The Painful Truth: Self Harm - Discussion & Understanding

Do you self harm?

Yes	35.8%	[ 1024 ]
I used to, but I recovered	32.7%	[ 934 ]
I don't, but I know someone who does	13.6%	[ 389 ]
No	17.9%	[ 512 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2859 ]

[Song of the Century]

Alpha_Psi_Hero

Thanks! Sorry I was using the app on my phone. I had a reply typed up and ready to go and it deleted.

It really was helpful having a roommate. My first roommate was a huge distraction because we shared the room, and it gave me a chance to get to know a new person. I didn't want her to find out so I never acted on my urges. Eventually they went away. I later moved in with my best friend in an apt., which was nice, but I had my own room. I think to much and let my thoughts get to me. I went a semester self-harming without any help. The only minor support I had was tumblr, which was even more triggering. After I told him the truth, he began helping me reduce my self harm. When I would get an urge I would go straight to him. He would calm me down and I would give him anything I was planning on using.

That sounds like it went great. My friend knows, and she's going to try looking out for when I'm feeling bad because I have never spoken about these things out loud. I think I've only once spoken about anything very personal to anyone, and that's because he's kind of socially unconscious and I had to say "dude, not cool, you're making me freak out".

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As far as the rumor goes, I did speak to my bf. I trust him. His ex has tried to break us up before on numerous occasions. She has trash talked me, and even tried to break up his previous relationship before me. We had to work together in the theatre department. She is leaving though thank goodness. Anyways when I asked him he didn't get defensive; he honestly sounded like he had no idea what I was talking about. The rumor was a he said she said rumor. I think it's more the thought of what may have happened because I will never actually know for sure.

I can understand that. It's good that you feel you can trust him, though. A lot of things like that are misheard or something, and then bad things happen.

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When it comes to distracting myself, I tend to go to my friends. I don't talk about my problems, but just being around people helps. Sometimes I will make myself go to a public setting, so I have a sense of being watched. If it's late I will call or text a friend and just talk about how their day went etc. I leave my room door open when I am at my apt. so I won't be tempted. I've tried listening to music, or taking a shower helps. Eventually I tried out the Butterfly method. It helped so on Friday the 13th I got a $13 tattoo of a dove, which represented my butterfly ( I like doves more). Since the ink is permanent, I promised myself to "keep it alive". Like I said before the thoughts eventually went away until now.

Damn, $13? That's a really good price. Was it a sale? I'm looking at getting a few tattoos myself, at least one on my legs for a butterfly method-type thing; the method doesn't help me, because it's temporary and I can't draw/write anything nicely, but I feel like having permanent ink there would.

Hm, you like music... have you tried learning an instrument? It can take a while to get good at it, but it can get you really involved if you find a few musical pieces that you like to play. I could spend hours just playing music on an instrument, it's fun. I haven't played in over a year, though, except on a keyboard with headphones because my mother criticizes me and I hate the attention, but it's fun.

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Sorry it's so long ^ sweatdrop

Not a problem! smile

[Song of the Century]

Alpha_Psi_Hero

I love music it is my passion along with theatre. I am a singer and I play the piano. I am actually going to take a musical theatre class in the summer and I am preparing to be a lead music teacher for a drama summer camp we are putting on. I would love to brush up on my piano skills though. It's been awhile since I have played. I want to learn how to play the guitar! I think that would be fun.

I feel like playing the flute is second nature to me--I'm good at it and it takes little effort (unless I were to play something like Flight of the Bumblebee, lol). I suck at piano, but I can wear headphones, and some songs sound great (especially two from World of Warcraft, they're so peaceful and beautiful).

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What else helps you?

Learning languages. It's been a while since I tried self-teaching, but exposure to languages helps as well. I've been replaying a video game in French and rewatching My Little Pony in Spanish (I admit it, I'm a brony). I'll probably teach myself Italian in college (since it's similar to French and Spanish), and I'll study German and/or Japanese (with a teacher) for at least a year. I've got a few books in French (two from one series, one from another) that I've read already in English, but that was a while ago, so it's like rereading plus exposure.

I edit a few wikis a lot. I spend too much time on it, but I like grammar. The communities are great, and one of the core rules has actually helped me a ton in my own life.

I read a lot of fantasy. And, of course, I play video games. There's a few that I spend hours on, but they're very immersive. More of an escape mechanism for most games, but some really make me feel better. Morrowind is a big one. Plus, Jeremy Soule is a music genius, so his music always makes me feel better.

I used to draw and I liked it, but I wouldn't show my parents what I drew because I didn't want criticism, so they won't let me draw because they think I'm drawing porn. So I haven't drawn anything with a pencil for years, and my attempt to draw on the computer with my mother's wacom pad ended up with her flipping out on me. It's nice to draw, though, because I was halfway decent with a pencil and paper.

I also like cooking, but my parents also don't want me experimenting with cooking anything. We have no issues with money or food, they just don't let me do a lot of simple things around here. Other things that help me are things that I get to do outside of the house that my parents won't let me do, such as playing instruments without worry, cooking, being myself, etc. I have very little independence at home and very little self-confidence, and they're verbally abusive, so anything that gets me away from that helps.

[Douchel0rd]

Zlae

Hi everyone, I'm Zlae.

I used to obsessively burn my arms with friction by vigorously rubbing my arm until the skin was shed off. Disgusting, I know.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if you know of anyone else that used to burn their arms (or still does) as I'm honestly curious.

I've never cut, probably never will. I tend to find satisfaction in biting my knuckles extremely hard.

My thoughts go out to all of you; I had a best friend that used to cut. I wish you all the best and hope that things turn out for the better.

I used to burn my wrist by lighting up bobby pins or tips of ball point pins to the point where I could carve through flesh, not the prettiest idea in the world but yeah

[Zlae]

Douchel0rd

Zlae

Hi everyone, I'm Zlae.

I used to obsessively burn my arms with friction by vigorously rubbing my arm until the skin was shed off. Disgusting, I know.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if you know of anyone else that used to burn their arms (or still does) as I'm honestly curious.

I've never cut, probably never will. I tend to find satisfaction in biting my knuckles extremely hard.

My thoughts go out to all of you; I had a best friend that used to cut. I wish you all the best and hope that things turn out for the better.

I used to burn my wrist by lighting up bobby pins or tips of ball point pins to the point where I could carve through flesh, not the prettiest idea in the world but yeah

Wow.

Out of curiosity, where did you maim?

[Sashi-senpai]

I have scars all over my arms from SH. Cutting on my arms was stupid as hell. One night, I was really ******** up... I was off my meds, psychotic, suicidal, etc. I wandered around the town at 2AM, came to the old train station (not in use anymore), sat there and carved up my arms with a pocket knife. I cut way deep and should have gotten a TON of stitches (or so a doc said). I have a load of scars from it. Very obvious ones.
I have scars all over my legs too. I graduated from razor blade to full-on knives. Wish I hadn't. They scar like a b***h.

[Douchel0rd]

Zlae

Douchel0rd

Zlae

Hi everyone, I'm Zlae.

I used to obsessively burn my arms with friction by vigorously rubbing my arm until the skin was shed off. Disgusting, I know.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if you know of anyone else that used to burn their arms (or still does) as I'm honestly curious.

I've never cut, probably never will. I tend to find satisfaction in biting my knuckles extremely hard.

My thoughts go out to all of you; I had a best friend that used to cut. I wish you all the best and hope that things turn out for the better.

I used to burn my wrist by lighting up bobby pins or tips of ball point pins to the point where I could carve through flesh, not the prettiest idea in the world but yeah

Wow.

Out of curiosity, where did you maim?

wrist and hip, it was quite cumbersome due to the pus blister and it scabbed and got super itchy too.

[Silversan]

I want to say "Hello!" to anyone new to this thread!

[Fairy-type]

I Don't really know how to start this but ergh here it goes > n <

I've been lurking on this forum for a little while now trying to find the courage to post something, and I finally have.

I started SH-ing at 11, My parents were having a rocky time in their relationship. and every time someone would open their mouth it would just be fighting. I had no friends at the time, being home schooled and no kids around my age that lived near me, I would just sit around on the computer trying to find friends, or spend my days outside pretending I lived in a forest just to escape from reality.
I was outside sitting by my favorite tree, with an exacto knife (or how ever you spell it)
and I cut my ankle. from then on I moved to my wrist, I was bad at covering it up I would draw on it with marker, or just try not to move that arm.
one day my mom asked me to hand her the vacuum and I handed it to her with my wrist facing her, and she saw one of my cuts and asked if I was cutting myself, I said it was just marker, and she let it go, later that week we went grocery shopping, and the girl who was at the register had scars all over her arms, we got to our car, and my mom said "the girl at our register cuts her she had scars all over her arms" she then looked right at me and said "That's disgusting"
Like she knew I was doing it..but I mean who the hell says that to their kid?

a few years go by things at home get a bit better, then worse, I SH in between years. but for the longest time I was SH free, until sometime late last year, it just came over me, I was sitting at the table and there was a sharp piece of plastic on the table I took it to play with and I started to scratch myself with it, and I couldn't stop, my boyfriend noticed and got sad, and kept asking me why,,I had no answer, and I still don't I'm just sad, for no reason a lot of the time, and just want to SH.

My BF is the only one who knows I SH, but he doesn't understand, he guilt trips me into not doing it, by saying he doesnt get it and that if I cut myself he will hit himself, super hard if I SH, and in turn by him saying that, just make me want to SH even more bc of the pressure he puts on me for it.

I have been trying to do the Butterfly project, since I love butterfly's so much, I have killed a few, and I feel terrible when I do ; _ ;
but I'm still trying to not kill them, but it's so hard, I can't even say I have lasted a day so far.
I jut don't know what to do anymore, I have no one who understands it, and anyone to tell, or talk to about it, and the one person who does know just makes it worse if I talk about,

sorry for this being soooooooo looooooooooong x_x
uh the end?

[Iceestar]

heart ?

[Masochistix]

Silversan

I want to say "Hello!" to anyone new to this thread!

hello!! biggrin

[Fairy-type]

This thread is sooo dead now x_x

[Song of the Century]

Superior Intellect

For Everybody and Anybody

Please, do not hurt yourself.
I've been there, done that... It's not worth it.
I know exactly how you feel. Hurting yourself does not make it better.
If anything... It gets worse. When people see my scars I get dirty looks.
Other times, they want to talk about it. And if you are truly that upset, it's not a fun time.
You are so much better than that. I don't even know you, but I do know that.
Things will get better. Time heals all wounds... Even the cuts and burns. Just like it did for me.
Just remember that you have so many people here for you and no matter what...
You are loved.

Can you please hide your images? Turn them into links instead of images? This is a thread for recovering self-harmers, current self-harmers, and those who are thinking about self-harm, and images with cuts, especially ones straight like that, can trigger a person to want to cut. I've got enough tolerance that those images you posted haven't triggered me, but they've still raised my anxiety.

[Fairy-type]

Superior Intellect

For Everybody and Anybody


Please, do not hurt yourself.
I've been there, done that... It's not worth it.
I know exactly how you feel. Hurting yourself does not make it better.
If anything... It gets worse. When people see my scars I get dirty looks.
Other times, they want to talk about it. And if you are truly that upset, it's not a fun time.
You are so much better than that. I don't even know you, but I do know that.
Things will get better. Time heals all wounds... Even the cuts and burns. Just like it did for me.
Just remember that you have so many people here for you and no matter what...
You are loved.

Until people here learn to cope with their problems in a more positive way,
this is all we have, to us this is our comfort, our safe haven, and telling someone to not do it wont change the fact, you just try to understand and give them support,
it's wonderful, you've stopped, but for us were still getting there, and some of us haven't even taken the steps to recovery, that doesn't mean we don't want to stop, (for some it might) it's just so hard when this is all you have to make you feel better,

and please turn your pictures into links or get rid of them, I highly doubt you want to be responsible for triggering someone into self harming them selves,