BDSM: Y'all got issues

[Blackrose_The_Knight]

llamallamaducky

Silenced Nocturne

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

So, what exactly are you so against? Roleplaying? BDSM in general? Women enjoying sex in general?

I'm sorry, I can't tell from your post.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed, I'm not against that.
Roleplaying is up to the couple. If they want to swing from the chandeliers that's up to them.

I'm against the idea that women fantasize about being held down, tied up against their will to be engaged in sexual activity. Anyone who has truly been taken advantage of against their will knows how confusing/upsetting/emotionally damaging that is. I'm against encouraging men and women alike to practice taking advantage of one another. That should not be societally acceptable, and it's not. I don't care if they call it fun, it's nothing to be made fun of or to be taken lightly.

But what if I orgasm like no tomorrow if I can't move? It keeps me from squirming and resisting the full orgasm.

I assure you, any power I give a person, male or female, over me, when I submit, is earned. I don't submit to ERRYBODY, I submit to trusted individuals I know will care for me if I chose to giv give up power for a few hours. I am actively very assertive in my life and how I live. Its wonderful to stop being assertive and just be lazy for a bit.

Just like consensual sex isn't rape. Consensually giving power away (and eventually retaking that) isn't abuse because I retain everything I lost when I say so. Simply because it appears rapey, doesn't make it rapey. Consent is a strict, and abided rule in BDSM. My boyfriend, and Dom says "Rabidly, and fanatically consent oriented."

I am sorry if you had some sort of sexual assault. That should never happen, to anybody. Period. But what I participate in, is NOT sexual assault. Not in the least bit. Perhaps the motions have been used to assault others, but I am not being assaulted. I am experiencing a mutual, consensual, sexually fulfilling experience. And you are right, if I was taken against my will, and tied up without my consent (as apposed to with my consent) it would be an entirely different story. I am a fighter, I kick, bite, scratch, and scream. When startled I take a fighting stance.

Also, when you say "welp they didn't use the safeword they desrve it lulzlulz" You are implying the Dom is a shitty, inattentive, t**t, wailing on a sub. BDSM encourages, and enforces personal responsibility for your pleasure. Its the subs JOB to speak up if something is getting to hard. Its the Doms JOB to pay attention to the sub and make sure everything is okay. Why would I TRUST a lazy, half assed Dom with a flogger let alone a steak knife at dinner? Or do you think we are inept and mentally addled?

What you are inferring with your statement here is a gross lack of self awareness and self preservation. If you think this so, these same people should not be working out for they are too impaired (for some reason) to listen to their own bodies and know when to rest or when they have torn a muscle or sprained an ankle.

I encourage you to ask me questions about my submission. I find that is how people learn. I think you are very misinformed. Ask me anything. I am open. Feel free to PM me.



BDSM activities are ALWAYS Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Abuse is NEVER safe, NEVER sane, and NEVER consensual.

BDSM follows established rules. Abuse has no rules.

BDSM is negotiated for the safety of both partners. Abuse is NEVER negotiated.

BDSM activities are used for mutual pleasure. Abuse is used to terrorize, frighten and control.

In BDSM, safewords can be used to stop any activity. If someone is being abused they cannot stop what is happening to them.

BDSM activities are about pleasure and being connected. Abuse is about power and control.

[flauterfli]

Mari Arara

I'm gonna TL;DR this because I don't feel like typing up a text wall, but here it is:

If you are into BDSM and are submissive you probably have some self esteem issues or history of abuse that you need to get help for. I have never seen or heard of a "sub" who does not suffer from depression, self-loathing, anxiety, or is a kind of abuse victim.

If you are into BDSM and you are dominant/sadist, you are a shitty person. If you get off on someone's suffering, you're a shitty person. If you think rape/abuse/***** is sexy, you're a shitty person. If you think men are superior to women, you are a shitty person.

Not all submissive types have low self-esteem. A good deal are perfectly happy with themselves and their chosen lifestyle.

Have you never heard of a dominatrix? Dominant men generally don't believe themselves superior to women (I can't speak for all, but that's not at all the point of domination play, or even full on "master/slave" lifestyles). ***** is sick but unrelated. Consensual BDSM isn't rape (obviously), nor is it realistically roleplaying those scenarios. Abuse (physical and emotional) is not consensual or sexual in nature - BDSM is meant to be consensual (if not always sexual).

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

Not being sexually repressed is that serious for many women.

llamallamaducky

I'm against the idea that women fantasize about being held down, tied up against their will to be engaged in sexual activity. Anyone who has truly been taken advantage of against their will knows how confusing/upsetting/emotionally damaging that is. I'm against encouraging men and women alike to practice taking advantage of one another. That should not be societally acceptable, and it's not. I don't care if they call it fun, it's nothing to be made fun of or to be taken lightly.

You are promoting psychological and sexual control of women.
No woman should be told how to or what to fantasize about.
No woman should be made to feel lesser for her sex life.
As long as it is consensual for both partners.

You are slut/whore shaming. ("We have names for women who do things for money." )
(What about the men who do these things for money? Is it okay if they enjoy it?)
You don't seem to be speaking for those who have been sexually abused or raped.

[RyaZombie]

Mari Arara

I'm gonna TL;DR this because I don't feel like typing up a text wall, but here it is:

If you are into BDSM and are submissive you probably have some self esteem issues or history of abuse that you need to get help for. I have never seen or heard of a "sub" who does not suffer from depression, self-loathing, anxiety, or is a kind of abuse victim.

If you are into BDSM and you are dominant/sadist, you are a shitty person. If you get off on someone's suffering, you're a shitty person. If you think rape/abuse/***** is sexy, you're a shitty person. If you think men are superior to women, you are a shitty person.

BDSM is not abuse. Abuse is something done against a person's will to harm them. I can't speak for submissives, since I am not one, but it's been proven (multiple times in this thread even, if you bothered reading through) that being submissive has nothing to do with having any kind of mental illness or imbalance.

Again, if there is 'suffering' it is not BDSM, it is abuse, and you're right, you are a 'shitty' person for getting off on that, however that is NOT how BDSM works. I am a female dominant. I do not see myself superior to men. The role of a dominant is to TAKE CARE of the submissive. Being a dominant is more than giving orders and being waited on by someone. It's about being loving and caring for your submissive, knowing that someone has put their trust in you and that is not something to be taken lightly. Doms who are not attentive or are abusive are not tolerated in the community. Rape and ***** are both illegal and are no more acceptable in BDSM than in any other dynamic. The submissive always has the right to say no, there is in no way any obligation to submit to anyone if you don't want to.

[Squirtlefart]

Super 9-Volt

Squirtlefart

RyaZombie

Squirtlefart

If you think BDSM is a form of unhealthy abuse you need to do more research TBH.

Agreed. Although I very much doubt she did much, if any research.

The only BDSM she knows is probably the BDSM off of 50 Shades. and it's not BDSM, it's... abuse.

Just out of curiosity, how is the BDSM from 50 Shades of Gray abuse? I have zero interest in BDSM in general and I've never read the 50 Shades series but I'm neutral towards both of them. Don't be afraid to reveal spoilers if you need to.

As for the topic on hand, OP's off her rocker. There's already been a few people in here that participate in it that have gone over what it's about. It just sounds like OP's got a case of "Stop liking what I don't like and understand!"

i forgot how the quote exactly goes but the girl that was the sub was like "im not feeling any pleasure" and the dom litterally said "this isnt for your pleasure, it's for mine."

they use no safe words either.

and safe words are a BIG thing in the BDSM community.

[freelance lover]

What I read: I don't understand something so rather than making an effort to see why other people enjoy it, I'm going to just write them all off as having issue. Then I'm going to justify being closeminded by making sweeping statements and over-generalizations about why I need to "think critically" about something, even though I have done no critical thinking on the issue at hand.

Just because something isn't your cup of tea, doesn't mean people who do like it have issues. I don't like sports, but I don't think all sports fans are lunatics because they have superstitions about guys throwing a ball around.

[svartidaudi]

Just...can't even understand your view, I would be so bored if anything besides vanilla sex were off of the table completely

Like if you aren't going to choke me and slap me around a little bit what good are you, really

[GhostlyMark]

Brain Weasels v2

..........lisa?

i don't think Lisa was like this

[aidyn devereaux]

Mari Arara

I'm gonna TL;DR this because I don't feel like typing up a text wall, but here it is:

If you are into BDSM and are submissive you probably have some self esteem issues or history of abuse that you need to get help for.

False. The psychological community says you are wrong.

Mari Arara

I have never seen or heard of a "sub" who does not suffer from depression, self-loathing, anxiety, or is a kind of abuse victim.

Then you must have never met a single submissive then.

Mari Arara

If you are into BDSM and you are dominant/sadist, you are a shitty person.

See what i said about the psychological community, m'kay?

Mari Arara

If you get off on someone's suffering, you're a shitty person.

Well, considering the fact no one is 'suffering' in a consensual BDSM relationship, you're way off the mark.

Mari Arara

If you think rape/abuse/***** is sexy, you're a shitty person.

This is in no way relevant to BDSM.

Mari Arara

If you think men are superior to women, you are a shitty person.

Why? Because you say so?

[X of Castigation]

kelsey-chan

BDSM and SM are not one bit about being involved with an abusive partner.

It's simulated abuse. It doesn't matter if it's consensual.

[Creeporeon]

Bdsm is fine as long as it's consensual and safe

[aidyn devereaux]

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.

Why? When its in a consensual setting, with a trusted partner, the idea is completely different from being forced to have sex.

llamallamaducky

Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.

Abuse and consensual sex play are two different things.

llamallamaducky

We have names for women who do things for money.

Yes, its called having a job. Everyone does 'things' for money. Some people flip burgers, some hammer in nails, not that any of this has anything to do with BDSM.

llamallamaducky

If they enjoy it, they need some help.

Why?

llamallamaducky

People have died in these situations.

What 'situations'?

llamallamaducky

"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for.

What are you talking about?

llamallamaducky

Being a whore is not that serious.

What kind of messed up logic took you from 'Consensual BDSM between two adults' to 'Prostitution'?

[aidyn devereaux]

llamallamaducky

Silenced Nocturne

llamallamaducky

No woman should fantasize about being raped.
Anyone who has been sexually abused knows why.
We have names for women who do things for money.
If they enjoy it, they need some help.
People have died in these situations.
"Well they didn't use the safety word!" Sex doesn't seem like something I'm willing to risk my life for. Being a whore is not that serious.

So, what exactly are you so against? Roleplaying? BDSM in general? Women enjoying sex in general?

I'm sorry, I can't tell from your post.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed, I'm not against that.
Roleplaying is up to the couple. If they want to swing from the chandeliers that's up to them.

I'm against the idea that women fantasize about being held down, tied up against their will to be engaged in sexual activity.

Its not an 'idea'. A lot of men AND women enjoy bondage as part of their sexy time with their partner. There's nothing wrong with that.

llamallamaducky

Anyone who has truly been taken advantage of against their will knows how confusing/upsetting/emotionally damaging that is.

You have no real clue what you're even talking about, do you? See, the difference is CONSENT.

llamallamaducky

I'm against encouraging men and women alike to practice taking advantage of one another.

If its a consensual encounter no one is taking advantage of anyone.

llamallamaducky

That should not be societally acceptable, and it's not. I don't care if they call it fun, it's nothing to be made fun of or to be taken lightly.

DO learn the concept of 'consent'. You might actually grasp what BDSM is about if you learn that concept.

[kelsey-chan]

Senator Armstrong

kelsey-chan

BDSM and SM are not one bit about being involved with an abusive partner.

It's simulated abuse. It doesn't matter if it's consensual.

Yes, it does matter if it's consensual. If the sex wasn't then it would be abuse. If those who engage in bdsm all consent then it's not abuse.

[X of Castigation]

kelsey-chan

Senator Armstrong

kelsey-chan

BDSM and SM are not one bit about being involved with an abusive partner.

It's simulated abuse. It doesn't matter if it's consensual.

Yes, it does matter if it's consensual. If the sex wasn't then it would be abuse. If those who engage in bdsm all consent then it's not abuse.

Just like if all people parties in a ritual killing consent it's not murder?

[Snapple Lizardd]

You must be a boring lay.