LittleStevieHorseAndPhone
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- Posted: Mon, 12 May 2014 03:22:30 +0000
For once, Liesel didn't feel the need to kill it with the makeup as she got dressed up for the ball. She'd been in a good mood these last few weeks, and it showed--she had a glow of health in her cheeks, and her dress fit the way it should, instead of hanging off her frame like a House Elf's work rags. Too bad that probably wasn't going to last. She was already starting to worry herself sick over the whole Phillip thing. She'd barely managed to gag down supper, too nervous about the ball.
It would have been fine if this were just a simple matter of her bad nerves. If she knew for a fact that nobody would pick up on her conditioned anxieties and secret dreads, she would have already ******** him by now. She'd deal with the flashbacks and the inner groundswell of emotions, all in secret.
But it was more complicated than that.
For all that she was a phenomenal actress, she didn't trust herself to keep it together. She wasn't a machine. She was a person, and people were fallible. And what if she slipped? What if he moved in to spin her on the dance floor and she fell to pieces, revealing once and for all that she wasn't THE Liesel Dolohov he so idolized.
That that girl didn't exist.
That the real Liesel was weak and scared and not even breakable anymore but just plain broken.
Reality was a far cry from the charmed, over-the-top fairy tale she fooled everyone into thinking was her life.
She could tell her life's story in one word. That word was overcompensation, and it rarely worked out the way Liesel would've wanted it to.
She clawed her way to the top of the social pyramid to protect herself from being used, and now that she was on top of the world, if she ever slipped it would be her certain death.
She went out of her way to prove to everyone that she wasn't afraid of boys--making eyes in the corridors, asking for boys' favor before Duelling Club tournaments--but it was only the boys who were particularly dissimilar from her father that she was able to work up the nerve to approach, and now half the school seemed convinced she was some kind of salivating pervert.
Of course, they were all chitchatting about her in the dormitory. Lise asked out Kutner?
But I thought...
Isn't she, like...
She's into, you know.
Nobody really sounded like they meant it in a mean way--good on them, because people who were mean to Liesel Dolohov didn't usually make it out the other end in one piece. They were just being curious and prying, the way people would be about you when your name was pronounced with a 'the,' and it shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did, but when their voices came though the walls and reached her ears, she grabbed the community handle of Firewhiskey from the bathroom counter and took as big a gulp as she could at once--her cheeks were puffed out and the liquor had filled her mouth to the back of her throat before she swallowed. Just for good measure, she took yet another four-and-a-half shot gulp after that, and while she told herself she was only trying to drown out the gossip, the truth was she was hoping to quiet her nerves so she could dance with her goddamn ball date without unraveling.
She stuffed a couple handfuls of tissues into her bra--overcompensation--and vacated the loo so her roommates could change and doll themselves up. As she made her way out of the dorm and across the common room, the liquor started to go to her head already--well, no duh, she'd just downed maybe nine shots in under a minute after practically skipping dinner, and while she was notoriously difficult to make drunk, this was definitely a new record for her when it came to number-of-drinks-consumed in the shortest amount of time.
Her head was spinning pleasantly as she stepped out into the corridor, her over-wide skirt catching in the doorway as she passed--overcompensation. She didn't know just how far down the Firewhiskey would drag her once it really started to kick in, but she hoped Phillip would show up soon. He said he'd be early, didn't he?
She wished anyone with a cigarette to spare would show up, really, because she was dying.
She wiped a drip of Firewhiskey from her bottom lip with the pad of her thumb. She could taste it in the back of her throat still, warm and pleasant. This was either going to be a really good night, or a really bad one.
▇ ▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇ YOU KNOW THE BAD GUY ▇▇▇▇▇
ALWAYS PAYS.
ALWAYS PAYS.