She didn't have to look at Ian's face, to feel the tenseness of his body when the text message came. She looked at him hopefully, a sign of what had happened. The cell screen was just as much as a shock to her as it was to him. Failed.Broken.
She didn't know when she had stood, or left the safety of his arms. She didn't feel her feet carry her to the room, to the infirmary where the group laid. Beaten, bloody, broken.
The mask was broken.
She whipped into Stormy's room, the girl asleep after the rigourous pulling of bugs from her skin. She could see bite marks, burrowing. Stormy, oh god Stormy, what had you done? What had you done? For her. Nevada would never thank the girl for what she had done, because she was so self centered.
She went to the mask and picked them up, putting them over her face. Expecting the sudden call of Leroy, the feel of him back inside her, restoring the balance that was a hunter and it's weapon. If it was just that easy, as if it was.
“no...nonononono....” Nevada dropped to her knee's, the mask clattering to the ground. Nothing. Nothing happened. She wasn't safe. Nothing was safe. She couldn't breathe, couldn't shake the rising and bubbling anger. “Why!?” She looked at Stormy's body accusingly, asleep there. In pain, hurting, healing. She would heal, and Nevada would not. She wanted to make Stormy feel the same, feel the hurt. She pushed herself up, hovered over the girl's body, her hands reaching out, cupping around the neck.
She wanted to kill her.
Her hands shook as a sob escaped and instead of hands curling around neck, they placed on the sheets of the hosiptal bed, clenching it tightly between her fingers.
“Oh...Oh Stormy.” She sobbed, “I'm so sorry.” She shook her head, long brown hair cascading around the sleeping form as she wept. She wasn't there for much longer because she had to prepare. She picked up the mask, placing them back on the tray in Stormy's room. Like they had never been touched. Pristine, cracked and nothing.
She couldn't return to Ian, even though she knew he would look for her at one point. She used what was left of her old self, the mist skills she acquired to sneak into her room and prepare.
4 sheets of paper. 4 people who mattered to her the most. Those were all she could afford in her mindset. So broken and lost as she was, when she had nothing left. It was hard, to focus her mind, the sudden feeling of death swarming her. She had just spoken the words before, she was just trying to ease herself into acceptance. She was going to die, that's what she told her friends. It's what she told herself. She damned herself for not just ending it for herself. She let hope build, she let things assume to be normal.
She was dating Otto, she was hanging out with friends. Lingering in a world she no longer belonged in. She was a sad pathetic human, clinging to life when there was none left to give her. She damned herself.
With hope. With love. With the need to live.
And when death was suddenly real now, when it faced her in a way she hadn't expected, she crumpled like a leaf under the boot.
She had four pages for four people who she loved. Four letters for the ones who would remember her the most. Four thoughts she could make out.
She poured herself into the letters, what was left of her. Poured herself in words and hopes and dreams and love. Each stroke of her pen across the white sheets was filled with all she was. Because soon she'd be nothing.
She wrote, It felt like days she wrote, so hard and punishing.
She wanted to write one more, to the twin. But when her hand pulled for more, it didn't. When she thought had something left, she didn't. Alaska would always know how Nevada felt. Pining for the twin she would lose. To leave her a letter was foolish, it would never ease the pain. It would never ease the sudden tear in their soul.
She sealed the letters, placing them over the photobook and the stuffed animal and the ribbons and items of importance to her. She was selfish though, she always would be, when she didn't put Patrick's bracelet back. She rolled it over her wrist, wondering what Ian would think of her keeping it. She dug her nails into the wrist where the bracelet adorned. She was selfish, because if she was to die, then she would take her memory and she would take Patricks with her.
Those who mattered, always left the ones they loved the most.
Nevada locked the drawer, tucking the key in Stormy's bed and she left the room.
Her last night would be spent outside, looking at the Island she knew she would not return too. Her last night would be spent outside, staring into the abyss of nothing that she would join. It was time, it called to her. It was time...she knew.
It was time.
THE LETTER
Stormy
To my little sister,
I hope this letter is received to you well. Yours is the hardest to write for me. I have so many feelings for you. Love, Companionship, Trust, Friendship, Family. And then I have negative feelings, Distrust sometimes, scared, possessive. It's terrifying. But I think it's fitting for sisters. True sisters. True sisters aren't always meant to get along. We fight, we avoid each other....but at the end of the day, I will always look out for you...as you would for me. At the end of this, I want you to know...that even when I did it horribly, I always thought of you. Even if it was not your best interest, you were the forfront of my mind.
I should apologize, because I don't know what will come after this. If you have gotten this letter, it means we have failed to find a way to restore the bond that would keep me alive. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. It was meant to be like this then. I don't relish in joy at the thought of being dead..in fact it's stupid and upsetting. But it's not your fault. No matter at the end of the day, you were and always did...your best for me.
What happened between us about Aria and Lance, you think It would cause a drift. It did, it cost us trust with each other, on both sides. It cost us a bit of love. It gave me doubts about you, doubts what we were to each other anymore. Were we enemies? Were we friends? Still sisters when one so clearly wanted to help Aria while the other wanted to destroy her for siding with halloween? To me, I feel its a bias black and white. I will always hate Halloween, no matter what they have and who sides with them. I will hate them because they tortured me as a child, and then as a adult. They took my eye, crippling me in a job that I needed to survive. They are monsters, literal and figuretevely. In my judgement, I would also judge those who talked to them with ease, as if they were old friends. Aria...I hated her the most. I came to her when I lost my eye, she comforted me...and behind the scenes was working with them the whole time.
This is not suppose to be me berating you, you chose what you did and I chose what I did and that's the end of it. It's the end because I am dead after this, but I will not die without saying sorry to you. I should've trusted you more, believed in you more. I should've respected your descions more. As your sister, I should've allowed you the freedom, to not hold you to ideals.
Please forgive me, Please work on forgiving me. Know that I love you much more then I did my own self. That I had always loved you. My sister, my friend, My heart and Soul. I love you so much.
I have one more letter to write, and I hope you can deliver it to him. You might hate him, you might not. But he was the closest thing I had to a father, even if it was another world. Will you give it to him?
Otto will have a gift for you as well, a Scrapbook I put together of all the pictures I could find of us. Some memories I remembered in my insanity. Things like this.
I hope you live long my little sister, that you be happy.
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I'm just looking out for your best interests.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I don't even know what those are tbh
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Is he pressuring you into something? Because I'd be happy to make that a physical impossibility for him.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) NO EVAN NNNO He hasn't done anything He still blushes sometimes when we kiss I'm just thinking about the future is all
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) You know you can tell me anything. I'll probably still leave enough for him for the sea monsters to eat. Like the distant, distant future?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I am telling you everything How distant is distant?
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Way, way distant.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Well we're not living together And he goes on missions a lot So there's plenty of space if you're worried about that
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I just don't want you to feel like you have to rush into anything.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I'm not rushing. If anything I'm dragging my feet in this case bc it's not that important. Just something to think about I'll be completely honest with you if you promise you won't react badly
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I can promise I won't react badly at you about it.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Gale has to be safe too herc neutral otherwise I won't say a thing
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Just don't tell me where he is. I'll probably burn off all the mad looking for him.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) fine First I forgot: did I mention Jack to you yet?
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) No, but I've heard the name. Who is he?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Oh boy Okay, he's my ex. You AREN'T allowed to go bug him though because it just creates more problems Ignoring him is the best solution
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Is he bothering you or something?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Not anymore really. I just try to avoid where he is or ignore him if we have a shift together It's not bad anymore, I'm okay have a story:
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Anymore?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Christmas eve last year I was heading out with Gale from the gingerbread joy party thingie, Jack followed us and we got into a fight He was just a trainee though don't worry. I think I left him a scar Anyway I told Gale to meet me back at his place bc I didn't want him part of that and he wasn't happy Just kinda moody and stuff while we made tea and talked about it. I understood though, he has this...jealousy thing Like he was afraid I'd go back to JAck for some reason And I kept telling him I wouldn't bc that relationship had been a mistake and I was a stupid teen back then And I think he believed me but not all the way bc when he kissed me his hand got a little under my shirt but believe me he stopped immediately and then he looked at me asn asked if I wanted to go through with it and I didn't understand at first bc he phrased it like "do you want to wake up beside me" but it clicked and I told him no bc i was nervous And he backed off, I promise Evan nothing happened after that. He was really sorry about it
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) How is that not pressuring you into anything?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) It happened one time months ago and hasn't happened again
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Still, that's not something that it's okay for him to do in the first place. You did right telling him no.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I'm not entirely innocent either tho, I got drunk like a year ago and tried to convince him it was a good idea and he stopped me
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) The difference is, you were drunk and he was just trying to stake some sort of claim on you or something.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I know. I just don't want you getting retroactively mad ok
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I'm not going to cut his hands off at the wrist for doing it in the first place. I mean I'm sure he needs them to use his weapon.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) ....evan pls don't I like holding those hands
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I'm not going to! But I am definitely going to keep an eye on that kid.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I want you to anyway, in the same way you'd do for me. You're both my family speaking of Apparently my cousin is here, Noemi?
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Yeah, I've met her. Skittish, but nice.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Watch her too if I can't. I think she'll be okay though, she's got good defenses and can heal herself!
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I will. I don't think she's fit for field combat, though. She has enough trouble looking other Hunters in the eye, and we're NOT the enemy
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Agreed. I think she's interested in doing more work in the infirmary, so thank God
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I don't think you should take a page from her book, at least for a little while. I think you SHOULD, sorry.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Life is my worst division work tho. Always has been. And Jack's in Life
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) All the more reason to learn, and you won't necessarily run into him.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I still take shifts, I'm just more focused on handling the new Mists. Wanna impress Mr. Lance and all
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Always good to get on your boss' good side. How are the new trainees looking?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Besides Noemi, there's a really big nice guy Arorororo or something, his name is hard to remember, australian And also this nice woman who's kinda spacy like me named Finley! And I think there's a gothy looking chick I need to go find Oh and Dillon. He looks sour faced but I bet he'll enjoy himself with some time to adjust! Oh oh and Leslie! He's super punk and angry but I've been really nice to him and I think it's helped him a lot
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I'm sure they'll even out once they learn the ropes. They can't be in your division and stay mad for long.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I hope not! I leave smiley faces and stickers and glitter and nice notes and stuff in their rooms!
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Kill them with kindness and glitter. There's a thought.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Yup! <3 I told LEslie I'm the Care Bear for a reason
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) oh my god you are totally a care bear
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AND I HAVE A CARE BEAR STARE AND EVERYTHING AND MY NAME MEANS BEAR well my real name anyway
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I don't think I want to know what that means. Tell me anyway.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) My real name is really really long but the first name is Ursulina, which is "little bear"!
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Tell me your parents didn't name you after a Care Bear.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Noooooooooooo my full name is Ursulina María José Cortez-Sevilla de la Vega Reyes Rendón Ortega
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) what
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) My parents were really old fashioned about stuff including names ok
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Could your parents not decide on just one name?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) It's an oldish tradition in some Spanish cultures. My name is a mix of my parents' and my own But I like Stormy better <3
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Do they have long names too?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Kinda. I'll spare you theirs because Twitter's char limit lollll
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I do too. Much shorter. And I wouldn't be able to not think of you as a care bear otherwise.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) <3333 Listen though I'm sorry about those weird text messages from earlier
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Not a problem, it's taken care of.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) what do you mean by that herc pls tell me you didn't actually
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I mean it's taken care of.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) you didn't hurt him badly tell me that
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I just punched him in the face a couple of times. He didn't really fight back much.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) okay good not the not fighting back part but you not hurting him too much
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Well, it's no fun if they don't fight back. He doesn't seem like much of a fighter anyway. Just stood there kind of flailing.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I think he's a better doctor than anything else But I shouldn't have asked you to do it anyway
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Doctors don't drug their patients against their will. No, I'm glad that you came to me with that.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) He's owned up to his mistake and apologized to me, it's okay I just... I don't want you thinking you're only a guard dog I call to attack people You're my big brother. I haven't been treating you like one for a long while
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) That goes along with the rest of it. And I know you've been going through some s**t of your own recently. If that's what you need from me I'm happy to do it for you.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I'd rather just whine at you and get cuddles when things happen. Nobody'll get hurt that way and I'll feel much better
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) That can happen too. I'm always here for you.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Same here okay?
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Okay.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Good I love you big brother <3333333333333 HAVE A CARE BEAR STARE
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) haha Love you too, Stormybear. Yeah, that's gonna stick.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) STORMYBEAR I LOVE IT AHHHHHHHHHH
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Seriously though, how have you been holding up? Lex told me why he drugged you, and while that doesn't make it okay, I am still concerned.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Oh that? I'm fine. Really broke though, I got a keyboard converted!
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Are you eating and sleeping?
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I don't think I could spell so well if I wasn't lol!
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) That's not any kind of a yes.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) Well it's a silly question~ I have to eat and sleep! Sometimes I don't sleep a lot, sometimes I sleep too much
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Lex said you hadn't slept in a week when he drugged you.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) He's exagerrating then. I didn't look so good sure but that was around the same time I threw up in your room ok sorry about that btw
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) My fault, I shouldn't have let you drink that much. But you do need to eat and drink and sleep just as much as anyone else.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I know! But I'm better now
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Yeah? So if I bring you a sandwich or something, you'll eat it? Because last time I saw you you looked like you would blow away.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) I would totally eat a sandwhich you gave me! If it's good Does it have bacon? I like bacon
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I can make it have bacon on it.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) And lettuce and chicken and ranch?
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) I'll see what I can do.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) O U O ILU
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) And then, when you're done eating, you can tell me why I had to stop you from killing all of the trainees in the desert.
Stormy Ortega(@singingstorms) oh, that ahahah......story for a sandwich then
Evan Roberts(@DogsWillHunt) Sounds fair. Be there in 20.
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