Leader)
arrow Dothack Amino (Leader)
arrow Sea of Thieves Amino (Curator)
arrow Okami Amino (Curator)
arrow Petscop Amino (Leader)

I think those are it...I really can not remember the rest. But, you have to remember, these were not paid positions. Even though I had to go in, make posts about rules, remove posts that broke said-rules, run contests, give prizes, award titles, and basically spend every day combing through content...I never made a dime. These communities were more like this passion project and yes, a bit of an ego boost because it gave me a level of control that I felt I didn't have in the rest of my real life. Sad as it was, these communities really were the only thing keeping me motivated every day...but, running them caused their fair share of issues.

When I problem popped up, I would be blasted with messages to fix a problem that my "team" should have been able to handle and yet, they never did know what to do. I feel like my firm hand was too firm and it left a team really dependent on me. There was also...a lot of drama. When a raid would hit the community, it would take hours to fix the damage and then, when we implemented rules to control the raids only to be raided again, the community would lash out and say that I wasn't doing my job, even though it was a learning experience for me. A lot of running an Amino (I find) was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. I had so many campaigns from people that got in trouble for breaking rules only to then start some smear campaign to throw me out of my position as Leader...and it was always over petty and childish s**t. I know my ex-wife got tired of the constant drama and the stress that it caused me...and slowly I had started to take a back-seat on a lot of the Amino I had promised to run.

I quit the Sea of Thieves amino as Curator. I left the Petscop Amino altogether. I actually tried to run the Yoshi Amino, but, since the former Agent wouldn't hand over Agent status there wasn't much I could do with the place and it pretty much died. I never could get a good groove with the Okami Amino because the rest of the staff wasn't active and, as a curator I had the bare minimum powers.
MMO Amino was just dead after awhile, and again, there does come a point when you know something can't be saved and so, I just left it to rot (to clarify, there were just better Amino that encompassed all the same things MMO Amino tried to encompass - and specific MMO Amino's were a lot more active so that's where it had started to die).
Guild Wars 2 Amino was actually really good for a time, but like all MMOs, when the content starts to dry up, the place dies out...now that the expansion has hit we are doing "okay" but again, I had stepped away due to the divorce.

And I guess that's the "point" of this blog was just the backlash I got when I finally decided to just "step away" from Amino. I had started to leave some communities bc it was clear that running all these things was starting to affect my marriage. My (now ) ex wife felt like it was all wasted energy and, she couldn't understand where I found the joy in taking care of these communities nearly every waking moment of the day. But...it was a lot of reasons:
arrow I loved it for the control which helped my mental stability while locked in a shitty marriage.
arrow My ex wife wouldn't let me keep a job, so this let me feel like I still had a sense of "purpose".
arrow I got to teach people and really instruct them in these communities which was something I loved.
arrow It made me some friends.
arrow All the communities were pretty much linked to games, and video-games is something I am incredibly passionate about.

so, I left some of the more "dead" communities, quit the ones I was merely Curator of...and then my ex wife asked for a divorce. I was heading into the unknown, heading to a place with no internet for Gods knows how long. And so, I kinda just quit Amino altogether. I said my goodbye to the Fallout76 community last...and it was...touching. So many posts saying goodbye to me, thanking me for all my hard work, even a memorial post. I love going back there and seeing so much of my implemented rules, posts, contests, etc, still up to this day. Is the community still thriving? Well, it's not doing bad. The ppl I put in charge of posting game news and updates still perform their roles and keep the featured board current. I see some posts here-and-there that I would never have let fly (personally) but it's no longer up to me. some things are messy, but hey, it's relatively active for a game that is mostly dead...and I can see the good in that.

Sometimes I think to myself: Would I ever go back to running these places?
And the simple answer is: No.
I have a full-time job now, I have other obligations and Amino really is the sort of thing you can only run effectively if you have a large (and reliable team) and/or you are a stay-at-home spouse with no kids and no life (which was what I was). Do I think that if I got back in there that I would clean the place up and get it thriving again under my Leadership? Oh, I have no doubts about that. People still message me to this day asking for advice on how to handle issues.

I still do "run" some Amino as Agent Leader...but those Amino are dead. I am poked if there is a problem, I fix it, and then it's months and months before there is another "problem". But other than that, anymore, on an Amino...I am a ghost (sometimes a legend- but mostly a ghost). I think about stopping by sometimes, making a post or two...but usually I think against it. I also have some regrets...lobbying so hard to get a Leader position only to have to abandon that position due to circumstances out of my control. It makes me look like a fool just a bit, you know?

Maybe...maybe I will get back into one or two Amino. It also doesn't help that the app ******** sucks but whatever haha. Anyways, that's all I really wanted to talk about and get off my chest.