So I'm up at 3 in the morning checking my gmail and reflecting on certain things I've come across today... as I always do. Mostly I'm thinking in the recent.. As I usually start off as.. I thought about my distanced friends from all over the world and the friends I have yet to make on here and irl... And I wondered.. what drove me to do something so weird as to.. randomly buy them gifts? ... I mean, it's nice.. I'm nice.. but.. to send someone you know over the net a present.. just a token of appreciation for who they are and the fact that they're alive and in some way involved in your life.. it's.. well.. it's not average.. I knew there was something deeper, I didn't know what, or most likely, I didn't have the guts to say it, let alone type and mean it.
But I'm browsing through my mail and there's this damned test site that I used to be signed to, tickle.com.. it said I had to reactivate my account and at first I was like.. ******** it, I don't use you anyways lol.. but then I went back and click.. it gave me a list of new tests and I saw an ink blot test!!! I love those things!! they always intrigued me! So I go through it answering everything to the best of my abilities and my result?
Quote:
(I have taken out mah name!), your subconscious mind is driven most by Love
Everyone has a desire to love. But your desire is rooted very deeply in your unconscious and affects many of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not.
You have an energy about you that inspires people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. In this way, you and your drive for loving relationships start a chain reaction of positive experiences.
The reason you are driven by love, may be because your unconscious is trying to avoid the opposite of love — hate. You, more than others, may be afraid of experiencing severe discord with others. That may, in turn, heavily influence your choices about relationships and the way you communicate your ideas, wants, and desires to others.
With such a strong orientation towards loving others, your relationships hold a very special place in your life. Your capacity to love may be greater than those around you, and therefore you may have more to give in relationships than your romantic partner does. Remember that this is a gift you have and one most others don't possess.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Love, there is much more to who you are at your core.
Everyone has a desire to love. But your desire is rooted very deeply in your unconscious and affects many of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not.
You have an energy about you that inspires people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. In this way, you and your drive for loving relationships start a chain reaction of positive experiences.
The reason you are driven by love, may be because your unconscious is trying to avoid the opposite of love — hate. You, more than others, may be afraid of experiencing severe discord with others. That may, in turn, heavily influence your choices about relationships and the way you communicate your ideas, wants, and desires to others.
With such a strong orientation towards loving others, your relationships hold a very special place in your life. Your capacity to love may be greater than those around you, and therefore you may have more to give in relationships than your romantic partner does. Remember that this is a gift you have and one most others don't possess.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Love, there is much more to who you are at your core.
Now, I didn't think any of my answers would point to that. I thought my result would call me prudent and confused or somethin'.... lol, definitely a 'wtf' moment. That made me think back to a certain conversation I had... I was once told by someone that I had a strong sense of what love is to me... Now people who know me, and have hung out with me, and spoke to me in person woulda looked at him pretty funny and slowly shook their heads no.. So you'd imagine why my initial reaction was to have myself a good, loud, long, hard laugh at his views and I didn't really take the dude seriously at all either.. I mean c'mon... Me? Ahaha, that was a good joke.. classic stand up right there...
But now at this moment, where I bounce between my walk in life, why I do the little things I do.. It's.. well.. it's a realization that isn't the most comforting. since I've viewed such an emotion as the most untrustworthy of the pack of 'em.. since I was.. well.. born it would seem lol. But I realized now... my drive wasn't to build or gain anyones love.. it was to give it, esp. to those who needed it.. to show people that they mean something to someone, even when they're miles away.. all you'd ever had with them was conversations and unsaid bonds too minuscule to notice and take seriously.. And even to the people I don't know.. to the ones who I say 'bless you too' when they sneeze in the grocery line. Why I hold the door for random people, even the ones that look like heartless pricks... Why I give up my red balloon to the the little boy with no money to get his own, or why I'd crouch down and smile at some sad person to which I'd only met once.. or hardly ever talked to..Why loan myself to to everyone around me, why people open up to me and at times only me... It may all very well be because of that... That's heavy man.. a real eye opener ya know?
So here it is.. to the blog lurkers... to my friends.. and family.. and anyone I've ever given a glance to, to the people in my future that may fall upon this and read it... to those who have known me for forever and may never stumble upon this... To those who I may never meet at all. To the people who don't care thinking this is some sappy horse s**t, and those who do and take it to heart.... for the first time I'm saying this to everyone.. and meaning it in complete seriousness, something that has always been hard for me to say and mean both at the same time.....
You are someone and I know it, someone with thoughts, views, and emotion. I want to be there for you...Truly...
I love you..
Ja~
PS:Uh.. keep in mind, I aint gonna go nun on ya'll and crap...that a once in a life time thing.. don't ask me in real life to respond seriously lol, you'll be disappointed. lol
