Submissive Support--- Standing Proud with Heads Bowed

bianca has been gone forever and is very sorry... as an apology...

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[calamatest]

biancaswrath

calamatest: It's no problem. You had an issue that was completely on topic. And I also think that you just need to meet a true Dom, one who knows the lifestyle and the limits and would gradually get you into it. In my opinion, this lifestyle is the most romantic thing two people can do because of the large amount of trust that is required for it to work.

that true but i can't trust people what ever day thing anymore even the man i love now i don't trust at all. so trusting some one to be a dum for me just can't happen. but i think your right me being here gave a out side vow of sub/dum as will as info on it bad side wink i think is something a Bord like this should have to gave people everthing thay need to know/think about.

you are rigth tho in it own way the lifestyle can be truely romantic.( be me tursting some one like that ever going to happen agin.)

[Lill Kai]

Yeah well I know it's defiantly not a cure all...see it's good I have new friends to talk to about this so I don't go rushing into something thinking it'll be good when I have no idea what I'm doing and Gamerchixs I had heard that too one

[biancaswrath]

Yay gamerchix! blaugh I totally agree with everything you just said.

Trust is something that has to be built up over time, and it's hard when you've been abused. But you'll heal over time and through more and more positive experiences. We all learn my our mistakes, so that hopefully we don't get into bad situations again.

[calamatest]

gamerchix

calamatest I wonder if your friend's Dom acts "lifestyle" in front of you because you know about them.

disclaimer: There are Masters, and there are assholes in leather. Part of being part of a community is having help figuring out whether which a potential partner is.

Lil Kai A good Dominant could help you through your self esteem issues. I've read things like that quite a few times in the various M/s threads that were in the ED.

will everone know about tham but he all so know that it upset me when hes like that and why. i told hem all about it and to hem everthing i had to me was fun and he just like to see teen age boy cry i think.(( like i said he is a a** hole.))

P.S. like i said im not a sub or a dum .it just sound to me that have some one trust you as a dum would be good for you self esteem.

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

Yay gamerchix! blaugh I totally agree with everything you just said.

Trust is something that has to be built up over time, and it's hard when you've been abused. But you'll heal over time and through more and more positive experiences. We all learn my our mistakes, so that hopefully we don't get into bad situations again.

ya and even i agree what what gamer chix siad .(come for me that saying something.)
ya you don't have to tell me it will tank time to get over what happen to me. when i was just all over i want to kill my self now im work on trusting people again. i think that not bad for 6 years.

i like look at this bord as a outsider . to me i gave me something to think about and t think as i come to up-sand things better it will be easy for me to get over my past.( have no idea why tho )

[biancaswrath]

You shouldn't be a Dom as a way to make yourself feel better. That's why there are so many bad Doms. They just want someone who has to do what they say so they feel important. That's not what being a Dom is about. They have to take care of the sub just as much as the sub takes care of them. In a true D/s relationship, there is equal give and take.

[kittykatkeiko]

My dom did help me greatly. I had horrible self esteem issues before we got together and had a few sexual traumas before we got together. Building our trust by easing me into the lifestyle made me get over these traumas and he also made me realize that I am beautiful inside and out, no matter what(I am slightly overweight, not huge, but a lil bigger than I should be). I even had assholes I meet online say that because of my looks, I'm a sub because it's the only way I can get a man. That's not the case either. Being comfortable with my dom made me comfortable with discussions like this. Sub/Dom relationships can be a wonderful thing if there is love and a lot of trust and respect between BOTH parties.

[biancaswrath]

::applauds Dany:: Yay for Dom's helping out subs! blaugh I think it's great that you are more comfortable in your own skin thanks to your Dom. That's the kind of things that real Doms do, calamatest. They aren't all scary.

[Lill Kai]

I think I shall go for the evening, I might be on later. Thanks for the help so far.
ja ne!
*poofs*

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

::applauds Dany:: Yay for Dom's helping out subs! blaugh I think it's great that you are more comfortable in your own skin thanks to your Dom. That's the kind of things that real Doms do, calamatest. They aren't all scary.

i find that hard to believe personnelle seen to many bad dom my self. i think i would like to have a dum some day but i don't think a is a single person i can trust that way in the world . made there never will be but im OK what that got to tank thing one stamp at a time after all. if i don't think im ready then im not .

but other then my own past come back to hurt me im OK what sub/dom if some one want to do it im not going to stop tham or anything. like i could lol.

[biancaswrath]

The trust with your Dom strengthens with your training. It's when you learn what he or she expects of you and how you are to behave. It's also when you both further explore what boundaries you are willing to push.

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

The trust with your Dom strengthens with your training. It's when you learn what he or she expects of you and how you are to behave. It's also when you both further explore what boundaries you are willing to push.

yes but right now the only thing holding me together is my boundaries and some are not as strong as the should be or as i fell thay need to be right now. if i had a dum the pushed my boundaries i would just fall apart like i did before.(( that really bad becouse then im not my self i don't even feel alive anymore and ill do anything my dum would tell me to just because he told me to even if i don't want to or i know it wog becouse i don't matter anymore.)) that what happen to me back then and i don't think i could live after if it happen to me again.(( now that you know what im scared of maybe you under stand why i could never have a dum.))

[biancaswrath]

I see where you're coming from, but a good Dom knows when he's going too far and wouldn't make you do things that would hurt you mentally. The Dom would see that it was fueling negativity and do something to help you. One of a Dom's main concerns is his sub's happiness and wellbeing.

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

You shouldn't be a Dom as a way to make yourself feel better. That's why there are so many bad Doms. They just want someone who has to do what they say so they feel important. That's not what being a Dom is about. They have to take care of the sub just as much as the sub takes care of them. In a true D/s relationship, there is equal give and take.

ya i see what your saying but i think you miss my point. im not saying anyone should be a Dom to make tham self feel more important . i say that as dum have some one trust you to help and care for them and to not be a bad Dom. would left some one up and help . that from my out side vow is more understandble becouse if you don't think your a good person but some one trust you like that . than thay most think you are right and that could left some one up . that what i was getting at.

but being a dom just to fell powerful = really bad DOM at something i under stand. all to will.

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

I see where you're coming from, but a good Dom knows when he's going too far and wouldn't make you do things that would hurt you mentally. The Dom would see that it was fueling negativity and do something to help you. One of a Dom's main concerns is his sub's happiness and wellbeing.

ya but how would he know what not to try to make me to and what thing not to push when even i don't know. my fear or what may happen is greater then what help i could get. you see your Dom as help full to me he my first boy friend in another body . that something i don't think i can help .(( not right now anyway even play as a sub in a rp bord here in gaia is to hard for me.)) i think im going to tank the time and rigth it all out everything that happen to me and put it here on gaia just to get it all out.