All and Sundry
It is unhealthy? Of course.
Do some have serious issues that should require therapy? Of course.
Does that make it any less fun? No.
Many cases of BDSM are abuse. Nothing wrong as long as both people are fine with it.
MiameMiame
I gave you two examples of how you could reply and not tell the whole internet about your bed preferences (though those bed preferences are obvious by now, since you are trying so hard to defend the BDSM community).
I'd also like to point out the traditionally accepted signs of abuse, available many places, but here's one for
viewing pleasure.
Now, onto the signs, for those to lazy to clicky.
SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Quote:
Do you:
feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?
My answers;
Nah, he's not fear inducing much at all for me.
I don't avoid certain topics out of fear, but out of plain respect because I don't want to upset him. I don't talk about abortion with my dad because he doesn't like it, and becomes very emotional so out of respect I don't mention it.
I feel like I can do quite a few things right for my hubbs, he's actually quite easy to please.
I don't deserve to be hit, or mistreated, but
I like being spanked.
I have no doubts that I can be considered crazy, but I don't think that I am truly able to be considered crazy in medical terms, and don't identify myself as being crazy.
I'd think that it's rather obvious that I don't feel numb, as I've expressed my emotions here. I am also not helpless, nor consider myself to be. I can leave. I can stop it. I just have no desire to because it doesn't distress me any.
Quote:
Does your partner:
humiliate or yell at you?
criticize you and put you down?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for their own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Nope, in fact name calling is one of his hard limits.(negative name-calling anyway.)
He's not fond of putting anyone down, and I think in many ways he often likes to build me up too much. I don't really see being able to sew, bake, or crochet as being particularly impressive, but he likes to boast about my abilities in each.
Nope, my family is pretty much free to come over whenever they want, though checking first is nice, so we're not having sex, and are at home.(My brother's come over and waited four hours when we weren't home.)
No, he actually values my opinions quite a bit. When he comes home from work he often talks about his day and asks me often if his reactions and what he said were appropriate.
Lolnopes. He often thinks he's being abusive, and blames himself, but he's not.
An lolnopes. He actually has a great problem with Owner/owned type D/s, so me being his property is laughable. His house is his property. His car is his property. His glasses are his property. His son, his cats, myself? We are family, not property.
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Quote:
Does your partner:
have a bad and unpredictable temper?
act excessively jealous and possessive?
hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
control where you go or what you do?
threaten to take your children away or harm them?
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
force you to have sex?
destroy your belongings?
constantly check up on you?
No, he actually, according to people who know him as an acquaintance say that he appears to have little or no emotions. He does, but the changes are very subtle, and for me, very predictable.
Lolnopes. He's never, as far as I can remember, acted jealous or possessive of me. He does, however, cling to me in social situations because he hates them.
Hurt me? Yes, because I ask for him to. Not like, by "disobeying" him, but like "I wanna be spanked, spanky?". He has never threatened to hurt or kill me, however.
To some degree, he does control where I go, because I don't drive, and if I need to be picked up, it needs to be some place that he can get to. By and large he doesn't control what I do. I am required to keep house and cook food, but considering I don't work, seems reasonable.
He's never threatened to take my little monster away or to harm him.
Actually, no, he encourages me to see my family, including the ones I really don't like, such as my older sister and brother.
He didn't threaten it, but once, many years ago when his depression wasn't controlled, did admit that "If you leave, I have no reason to live." He hasn't done that since then, and we have broken up after the breakup mentioned.
Limits my access to his money. Again, reasonable, he works, I don't. I have pretty much unlimited access to the phone and has told me, that if I wanted to drive(and he wants me to drive) that he would let me use his car and he would teach me.
He's never forced me to have sex. I have had sex unwillingly, like when I was sick, because he wanted it, but I was never forced. I could have said "No, get acquainted with Mr.left."
He has never intentionally destroyed my belongings. He's done it on accident - like once he managed to shatter my pumice stone by dropping it in our metal tub. But he not only apologized, but went out and bought a replacement the same day.
He does kinda check up on me constantly, as according to some. I don't find his check-ins to be obtrusive or violent. It's usually a text - how are you, whaddaya doin, are you makin' dinner? Such of that nature.
To go over it again:
Quote:
It Is Still Abuse If...
The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.
Nope, none of that.
Quote:
Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse
Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes:
Rigidly controlling your finances
Withholding money or credit cards
Making you account for every penny you spend
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter)
Restricting you to an allowance
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career
Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
Stealing from you or taking your money
He doesn't control my money, outside of what I give to him as a part of our rent-to-own.
I have my own money and bank cards, my credit is shot so I can't have credit cards.
Doesn't hold me accountable for every dollar, let lone penny.
Never withheld food, clothing, meds, shelter.
I'm not restricted to an allowance.
He doesn't prevent me from working, my disabilities prevent me from working.
Never sabotaged my job, when I had one.
Has never stolen money from me, and actually doesn't like taking money from me when I offer it up.
So yah. But I have to go utilize the throne for a bit, so I'll be gone for a few minutes.
