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People always tell me to "live in the moment"...and it has been a hard thing to learn for me. I blame my anxiety and paranoia, but it's something I have been working on for years to accomplish.

But for once, there is actually a need to look into the future and to start making a plan.

The wife's depression has reached a really bad low. While we are both getting ourselves help and making progress, she made a point that maybe it's time for a change in her career...and so she might be getting out of the military.

I will admit...this moment came sooner than expected. We always talked about her retiring from the military...keeping her benefits and then having a good nest-egg for when she finally decided to transition to civilian life. But now I'm looking at a year from now instead of ten years...and I have to say it's kinda terrifying.

But it's like I told the wife: Her health and her happiness come first.

It's scary...civilian life is not as stable as military life. While it can give us the opportunity to get ahead, we have to take 10 steps backwards before we can reach that point (if we can reach it at all). This also means I have to go back to work.

I will miss being a housewife...but it's not laziness that has kept me from working. There are man things like my bone spurs, back problems, depression, etc. But, the biggest thing that kept me from working was the fact that it causes more trouble in my life than what it is worth.
I won't go into details, but it is something I would like to discuss with my therapist this weekend.

There is a lot to think about, a lot to plan...and my wife still needs to decide what she wants to do. She is working with a psychiatrist now, is back in therapy with me, and is also going back to the Chiropractor.
So, we are moving in a much better direction now than before. biggrin

This woman...no matter how hard it gets: she is still my hero.

I know he feels like she has failed if she gets out of the military...but it's not worth staying in if it's turning her into a husk. It's not worth staying in if every year a different part of her is breaking and breaking down. But, if she really wants to stay in...she needs to learn to put herself first (at least in terms of her mental and physical health). And that means making her appointments, and that means telling the leadership they can not deny her getting care, etc.

I love her. I'm willing to struggle with her.
So the rest of this year is research, planning, downsizing- and getting ready for the big change when it happens.

You're never truly ready...but I will do what it takes and step up to the plate to be that support for the love of my life. heart