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Like I said in my profile: I'm definantly NOT the greatest guy in the world. I am stuck in this strange reality where the old me in trying to conquer the new me, and it's driving me insane...making me ill.
I said some things I shouldn't have said. And the one person who wasn't supposed to see those posts did...and now I cannot forgive myself. I do this to her every time. We'll have this wonderful conversation going, then I have to turn all emo.
I believe her when she says that she loves me, and I know that I'm telling her the truth when I say that I love her.
But for the past couple of days, I feel as if I have been walking on eggshells. Like, the conversations we have mean nothing, they are just blah. For the past couple of days, I have felt that I was merely calling her out of desperation and nothing more, though I know that's not true.
Now I get ready to head off somehwere to meet up with a friend, to buy a few books and get a hilarious picture taken (or two). And yet...I'm not even looking forward to it. I just wanna talk to Gabriela, to tell her how sorry I am over and over until I can't possibly say it anymore.
I'm not good for her y'know? Especially if I cause her so much greif. I don't know what to think at this point...but I hope that she looks at me no different than before. I hope that she can either forgive me, or forget me. Because right now...my heart says that 'just friends' is not an option.