Submissive Support--- Standing Proud with Heads Bowed

bianca has been gone forever and is very sorry... as an apology...

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[biancaswrath]

Um... no. Creepy stalkers don't count.

[Lill Kai]

haha yeah I kinda figured glad I don't work with him anymore, and then I made the mistake of mentioning I was starting to get into this kind of lifestyle

[kittykatkeiko]

When it comes to having your own place, well, we all wanted to get out of our parents house before we lost our minds. We were a little sick of 9 o'clock curfews. As for our dom/sub relationship. We keep it known to our little circle of like-minded friends and in the bedroom. We both acknowledge that we have our freedom, but love the turn on of it in bed. I get put down by people who say I'm not a "real sub" or he's not a "real dom", but that's how we are.

[biancaswrath]

Calamatest: It's a personal choice between the sub and the Dom. No, I don't forget that he's my Dom. But I like being dominated and he likes to dominate me, so we choose to do it all the time. Which leads into my response to Dany:

There are many people in the bdsm community who chose to only live the lifestyle in the bedroom. It's perfectly normal. Anyone who says otherwise most likely doesn't know much about the lifestyle.

Kai: Yeah.... Stalkers are bad. Had to change my phone number once because an ex of mine wouldn't stop calling me at all hours trying to get me back. Like waking me up repeatedly in the middle of the night is going to magically make me love you... idiot... stare

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

Lil Kai: I won't consider anything you say stupid. I would hate for you to be afraid to post here. I promise I'll be nice. biggrin

calamatest: eek I can't really read what you wrote... um... can you work on your grammar a little? sweatdrop But I'll do my best to reply: There are three general levels of submissiveness. They are: submissive, slave, and pet. These are all very different things. A slave gives more power to his/her Master/Mistress than a sub does to his/her Dom/me, and a pet gives his/her Master/Mistress almost complete control over all of their decisions and actions. All of this is decided at the beginning of the relationship through a "contract" between the partners. It's very important that you discuss these limits before entering into a bdsm relationship. That being said, if you have given your Dom power over you, he can tell you to put on a collar and then leash you and walk you through Walmart (which is why I found myself on a leash at 3 am). Part of being submissive is being willing to test new things such as this when your Dom commands it of you.

As far as how a Dom acts in front of "normal" people, that's up to him. My Dom personally will still dominate me in front of my friends, but they know what we do and don't mind. Even in front of people who don't know, he still snaps for my attention. Not that I mind. This is the kind of relationship I want. biggrin

I'm not altogether sure what you said was going on with your friend and her Dom, but my suggestion would be to talk to them about it and let them know that it makes you uncomfortable and if they continue to do it, you won't hang out with them anymore. That puts the ball in their court, and forces them to decide how they will act around you. What exactly do they do that makes you uncomfortable?

how sorry about that ill work on the grammar from now on. like i said see people in a btsm relationship gave me flash back of the time i was be abused by my first boy friend. when i try to tell tham about this her dum though it was fun and start being more controlling. one time i was at the mail what tham and just becouse i was talk to her to make he made her stop talk for the rest of the day she could not make a sound any sound. so im at a mail what her dum how scary the hell out of me and i scary of people i don't know just less then i am of hem. so i can talk to anyone and he will not tank me home.( i had gone what tham in hes car and had no other way of getting home.) so i was scary out of my mind and i just could not handily that and to hem me franking out was fun. then ever time he could he would be even more controlling and scary. pulling her to the ground by her hair and thing like that.
he look mad and scary. ( so i never see my friend anymore becouse of hem .
i know she like thing that way but hem be so controlling all the time just to gave me nightmares about my past was just wrong.)

but i just wanted to know if all sub think it OK for there dum to sub tham in front of other people or just when there alone ?
( you told me to a person by person thing. so now i under stand.)
( i just think he should hay back done on the btsm when i ask so i could spend time what my friend and not have to relive my past to do it.)

P.S. I know that all dum are not like that . you just ask what it was that up site me so i told you. i just wanted to know if all sub are OK what there dum controlling tham in front of other people.)

[Lill Kai]

Oh yeah I've had those kind of people too, they suck -_-;;; Gah I'm trying to think of more questions but my brain is not thinking due to lack of sleep and being ill I'm sorry plus the only stuff I really know if from my friend Erica and her happy D'espairsRay fan fiction she writes

[biancaswrath]

calamatest: I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation. In my opinion, your friend's Dom isn't a good Dom. He may be what she needs, but otherwise, he sounds like an *ss.

Kai: It's okay. You can feel free to just post opinions of anything. Or help anyone if you know the answer.

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

Calamatest: It's a personal choice between the sub and the Dom. No, I don't forget that he's my Dom. But I like being dominated and he likes to dominate me, so we choose to do it all the time. Which leads into my response to Dany:

There are many people in the bdsm community who chose to only live the lifestyle in the bedroom. It's perfectly normal. Anyone who says otherwise most likely doesn't know much about the lifestyle.

Kai: Yeah.... Stalkers are bad. Had to change my phone number once because an ex of mine wouldn't stop calling me at all hours trying to get me back. Like waking me up repeatedly in the middle of the night is going to magically make me love you... idiot... stare

sorry to repent my self on your Bord did not see you first post ya i under stand now. but you ask what it was that was so upsetting so i post what was the hardest thing for me to handle that he did . i now understand the sub/dum just Scaris me and that there are good and bad people to have as dums. im start to up stand more of how a sub and dum lifestyle work . it just some thing i can not Haily in person but in the end the person what the purple is me after all nikki want to be doing what she is doing it just upset me for my ow personal reasons. so if i can handle it then being around a sub / Dum is something i just should not do.

again sorry to post on your Bord i really don't need to be here after all im not a sub or a dum and this is a Bord for subs and dums.

[Lill Kai]

biancaswrath

calamatest: I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation. In my opinion, your friend's Dom isn't a good Dom. He may be what she needs, but otherwise, he sounds like an *ss.

Kai: It's okay. You can feel free to just post opinions of anything. Or help anyone if you know the answer.

I guess I'm just looking for a healthy relationship where I don't feel like a complete failure I seem to have had alot of shitty ones both family and not and it'd be nice to have someone to love that I could trust and would look after me and now I feel like a sap and stupid I'm having some self esteem issues

[calamatest]

biancaswrath

calamatest: I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation. In my opinion, your friend's Dom isn't a good Dom. He may be what she needs, but otherwise, he sounds like an *ss.

Kai: It's okay. You can feel free to just post opinions of anything. Or help anyone if you know the answer.

ya he is a reall a** hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im just want to say that when your a sub you gave your power over your self to a nother person. what you have gave you my not get back so be cairfull how make of your self you gave a way an how you gave it too.

[biancaswrath]

calamatest: It's no problem. You had an issue that was completely on topic. And I also think that you just need to meet a true Dom, one who knows the lifestyle and the limits and would gradually get you into it. In my opinion, this lifestyle is the most romantic thing two people can do because of the large amount of trust that is required for it to work.

[calamatest]

Lil Kai

biancaswrath

calamatest: I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation. In my opinion, your friend's Dom isn't a good Dom. He may be what she needs, but otherwise, he sounds like an *ss.

Kai: It's okay. You can feel free to just post opinions of anything. Or help anyone if you know the answer.

I guess I'm just looking for a healthy relationship where I don't feel like a complete failure I seem to have had alot of shitty ones both family and not and it'd be nice to have someone to love that I could trust and would look after me and now I feel like a sap and stupid I'm having some self esteem issues

then i don't thing being a sub is really that good of a idea for you gave ome one power over you may not be good for you self esteem. be a dum and find some one that trust you and conrtille tham and be good to tham. this will hulp you see that your not so bad after all.( that what i think anyway.)

[biancaswrath]

calamatest: Submissives can call a stop to anything going on at any time. If anything gets too hard, we have safewords so the Dom knows to stop. It really is very safe.

[biancaswrath]

You don't need to be a Dom to get self esteem. That's a really bad idea. Only people who are sure of themselves first should consider being Doms. Kai, you'll be fine. Part of what a Dom does is take care of your mental health along with your physical health. My Dom would never do anything mentally or physically damaging to me. Which means that he goes out of his way to raise my self esteem.

[gamerchix]

calamatest I wonder if your friend's Dom acts "lifestyle" in front of you because you know about them.

disclaimer: There are Masters, and there are assholes in leather. Part of being part of a community is having help figuring out whether which a potential partner is.

Lil Kai A good Dominant could help you through your self esteem issues. I've read things like that quite a few times in the various M/s threads that were in the ED.