Reflection ((This takes place right after they return from IHH))
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The walk back to his room was long and exhausting, the tablet clutched tightly underneath his arm. They had failed their mission. Their leader was dead. Those damn Halloween creatures had won. Not to mention they were all now weaponless and completely useless. That creature could of EASILY killed them... so why didn't it? Why the act of mercy?
After several more moments of walking in silence, he finally came to his room. He began to wonder why he had picked the room at the very END of the hall, but then realized why. Oh. It was because he didn't want to be beside anyone. Right.
A weary hand gripped the doorknob, twisted, and turned. The door opened slowly, as if it were awaiting his return. ... Had he even BEEN to his own room yet? The day was a blur for him, from waking up, meeting Chester, the mission and... aftermath.
He shrugged off his coat, letting it drop to the floor, and yanked off his vest too, leaving only his shirt. He flexed his shoulder, and found that it still hurt.
Running a hand over the wound, he noticed that it had finally dried, though... he should probably get it properly treated... along with that torso wound. At the moment, he didn't really care. That could wait.
The tablet he had been carrying was dumped on the table beside his bed, and he flopped down, linking his hands behind his head. He half-expected Chester to start chiding him, that it was no time to rest, that he had screwed up, that he should tend to his wounds first before relaxing. But... there was nothing. His head was completely empty. Numb.
Shifting his body, he stared at the wall, slowly letting the fact sink in. Chester was gone. Stuck in that... that form, that he had seen. But... he hadn't been attacked. In fact, EVERYONE'S weapon was stuck like that. Did that mean... there was some hope of bringing them back?
He closed his eyes. He wanted to think that. Think that the weapons weren't TRULY dead. Yet no matter how much he wanted to believe it, deep down, he knew Chester wasn't coming back. And it was his fault... again.
First Catherine... Chester... even Caelius, who was apparently their division leader... Apparently there was some "C" theme going on. People he respected, looked up to, cared for... All of them. Dead. And it was his fault. It was because he was weak. He couldn't protect anything. Couldn't save anything.
He let out a frustrated growl, and slammed a fist against the wall. Damn it all! Didn't he come here to change that? Didn't he come here to get stronger... to forget his past? To never feel weak again. And yet here he was, feeling utterly useless. Regretting his actions. If he had been less reckless, would Chester still be here? If he hadn't gotten Catherine involved in his life, would she still be alive?
He hated himself. Hated everything. Hated everyone. This was why he preferred being alone. It was always easiest that way. No one to depend on but yourself. Not having to live up to anyone's expectations except yours. He had learned that growing up, and he did just fine. People died everyday, so why should it affect him? It was easier not to get emotionally attached to anyone. That way, it didn't hurt so much when they died.
But then... along came her. Damn it all, why couldn't he get her out of his mind? Why... why did he have to see her again... back at the fog? He wanted to forget... but no. It seemed he would forever be haunted with this reminder, about the one time he slipped up. He gave in, let her enter his life. She made him feel something he had never felt before. Sheltered. Worthy. Loved. She made him feel important, that he wasn't just "some kid" who had no future. She made him belong. She was the family he never had yet always wanted.
For once, he was happy. He was content. He was so naive as to think that it was possible for him to find happiness, and not have to pay the price. How wrong he had been. Did he desire that happiness so much that he was willing to let her suffer for it? Even if he didn't have a family, a future, she did. She still had people who cared for her. She had a future. She had her whole life ahead of her, but it was taken away by him, because he was selfish. Because he wanted happiness himself, he ended up taking it away from her.
Tears began to form in his eyes, and he grit his teeth, nails digging into his arm.
"Dammit... DAMMIT ALL!"
His shoulders heaved, empty sobs echoing in the room. Such a dumbass... why didn't he learn his lesson? Why was he always stuck with the nice ones? Catherine... Chester... why? WHY? Why didn't you just give up on him? Why did you have to get involved... Why...
Jake groaned as he draped the pillow over his head, trying to drown out the noise outside. Ugh, why were people so freaking noisy? He knew the night before one of the hunters was hosting some kind of "Halloween" party. It was utterly stupid, and he had no intention of going (or getting dragged there by anyone feeling "friendly"), so he had retired early for the evening, but the sound still traveled all the way down here, and he barely got any shut-eye. There was also word some of them even registered golems to go visit that Halloween place, since there was some kind of party going on or something. Heck, probably celebrating how they kicked all the hunters' asses and they were all cowering in fear, feeling useless without their weapons.
Parties. Ugh. He didn't care. He didn't want to have anything to do with them. They were utterly pointless and stupid. Though... as he thought about it now, sneaking in with a golem might not of been such a bad idea. Being all hyped up with their stupid little "victory", and whatever stupid celebrations were going on, they'd probably be too busy to notice hunters undercover, scouting them out, accessing their weak points...
His lips curled into a grin. Not to mention he still had a bone to pick with that mutt. How good it would feel for him to go undercover, everyone oh-so-welcoming to "new students!", and he totally wouldn't suspect a thing when he ended up socking him in the eye. But... he frowned. He had never really used golems, except for during that shitty training course, and so he wasn't quite sure how they worked. From the looks of it though, it didn't look like you could actually FIGHT in those things. Only pose as... well, monsters, to fool dim-witted students. Ok, yah, so going wouldn't of been a very good idea anyways. But then...
He frowned, remembering something. Weren't... there weapons... also former halloween students? He wasn't sure where he heard it, but he remembered Chester making a lot of remarks on them, since he seemed to know them quite well. Heck, he probably still wouldn't of even know that cowboy wasn't human had he not pointed it out to him. He stiffened as he realized he was thinking of Chester again, and buried his face in his pillow.
... Dammit. Just how many regrets was he going to have? He had barely been here for a week and he was already drowning in them. Propping himself up on his elbows, he stared at the little bed stand where he had left Chester's tablet. Halloween students... thrived off FEAR, right? So if he had went last night... would there of been enough fear to bring him back? Weapons... or, well, students, never really TRULY died, right? They weren't like humans. You slaughter one of those damn things, and they just turn into fog and crap, and reform someone else, didn't they? So... maybe Chester wasn't REALLY dead, just... maybe.
A sigh. Just how long was he planning on fooling himself? It was his fault, even after he said he'd promised not to let anything happen to him... Mindlessly, he reached out towards the tablet, touching it lightly. I'm sorry, Chester. I really am. A small humming sound made him jerk, and he pulled his hand back instantly. What- He watched wordlessly as the tablet was... no longer a tablet, but a pair of keys. Chester's unsummoned form.
What- A million questions fired off in his head. Just when... did it turn back? What did this mean? Was... was he actually alive? Just- A soft groan echoed in his head.
Jake opened his mouth, wondering if this was an illusion. Che... Chester, was that you? The voice hesitated, uncertain, then replied softly.
"YOU PIECE OF s**t!"
He grabbed the keys and hurled them at the wall, seething as it bounced off the wall and lay on the floor.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING THIS WHOLE TIME?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE FREAKING DEAD, AND THEN YOU GO AND-"
He clamped his mouth shut, took several deep breaths, and closed his eyes.
JUST WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?
The voice sounded confused. No s**t, Sherlock, nice observation skills.
There was silence for a good while.
That's what I'd like to know. What the hell happened to YOU?
It sounded apologetic this time.
Jake only stared at the keys, making no further attempt to lash out. It still seemed surreal, that only moments before, he was regretting dragging Chester into this, but now... he was back. It was like nothing ever happened. He smirked. Was this the power of wishful thinking? How stupid.
The voice rumbled quietly.
He frowned. Oh right. Now that he was back, his mind was no longer safe haven.
"Don't kid yourself. Now that you're back, I can finally go TRAIN properly." <... Right.> He felt imaginary eyes roll in his head.
He got up, walked over to the keys, picked them up, and clipped them to his sash. With this... he felt complete again.
... Welcome back.
Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:15 pm
Choice 2 ((After artifact runic conversion))
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Jake opened the door slowly. Huh. So it was still there.
Pushing the door closed with a foot, he headed over to the bed and sat down, staring at the keys he had left on the bedside table.
So? You wanted to say something? <...>
Jake huffed. "The hell happened to you? You've been freaking mopey since the day we dropped off those artifac-"
He paused, suddenly remembering. "Does this have anything about you becoming a weapon?" Though Chester hadn't responded, Jake sensed his unease. "You know, I didn't FORCE you to become a weapon. Hell, I didn't ASK for you to become my weapon, so if you're starting to regr-"
There was a pause. "...What DO you remember?"
Another pause. "Nothing?"
A sigh. "You mean... you WANTED to become a weapon?" <...In a sense... yes.>
It really wasn't in his characteristic to pry, and normally, he wouldn't care, but for some reason, Jake couldn't couldn't help but be curious.
"Why? Didn't you keep saying how halloween creatures were sentient beings? Kinda like... humans? Except creepier-looking with weird magic and s**t. I don't see why anyone sane would want to give that up to become, well..."
He gestured to the keys. "This."
There was a weary sigh, as if the voice was about to answer a question that had been asked one too many times.
Jake frowned. So? Halloween creatures get mopey. Big deal. He still didn't see why they would CHOOSE to become this. Forced, maybe, but choose...
Another sigh. Huh. Hadn't that been a while ago? At first he thought he was absolutely crazy. And here he was talking to a pair of keys.
Jake looked away. "...Yah."
"Weak? You guys have freaking magic powers or something. You could tear stuff like us to shreds? Why the hell would you feel weak?" Damn thing had its priorities messed up. Gave up that life to be a hunk of junk. Chester sounded more upset that usual.
<...You understand, don't you?> Jake grit his teeth. All too well. He didn't want to remember.
...Wait. What? Oh god this sounded so cheesy.
"Haven't you had other wielders? Surely there was someone else." he muttered, clearly embarrassed.
Jake shuffled uncomfortably. Hell, he didn't want some stupid sappy talk. This was so awkward.
"So. What were you?" "You know. Before you were converted." "Sure."
To be honest, he wasn't really sure he wanted to know, but he desperately needed a topic change. ...What. "What? What are you-" He tensed as Chester tried projecting an image in his head. This... this was...
"You know what? I prefer you as a weapon."
Jake laughed, and pushed himself off the bed. "If you're done moping, I'd like to get some training done. I wanna test this baby out."
He pulled out the dagger, admiring it, and shoved it in front of the keys. "Impressive, isn't it?" He felt eyes roll in his head.
Jake frowned. "Of course, killjoy. I don't intend to stay in anyone's debt." He gripped the dagger a little tighter. "I tend on repaying a stupid redhead a favour too." "What language."
He chuckled, and clipped the keys to his sash. "Right. 'Cuz you're a jacking saint."
He snickered. It was good to have the naggy Chester back.
It was one thing to be fighting some crazed blood-thirsty hunter, and another to actually be saved by the one person you've been trying your best to avoid. His throat hurt and his sides ached and he just felt like complete crap. He was sick and tired of this. He didn't want to see her anymore. Why did she keep showing up?
Lying with his back on the bed, he reached up and pulled his pillow over his face, pressing down, attempting to suffocate himself. You're wrong. If I was dead, none of this would be happening.
A minute passed before the pillow was tossed to the ground and the trainee was gasping for breath. Each breath hurt, as if he was breathing in sharpnels, and he rolled over and coughed, muffling the sound with the bed covers. I have no choice. Nothing I do is working. She's too damn stubborn. I TOLD you. I have no choice. That's EXACTLY my point. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, she still refuses to give up. I don't understand. Why is she trying so hard, for someone like me? There's TONS of guys on Deus, many that are actually around her age, better-looking, smarter...
Heaving a sigh, he pushed himself up, leaning his back on the wall as a hand was placed on his chest. It ached, both inside and out.
Let's face facts. I'm a nobody. Some useless street urchin who wormed their way into Deus because it was an escape from my past. Either way, there was nothing left for me. No future, no hope. All I can do is fight. All I KNOW how to do is fight. Fight and survive. Sherry on the other hand... she had a future, she had a life worth living. And yet she threw it away... for this. To protect loved ones. To help those less fortunate. All I wanted was revenge, power, to get back at those bastards who took... who took everything away. I wasn't fighting for anyone. I was fighting for myself.
He did remember. How could he ever forget?
He gripped his head, and let out a frustrated groan. Don't you see? THAT'S THE PROBLEM. I'm NOT someone she should be falling for. She can do better. A LOT better. The trainee was already tuning him out, and the nergal heaved a sigh. He didn't understand. They both liked each other. Why was he making this so complicated?
Don't. Even. SHE feels? If you care about her, shouldn't you know that what you're doing is causing her more pain?> It's BECAUSE I care that I'm doing this. She should know she's making a big mistake. I can't protect her. I can't help her. I'll only end up bringing her down. He let out a frustrated groan, burying his head in his hands. No. You don't understand. If it wasn't for me, Cat... Catherine... SHE'D still be alive if it wasn't for me. I KILLED HER. SHE had a future. She had EVERYTHING. And what, she gave it up just to protect me... a useless orphan. I don't want the same thing to happen to Sherry. Something told him the trainee was beyond reasoning, and Chester heaved a heavy sigh.
Teenage love. Why was it so complicated?
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 7:30 pm
Realization ((After golem rps))
"You're unbelievable." "I said I was sorry!"
Jake only crossed his arms, glaring at the nergal, while Chester's eyes were downcast, shifting uncomfortable, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Except, there was no cookie jar.
"Look, if you want it back that badly, I can go-" "No way, loverboy. For all I know, Armagnac's still in her golem, and I'd rather not go weaponless or have to dish out my savings along with the next several months, maybe even several year's worth. I don't even have that kind of money." "I-" Chester flustered, averting his gaze. "That... was... an accident... besides, I should go... apologize to her." Jake only snorted. "Wasn't that what you were doing before? And tell me, what happened?" "Well, I'm sure she's had enough time to cool down now, so-" "She was THIS close to gutting me alive before you interrupted. I sincerely doubt it." "... what? Jake, WHAT THE HELL, I leave you alone for an hour... wait, no, that was my fault, I should clearly never leave you alone. You'll end up killing yourself." "EXCUSE ME, who's the one going to make a mess of everything? I told you not to stick your nose where it doesn't belong. I have no idea what you told Sherry, but it probably has something about giving her false hope, and after what you just did... wait, nevermind, Armagnac probably hates your guts right now and is smacking some sense into that woman to avoid the both of us. Good job." "I... what? NO!" Chester groaned, tearing at his hair. Had he... just ruined everything, after reassuring Sherry...? If he ended up making the situation worse, he would absolutely hate himself. Jake only scoffed and turned back to his table. "Whatever, go wallow in your self pity where I can't see you. I need to finish up these mission reports 'cuz a certain SOMEONE took up precious time." The nergal blinked in confusion and pointed to himself, but the trainee was already staring at his paperwork and writing away, so he assumed he was talking about Armagnac. Letting out a heavy sigh, he flicked his tail, looking around. What... a mess. It looked like the two had a scuffle in- oh wait, they did.
Glancing back at Jake, and seeing that he was immersed in his work, Chester bent down and began picking up the piles of clothes strewn across the floor, starting with his trainee coat. Seeing that Jake hadn't installed hooks to hang his clothes, Chester sighed once more, folding the clothes neatly and tucked them in a corner, making a mental note to remind Jake to buy those when he was able to leave the island. He moved onto straightening out Jake's bed, even going so far as to fluff his pillow. After that was done, he peeked under the bed and, grimaced. "Jake, when was the last time you cleaned under your bed?" More piles of clothes were shoved underneath, including the sweater Eva had given him (it was too bad the tail was long gone), along with... why the heck was there still wrapping paper? "...Jake?" Turning around, Chester found that... Jake had fallen asleep. It hadn't even been 10 minutes.
He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle, and knelt on the ground, reaching under the bed, tail whipping about from the effort. His claws managed to pull out most of the paper, along with the sweater, but when he reached into to pry out the last bit, his hand touched something small and leathery. Confused, Chester tried to peek in, but it was too dark to see anything, and too far for him to actually reach. Pondering for a moment, he decided to switch tactics, using his tail to reach in, sweeping out the object with one swift motion. He caught it with both hands as it slid out, and eyed it curiously. A... book? The words were all but faded, but it was imprinted on the cover, and Chester slowly read out the words as his fingers traced over the letters. "Ho...ly... Bi... ble?" He tilted his head, tempted to flip it open, but... it could be something personal, like a journal, or diary. Deciding to respect Jake's privacy, he woke the trainee up, a hand gently shaking his shoulder. Jolting up, Jake rubbed his eyes, yawning, and froze when he realized he had dozed off. "s**t, how long did I fall asleep for?" He turned to see Chester was still, quite intact, and pulled out his phone, doing a few calculations in his head. "It's been 15 minutes, so..." "... I have about 15 minutes left."
Jake stared at Chester, and then his gaze fell on the book in his hand. "That's..." Without a word, the nergal handed it over, and Jake, still wide-eyed, took it from him, hands trembling slightly as he looked it over. "This is..." "I found it under your bed." he offered. "It looks pretty worn out. Did you have it before you... became a hunter?" Jake didn't move, eyes still glued on the cover, and his hand still trembling, slowly opened the book. There was a message inside, all but faded, but it was still possible to make out a few words:
Jake,
Happy...7th... Birthday. You're almost... adult May this... guide path.
-Catherine
On the other side was a photo of a boy with not teal, but black hair, making a face as a women with long sandy hair had her arm draped over his shoulders, expression seeming to portray a laugh.
"Jake, this is..." The trainee didn't move, eyes glued on the photo as he slowly lifted a hand, finger brushing against the woman's face as he began to shake. "Jake... it wasn't your fault." The trainee slowly turned, giving Chester a look that seemed to be filled with pain, regret, and... Chester's eyes widened. "Jake, don't tell me you still..." The scraping sound made him flinch, and he only stared as Jake pushed himself up out of his chair, slowly making his way towards the door. "I'm gonna take a quick shower, and then we'll get you de-activated." "Jake... you still..." The door closed, and the nergal only stared, his voice but a whisper now. "... you still have feelings for her, don't you?"
A week later, he had finally been discharged from the infirmary, and the death trainee slowly made his way back to his room. As he opened the door, the scene that greeted him seemed almost foreign. Just how long had he stayed in the infirmary now? Days... no, several weeks at most. But to him, it had felt like an eternity. Even his own room seemed foreign now, tired eyes glazing over piles of clothes tossed into a corner, to an unmade bed that had been empty for almost a month.
What was he doing? What had he been doing all this time?
On his table rested the broken remains of what he once used to call his partner. His weapon, and now, a single letter joined its side as he stumbled his way back to his bed, this foreign little room barely recognizable to him anymore.
Words echoed in his head, hollow and empty just as the rest of him felt.
"You are arrogrant, rash, pigheaded.."
... "you are such a jerk sometimes..."
"...you deserve some amount of happiness."
"Our lives are short... isn't that what makes the little bit of time we have so precious? Why shouldn't we try to be happy?"
What WAS happiness? What was sorrow? Pain, loss, remorse, joy, laughter... All these emotions seemed to blend together. What was good? What was bad? What did it mean to feel? He didn't know anymore. Didn't understand. He felt so hollow and empty inside, not only in his head, but in his heart. What was the point of living? What was the purpose of life? What was still keeping him here, doing what he had to? A promise? A hope? What was he looking for in the end? Was he still trying to repay his debt? Was he still trying pardon from his actions with what he was doing? He didn't know, didn't know anymore. So lost, and confused, and in pain.
His chest started to ache, and he clutched it, gasping in pain. He had always thought any kind of pain could have been dulled with painkillers, sedatives, anything to cut the nerves off and to numb this sensation. Yet no matter how matter how many times he asked them to sedate him, no matter how many pain killers he took, this pain... refused to go away.
Chester...
It was pointless. Why was he trying? Ever since the moment the weapons were pried from his hand, twisted into irreparable pieces, his mind had been empty, quiet, void of any presence. Even now, it felt lighter, as if something had been pried away, leaving a hole, a void.
Chester... tell me what I'm supposed to do.
He had done the right thing, hadn't he? This way, she wouldn't have to burden herself with him anymore.Every tear shed, every cry... he didn't have to see it anymore.He wouldn't have to worry about her trying to risk her life for him, wouldn't have to see her cry over his injuries, wouldn't have to see her get mad at his recklessness. Whatever he did... it wouldn't affect her, not anymore. It was better this way, wasn't it? This way, she would smile more, forget the unhappy memories, forget trying to befriend and save someone who was beyond hope.
Happiness? I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve you.
He imagined the nergal chastising him, scolding him for such negative thoughts. Everyone deserved some happiness, he would say, even self-centered jerks. Even self-centered jerks have a heart. Even self-centered jerks make mistakes, could feel pain, loss, sorrow, even they could feel joy, happiness, confidence, satisfaction. Even they, despite all the flaws they only saw themselves, were perfectly and utterly human.
'I'm anything but human' he would say. 'This burden I carry can never be lifted. I don't deserve to feel happiness again, not when my happiness caused others pain.' Despite what he said, the nergal only laughed, seeming to stroke his mind, chasing the unhappy thoughts away. 'Even monsters deserve happiness' he would say. 'No matter what you are, who you are, or what you've done, everyone deserves a little bit of happiness.' This thought process would continue until the hunter eventually wore himself out, and would continue calling the weapon simple and naive, but it never affected him.
"Everyone deserves a little happiness, Jake."
He opened his eyes, gaze distant, as he found himself still in his room, lying on his bed. Had he... drifted off at some point? He had been so tired and restless the past week, he found it surprising he could even sleep at all. But then, the pain was back, and he winced, cringing and panting as he clutched his chest, trying to make it go away. He had... never felt this way before... about anyone. He hadn't come here looking for friends, much less anything more, but... but she...
It felt like someone had poured gasoline inside of him and lit him on fire, everything burning , the flames unquenchable. He writhed in pain, gasping, trying to talk his mind out of such an irrational reaction.
She was never yours to begin with. She was just kind, wanting nothing but the best for everyone. She finally saw you as a burden, just as you wanted... so why are you acting this way now?
A familiar voice, but distant, echoed in his head.
'She loves you because you're you. She never wanted you to change, never wanted you to be someone else. She loves you for who you are.'
He still didn't understand these words. How could anyone like him for who he was? Even he didn't like himself, so how... could someone like her... see something in him?
He wanted to, he really wanted to accept her feeling, to reciprocate them, to let himself be loved once again, but... what had that led to in the past? Because he got selfish, because he wanted to hold onto that happiness just a little bit longer, they had to pay the price.
I won't make the same mistake again. I won't let someone get hurt because of me. Despite this, it still happened, to those he had to acknowledge as little more than acquaintances. Why didn't he learn his lesson? Why didn't he just keep his distance? His mind told him that it was the right choice to let her go. His heart refused to listen.
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."
He loved Sherry. This he finally came in terms with. But... there was no way she was going to come back, not after the way he treated her. But what if... what if he went back to her? Would she accept him then? But what if... what if she should reject him? What if she should finally understand that he wasn't good enough for her, that she finally realized this, and decided to find someone better, someone who wouldn't cause her such pain and heartbreak.
Part of him wanted to say that it wouldn't matter, it was never meant to be. They were two completely different people, living in two completely different worlds, and she would be better off finding someone more similar. So then... why did he want her back to badly? Why was it that when he finally pushed her away, he couldn't bear the thought of her missing from his life?
Though she... gave him this letter, she hadn't returned his gift. Did that mean... she still wanted to hope? Or was it just he that was hoping? Perhaps she found better use returning it, or throwing it away. Why should she return it? Why should it matter what she decided to do with it?
Even after all this time, arguing with himself, he finally came to terms with something. He was in love with Sherry. He wanted her. He needed her. She was the one thing that was still keeping him sane on this island, and now... with this last piece of happiness gone... what was left of him?
Chester... is it too late? Can I still fix what I've broken? Do I still deserve this happiness?
Complete utter silence.
Please help me. Someone. Save me from this despair.
Anyone...
Please...
...Save me...
Posted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:20 pm
Broken Promise ((Takes place after this and this and before this))
Shutting the door behind him, Jake crumpled to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest as he buried his face in them, shoulders shaking with hollow sobs. Chester... Chester dammit WHY? Why did he have to remember, why then, why did he have to say that? Even now, hands clutching his hair, he tried to make himself, no, force himself to remember, desperately screaming inside his head, trying, begging, hoping what he heard wasn't just a dream.
Chester, Chester please... I heard you... please tell me it wasn't a dream... Chester...
No response.
Chester, I know you're there! I HEARD YOU. You spoke to me, uttering your nonsense about happiness and stuff. If you want me to be happy, then speak!
Nothing.
CHESTER! I swear, if you don't say something in the next minute, no, next SECOND, I won't listen to a word you say ever again.
Wait, he never really did listen regardless.
Ok if you say something I promise I'll do WHATEVER YOU SAY. You know how I am with promises. I won't take back my word. You know me, Chester, so please...
Still no reply.
Ok, fine, FINE. STAY BROKEN. I'll just get myself a new weapon, a new partner. I'll find someone else to bond with because I can't do anything with A BROKEN WEAPON. You'd like that, huh? You never did like me, admit it. You hated me. I never listened to you, and I'm arrogant, selfish, reckless, of course you'd be happier without me. Isn't that why you're not responding? You want me to forget about you and move on, don't you? You want someone better, because you KNOW you could have done better, right?
For a moment, he thought he heard a voice, felt something, but it was only the growing migraine from him trying to concentrate too hard. It took some sort of effort to mentally scream at yourself, and he was already wearing himself out, face stained with tears as he was panting, hand still tearing at his hair, head aching from both the mental and physical strain.
No, of course not. Why would he respond? Why SHOULD he? Chester deserved someone better, deserved someone who'd cherish him more, who'd actually listen to him. He might have been nice to him, but he was sure that deep down, the nergal resented him. Who wouldn't? Even Sherry...
...Oh god Sherry. He remembered now, remembered how he woke up in her room, how he had... quite literally kicked her off the bed... on purpose. He knew he might end up kicking her, but not... quite so literally... and... ugh, after this, there was no way he could face her. After that night... he wasn't sure if they even ended up doing anything, but surely after something like that... he wasn't sure if she still wanted... no, of course not, that was stupid, thinking this could actually work out. Chester was wrong. He didn't deserve happiness. He never did.
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The night had been much too long, and it was only due to pure exhaustion he managed to get some sleep, even if nightmares and doubts plagued most of his dreams. He had fallen asleep still sitting on the ground, back against the door, and every part of him ached. He rubbed at his face, feeling the tears having dried and crusted and sighed, knowing he needed to wash his face before he even faced anyone.
Groaning, he got up, stretching to ease the ache in his back. He trudged over to his bed, he flopped down, face first in the pillow as he lay there, wondering how long he could stay like that before he needed air. Finally, his body protested, making him twitch, and he rolled over, gasping. He reached over the side of his bed to pull out a string bag, and pulled out a water bottle from inside. Not caring that he was getting water all over the place, he poured some into his hands, splashed his face with it, and drank the rest, tossing the empty bottle on the ground as he sat on the edge of the bed, water dripping down his face.
At that moment, his phone buzzed, making him jump as it was on his desk, and the vibration of it on the wooden table echoed through the whole room. Who in the world could be texting- oh. He supposed she regained her memories by now, and was probably... checking up on him. A quick flip open confirmed his suspicions.
... Chat? He wasn't quite sure what she wanted to talk to him about, but, if she remembered... No, his feelings for her hadn't changed, but... he sighed. Was it really the right thing to let her have this hope, that she'd be happy with him? Chester had said he was happy with him, and now... he didn't want the same thing to happen to Sherry. It would just be pain for a little while, but she'd be better off, wouldn't she? She deserved better. And so with a sigh, he reluctantly typed out a message.
GrnGriff
Text to Sherry: No, I have something to do, sorry.
A pause.
GrnGriff
Text to Sherry: And don't wait for me. Please.
His heart ached as he sent those messages, ached and begged him to reconsider, that he should have known what it did to him, denying himself of these feelings. But his desire to protect her and keep her safe was strong. If he was able to bring back Chester, then perhaps he would seek her out again, if she didn't forget and move on. If she did...
He swallowed, not wanting to know. He made this choice. He couldn't back down. And especially if he... if he failed. There was no way he would be able to face Sherry ever again, let alone even entertain any possibility of them being together. No. It was too risky. His gaze shifted from the phone to the broken remains of what was once his weapon. He knew what he had to do.
"It isn't defeat until everything has been taken from you, and if you own nothing to begin with, the boundary between your life and your death has absolutely no ******** significance." UNLOCKED
But regardless, there'd be times when he'd be up against opponents he had no chance of winning against. In such cases, it wasn't easy to just give up and ask for mercy. Doing that meant death. So if anything, he would learn how to deal with it. Learn to be stronger, stronger so that he wouldn't lose.
"And I'm telling you that that's wrong, Jake. Because I don't see bodies in uniforms, I see people. I see wonderful, complex people trying to make it in a place that isn't forgiving, trying to be the best of humanity even if they don't always act like it."
"What I'm saying is...if possible..., I want to...ask for a second chance." UNLOCKED
Eyes glanced over the two items placed before them. His tusk... was no longer a tusk, but was now a dagger, with runes etched into the blade. It still retained its curved shape, however, it no longer portrayed the animated images he once saw. Part of him would miss this, but... he had wanted a weapon, right? What good was a tusk that projected bloody images? UNLOCKED
Side Blessings: Unlocked (25/44)
Hearing a click, he turned around, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a gun.
Dropping to his knees, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, muffling his sobs as he buried his face into her shoulder. UNLOCKED
"Jake. I found you nearly beaten to death on the streets. That kinda tells me what kind of life you'll be going back to if I let you leave." "So? It doesn't concern you." "Jake!" UNLOCKED
He was covered in blood, the same brilliant crimson he had witnessed on the screen, and in his hand, a knife. UNLOCKED
They deserved what they had coming to them. UNLOCKED
He was panting heavily, blade dripping of the liquid surrounding him. UNLOCKED
They had taken everything, and yet, he was still forced to live. Forced to live this empty hollow life. UNLOCKED
he feels he can learn to let go, learn to start anew. He found happiness once again, and with this, he was content.
"Please... promise me... you won't... do anything..." UNLOCKED
A song which spoke of empowerment, hope, love, a song that many knew, yet never took the time to let the lyrics sink in.
They betrayed him. They said they would help him, protect him, keep him safe from the others, and yet, who was it they were protecting him from? UNLOCKED
The day he beat Ofelia... he grinned. What a day it would be.
"It's so easy to destroy things, to take away, to kill... but to protect something? It's so much harder." UNLOCKED
"There are no second chances in this world. Not in this life."
He felt himself getting drowsy, and while she laughed, she never stopped humming, placing a hand on his head, a quiet nod.
Catching his look, the two teens' eyes widened, and they fled.
It sickened him to see how weak and fragile she looked, this woman, who was always full of energy, full of joy... and now... UNLOCKED
It wasn't an item to signify the beginning of their relationship, but their last. UNLOCKED
"If anything, I'm glad I was able to protect you for this long..." UNLOCKED
"This job isn't exactly a walk in the park. Hunters die everyday." UNLOCKED
He wouldn't back down anymore. He wouldn't lose. UNLOCKED
He didn't care that they were cornered in, didn't care that they might be fighting a losing battle, didn't care that figuring out the effect of these runes and monuments might give them an edge in battle.
"If you still believe in those kind of fairytales, then I suggest you wake up, RIGHT NOW." UNLOCKED
Deny not the goddess
Chester's voice still screaming in his head, abruptly cutting off the moment the horseman twisted the tonfas in two, dropping the broken remains on the ground. UNLOCKED
The voices of Sam and Mark filtered through the headset, but Jake already had his eyes set on a particular horseman. Him.
Something inside him snapped, and using all the strength he had left, he shoved the hunter off him and had her pinned down instead, tonfas dangerously close to her face.
It had gotten him almost killed once, and he had no intention of repeating the same mistake again
"If you're not careful, you can get hurt, or harmed."
"You really don't get it. Think about it. After everything. Everything, and I'm still standing here telling you that I like you." UNLOCKED
Jake looked down at the mission report in front of him, and sighed heavily. Bags dumped in a corner, he had already changed back into his usual clothes, and made sure to hide Sherry’s present before she came over. Though he had expected her to change, it still saddened him slightly to see that she was out of the dress so soon, but she seemed to still be wearing his sweater.
The rest of the evening had been spent working on their reports mostly in silence, though there had been the occasional chatter and breaks consisting of back rubs and Sherry draping over his shoulder as he worked. After a while, Sherry had fell asleep on his bed, while he was still sifting through the rest of his paperwork, seeming to have let it build up ever since the Sahara mission.
Making sure Sherry was fast asleep, he pulled open his drawer, pulling out the pair of earrings he had gotten her for Christmas. It was still some time ‘til then, but he hoped Sherry would like it. After that hectic shopping mission, he was glad he had found time to get her something, and he opened the box, smiling softly. Though he didn’t know her taste in jewelry, the pair of earrings had reminded him of palm leaves, even though the clerk had told him they were based off feathers. Either way, it made him think of life. Not just the division, but life in general. A tree sprouted its first leaves in Spring, went into full bloom in summer, began shedding its leaves in Autumn, and lost them all in Winter. One would think the bare tree looked dead, but when Spring came again, the leaves and flowers began to bloom once more. He knew that no matter what happened, Sherry would be just fine. She had been through worse, surely, so whatever happened to him…
Closing the box, he placed it back on the table, eyes glazing over the pair of keys, a familiar black lock attached to them.
Chester…
He touched the keys, pulling back his hand instantly as a jolt of electricity shocked it. Static?
Chester?
Grasping the keys, he pulled them close, staring at them.
What do you mean “stop?” Don’t you know how hard I’ve been trying to get you back? Why won’t you respond to me when I call to you? Chester! <…Stop d…> No, I won’t stop! It’s my fault I got you into this mess, it’s my fault you got broken. I’m… I’m weak… but I’m trying! I’m doing my best to re-summon you again, so why isn’t it working! Tell me! <…Stop… d…> Why? Why are you telling me to stop this? Is it… is it because I’m… I’m not good enough? Am I the reason you don’t want to come back? Chester! CHESTER!!
The voice went silent, and no matter how many times he cried out, it didn’t return.
C-Chester…
Exhausted, she slumped over, clutching his head as he grit his teeth. DAMN IT ALL! He fought titans, went on patrols, did a mission, what was he still lacking? Was his mental link with Chester not strong enough? Was he still too weak? Or did Chester not…
… No, after thinking everything was hopeless, he heard Chester once again, if but faintly. But why did he tell him to stop? Did he not want to come back? Did he not… want him as a partner anymore? Of course, he didn’t blame him. He had constantly berated Chester, rarely listened to him, and purposely did things to grate on his nerves, all for his own personal amusement, and though the nergal had said he held no ill will towards him for it, Jake could only wonder how high as tolerance really was. Surely he must have hated him deep down, considering he couldn’t hear his weapon’s thoughts, not unless he voiced it, so surely, he harboured some sort of hate for him. Was all of this in vain? He already had a feeling it was, that even after all this, Chester wouldn’t come back, and Caelius would make sure to finish it off for good this time. If that was so, why was he still trying so hard?
Perhaps, deep down, he still hoped. Hoped that when Sherry said everything was fine, it would be. Hoped that the nergal’s words were true when he said he actually cared about him. Countless times Chester had worried for him, especially when he got into trouble himself. But surely even he had a limit to how much stubbornness he could put up with.
Jake slumped down, resting his head on the table top. Or perhaps, it was just a way for him to cope with it. Doing something, even if in vain, was better than doing nothing and wait for your execution. It took his mind off things, and with the patrols keeping him busy, it helped ease the pain in his heart. He only hoped that Sherry wouldn’t take it too hard when things didn’t go as planned.
After Sherry left, he had finished up the rest of the mission reports, and slumped back in his chair, letting out a sigh. Finally. He linked his fingers together and stretched his arms, letting out a groan. Even with training, the constant patrols and spars were taking a toll on him, and even his body was starting to protest to every little moment. Though, in a way, it brought some sort of comfort knowing that he could still feel pain. Pain meant one was still alive, still able to feel, and it meant he still had a chance. As the saying went, no pain, no gain.
Staring at the ceiling for a few more minutes, he stretched once more, and sat up straight. Alright, time to get these suckers in, and get back to training. He gave each one a quick look-over, and when satisfied, he gathered them up, tapping them on the desk to straighten them. Ok, all ready to-
Thump
Jake's hand had brushed against something, and he was started by the sound as it hit the ground. Puzzled, he put the reports down and turned his head, looking down at the worn-out book lying on the floor. What... was this? He knelt down to pick it up, flipping it over in his hands and stared at the title. ... why did he have such a thing?
Fingers slowly traced over the imprinted words, and holding the book with one hand, he lifted the other to the necklace around his neck. Well, it would explain why he had this. He didn't seem like religious person, and neither did Sherry, so who...
Flipping to the first page, he froze, eyes fixed on the photo taped inside, and the faded message scribbled inside. This... this was...
"Jake. I found you nearly beaten to death on the streets. That kinda tells me what kind of life you'll be going back to if I let you leave."
The woman was grabbing his arm, a desperate look in her eye, and he merely shook it off, glaring.
"So? It doesn't concern you."
"Jake!"
The pain in her eyes made his own heart ache, but he had made up his mind, and without a second thought, he turned, the door closing behind him.
He feels he can learn to let go, learn to start anew. He found happiness once again, and with this, he was content.
She was stubborn, and insistent, and at times, it frustrated him to no end, but her persistence had pierced through the shield he had set up, had penetrated deep into his core, breaking up the bitter hatred he felt. For once, there was hope. For once-
Hearing a click, he turned around, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a gun.
No matter where he went, no matter how hard he tried to hide, they still found him. Found him, and...
Dropping to his knees, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, muffling his sobs as he buried his face into her shoulder.
It was like watching a movie, a scene out of a fictional character's life. This couldn't be him. Couldn't be real. Just when he was about to... Why? WHY?!
"Please... promise me... you won't... do anything..."
The woman looked frail, weak. She looked more like a broken doll than a human being. A doll the world had neglected, tossed aside. Was he the child that showed it such negligence?
It sickened him to see how weak and fragile she looked, this woman, who was always full of energy, full of joy... and now...
It was a dream. A lie. No one would go that far for a nobody like him. Someone with such an ambitious hope and dream would never toss that all aside for someone they barely knew.
But then she smiled.
"N-no, stop..."
"If anything, I'm glad I was able to protect you for this long..."
"STOP!!"
His eyes were squeezed shut, each breath shaky and heavy. He clutched his head with both hands and gasped, as sweat trickled down his face, chest aching.
Why... why did he have to remember? Why did he have to remember her kindness? Why did she have to go and do something like that? Why did she have to save someone like him? Even though he tried to push the memory away, it all came back, every little detail. The lifeless body in his arms, her blood staining his clothes. The pointless promise she asked of him. Even when he had thought he could put the past behind it, the world had reared its ugly head, reminding him that hope and happiness were for the naive and stupid. Hope and despair. Everything had a balance. If he wished to escape his fate, another would have to take his place.
It was because of her he was still alive, because of her he was given another chance. He wouldn't waste it, wouldn't squander this opportunity. He would get back Chester, and fulfill his promise. But even with this, would he ever be free from this sin? And Sherry...
He straightened up, and leaned against the table as he flipped through the book, the pages faded and some torn, but the words were still somewhat intact. Flipping back to the first page, his hand touched the photo, finger gently caressing the image of the woman.
"Catherine..."
It had been a year, two if he counted the time he was in the pod, and yet each memory still seemed fresh in his mind. He remembered the happy and sad moments, but more importantly, he remembered how he had felt towards her.
He exhaled sharply, and rested his head against the table. It was time to sever all ties.
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