Dimmer Meerkat
Hm. I recently read an article on the Huffpost about transgendered military and ex-military people. Given the amount of psychological hardships so many people go though in the military regardless, you'd think there'd be a sort of support network for transgendered ex-military people, or anonymous military tg's. I can understand the fear of being discharged though. DADT's repeal doesn't protect gender identity after all.
Well I'm upset about it but I have to admit I'm not looking that hard. Will explain later.
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In lieu of that specific sort of group, is there any general trans support groups in your area? I think having peers rather than professionals in some situations is really helpful. In as much as you can pour your real thoughts out online because of a general sense of belonging and acceptance, there's a similar effect in support groups in person after the initial awkward phase. Well, I dunno if everyone has that awkward phase but I'm kind of... socially awkward and misanthropic on a regular basis, so it's definitely there for me. >.>
Yes I do. We have a GLBTQ center like 5min away and I went there THE DAY I got back from Japan. I went to one of the PFLAG meetings and it was okay. Our PFLAG chapter is literally all trans people and their family. ONE cisgender person showed up (He went because he was gay). They said our particular chapter is unusual/interesting in that respect.
When I went to the GLBTQ center, I talked ot some of the facilitators there and asked if I could meet someone who was ex-military. She said she knew of one but would have to see. I guess they don't do direct contact here, the facilitator emailed the vet transwoman my email I guess, and the vet would have to email me. Well, that never happened so consequently I threw my hands up and decided to give up.
I can talk about it online. I've found a few. But I wanted to talk to someone IN PERSON about it. So it's like... Whatever. And then, the days where I search for someone, or want to talk, are quickly fading and replaced with days like today where it's just "******** TRANS ISSUES I'M A NORMAL PERSON" and so I don't look for anybody or talk to anybody at all.
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In the group, obviously, you'd be exposed to talking about trans... stuff and junk... But you're also networking. You might meet other guys or girls that you're able to see as -just- guys and girls, instead of FtMs and MtFs, and those people will see you the same way, hormones or not. So eventually you get that connection and that understanding, and you can enjoy a bit of blissful ignorance.
This is going to sound super judgmental because it is. And sorry it's going to come off bad-- I didn't like the PFLAG meeting because the issues they were dealing with paled in comparison to mine. I lied there saying I had no or few problems because I knew that if I mentioned what I was actually dealing with, it'd turn from a PFLAG meeting into a "Let's all let Q talk and listen to his issues" meeting.
As it was, even with the lying about how well it was going for me, it still turned into a mostly "Hey let's let Q talk about stuff because HEY MILITARY" And I was like... No thank you, please.
Like I said, not a martyr, don't want to be one.
So I stopped going. I did meet one cool girl there, she's my current transfriend. We hang out outside PFLAG.
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And I know how you feel. I'm not all about transgenderism, really, though I am transgendered. I just want to be me, and be seen how I've seen myself for a very long time. I often think of my childhood and just rue that I wasn't born a male, because I would have breached some of the barriers that were in my way as a "female" child. I might have also been coddled less which... might have made me a more independent person, but I'm deplorably dependent right now and trying to fix that.
Sorry to interject with my own babbles, but essentially I'm just trying to relate a bit. Can't say I know 100% what you're going through, but there's some similarities in there I'd guess.
I'm sure we relate. I'm sure I can relate to pretty much anyone. I've done almost everything at this point (Wow that sounded like bragging. It isn't). I like relating to people.
The problem I'm facing now is. I'm 100% socially transitioned. There's nothing wrong with my gender. I don't even have problems with my current girl legal name. My problems all stem from HOW ********
OLDYOUNG I LOOK and my INABILITY TO GAIN MUSCLE.
Both of which can be solved through T so it's like. FUUUUCK WHY AM I NOT ON T YET.
It's really ******** simple but it enrages me so goddamned much. It's like, I'd almost prefer to crossdress and be a girl than be treated like a goddamned 14 year old. And then when that happens I get this really bad persecution complex-- I go into mad vet mode where it's like "I PROTECTED YOUR GODDAMNED FREEDOMS AND FOR WHAT? FOR YOU TO TREAT ME LIKE A ******** CHILD! Even IF I were 12, there is NO REASON for you to treat me like I am INCAPABLE OF THINKING A ******** COHERENT THOUGHT."
And then of course, the whole "Did I make the right decision" On getting out of the navy. In my head, I know I did. But my heart says otherwise and I'm pretty sure that's a feeling that's
never going to go away.
- Name change is published in paper. I pick up affidavit on thursday and start changing all my records.