Long Distance Relationsips (LDR) Support Thread

[Kumacchiato]

Darth Kosher

I've met this AMAZING man. As of recent, we've dabbled with the idea of to leave our families...

His next option, which he has an AMAZING job offer, in Georgia... he'd be willing to work and easily could support EVERYTHING. I wouldn't allow that, and it'd be a dramatic change, but it'd be a nice, clean start for both of us. I just don't know.

I say go to georgia.... You can always find Job there afterall and you will have time to find the perfect one since he will be making enough for you to not feel rushed.
Plus then both of you are moving and sacrificing so no one feels they gave up more than the other.

[Fire of Lilies]

0__o

Do you guys have any, like..crazy jealousy issues in your relationship?

I mean, mostly I'm the one getting jealous. I'm jealous that I can't go places with him, I'm jealous that his friends get to hang out with him and I don't. I'm even jealous when he briefly talks about exes. I don't want to bring it up most of the time because I don't want him to feel bad. I realize that my jealousy is usually unwarranted, but that makes me feel worse because I know I shouldn't feel that way. So then I either bottle it up or I just come out and tell him that I'm feeling jealous. If I bottle it up, I basically become a hermit for a little while and I don't talk as much. If I tell him about it, he ends up feeling badly and that isn't my intention.

Do you have any tricks/tips when it comes to dealing with jealousy?

Jealousy is completely normal in any relationship though for me it's been a bit of a deal breaker in my ldrs. There were times where my so was extremely jealous while being apart and controlling with it and there were times where I felt that my so didn't care because he wasn't jealous at all.

The biggest thing. For me was finding someone who was just as possessive as I was while allowing the freedom we both needed to be happy. He can hang out with girls if he wants though I'm going to be unhappy about it for awhile and he extends the same courtesy to me. It's finding that balance. Typically I just stay mad for awhile because I don't want to control him like that but I express it in other ways (I'm going to school to become an art therapist so I do a lot of creative journaling to figure things out). He knows I'm jealous but I deal with it because it's my emotion and I'm only responsible for how I feel and what I do about it

[K A T S U T T O]

I'm currently in a LDR with a guy I met on Gaia last month. I'm 24 and live in Washington State and he lives in Pennsylvania and is 23. I haven't been a long distant relationship in years.

I've been concerned because he hadn't told his parents that we are dating even though I have told mine. He said he would tell his mother soon so I hope it goes well.

[DizzySnowFire]

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

[muleosaurousrex]

Hi, everyone. I've never posted before, but I was directed here and I'm really glad I was.

I just spent the whole weekend with my girlfriend and it was wonderful... But now I'm back at college and I'm going a bit crazy with missing her. I literally got back to my dorm, dropped my bags, and started sobbing. How do you guys deal with that overwhelming sad feeling after you see your SO and they leave, or you have to leave again? Is it normal to feel this devastated?

[Wee Little]

DizzySnowFire

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

Yay! You did it! Congrats!

Things have gone downhill for me as of late. My boyfriend and I went through some drama in early August, then things slowly started to pick up and then he just dropped a bomb on me an dumped me over something trivial. He has AS and tends to interpret things in extremes so if I show even the slightest bit of negative emotion he can easily interpret as me being full on mad at him and then he creates this conflict in his head. I was a little upset to find that he had been playing a MMORPG that I was interested in playing with him. He had said he wanted to play more games together and I had wanted to play that specific game with him but he said he wasn't interested. Then I found out he actually was. A fight didn't come out of it. I was just honest and told him I was feeling kind of bummed to find out he'd been playing when and hadn't asked me to play with him when he knew we were trying to find something to play together. To that he said "Yeah that's understandable." And then the next day he told me that because of our fight the night before it was apparent that we bump heads too much and that we don't mesh well together. neutral

And the weird thing is that ever since he's been acting closer to me than before. He hasn't let up in contact and whatnot with me. It honestly still feels like we're dating... I was woken up this morning to my phone going off. He was messaging me on Skype and he thought I was there but I just wasn't responding. And once I finally responded he called me and was eager and ready to play a game or watch a movie with me. It's weird. I'm thinking of asking him if he is wanting to give it another shot. He's even slowly bringing back some thing that seemed specific to us having an exclusive relationship. For instance we always said we'd get a corgi together. Obviously people who aren't couples don't do that. And today he was like "Can we get a pug for our corgi? I think a corgi and a pug would make good friends."

Weird guy.

[DizzySnowFire]

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

Yay! You did it! Congrats!

Things have gone downhill for me as of late. My boyfriend and I went through some drama in early August, then things slowly started to pick up and then he just dropped a bomb on me an dumped me over something trivial. He has AS and tends to interpret things in extremes so if I show even the slightest bit of negative emotion he can easily interpret as me being full on mad at him and then he creates this conflict in his head. I was a little upset to find that he had been playing a MMORPG that I was interested in playing with him. He had said he wanted to play more games together and I had wanted to play that specific game with him but he said he wasn't interested. Then I found out he actually was. A fight didn't come out of it. I was just honest and told him I was feeling kind of bummed to find out he'd been playing when and hadn't asked me to play with him when he knew we were trying to find something to play together. To that he said "Yeah that's understandable." And then the next day he told me that because of our fight the night before it was apparent that we bump heads too much and that we don't mesh well together. neutral

And the weird thing is that ever since he's been acting closer to me than before. He hasn't let up in contact and whatnot with me. It honestly still feels like we're dating... I was woken up this morning to my phone going off. He was messaging me on Skype and he thought I was there but I just wasn't responding. And once I finally responded he called me and was eager and ready to play a game or watch a movie with me. It's weird. I'm thinking of asking him if he is wanting to give it another shot. He's even slowly bringing back some thing that seemed specific to us having an exclusive relationship. For instance we always said we'd get a corgi together. Obviously people who aren't couples don't do that. And today he was like "Can we get a pug for our corgi? I think a corgi and a pug would make good friends."

Weird guy.

Indeed it is!
I was so nervous!

So you and your man are no longer together?

[Wee Little]

DizzySnowFire

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

Yay! You did it! Congrats!

Things have gone downhill for me as of late. My boyfriend and I went through some drama in early August, then things slowly started to pick up and then he just dropped a bomb on me an dumped me over something trivial. He has AS and tends to interpret things in extremes so if I show even the slightest bit of negative emotion he can easily interpret as me being full on mad at him and then he creates this conflict in his head. I was a little upset to find that he had been playing a MMORPG that I was interested in playing with him. He had said he wanted to play more games together and I had wanted to play that specific game with him but he said he wasn't interested. Then I found out he actually was. A fight didn't come out of it. I was just honest and told him I was feeling kind of bummed to find out he'd been playing when and hadn't asked me to play with him when he knew we were trying to find something to play together. To that he said "Yeah that's understandable." And then the next day he told me that because of our fight the night before it was apparent that we bump heads too much and that we don't mesh well together. neutral

And the weird thing is that ever since he's been acting closer to me than before. He hasn't let up in contact and whatnot with me. It honestly still feels like we're dating... I was woken up this morning to my phone going off. He was messaging me on Skype and he thought I was there but I just wasn't responding. And once I finally responded he called me and was eager and ready to play a game or watch a movie with me. It's weird. I'm thinking of asking him if he is wanting to give it another shot. He's even slowly bringing back some thing that seemed specific to us having an exclusive relationship. For instance we always said we'd get a corgi together. Obviously people who aren't couples don't do that. And today he was like "Can we get a pug for our corgi? I think a corgi and a pug would make good friends."

Weird guy.

Indeed it is!
I was so nervous!

So you and your man are no longer together?

Yep, broken up. But he certainly isn't acting different. All he'd have to do is call me a pet name and tell me he loves me and I swear it wouldn't be any different. This is why I'm debating on asking him if he wants to give it another shot. Because if we're going to spend this much time together (which of course I want to do because I genuinely care for an enjoy him) I'd like for us to be exclusive.

[DizzySnowFire]

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

Yay! You did it! Congrats!

Things have gone downhill for me as of late. My boyfriend and I went through some drama in early August, then things slowly started to pick up and then he just dropped a bomb on me an dumped me over something trivial. He has AS and tends to interpret things in extremes so if I show even the slightest bit of negative emotion he can easily interpret as me being full on mad at him and then he creates this conflict in his head. I was a little upset to find that he had been playing a MMORPG that I was interested in playing with him. He had said he wanted to play more games together and I had wanted to play that specific game with him but he said he wasn't interested. Then I found out he actually was. A fight didn't come out of it. I was just honest and told him I was feeling kind of bummed to find out he'd been playing when and hadn't asked me to play with him when he knew we were trying to find something to play together. To that he said "Yeah that's understandable." And then the next day he told me that because of our fight the night before it was apparent that we bump heads too much and that we don't mesh well together. neutral

And the weird thing is that ever since he's been acting closer to me than before. He hasn't let up in contact and whatnot with me. It honestly still feels like we're dating... I was woken up this morning to my phone going off. He was messaging me on Skype and he thought I was there but I just wasn't responding. And once I finally responded he called me and was eager and ready to play a game or watch a movie with me. It's weird. I'm thinking of asking him if he is wanting to give it another shot. He's even slowly bringing back some thing that seemed specific to us having an exclusive relationship. For instance we always said we'd get a corgi together. Obviously people who aren't couples don't do that. And today he was like "Can we get a pug for our corgi? I think a corgi and a pug would make good friends."

Weird guy.

Indeed it is!
I was so nervous!

So you and your man are no longer together?

Yep, broken up. But he certainly isn't acting different. All he'd have to do is call me a pet name and tell me he loves me and I swear it wouldn't be any different. This is why I'm debating on asking him if he wants to give it another shot. Because if we're going to spend this much time together (which of course I want to do because I genuinely care for an enjoy him) I'd like for us to be exclusive.

Aww that's so sad.
Maybe ask him to see?

[Pretty pretty bacon]

Hi everyone

I pop in here every once in a rare while. Hope to be here more now, so here's my story/situation. My boyfriend and I met on okcupid and began dating around almost 2 years ago. Unfortunately, like everyone here, it's a long distance relationship. We live an hour apart from each other ( around 35-40 miles) which I know isn't a huge distance, but due to our schedules, we're only able to see each other on the weekend, sometimes even just 1 day. We try to switch off visiting each other (example : He drives down to me Saturday, and I take train down to him Sunday) but I usually end up taking train to him both days, since my parents are over protective despite my age, so we can get more privacy. I take train back home same night, at 10:12 PM. My boyfriend and I text and call each other a lot during the week- text as much as possible, and we call eachother maybe 1-2 times a day. My parents had a LDR when they dated while my dad was in law school; thanks to that, my mom is a little supportive (and has even said she's surprised we've been able to handle it for so long), but my dad insists we see each other more than most couples since we spend most of the weekend together. If I could, I'd trade all the weekend hours spent with my boyfriend, even just for a few hours every day a week.

The distance between my boyfriend and I has been really getting to me past few weeks, with me fighting back or in tears as we head back to the train station, every Sunday night. I hate that train so much and so many other things about the distance . I know I can handle it, It just sucks so much and I'm slightly terrified at the thought I may not always be able to handle it. I'm 22, and my boyfriend is 26, and we've sorta predicted it will be at least another 2 or 3 years till we could move in together, and I know my parents would insist we at least got engaged first. My boyfriend wants to get as close to married By the time he turns 30, so we probably would be engaged or married at that point. My family does plan to move within a year or two, sooner the better. Based on the areas we've been looking around, I'd still likely be 30 minutes away, and coincidently close to his work. Unfortunately, that fact seems to be one of the reasons my dad and older brother don't want to move further away from the city. They (my dad and 2 brothers) want to move into the city, which would change the distance to 1.5 or full 2 hours.

Anyway, I'm hoping to meet some other people with LDR relationships and get some support. I know not everyone would consider 1 hour distance LD, even if we see eachother just 1-2 times a week. I'm hoping to help give others support as well, since I'm sure we've all felt the same way and had similar issues due to the distance.

[Pretty pretty bacon]

0__o

Do you guys have any, like..crazy jealousy issues in your relationship?

I mean, mostly I'm the one getting jealous. I'm jealous that I can't go places with him, I'm jealous that his friends get to hang out with him and I don't. I'm even jealous when he briefly talks about exes. I don't want to bring it up most of the time because I don't want him to feel bad. I realize that my jealousy is usually unwarranted, but that makes me feel worse because I know I shouldn't feel that way. So then I either bottle it up or I just come out and tell him that I'm feeling jealous. If I bottle it up, I basically become a hermit for a little while and I don't talk as much. If I tell him about it, he ends up feeling badly and that isn't my intention.

Do you have any tricks/tips when it comes to dealing with jealousy?

Vent it out here then! That's what I hope to do time to time in this thread.

My boyfriend and I see eachother just on weekends due to the distance, but I feel you. I get jealous every once in awhile of his friends, and how I'm the only girlfriend among his group of friends who doesn't get to spend the night. I'm even more jealous of his last ex - they were friends for 10 years before dating, and she signed a contract onto his phone plan a few months before their relationship ended. She won't spend the extra money it'd take to cancel it, so It won't end for probably another year or two. On top of that, he seems to be her go-to person for help, and he's too nice to say no. I've never even met her but im definitely jealous, and based on what I've heard of their relationship, Id want to b***h slap her if I ever do meet her. She's apparently a super moody angry person and made my boyfriend miserable and self conscious from insults.

Anyway, I can relate to the jealousy. My advice would be to focus on the positives in your relationship. Tell him a bit about your concern, and hopefully he will say something reassuring that will help as well.

[Fleurixie]

muleosaurousrex

Hi, everyone. I've never posted before, but I was directed here and I'm really glad I was.

I just spent the whole weekend with my girlfriend and it was wonderful... But now I'm back at college and I'm going a bit crazy with missing her. I literally got back to my dorm, dropped my bags, and started sobbing. How do you guys deal with that overwhelming sad feeling after you see your SO and they leave, or you have to leave again? Is it normal to feel this devastated?

No one replied to this so I thought I would.

I just met with my boyfriend (I'm in the US, he's in Scotland) after a whole year of being apart. He stayed a whole month, got along with my family, pretty much integrated himself into my life... It is very difficult now that he's left. I keep crying when I remember things we did together, when I remember he won't be there when I wake up, etc. It will drive you nuts but you just have to look forward to the next time you see each other. I try to distract myself with other things (video games, drawing, etc) so I don't think about it. I'm also working on getting a job/apartment so we can live together. Don't be too down, you'll see each other again!

[Wee Little]

DizzySnowFire

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

Yay! You did it! Congrats!

Things have gone downhill for me as of late. My boyfriend and I went through some drama in early August, then things slowly started to pick up and then he just dropped a bomb on me an dumped me over something trivial. He has AS and tends to interpret things in extremes so if I show even the slightest bit of negative emotion he can easily interpret as me being full on mad at him and then he creates this conflict in his head. I was a little upset to find that he had been playing a MMORPG that I was interested in playing with him. He had said he wanted to play more games together and I had wanted to play that specific game with him but he said he wasn't interested. Then I found out he actually was. A fight didn't come out of it. I was just honest and told him I was feeling kind of bummed to find out he'd been playing when and hadn't asked me to play with him when he knew we were trying to find something to play together. To that he said "Yeah that's understandable." And then the next day he told me that because of our fight the night before it was apparent that we bump heads too much and that we don't mesh well together. neutral

And the weird thing is that ever since he's been acting closer to me than before. He hasn't let up in contact and whatnot with me. It honestly still feels like we're dating... I was woken up this morning to my phone going off. He was messaging me on Skype and he thought I was there but I just wasn't responding. And once I finally responded he called me and was eager and ready to play a game or watch a movie with me. It's weird. I'm thinking of asking him if he is wanting to give it another shot. He's even slowly bringing back some thing that seemed specific to us having an exclusive relationship. For instance we always said we'd get a corgi together. Obviously people who aren't couples don't do that. And today he was like "Can we get a pug for our corgi? I think a corgi and a pug would make good friends."

Weird guy.

Indeed it is!
I was so nervous!

So you and your man are no longer together?

Yep, broken up. But he certainly isn't acting different. All he'd have to do is call me a pet name and tell me he loves me and I swear it wouldn't be any different. This is why I'm debating on asking him if he wants to give it another shot. Because if we're going to spend this much time together (which of course I want to do because I genuinely care for an enjoy him) I'd like for us to be exclusive.

Aww that's so sad.
Maybe ask him to see?

I'm thinking about it. I have a feeling he'd still say no, though, despite his behavior. I've talked to various people about it. A lot of people tell me to just move on and that we broke up for a reason but sometimes people need breaks. I also talked to a counselor about it. She said it sounds like he may have psyched himself out and felt that removing the label of boyfriend and girlfriend would relieve him of pressure and obligations, and it technically has, but he's doing exactly what he claimed was pressured to do and couldn't quite live up to.

Every morning for 3 days now I've woken to a spam of texts from him trying to get me to respond to him because he thought I was there, but not responding. And this evening he wasn't feel well and he was tired, he didn't feel like talking but he still called me on Skype. He got on cam and just listened to me talk.

In my head I think "Why not give it another shot?" I won't ask much else from him beyond what he's giving me now. But you never know what's going on in his head.

[DizzySnowFire]

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

Wee Little

DizzySnowFire

I MANAGE TO TALK TO MY FIANCE/BOYFRIEND ON VOICE CHAT!!
After about a year and month

Yay! You did it! Congrats!

Things have gone downhill for me as of late. My boyfriend and I went through some drama in early August, then things slowly started to pick up and then he just dropped a bomb on me an dumped me over something trivial. He has AS and tends to interpret things in extremes so if I show even the slightest bit of negative emotion he can easily interpret as me being full on mad at him and then he creates this conflict in his head. I was a little upset to find that he had been playing a MMORPG that I was interested in playing with him. He had said he wanted to play more games together and I had wanted to play that specific game with him but he said he wasn't interested. Then I found out he actually was. A fight didn't come out of it. I was just honest and told him I was feeling kind of bummed to find out he'd been playing when and hadn't asked me to play with him when he knew we were trying to find something to play together. To that he said "Yeah that's understandable." And then the next day he told me that because of our fight the night before it was apparent that we bump heads too much and that we don't mesh well together. neutral

And the weird thing is that ever since he's been acting closer to me than before. He hasn't let up in contact and whatnot with me. It honestly still feels like we're dating... I was woken up this morning to my phone going off. He was messaging me on Skype and he thought I was there but I just wasn't responding. And once I finally responded he called me and was eager and ready to play a game or watch a movie with me. It's weird. I'm thinking of asking him if he is wanting to give it another shot. He's even slowly bringing back some thing that seemed specific to us having an exclusive relationship. For instance we always said we'd get a corgi together. Obviously people who aren't couples don't do that. And today he was like "Can we get a pug for our corgi? I think a corgi and a pug would make good friends."

Weird guy.

Indeed it is!
I was so nervous!

So you and your man are no longer together?

Yep, broken up. But he certainly isn't acting different. All he'd have to do is call me a pet name and tell me he loves me and I swear it wouldn't be any different. This is why I'm debating on asking him if he wants to give it another shot. Because if we're going to spend this much time together (which of course I want to do because I genuinely care for an enjoy him) I'd like for us to be exclusive.

Aww that's so sad.
Maybe ask him to see?

I'm thinking about it. I have a feeling he'd still say no, though, despite his behavior. I've talked to various people about it. A lot of people tell me to just move on and that we broke up for a reason but sometimes people need breaks. I also talked to a counselor about it. She said it sounds like he may have psyched himself out and felt that removing the label of boyfriend and girlfriend would relieve him of pressure and obligations, and it technically has, but he's doing exactly what he claimed was pressured to do and couldn't quite live up to.

Every morning for 3 days now I've woken to a spam of texts from him trying to get me to respond to him because he thought I was there, but not responding. And this evening he wasn't feel well and he was tired, he didn't feel like talking but he still called me on Skype. He got on cam and just listened to me talk.

In my head I think "Why not give it another shot?" I won't ask much else from him beyond what he's giving me now. But you never know what's going on in his head.

Maybe he doesn't like the who boyfriend/girlfriend title. Kinda like how marry people are better just dating not being actually married.
But I think you should really work up the courage to ask him. Maybe if you can in person?

[Fire of Lilies]

muleosaurousrex

Hi, everyone. I've never posted before, but I was directed here and I'm really glad I was.

I just spent the whole weekend with my girlfriend and it was wonderful... But now I'm back at college and I'm going a bit crazy with missing her. I literally got back to my dorm, dropped my bags, and started sobbing. How do you guys deal with that overwhelming sad feeling after you see your SO and they leave, or you have to leave again? Is it normal to feel this devastated?

Welcome! I'm glad you posted.

Truthfully, every time I had to go home from my SO (he went to college about two hours away from me and i was working two jobs to pay for mine so rarely had time off to see him seeming as I had car and he didn't) I spent the first hour of the driving crying my eyes out. Ever single time. It was even worse when I had to drop him off at the airport to go home (his parents live in florida). The important thing for me was to feel that emotion at the moment, because bottling it up for later was always worse for me. Sometimes I would start crying in front of him which was worse because I didn't want him to feel bad for the fact that I had to go to school/work. I did a lot of journalism and drawing to get all of that and then I just dealt. I told him that I missed him and he told me that he missed me and it just made it more special, the time we did get together.

Now we live together and everything is mostly good.