Submissive Support--- Standing Proud with Heads Bowed

bianca has been gone forever and is very sorry... as an apology...

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[LittleFishy]

Hi, although I have always known I was a sub, I still don't really know much about the community and the world of BDSM. I have decided I need to educate myself and explore my own feelings before I can really expect to explain it to my boyfriend. I would like to find a sort of "mentor" who has a little more experience with all of this than I do. PM me, maybe? 4laugh

[CuteInACollar]

Hey guys I don't think I've been in here much but I'm a submissive and I need some advice on something.
So I recently made a fetlife and there's been so many doms approach me in a very.... Upfront way... And I'm scared. I thought I'd appreciate the attention but now I've developed almost a fear of the doms on fetlife. There has been a few that have approached me politely that I've felt comfortable with but for the most part I'm creeped out. I just can't shake the feeling either. I'm posting this cause I woke up this morning and it was the first thing on my mind. I'm sorry if this message seems a little panicked and not well thought out. What do I do so I don't have to worry anymore?

[Leohasgone]

CuteInACollar

Hey guys I don't think I've been in here much but I'm a submissive and I need some advice on something.
So I recently made a fetlife and there's been so many doms approach me in a very.... Upfront way... And I'm scared. I thought I'd appreciate the attention but now I've developed almost a fear of the doms on fetlife. There has been a few that have approached me politely that I've felt comfortable with but for the most part I'm creeped out. I just can't shake the feeling either. I'm posting this cause I woke up this morning and it was the first thing on my mind. I'm sorry if this message seems a little panicked and not well thought out. What do I do so I don't have to worry anymore?

If a message makes you uncomfortable, don't answer it. If they keep messaging, don't read it and also don't answer. If the subject makes you feel uncomfortable, don't even read the message. Make sure you keep most of your personal information private if you are very scared. Leo is not sure if there's an option to set your messages to friends only but if there is, do that.
Also, there are lots of groups where people posts messages that they have gotten that are incredibly creepy (with names blurred out) and make fun of them or talk about how creepy they are. That can make some people feel better about getting them by turning them into something to laugh at with a group, instead of something to be creeped out by all by yourself; a big one is called Return to Sender.
But the main strategy is to just ignore and don't reply. Leo is sorry that there are so many creeps. *hugs*

[Mystic White Raven]

CuteInACollar

Hey guys I don't think I've been in here much but I'm a submissive and I need some advice on something.
So I recently made a fetlife and there's been so many doms approach me in a very.... Upfront way... And I'm scared. I thought I'd appreciate the attention but now I've developed almost a fear of the doms on fetlife. There has been a few that have approached me politely that I've felt comfortable with but for the most part I'm creeped out. I just can't shake the feeling either. I'm posting this cause I woke up this morning and it was the first thing on my mind. I'm sorry if this message seems a little panicked and not well thought out. What do I do so I don't have to worry anymore?

Hi there! I've been on fetlife for some time now, and yeah, there are plenty of doms, wanna-be-doms, random people who want tail, whatever who message anyone that looks remotely human (or sometimes the human factor doesn't even matter in that regard). There isn't a way to set your private messages to friends only, but you CAN block specific users. You can just ignore the message and not respond and often they won't bother sending any more. I've gotten plenty a "Will you submit to my every whim" to which, in my head, I answer, "dude, no, I don't even know you" and never respond and never think of it again. There are plenty other people who actually take the time to read your profile and/or send you more getting-to-know-you messages that I much prefer because it shows they are actually interested in getting to know you at least somewhat. Just because you are on Fet and a sub, doesn't mean you have to everyone who call himself/herself a dom/me.

[CuteInACollar]

Mystic White Raven

CuteInACollar

Hey guys I don't think I've been in here much but I'm a submissive and I need some advice on something.
So I recently made a fetlife and there's been so many doms approach me in a very.... Upfront way... And I'm scared. I thought I'd appreciate the attention but now I've developed almost a fear of the doms on fetlife. There has been a few that have approached me politely that I've felt comfortable with but for the most part I'm creeped out. I just can't shake the feeling either. I'm posting this cause I woke up this morning and it was the first thing on my mind. I'm sorry if this message seems a little panicked and not well thought out. What do I do so I don't have to worry anymore?

Hi there! I've been on fetlife for some time now, and yeah, there are plenty of doms, wanna-be-doms, random people who want tail, whatever who message anyone that looks remotely human (or sometimes the human factor doesn't even matter in that regard). There isn't a way to set your private messages to friends only, but you CAN block specific users. You can just ignore the message and not respond and often they won't bother sending any more. I've gotten plenty a "Will you submit to my every whim" to which, in my head, I answer, "dude, no, I don't even know you" and never respond and never think of it again. There are plenty other people who actually take the time to read your profile and/or you more getting-to-know-you messages that I much prefer because it shows they are actually interested in getting to know you at least somewhat. Just because you are on Fet and a sub, doesn't mean you have to everyone who call himself/herself a dom/me.

I know i dont have too. I know i cant expect to find someone right away, but im a little upset that all im getting is assholes sad

[Mystic White Raven]

CuteInACollar

Yeah, but if you just joined, give it time. I never joined with the intention of finding a relationship with someone online. One of those rare folk that took the time to get to know me became my mentor and when I actually started going to parties and what-not was when I really started to connect to others in the lifestyle. The parties and munches seem to weed out most of the jerk-faces.

[Leohasgone]

cranbeari

Leo is going to quote to you something from the OPs of the main BDSM thread about the differences between abusive relationships and BDSM relationships. Your aggressive tone is an indicator that you might be trolling, but if you are not, Leo does not wish for you to worry. Please read through the quote and message Leo directly if you wish; she does not, however, want an argument in the thread so she will respectfully ask you to take your questions to Leo or another member privately, or leave the thread. 3nodding

ashes_of_phoenix

BDSM activities are ALWAYS Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Abuse is NEVER safe, NEVER sane, and NEVER consensual.

BDSM follows established rules. Abuse has no rules.

BDSM is negotiated for the safety of both partners. Abuse is NEVER negotiated.

BDSM activities are used for mutual pleasure. Abuse is used to terrorize, frighten and control.

In BDSM, safewords can be used to stop any activity. If someone is being abused they cannot stop what is happening to them.

BDSM activities are about pleasure and being connected. Abuse is about power and control.

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE ---END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Leather Association:International

NLA-I Domestic Violence Project Website: http://www.nlaidvproject.us/

[CuteInACollar]

Mystic White Raven

CuteInACollar

Yeah, but if you just joined, give it time. I never joined with the intention of finding a relationship with someone online. One of those rare folk that took the time to get to know me became my mentor and when I actually started going to parties and what-not was when I really started to connect to others in the lifestyle. The parties and munches seem to weed out most of the jerk-faces.

I actually have been a munch and a play party and i did not take it well. A part of me wants to go back and the other part of me is scared that ill have the same reaction I did the first time.

[xXEmo_CarrotsXx]

cranbeari

Those of you posting to this thread in support of the topic are creeps. The fact that you made your LIFE your LIFE based on something that not only reinforces rape culture but also abusive and controlling relationships makes you absolutely pathetic. It sickens me how no one stands up to this ~lifestyle and just brushes this off. If someone posted what some of you say about your lives in the LI forum WITHOUT mentioning your "lifestyle" everyone would tell you that your relationship and life is ******** up. You're insane, you're either a special snowflake or there's something mentally wrong with you. smh so much wrong with the things you people are saying, you make me sad for humanity. Do your controlling partners tell you when to pee too? You make me sick. So go ahead and continue supporting the controlling and humiliation of woman, continue supporting rape, continue supporting controlling and abusive relationships but remember this:

You are just another excuse for people to be abusive. Go relish in 50 shades of grey, because that's what you TRULY are.

Not sure if you are trolling or not, but, I love how you just put only woman as ones who can be controlled and humiliated when infact, many men are submissives as well. So your.... argument is therefore a bit invalid. 3nodding

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

xXEmo_CarrotsXx

Not sure if you are trolling or not, but, I love how you just put only woman as ones who can be controlled and humiliated when infact, many men are submissives as well. So your.... argument is therefore a bit invalid. 3nodding

Kink shamers tend to be sexist and misogynist. At least ime. -shrug- The trolls don't even have to work at trolling with those freebies given.

[xXEmo_CarrotsXx]

Raspberry Flavored Milk

xXEmo_CarrotsXx

Not sure if you are trolling or not, but, I love how you just put only woman as ones who can be controlled and humiliated when infact, many men are submissives as well. So your.... argument is therefore a bit invalid. 3nodding

Kink shamers tend to be sexist and misogynist. At least ime. -shrug- The trolls don't even have to work at trolling with those freebies given.

I've noticed that a bit. Too bad they don't even look at websites or anything about BDSM...

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

xXEmo_CarrotsXx

I've noticed that a bit. Too bad they don't even look at websites or anything about BDSM...

Even if they did they're not in a mindset to accept that not everyone is the same.

They come up with really stupid excuses for ignoring us too. One of the recent one's I've heard was invalidating anything an s-type says by saying something along the lines of: "You've brainwashed your women so well that they will fight your battles for you (in reference to s-types taking a stand against the shamers - and yes, always "women," no mention of other genders). They can't understand they're in a Stockholm situation. They're victims of abuse." rolleyes And they always seem to reference fiction like, oh, we totally do all that in the ways described.

It's best to just ignore them and go enjoy some spankings... or whatever it is you enjoy. 3nodding

[xXEmo_CarrotsXx]

Raspberry Flavored Milk

xXEmo_CarrotsXx

I've noticed that a bit. Too bad they don't even look at websites or anything about BDSM...

Even if they did they're not in a mindset to accept that not everyone is the same.

They come up with really stupid excuses for ignoring us too. One of the recent one's I've heard was invalidating anything an s-type says by saying something along the lines of: "You've brainwashed your women so well that they will fight your battles for you (in reference to s-types taking a stand against the shamers - and yes, always "women," no mention of other genders). They can't understand they're in a Stockholm situation. They're victims of abuse." rolleyes And they always seem to reference fiction like, oh, we totally do all that in the ways described.

It's best to just ignore them and go enjoy some spankings... or whatever it is you enjoy. 3nodding

Haha. I've never been in an abusive relationship or am abused by my Master. I think most of us would know the difference... maybe.
Oh and I know this is off subject, but love your name. 3nodding

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

xXEmo_CarrotsXx

Haha. I've never been in an abusive relationship or am abused by my Master. I think most of us would know the difference... maybe.
Oh and I know this is off subject, but love your name. 3nodding

It's the assumption that we live in a vacuum that gets me. Even if we didn't notice because, hey, sometimes that happens when you're in a relationship, our other loved ones probably would. This is (at least a part of the reason) why we have a community. Stupid vacuum assumptions. Stupid assumptions that BDSM makes you more prone to abuse than being vanilla. (where we have a lot of documentation of abuse taking place - it's because people are people, not the effing relationship style)
Milk gets pissy about stupid things. o-o


Thank you. ^--^