BDSM: Y'all got issues

[Alexander J Luthor]

Super 9-Volt

Squirtlefart

RyaZombie

Squirtlefart

If you think BDSM is a form of unhealthy abuse you need to do more research TBH.

Agreed. Although I very much doubt she did much, if any research.

The only BDSM she knows is probably the BDSM off of 50 Shades. and it's not BDSM, it's... abuse.

Just out of curiosity, how is the BDSM from 50 Shades of Gray abuse? I have zero interest in BDSM in general and I've never read the 50 Shades series but I'm neutral towards both of them. Don't be afraid to reveal spoilers if you need to.

As for the topic on hand, OP's off her rocker. There's already been a few people in here that participate in it that have gone over what it's about. It just sounds like OP's got a case of "Stop liking what I don't like and understand!"

If you'd like the best example, I'll give you this: GEHAYI and KET MAKURA spork FSoG, chapter 12 part 1. There's a table of contents at the bottom, but 12 is noted to be one of THE WORST chapters, followed by 16, though the book in its entirety is pretty damn horrible. I mean s**t, he practically rapes her at HIS PARENTS' HOUSE. "How is that worse than twelve," you ask? By all means, check this crap out. The review has actual text from the book.

Hell, I'll give you a snippet right from the top of this chapter if you're not sure you want to read. WARNING: it's ******** up.

Quote:

I need to tell him what’s okay and what isn’t. I need to email him my thoughts, and then we can discuss these on Wednesday.

HYPERVENTILATION: 74

KET: HE IS JUST GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT HE WANTS—NAMELY, TO BREAK YOU AT HIS HEEL.

GEHAYI: Ana heads back to the apartment, commenting that “Kate has been shopping, as only she can, for clothes for her holiday to Barbados” because Ana, despite being American, is unaware that an American would say “her vacation to Barbados” instead.

KEY AND TRUMPETS: 20

She then complains that Kate trying on clothes couldn’t make her “feel any more inadequate.” Because everything is all about her. After taking the time to tear down another woman for no reason, Ana sends an email to Gaston:

Okay, I’ve seen enough.

It was nice knowing you.

Ana

KET: Which is the smartest thing she does in the whole book.

GEHAYI: Now, Ana has been pretty appalled by BDSM for the past couple of chapters, so her email is more than credible. The problem is that her previously stated plan was to go through the contract and negotiate for what she wanted. So telling Gaston “OH HELL NO” makes no sense. And Ana’s next statement makes even less:

I press send, hugging myself, laughing at my little joke.

KET: Uh…what’s the…joke? Was she just kidding about saying no?

GEHAYI: According to her, yes. But…WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS? Seriously, WHY? This is not a man who takes rejection well! And it’s not as if turning down a relationship that you want BEFORE you negotiate its boundaries is a great idea! Not to mention that once Ana realizes that Gaston won’t like that message, she panics.

Will he find it as funny? Oh s**t – probably not. Christian Grey is not famed for his sense of humor. But I know it exists, I’ve experienced it. Perhaps I’ve gone too far.

BUT HE WAS SO NORMAL: 34

LOVE ME OR ELSE: 17

GEHAYI: Ana, if you’re scared of how he’s going to react to “No, I’m not interested,” that’s not a good sign.

KET: Does she not realize that tone doesn’t convey all that well through text? I would assume she meant exactly what she said, not that it was a joke! She didn’t even put “LOL” at the end!

GEHAYI: Apparently she does not! And Gaston does not answer. Ana—who remains an idiot—does not bother to send a second email telling him to ignore the first one or saying, “That was just my little joke.” Instead, she packs her books and then starts going through the contract line by line. You know—the contract that she just turned down?

Then, about a half hour later, this happens.

I don’t know why I glance up, maybe I catch a slight movement from the corner of my eye, I don’t know, but when I do, he’s standing in the doorway of my bedroom watching me intently.


BUT HE WAS SO NORMAL: 35

KET: That is so ******** creepy. Does she not realize that’s how horror movies start?!

GEHAYI: And it gets worse. Ana assumes that Kate let him in. WRONG. As a matter of fact, when Kate finds out that Gaston was in the apartment, she assumes that Ana invited him over and let him in. Ergo, neither of them did.

KET: Ergo, he broke in. ERGO, ONE OF THEM SHOULD CALL THE COPS RIGHT ******** NOW.

[aidyn devereaux]

H_O_L_I_K_O_O

Whether you like it or not you have issues if you are into BDSM.

The actual psychological community says you're full of it.

Quote:

"Conclusion. Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with “normal” sex."
Richters, J., de Visser, R. O., Rissel, C. E., Grulich, A. E., & Smith, A. A. (2008 ). Demographic and psychosocial features of participants in bondage and discipline, 'sadomasochism' or dominance and submission (BDSM): Data from a national survey. Journal Of Sexual Medicine, 5(7), 1660-1668.

Quote:

"Although psychoanalytic literature suggests that high levels of certain types of psychopathology should be prevalent among BDSM practitioners, this sample failed to produce widespread, high levels of psychopathology on psychometric measures of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsion, psychological sadism, psychological masochism, or PTSD. In fact, on measures of clinical psychopathology and severe personality pathology, this sample appeared to be comparable to both published test norms and to DSMIV-TR estimates for the general population."
Connolly, P. H. (2006). Psychological Functioning of Bondage/Domination/Sado-Masochism (BDSM) Practitioners. Journal Of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 18(1), 79-120.

Quote:

"Therapists believed that an accepting, nonjudgmental attitude toward BDSM was the most crucial element of cultural competence. Every therapist we interviewed discussed this issue. Some described situations in which clients had been alienated or traumatized by the unaccepting or judgmental attitudes of previous therapists:"
Lawrence, A. A., & Love-Crowell, J. (2008 ). Psychotherapists' experience with clients who engage in consensual sadomasochism: A qualitative study. Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy, 34(1), 63-81.

Quote:

“Regarding the major personality dimensions, our findings suggest that BDSM participants as a group are, compared with non-BDSM participants, less neurotic, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, yet less agreeable. BDSM participants also were less rejection sensitive, whereas female BDSM participants had more confidence in their relationships, had a lower need for approval, and were less anxiously attached compared with non-BDSM participants. Finally, the subjective well-being of BDSM participants was higher than that of the control group. Together, these findings suggest that BDSM practitioners are characterized by greater psychological and interpersonal strength and autonomy, rather than by psychological maladaptive characteristics.”
Van Assen, M. Wismeijer, A., (2013). Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners. Journal of sexual medicine, 10(8 ), 1943-1952. ⊱

H_O_L_I_K_O_O

I don't care if you are offended because if we all stopped saying stuff because someone would get offended I don't think our nation would've come to where we are today.

Your opinion =/= fact. According to psychological studies, BDSM practitioners are more healthy, mentally, than you vanilla folk are.

H_O_L_I_K_O_O

I read this whole article about this woman's BDSM fetish and lifestyle and trying to say that it was a healthy lifestyle...

Because it is.

H_O_L_I_K_O_O

This whole article made me feel like someone was trying to make excuses to stay with their abusive good for nothing partner.

Article ink? After all, you don't actually expect people to take your word for it, do you? I'll venture a guess and say you don't even know what abuse is to know the difference.

Just gonna make this easier on myself and quote this from the Lick My Boots thread:

BlackroseMule

Is BDSM Abuse?....NO!

BDSM is an intense mix dominance, sexuality, and sometimes violence, but this does not make it inherently abusive!

Abuse is a wretched, terrible, act that tears apart families, and kills people. Abuse should never be tolerated by anyone, anywhere at anytime. Period. End of story. If you are being abused this is a great place to seek help! You can escape!

BDSM and abuse are confused often by those outside of the lifestyle. Bruises are bruises right? WRONG! There is one giant, marked difference between BDSM and abuse. That simple, two syllable, seven letter word again; CONSENT! This is also where the credos Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) come from. Consensual, is in both of these credos. If something you do not like is happening in your relationship you have every right to have it stop; be you slave, submissive, pet or vanilla person.

ashes_of_phoenix

BDSM activities are ALWAYS Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Abuse is NEVER safe, NEVER sane, and NEVER consensual.

BDSM follows established rules. Abuse has no rules.

BDSM is negotiated for the safety of both partners. Abuse is NEVER negotiated.

BDSM activities are used for mutual pleasure. Abuse is used to terrorize, frighten and control.

In BDSM, safewords can be used to stop any activity. If someone is being abused they cannot stop what is happening to them.

BDSM activities are about pleasure and being connected. Abuse is about power and control.

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE ---END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Leather Association:International

NLA-I Domestic Violence Project Website: http://www.nlaidvproject.us/

What Abuse Looks Like! Know It! Stop It From Happening To You And Others!

As stated above abuse is not tolerated in this thread, or anywhere else for that matter. If you are in an abusive situation please form a safe plan of action to get out. There is always hope and the violence will end!

National Domestic Violence Hotline
Domestic Violence International Resources

What is Domestic Violence? National Domestic Violence Help Line

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner [without that partners informed consent].

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person [done without that person's informed consent]. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. [BDSM is meant for mutual enjoyment of partners, not the above.]

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner [does these things to you without your informed consent]:

* Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
* Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
* Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
* Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
* Does not want you to work.
* Controls finances or refuses to share money.
* Punishes you by withholding affection.
* Expects you to ask permission.
* Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
* Humiliates you in any way.
[* Disrespected your use of a safeword.]

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever [done these things to you without your informed consent]:

* Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
* Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
* Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
* Scared you by driving recklessly.
* Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
* Forced you to leave your home.
* Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
* Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
* Hurt your children.
* Used physical force in sexual situations.
[* Disrespected your use of a safeword.]

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner [does these things without your informed consent]:

* Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
* Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
* Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
* Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
* Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
* Held you down during sex.
* Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
* Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
* Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
* Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
[* Disrespected your use of a safeword.]

What Can Each Of Us Do?

* Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence.

* Speak out publicly against domestic violence.

* Take action personally against domestic violence when a neighbor, a co-worker, a friend, or a family member is involved or being abused.

* Encourage your neighborhood watch or block association to become as concerned with watching out for domestic violence as with burglaries and other crimes.

* Reach out to support someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic violence and/or talk with a person you believe is being abusive.

* Help others become informed, by inviting speakers to your church, professional organization, civic group, or workplace.

* Support domestic violence counseling programs and shelters. Source - Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook

H_O_L_I_K_O_O

Also for those people who think I am norrow minded: If I accepted everything everyone said I think I would be in jail or in a mental instituiton. Have some common sense for god's sake!

Not narrow-minded just uneducated.

[aidyn devereaux]

Super 9-Volt

Squirtlefart

RyaZombie

Squirtlefart

If you think BDSM is a form of unhealthy abuse you need to do more research TBH.

Agreed. Although I very much doubt she did much, if any research.

The only BDSM she knows is probably the BDSM off of 50 Shades. and it's not BDSM, it's... abuse.

Just out of curiosity, how is the BDSM from 50 Shades of Gray abuse? I have zero interest in BDSM in general and I've never read the 50 Shades series but I'm neutral towards both of them. Don't be afraid to reveal spoilers if you need to.

As for the topic on hand, OP's off her rocker. There's already been a few people in here that participate in it that have gone over what it's about. It just sounds like OP's got a case of "Stop liking what I don't like and understand!"

There is a looong list of things wrong with it that make it abuse. i'm gonna just post my favorite 'list' from a blog because it breaks the books down.

Quote:

Part One: Problematic Treatment of Consent in the books

1. Ignoring consent

2. Reacting to the sentiment “no, I don’t want to have sex with you right now” by threatening to tie the speaker up, taking their clothes off, and… having sex with them.

3. Not treating safewords as important

4. Not treating contracts as important

5. Joking about the importance of safewords and contracts in a D/s relationship

6. Having a partner sign a D/s contract without telling them it isn’t legally binding

7. Not exploring and explaining limits

8. Forcibly preventing a partner from learning about their limits

9. Forcibly preventing a partner from learning about a sexual practice you are encouraging them to engage in

10. Making a romantic relationship dependent on indulging non-mutual kinks

11. Taking sexual advantage of someone who is intoxicated

12. Refusing to allow a partner to masturbate

13. Pushing someone who has never experienced any sexual interest, including maturbation, into a sexual relationship immediately after meeting them

14. Pushing someone who has never experienced any sexual interest, including masturbation, into a kinky sexual relationship immediately after meeting them despite the fact that they have no knowledge about kink

15. Refusing to allow that partner any trustworthy source of knowledge about those kinks other than yourself

16. Forcing a partner to make specific decisions about birth control based on your preferences

Part Two: Other Abusive Content in the books

17. Reading a partner’s email and phone messages without their knowledge or consent

18. Physically hurting a partner without their informed consent

19. Physically hurting a partner even though it causes them fear

20. Controlling who a partner can and cannot spend time with outside of the relationship

21. Showing up at someone’s house after they’ve literally just emailed you to say they don’t want to see you anymore

22. Routinely forcing a partner to eat when they don’t want to.

Part Three: Problematic Treatment of Women and other minority groups, Feminist Fails

23. The perpetuation of the idea that a woman has no libido or sexual desire of her own until it is “awoken” by a desirable man

24. The man as aggressor and the woman as, essentially, prey

25. Refusal to utter the word “v****a,” instead referring to female genitalia as “down there,” despite the fact that male genitals are described frequently and in often-bizarrely-metaphorical detail

26. A female character who is just so skinny and naturally feminine that she forgets to eat all the time! That’s… that’s not what people do. If you regularly forget to eat, you might have an eating disorder. And you definitely need to get that looked into.

27. The good-girl cures bad-boy trope

28. Stating marriage, babies, heteronormative normalcy as the ultimate goal for a young woman and lots and lots of kinky sex with multiple partners as the ultiamte goal for a young man

29. Racial stereotyping of a young man of color (the only vaguely significant character of color) as a scary probable rapist who nice white girls must be protected from, despite the fact that his behavior (which I am totally not condoning) is much less sexually predatory than that of the white male love interest

30. Complete erasure of queer people of all types

31. Typing- that is, the idea that a man only likes women of one physical “type,” and thus that his only possible interest in these women is their physical appearance, not their personalities or anything else

32. Excusing the rape of a young boy by a woman. The one good thing the female main character does in the series is condemn the woman who raped her partner when he was 14 and question his continuing relationship with her. However, he completely laughs off her objections and the overall plot of the books somewhat normalizes his sexual abuse.

33. Presenting the only dominant female character as a rapist

34. Treating female sexual pleasure and orgasm as something bizarre

35. Treating female sexual pleasure and orgasm as something belonging exclusively to a male partner, to bestow or not as he chooses

36. Presenting a character who has never felt sexual attraction to anyone, ever, and has never masturbated, as obviously heterosexual and ignoring the asexual spectrum completely

37. Consistent devaluing of female friendships

38. Painting the normal state of relationships as a dominant man and a submissive woman

Part Four: Kink-Shaming

39. Treating a partner’s kinks as something unpleasant to be barely tolerated

40. Someone seeking out a partner they know will barely tolerate their kinks because of internalized kink-shaming

41. Creating the sense that a character’s kinks must stem from some “reason” and thus the idea that kinks cannot be natural

42. Associating kinks with extreme trauma from early childhood

43. Treating a kink as something very embarassing, to be kept secret under threat of legal action

Part Five: General Shittiness

44. The phrase “laters, baby,” which is just obnoxious. And the whole “inner goddess” thing, which deserves a special nod for its sheer terribleness

45. Generally terrible writing.

46. Lack of aftercare. The whole second book’s plot could have been avoided if Christian weren’t genuinely a terrible Dom.

47. This one part where a female character puts her hair in pigtails to make herself look like a child to protect herself from the sexual aggression of her partner. And then he totally gets that that’s why she’s doing it, and says something along the lines of “that won’t protect you.” I actually cannot.

48. Plagiarism. Since when is it totes okay to make money off someone else’s copyrighted idea?

49. Coopting fanfiction and fanworks, by and large a feminist, queer-positive practice, to make money off an unfeminist, queer-erasing work

50. People are entering into D/s relationship based off the precepts the learned in this book, which is dangerous and frightening.
The bloggist adds commentary between sections, explaining a lot of her bullets, so do go read it because its very educational.

[Mari is INACTIVE]

I'm gonna TL;DR this because I don't feel like typing up a text wall, but here it is:

If you are into BDSM and are submissive you probably have some self esteem issues or history of abuse that you need to get help for. I have never seen or heard of a "sub" who does not suffer from depression, self-loathing, anxiety, or is a kind of abuse victim.

If you are into BDSM and you are dominant/sadist, you are a shitty person. If you get off on someone's suffering, you're a shitty person. If you think rape/abuse/***** is sexy, you're a shitty person. If you think men are superior to women, you are a shitty person.

[aidyn devereaux]

MarigoldMari

Its kind of like abuse with consent. Or is that exactly what it is. As somebody who was in it for four years, I can vouch that whoever is in BDSM or is interested does have some issues, and sometimes that's not entirely their fault.

The psychological community disagrees with you.

There is no abuse in consensual BDSM practices. If you were abused and your abuser pretended it was BDSM, then that is on your abuser for being a lying asshat.

MarigoldMari

Especially the submissive ones, they have problems and often I felt bad for every submissive I ever met (still do). They don't have self esteem no matter how confident some of them appear.

*snorts* Sounds like you're projecting your own personal issues onto others.

MarigoldMari

I have no problem with people who want to participate in it. However, I DO have a problem when the couple/polygamist group have children.[ That is not a good environment for a child, I don't give a s**t what you say.

A loving relationship where they take care of each other is not a good environment? You must have had some really screwed up childhood then, if you think showing love and care is 'bad'. By the way, the word is polyamorous.

MarigoldMari

Unless you're keeping it strictly in the bedroom. I don't consider light play BDSM, to be clear. I consider the lifestyle to be BDSM.

you not considering light play BDSM doesn't make it not BDSM. If your sex is not straight vanilla then its BDSM. You really should interact with actual members of the community before masking such outlandish accusations. My Mistress and i are friends with a polyamorous trio who have children. There is no overt actions done in front of the kiddies.

[Mystic White Raven]

I find it hilarious that people are saying submissives have self-confidence/anxiety/other issues. I am a sub who is very self-confident, enjoys being decisive, and am quite mentslly stable. I have many other sub friends who are equally strong and confident.

Some people do have things they deal with, but every single person on the planet has struggles they deal with. BDSM is not a cure for such things or our community would be much larger.

Thus far it seems people who speak nnegatively about bdsm have done no non-fiction research of their own. They rely on media, internet, and poorly written fantasy for their decision.

If you are going to tell me I am wrong about something, be prepared for a debate with facts, sources, and experience.

[Brain Weasels vAShitton]

..........lisa?

[RyaZombie]

Squirtlefart

RyaZombie

Squirtlefart

If you think BDSM is a form of unhealthy abuse you need to do more research TBH.

Agreed. Although I very much doubt she did much, if any research.

The only BDSM she knows is probably the BDSM off of 50 Shades. and it's not BDSM, it's... abuse.

There is so much wrong with that book, not even taking into consideration how bad the writing is. I tried to read it just to see what people were talking about, I could barely get through the first chapter. The main character is about as interesting as a rock, and has about as much personality.

[DaniRhapsody]

MarigoldMari

Its kind of like abuse with consent. Or is that exactly what it is. As somebody who was in it for four years, I can vouch that whoever is in BDSM or is interested does have some issues, and sometimes that's not entirely their fault. Especially the submissive ones, they have problems and often I felt bad for every submissive I ever met (still do). They don't have self esteem no matter how confident some of them appear.

I have no problem with people who want to participate in it. However, I DO have a problem when the couple/polygamist group have children. That is not a good environment for a child, I don't give a s**t what you say. Unless you're keeping it strictly in the bedroom. I don't consider light play BDSM, to be clear. I consider the lifestyle to be BDSM.

.....what?

BDSM = consent
ABUSE =/= consent

So again, what?!

[llamallamaducky]

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

[Silquestnocte]

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

So, what exactly are you so against? Roleplaying? BDSM in general? Women enjoying sex in general?

I'm sorry, I can't tell from your post.

[llamallamaducky]

Silenced Nocturne

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

So, what exactly are you so against? Roleplaying? BDSM in general? Women enjoying sex in general?

I'm sorry, I can't tell from your post.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed, I'm not against that.
Roleplaying is up to the couple. If they want to swing from the chandeliers that's up to them.

I'm against the idea that women fantasize about being held down, tied up against their will to be engaged in sexual activity. Anyone who has truly been taken advantage of against their will knows how confusing/upsetting/emotionally damaging that is. I'm against encouraging men and women alike to practice taking advantage of one another. That should not be societally acceptable, and it's not. I don't care if they call it fun, it's nothing to be made fun of or to be taken lightly.

[Silquestnocte]

llamallamaducky

Silenced Nocturne

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

So, what exactly are you so against? Roleplaying? BDSM in general? Women enjoying sex in general?

I'm sorry, I can't tell from your post.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed, I'm not against that.
Roleplaying is up to the couple. If they want to swing from the chandeliers that's up to them.

I'm against the idea that women fantasize about being held down, tied up against their will to be engaged in sexual activity. Anyone who has truly been taken advantage of against their will knows how confusing/upsetting/emotionally damaging that is. I'm against encouraging men and women alike to practice taking advantage of one another. That should not be societally acceptable, and it's not. I don't care if they call it fun, it's nothing to be made fun of or to be taken lightly.

Oh, okay, that's what I thought you were trying to say, but I wanted to be sure.

But BDSM =/= abuse.

Any sub who is being tied up, is doing it completely on their terms. Because a sub is only a sub because they want to be a sub, they give that power temporarily to the dom. The moment they decide that they don't want to be in this position any more, they can walk away. No one is taking advantage on anyone else. If they are, then they're in an abusive relationship that has a BDSM sticker on it. Labeling it something it isn't does not make it what it has been labeled.

Also not all of BDSM involves bondage, although it seems to be fairly prevalent from what I can tell as a non-practitioner.

Abuse on the other hand, is non-consensual, and I agree that no one should have to go through it. Ever.

BDSM is something that takes place between two (or more) fully consenting partners. They know what they're getting into, likely have done their research, and should have communicated with the other(s) with what they are okay with doing, and what is off limits. They are doing it for mutual pleasure, no one is taking advantage of anyone else.

I probably didn't explain that very well, but the BDSM thread here (the giant one entitled "Lick my boots" wink is a wonderful resource if you want to learn more.

[Jason0690]

llamallamaducky

Silenced Nocturne

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

So, what exactly are you so against? Roleplaying? BDSM in general? Women enjoying sex in general?

I'm sorry, I can't tell from your post.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed, I'm not against that.
Roleplaying is up to the couple. If they want to swing from the chandeliers that's up to them.

I'm against the idea that women fantasize about being held down, tied up against their will to be engaged in sexual activity. Anyone who has truly been taken advantage of against their will knows how confusing/upsetting/emotionally damaging that is. I'm against encouraging men and women alike to practice taking advantage of one another. That should not be societally acceptable, and it's not. I don't care if they call it fun, it's nothing to be made fun of or to be taken lightly.

That's not even remotely all of BDSM ._.
I'm pretty sure that my husband - who was raped - would be more offended at your analogy that BDSM is just like rape.

In BDSM you have just as much control, if not a little more than in 'nilla sex. I don't even have to explain why I used my safe word until well after the fact, and it's usually just curiosity in why he questions me.

I'm not held down, I'm not forced to do anything, I'm not being taken advantage of. Tied down? yes, occasionally, but If I could tie myself down and masturbate, I'd totally do that.

I'm sure someone is going to jump on the wagon stating that he was raped so he became a rapist, lolnope. He got into this because I asked him. Because I liked being spanked. Because I tried to show him that it's not abuse.