MORSMORDRE {marauders - au - redux | O/A

[mandygurl71]

XXXPrudence McKayla BakerXXXXXX

The pained expression on Sirius's face made Sam's heart hurt just looking at it. Not only was she just not used to seeing him like that, but it was a sad look to see on anyones face! Even James, who she could care less about any other day of the year, right now she felt just as bad for him...after all, being in his place before once before, it was not something she would wish on her worst enemy.

When Sirius almost lashed out at her by questioning why she was here, her first reaction was to be angry, but instead she took a breath and calmed herself since she just figured he was being defensive. "I'm here for a lot of reasons...Lily asked for one...you..." she added, trying to make it an after thought that she was here for him.

"You're welcome..."

Sam took another deep breath in when Sirius started to open up a bit, and apart of her wanted him to go back to questioning why she was here, she didn't do very well with the sensitive stuff...that was Lily's job in their friendship, but she was willing to try.

For him anyway...

"What can I say? Where else would I be?" She wanted to be funny, or witty, or say something that might make him laugh, but again Sam wasn't really great at that. Sarcasm was usually her sense of humor and that was not something she thought would go over very well right now.

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[NightisDark21]

Garrett gave a small smile when she asked if he read her articles. Of course he did, it was one of the things he did on a daily basis, or more accurately something he did when he actually had some down time in his office, and more often than not he would start reading it to see what kind of things the prophet was saying with the aurors, but as soon as he’d see something written by Billie he would stop what he was doing and read it over, usually with a smile on his face. It might seem a bit strange, being so enthralled with her writing. But for Garrett it really was the only connection he had to her. So anytime he could he would read what she wrote.

Even still he couldn’t help but grin when she spoke about not being prepared. “I see I’ve caught a rare sight of Dolohov not prepared” he teased with a smirk. And for a moment he felt like he was back in school. Times where he did on purpose catch her off guard, for the sole purpose of seeing the little moments that many rarely saw of her. It was something that he probably most enjoyed being with her back then. Seeing the side not many got to see. Even now it seemed he still could see it even if they weren’t together.

Thinking for a moment on his scars he glanced sideways at the window in order to glance at the scars along his face. “Well for time’s sake I’ll just stick to the scars on my face” he said indicating that his scars did not just limit to his face, he had plenty throughout his body. Each with a story behind it.

Putting hand under his chin he studied his reflection and each scar that lingered. Thinking back on how exactly he had gotten them. “Well the one right here” he said as he turned back to her and pointed to a scar along his upper lip. That was clear to see since the scruff around the area ended there so it outlined it pretty clearly. “I got during training as an auror, the recruits were dueling against each other and there was a rogue spell, debris from the explosion got me right on the lip.” He explained before pointing out to the left side of his face where a small scar was along his eyebrow taking off some of his eyebrow. “This one I received..if I recall right; it was during a raid on some dark wizards out in the country. I don’t exactly remember how I got it, but I do remember that after the raid one of my partners told me I was bleeding pretty badly and that’s when I noticed the wound” he chuckled before it died down. Then he went back to the most noticeable scar on his face. On his right eye there was a large crescent shaped scar that formed along the eye itself long enough that it shaped around his upper cheek.

Garrett went silent for a few seconds before speaking again. “This one, I received probably more recently…” He said as he took a very long drink from his cup, enjoying the taste of the caffine. “I received it from a group of Death Eaters, presumably working for the dark lord. I’ve been assigned their case and have been attempting to put an end to their activities. What section and what portion where they normally work I won’t say, but seems I’m good at my job. I was attacked when I was alone, I held them off pretty well but one of the older ones, well sounded like he was older anyway, got a good shot in. I managed out alright, but the healers said that if the shot had gone a centimeter closer, I would have lost my eye” His eyes softened as he gave a small reassuring smile, he did not want her to fret over him, “don't worry, they keep trying but I’m not easy to take down”

Muggle Coffee Shop: ♞ L o c a t i o n
Billie:♞ W h o ' s W i t h M e

[LittleStevieHorseAndPhone]

"Oh, psh. That thing about these being the best years of our life is just something shitty adults tell us to keep us all quiet and obedient," said Dane, his focus fixed on a fluffy passing cloud. "Having to follow orders, rules, being forced to sit in a little uncomfortable desk for almost half a day, all while we're slowly but surely gaining the brain power to question all of it. These aren't the best years of our lives--they're the angriest. And The Man fears that--the people on top know that if we really set our minds to it, we could start a whole revolution. So they keep us quiet with all this drivel about how we're supposed to enjoy being kids."

It was kind of a cop-out of a subject change, but if Dane had to justify his girlfriendless-ness one more time, he just might implode. And besides, that really was how he felt about the world. Maybe that was why he got along so well with his dormmates, despite being such an oppositional person. There was this collective climate of dissatisfaction in the Ravenclaw seventh-year boys' dorm. They were clever enough to know that the world they'd been given just wasn't enough, and it stewed in them and turned them into a whole bunch of ticked-off troublemakers.

"But other than being crushed under the iron boot of The System, I don't think my life is missing anything."

Anyone would believe it, especially given how happy-go-lucky he always acted. Who would have guessed that Dane Callaghan had any unfulfilled wishes?

"What is your type then, since we are on the subject?"

"Brunettes?" said Dane, with a little shrug of his shoulders. "Smart ones...who are disciplined...persistent...but who aren't afraid to break convention, either."

His voice grew quieter towards the end, the tips of his ears turning red as he wondered if she'd get it. There was only one girl he could think of who fit that laundry-list of qualities...

If she figured it out, though, it would only complicate things with her and Carrow. He wished it could've been different...

"Well, worry not, because I can promise you that as long as you're the same awesome person, I'm always gonna be your best friend."

Even if he'd sell his soul for the chance to be something more.




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THE FEAR OF FALLING APART.

[LittleStevieHorseAndPhone]

"I didn't mean what are you doing here, I meant...here," he said, motioning to the bit of grass between their feet. He meant 'here' as in, standing with him. It was the same word, but said differently, it had a different meaning.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. If I snapped. It's just..."

It was just, a lot of things.

"My biological family was never much of a family."

They were three degrees shy of functional on a good day.

For Merlin's sake, his parents were first cousins.

"They believe all kinds of bullshit, like that Purebloods are better than other people...and since I didn't agree with them, they treated me like dragon dung."

He'd spare her the dirty details about how his mother would hold the threat of the Cruciatus over his head. She'd never done it, but he believed she was capable. If he faced a Boggart, it turned into the woman.

"Then last year, I couldn't take it anymore so I walked out, and they slammed the door on my back. Literally removed me from the family tree. The Potters took me in, and Mrs. Potter, she...well, for the first time, it was like having a real mum, a real family, and now everything just feels broken..." He choked a bit before he was able to continue. "And I can't talk about it in front of James 'cause he's the one who just lost his mum, and he's got enough on his plate without me lumping my problems on top."

He'd spent years trying to break down Sam's walls, but not once had it occurred to him to take his own down, first. To tell her the truth, behind his front of pranks and devil-may-care smirks. Who really wanted to hear about that, though? The truth of Sirius' world, the world he'd come from, wasn't pretty.

But he didn't want to be alone in it right now.

"Sorry if this is more than you bargained for. You don't have to play shrink for me or whatever, just..."

Just stay, his eyes pleaded.






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BRING ME BACK A DOG IN THE NEXT LIFE.

[LittleStevieHorseAndPhone]

The whole time James was giving his eulogy, Creighton held his breath. He knew exactly how ashamed he ought to be of himself, up here choking up and forcing James into the role he should have filled. He couldn't feel anything, though. There was just this ringing in his ears as he tried to wrap his head around the finality of the whole thing. For seventeen years, he'd been wishing nonstop that it was finally over, and now it just was.

He realized James had stopped speaking about a half a minute after the speech had ended. He swallowed tensely, turning to face him, and gave him this stiff, uncomfortable hug. "That was beautiful, James," he said out of some obligation to propriety--Purebloods were great at instilling that instinct into their kids. In a way, James was lucky that he didn't cling to that same propriety. Running around causing trouble with his friends, pining after Lily, that Muggleborn girl...

James reminded Creighton an awful lot of himself at that age. The crucial difference was, James had the guts to follow through and go after what he wanted, rather than get roped back under the control of obligations.

Creighton was glad his son was so true to himself. He hoped things worked out for him and this Lily Evans. But he couldn't help but resent himself and all of his missed opportunities...

After James' speech, the crowd had started to disperse. Sirius Black was one of the first to break from the mass of people--the poor kid looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown, and Creighton felt like he was just one more person he'd let down today. He knew how fond the kid had been of Hilaeira...

As the people started to come out of their seats, Creighton backed off from his son and faded in with the rest of the crowd. He turned up at Sandra's side--no matter what happened, something just kept pulling him back to her.

When he opened his mouth to speak, he was shaking.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand up there and lie to them all," he said. "Does that make me a bad person?"

He sure as hell felt like one.

The look on James' face...

He should have lied to them. He should've waxed poetic about how much Hilaeira's love had meant to him, but he'd never had that false charm, that power of persuasion. That had always been more Tom's thing.

He was just as lost and confused as everyone else at this funeral. Probably more.




▇ ▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇ LIKE A FEATHER FLYING HIGH UP IN THE SKY ON A WINDY DAY ▇▇▇▇▇
I GET CARRIED AWAY.

[mandygurl71]

XXXPrudence McKayla BakerXXXXXX

That look, right there, the one she was giving him right now was giving her away and that was all he needed. He was on the right track anyway, and he needed to stay on it. Even if it lead to her treating him right now like she would treat any of her goons that follow her around when she did not want to let them in on whatever she was planning, doing, or saying. Beating around the bush as most people would call it and while some would get annoyed if they knew the person was doing it, Phillip found it amusing and a relief. It wasn't him, he just hoped whatever it really was, was something as simple as his appearance.

"If you could arrange to kiss me again, without running off like I had bad breath, then go right ahead I won't stop you! But, don't do anything you don't want to or are not comfortable with doing Liesel. I won't be offended either, just tell me what it is..." He knew he told himself that as long as they were okay he wouldn't push, but so far with what he had been pushing, she had been giving away little by little, and hey he wasn't a Ravenclaw for nothing, he wanted to learn and know why just like any guy would.

"Everyone is a puzzle Liesel. Just because you are a person doesn't mean you're not a puzzle, every moment of your life is a piece of that puzzle and when you let someone into your life you are giving them the okay to put it together." That was deep, deeper than he thought he had in him, but he hoped it would work.

As she stammered again about how he was wrong and his appearance had nothing to do with why she ran out on him, but the way she was speaking, the look on her face, he knew that she was just saying that. "No, I don't have a cigarette you freeloader..." he teased, still grinning.

"Your conquests could speak for themselves on your type Liesel, so nice try...that's it. I should have known, I'm not your type am I?"

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[LittleStevieHorseAndPhone]

"Why wouldn't I be comf--" Liesel began, but Phillip just kept picking her apart and insisting he could make the pieces of her fit in some coherent way, when she knew for a fact that simply wasn't true.

Nobody can put me back together. I'm just too broken.

He wouldn't have a cigarette, would he? The folks would probably kill him...something about how smoking messes with our endurance. For a lack of anything to fiddle with, she picked at a stray thread at the hem of her sleeve.

And there it was. He delivered the final blow, and she could try to fight him on it, but as convincing as she could be, he was always the one person she'd never been able to fool. She could declare that two and two made five, and anyone else would just take her for face value, but he was far to clever for that.

"If I tell you you're wrong, are you just going to know I'm lying?"

She twirled a strand of hair around tense fingers. "I'm honestly so mortified right now."

Neither of them even had to say it, specifically. It was just there, out in the open, now, because the two of them were so good together that they could communicate something perfectly even if they barely spoke, and yet, they were still so roadblocked.

"You know, I never wanted you to find out. I always thought that one day I'd just wake up and be, be normal, and then it'd never have mattered and the two of us could just... But so far, no such miracle. I tamp it down and tamp it down, but I guess even I can't keep a thing bottled up forever, because then I just lose it and do a thing like ******** Pettigrew when just the day before, we'd been wrapped up in the most vicious game of intellectual foreplay that I've--SWORDPLAY! Meant…to say…swordplay…right there…" Liesel trailed off.

Complicating this whole matter was the fact that she was actually developing feelings for Pettigrew, which...okay, what the [********]? If only she could turn her own affections on and off like a switch, her life would be so much easier. But it was never that simple, was it?

"Look, I'm sorry..."

A part of her wanted to ask if they could go around the corner where no one would see them so there wouldn't be a scene, just in case she broke down to crying and calling herself garbage. She was determined not to cry, though--what if it looked like she was just using her tears to bend him to her will?

Just the way her father did with all of his pleading and appealing.

Not that she stood to win anything from Phillip right now, besides maybe a reprieve from him giving her some horrified look and deciding he found her disgusting after all. If that waswhat he wanted to do, though, she wouldn't try to manipulate her way around it. If he was finally done with her...well then, he was probably better off for it.

"I shouldn't have led you on like that if--I mean, I didn't mean to. I really thought I could be, I don't know, better. I really wanted to be. But I'm not. I'm just this weird...anomaly."

And she'd honestly rather eat a bowl of nails than explain exactly how she'd gotten so anomalous. Even she didn't know all the details of how it happened, but even if she did, she'd still save it for another discussion, penciled in for, oh, never.

"Well, there you have it--the beans are spilled. Hope this doesn't make it too weird when we hang out. If we can still hang out." She'd understand if he thought she was too much of a freak. She'd understand if he'd been so dead-set on a romance that he didn't want to just be friends.

Six years ago, she'd been naive and made a mistake, and ever since then, she'd been paying for it, and she would keep paying for it. She'd pay for it with everything she had, because wasn't that what she deserved?

[mandygurl71]

XXXPrudence McKayla BakerXXXXXX

The corners of her mouth turned up again when Garrett pointed out his surprise at catching her off guard. It was just a small smile though, one that did not really reach her eyes that time. He did not mean it, she was sure, but the way he had worded it and how she technically was unprepared right now, reminded her on how she was technically not a Dolohov. Just because she shared the last name did not make her one, no matter how much time and effort she had put into trying to be one her whole life...no matter how many marks or scars she gave herself...it was never enough.

She had to keep trying though, and she would, for her siblings, half or otherwise, they were her world, this was all for them.

Still, she smiled for him, and shrugged her shoulders, "Awe, come on you should be used to it from me, if it's not planned out, I'm not prepared at all. A Ravenclaw trait I suppose." She added with a shrug, "But yes, for curiosity's sake, tell me..."

And then she regretted asking at all. She held the smile on her face, listening to him go on about each of his scar, pointing them out and telling her how it happened. On the inside though, that was a different story, the first one, about a wizard out of country, was fine, but then he went on to a Death Eater raid, and it took everything in her not to grip her arm where the mark burned through the sleeve on her shirt, not in the way that she was being summoned but in a way that made it seem almost as if the mark wanted to be shown to Garrett...and it burned with her fear of him ever knowing it was there at all...

The raid he was talking about she was not apart of, but she had heard of, and how the death eaters involved got punished for not being able to take down one little Auror. Billie didn't know that auror was Garrett, but now that she did it made sense...he was right, he could take care of himself. It still pained her though to know what could have happened. "Well, it does seem to look like you know how to handle yourself very well! Taking on death eaters on your own and walking away with just a few scratches. I won't pry into where your looking of course, but are there any other battles you've had where you managed to walk away without a scratch like that? Or have the others been...worse?" she hesitated on the last part, not really sure if she wanted to know if they would be worse but that would be a question she'd have to ask...so might as well get it out of the way.

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[mandygurl71]

XXXXSandra JoycelynXXXXX

The way James had gotten up there and said what needed to be said with the strongest expression that he could made Sandra hold a lot of respect for him. His own father couldn't do it, for reasons that only herself, Creighton, and maybe two other people in this audience knew why, but James could, did, and ended beautifully. It made Sandra want to cry even more as she looked at the boy who lost his mother turn and hug his father in front of everyone. The whole thing was just so sad, but Sandra held herself together, knowing this was not about her, and Hil would probably roll over in the casket in front of her if she saw Sandra crying at her funeral...

Standing on her own, shuffling her feet as others started to get up and talk again now that the eulogy was over, Sandra debated making her disappearance now before anyone could pull her into conversation but before she could make up her mind Creighton appeared and made it up for her. The way he looked at her right now, she couldn't leave him just yet.

What he said to her made her heart break for him again as she thought her words carefully. "No, no, Creighton you are not a bad person...you've never been a bad person, and I don't think you ever could be." That much she knew was true, self preserving, yes, naive, sometimes, but a bad person? Never.

"Even if...not many people could get up there and say anything, for someone they loved, or someone they didn't. James is a very rare boy you have, a very special boy who came to his father's side in his time of need, and that was all that happened, that was all anyone saw happen. You did nothing wrong. You are a good person, how could you not be with a son like that?" Her eyes went over his shoulder to spot James in the crowd, he had also left the podium where the speech was made and was making his way through person to person to what Sandra could only guess in the direction of the red-head that stood out in the crowd, Lily Evans.

She looked back at Creighton, and took a deep breath, "You put too much blame on yourself, you aren't the only one who made mistakes Creighton. So do not ever think you are a bad person, please...despite everything you are one of the best people I know." It hurt to say, but it was true, despite how he broke her heart in the end, he was a good person. Sure she might have had to push him to be, even by leaving him the way she did, but he was still a good person. He stuck it through and if only he could see what he got out of it...a child, a boy, no a man now, that was a good person, who loved too much and laughed a lot, he raised a son despite not wanting too in the first place and it all worked out for him...He got the child she never got to have.

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[mandygurl71]

XXXPrudence McKayla BakerXXXXXX

Sirius wanted to know why she came over to him, and to be honest Sam did not have a clue...well she did, but it was not something she was willing to admit aloud, not just yet anyway. The two of them had been through a lot in the last week and it was moving very quickly, so while physically Sam was here, in front of him, and trying to be here for him, emotionally, she was not ready to open up about that just yet. She did not want to worry him with that though, right now, when he was going through this. She just wanted to be sure he knew she was here and that was it...

"You don't have to apologize..." that wasn't something she ever thought she would say to Sirius Black, but here she was. He did not need to though, she meant it, he was in a vulnerable place right now and if anyone could understand that, it was Sam. She had been in that very same place once before, and if he had told her to bugger off she would have and she wouldn't have taken it personally. He didn't though, so she stayed, and listened.

While Sam's way of opening up to Sirius was just being here right now, he seem to feel comfortable enough to open up verbally about his family to her. Sam had heard rumors, little bits here and there, about Sirius's family. It wasn't a secret in the wizarding world how the Black's are those kind of purebloods. All anyone at school needed to do was look at Regulus Black to know that much, the younger Slytherin boy who went around acting better than everyone else...but all anyone also had to do was look at Sirius next to his brother and see the difference. Sirius wasn't like his family. He was an a** sometimes sure, but he wasn't like that...so to hear it coming directly from him she knew it must be harder to talk about than it looked.

When Sirius apologized again, Sam shook her head, slowly reaching over and putting her hand in his before gripping it tightly. "Stop apologizing. If I couldn't handle this, I wouldn't be over here...I-I know what its like alright...not exactly like yours but, look I just know, so it's okay..." She tried to reassure him, still holding his hand in her's as they stood apart from everyone else.

"Right now, it's the worst of it, and I wish I could say it gets better...I can't, but it does get easier. And James...while I'm sure he's grateful to have a friend right now, you are not his only friend. He'll be alright, and he's not alone, and neither are you. You two are lucky to have each other right now. Plus Remus and Peter, you have them to turn to as well..." And me... She thought it but didn't say it. One reason being because she hoped it was obvious, she was right in front of him after all, and the other reason being because she did not feel ready to put herself out there like that just yet. She'd be here if he turned to her but she wasn't ready to say it aloud just yet.

"James is in the same place you are right now and you are a good friend for trying not to burden him with it, but just give him some time and he'll come around...you are grieving too and when he can be he'll be here for you I'm sure of it. Best friends don't turn their back on each other like that, I should know, look at me and Lily."

Sure Lily hadn't been in her life when her father died, but when Lily did come into her life it got a bit easier from there for Sam. Lily became her best friend, her sister, and Lily's parents were like a second home to her. Sure she wasn't completely against her mother like Sirius was his family, but it wasn't exactly easy growing up with a mother who can't even look at you because she's too busy with work. Lily's parents were there for her when she left for school every year, Lily's parents were the ones inviting her to dinner all the time, making sure she had a place to go for the holidays, and things like that. If Lily lost either of her parents she figured she'd be standing in Sirius's spot right now feeling the same way he did...

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[mandygurl71]

XXXPrudence McKayla BakerXXXXXX

Nodding his head slowly, Phillip wanted her to tell him the truth regardless if he would be able to tell or not. She should be able to tell him the truth, they had always had that kind of relationship, or so he thought anyway...bloody hell she had outright apologized to him for sleeping with another guy and he told her it was okay, it was okay, he had no problem with it! She could do what she wanted for all he cared, but she told him, and that was it. It worked for them, so the fact that she was so nervous to talk to him about this...well he found it almost laughable, especially when she admitted it.

He couldn't help it, the laugh came out, but he meant it in a positive way, he was relieved that was all it was! She was embarrassed, and he could understand why she might be with...well with anyone but him, but that was besides the point, the truth was coming out now and he could be satisfied with that.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but that's it? Really? Liesel Dolohov you had me worried for nothing you know that?" he said, still smiling. He wanted to reach out to her, take her hand, or hug her, or something, but he did not want to overstep any more boundaries and make her more uncomfortable so he just choose to stand their grinning at her stupidly.

"Really? You sure that's what you meant?" he added, unable to stop himself from laughing again as he wiggled his brows at her suggestively, laughing once more at the mortified expression on her face. It was fun seeing Liesel Dolohov in this most vulnerable position. He had never seen her like this before, and it was amusing so long as she wasn't about to run off on him.

"Liesel, you are far from normal, and that's what I like about you. You aren't like the other girls, and you shouldn't be, they are mostly boring or crazy...and well, I'm not saying your not crazy sometimes, everyone is, but not like them. You're better." It was true, Liesel was so much better than those goody two shoes brats that ran around like they thought they were the best thing in the world. Liesel was the best, and she ran this place like that so she needed to remember that about herself.

"Oh yes, totally never gonna hang out with you again..." he said sarcastically while rolling his eyes. "Come on, you've had me running around thinking you hated me for some reason, I'm not going anywhere unless you want me too and even then you might have to be a bit forceful to get me to back off. I do have one question, why? Why haven't you said anything before now? I mean I get not saying anything to anyone else, but me? Come on..."

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[LittleStevieHorseAndPhone]

"James is a good kid," Creighton agreed, and with a sigh, added, "Maybe he's just making up for my shortcomings." He wasn't sure he could say that he'd raised James to be the virtuous young man he was turning into. In fact, he wasn't sure he could call his relationship with James 'raising' at all; he'd been so distant these last seventeen years, and now, to watch James show such strength made him want to kick himself for not being more involved every step of the way.

To be honest, he wasn't sure where James had gotten a heart like that. He wasn't much like either of his parents at all. Hilaeira was cruel. Creighton was weak. And James was neither of those things--well, alright, Creighton had noticed a cruel streak in him when it came to the little jokes he and his friends were fond of playing, but what kid wasn't a bit of a d**k sometimes? Now that James was growing up, it was clear he was better than Hilaeira had ever been in the morality department. The maturity department, too.

Hilaeira - cold and still in a pristine, varnished casket. All of her friends gathered here together, weeping over her in their fresh-pressed funeral finery. She would have been pleased to see all this.

He gave Sandra a sideways glance and fought a smile as she called him 'one of the best people she knew.' "You must know some piss-awful people, then," he mumbled. "Thank you, though, for not condemning me. It's..."

It was hard to speak about, especially with all these people around to overhear.

For a supposedly good person, Creighton had quite the track record. Spending his childhood too cowardly to tell his mother she was wrong about every decision she'd made for him...plotting to leave his pregnant wife, which he would have done if not for Sandra's refusal to follow through...he'd failed his son, he'd failed everyone at this funeral, and he knew he'd failed Sandra on multiple accounts.

But if she could look him in the eye and tell him truly that she still thought he was a good person after all of that, it was the most comforting thing that could have happened to him right now.

"I just wish I could hold your hand right now," he confessed.

But he couldn't. It wouldn't be appropriate in front of the mourners.

And...and James.




▇ ▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇ LIKE A FEATHER FLYING HIGH UP IN THE SKY ON A WINDY DAY ▇▇▇▇▇
I GET CARRIED AWAY.

[LittleStevieHorseAndPhone]

"Goddammit, Phillip Kutner! This is my deepest darkest secret here! Don't laugh at my shame!" With narrowed eyes and a pinched expression, she punched him square in the chest--not very hard, not that she was even capable of punching that hard, but he'd be able to tell they'd returned to the same old play-fight they always had. It was kind of comforting, actually. And it wasn't like she was shocked that he was laughing at her. She'd predicted he would laugh at her. She'd even told him that's what he would do.

As he went on, she rolled her eyes and smirked. "Oh, is that what you think I want? To be told I'm better than other girls?" She scoffed. "Well, I guess you're right. Twenty points to Ravenclaw," she teased, even though she knew the opposite of what he said to be true. Those 'inferior' other girls? They were clean and unmarred by depravity. Liesel was defiled. Sometimes she thought, irreparably so. Sometimes it really hit her how even after she proved herself to the Dark Lord, even after he saved her from her father, nobody could fix the damage that had already been done.

But if Phillip could look at her and not see any of that damage at all--if the one person who'd held her world together from the beginning could think so high of her even now, then maybe, in some glossed-over, surface-level way, that was enough.

As far as Liesel was concerned, Phillip had gotten what he came for--his answer--but because this was Phillip, and he thought people were books, and he'd never be satisfied with just the preface and had to read all the way to the godforsaken epilogue, of course he'd have follow-up questions. Of course he'd want to know why she'd kept this from him since the first day she ever noticed she was a little off in the boy department.

For a second, Liesel wasn't sure what to say. She had a lot of reasons for holding her tongue for so long.

Because this was real life. Because people didn't just let each other all the way in, and if Phillip thought that was the way things worked, he was taking too many romance novel recommendations from Kiera.

Because, just as she'd said, she'd been trying for years to make this little abnormalcy go away, and once it did go away, assuming she could get rid of it, it wouldn't have mattered in the first place, so what was the point of bringing it to light?

Because when Liesel was little, her mum used to read her Beedle. She always remembered the story of The Warlock's Hairy Heart. How the warlock locked his heart away for years, just as Liesel had done, and when he tried to use it again, it had grown perverse, just like hers had.

Past a certain age, you realize that the Warlock's attack on the unnamed maiden in the story was a rape allegory, and Liesel just never wanted to be that warlock. She never wanted to be her father.

She shrugged, bit her lip, and shoved both hands in her pockets. "I kind of figured out that you fancied me, and I guess I just didn't want to hurt your feelings," she said at last. Isn't that what people did when they loved each other? Lie by omission to spare each other's feelings? She'd been doing it to her siblings for years.

"Well, there--satisfied? Wanna go back to normal now, maybe torture a squirrel or something for old time's sake?"

[mandygurl71]

XXXPrudence McKayla BakerXXXXXX

"Shame!? What do you have to be ashamed of Liesel? Liesel Dolohov, Queen bee of this school, who gets people to do whatever she wants them too by snapping her fingers...ashamed? Come on...you have nothing to be worried about, really." He wasn't trying to belittle her feelings, quite the opposite really, Phillip wanted to make sure she knew that whatever she liked, whatever she wanted to do, it didn't matter what other people thought of it, She had this school wrapped around her finger, and even if she didn't, she'd still have him...

"Don't be like that Lies, you are better than the other girls...the stupid dumb girls that run around this school thinking that all that matters are their hair or makeup or stupid stuff like that, yes even Ravenclaw girls, you are so much better than they are! You are real, realer than any girl out there. Any girl that I've met anyway." He was getting sensitive, and he knew she wasn't into that, but he meant it. Every word...and he'd shout it to the moon and back if it made her feel better...or he'd show her, someway, some how, Phillip Kutner would show the Queen of Hogwarts that was exactly what she was, a queen, and she deserved to be treated as such.

"If you hadn't figured out by now that I fancied you then...well that would explain why you weren't in Ravenclaw for sure...I don't think I could have spelt it out any better without actually spelling it out on parchment." At this point he was grinning again as he took a step closer to her. Shaking his head slowly as she asked about going back to normal.

"Liesel, I will do whatever makes you comfortable, but if there is even a chance I can be with you and keep you happy at the same time then I want to take it...you'll not just pretend this didn't happen right?" he asked. "Answer me that and then we can go kill a squirrel, just for you." he teased.

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[mandygurl71]

XXXXSandra JoycelynXXXXX

It pained Sandra even more to hear Creighton talk so negatively about himself. Everyone had their flaws, she wasn't perfect either, despite the pedestal he seemed to put her on (just like her father), but that didn't mean he needed to talk about himself like that...not to her anyway. If he just realized that, while yes mistakes were made for sure, but that he raised James and that he was a part of the reason James was growing into the man he was today, then he would maybe see that he can't be that bad...James was a good kid, and Creighton was apart of that...

Unfortunately so was Hilaeria, but that was besides the point.

She gave him a look when he commented on how if she thought he was a good person then she must know some awful ones. "I could never condemn you Creighton...you are a good person." she added when he paused. He was, despite what he thought, despite how badly he beat himself up for what happened....

Then he said words that he knew he shouldn't have. Sure at the very least he said them and did not act on them, but it was still something that made her close her eyes and bite back the tears that wanted to start to fall. He wanted to hold her hand...she wanted so much more, but it was feelings that neither of them should have...that neither of them were allowed to have.

"...Creighton..." It was too much to deal with right now.

Even though she wanted too...

She wanted to so just as much he did, but they couldn't not here... not now...but that didn't stop her from looking at him and breaking just a little bit more of the rules than she already had by being here. Her eyes did not leave his as she reached over...and her fingers brushed the side of his hand.

She was becoming angry with herself.

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