At second there was admiration, envy, grief. Presently, amidst us continuing, I can't admire his life, miss him, consider considering myself a fan anymore. I'm only sorry. For failing, for that he wasn't protected, that he had to do what he did, was driven to it though it wasn't what he wanted...if i understand right.

Can anything be done with these feelings? Should that even be a priority? Sure, productivity is always good... ah but everything affects one; if i were to make a decision to only be with the emotions and not seek to build from it, that would have value too.

Everyday they are trying to do better. i am too.


edit edit like two minutes later
Admiring his life, check. It can be done. Easy now, we can look again.
For records: Not being a fan anymore since second at least