Oh, hello fellow ace! I'm really glad to find more people with similar feelings. I thought I was over complicating things a little bit but in the end gender identity is a pretty complex thing as it is, and I guess there's a lot of wiggle room. Not everyone is going to feel all of one way or the other. I also grew up wondering now and then if my parents hadn't gotten SRS on me when I was born too.
The guilt is a huge thing to deal with when it seems you could make everyone else's lives easier by just shutting up about it. I really hope that I get over that someday- and that you do too. I think if and when I finally come out about it, people's reactions might play a big role in whether I can feel confident or good about it, as much as I'd love to be my own source of confidence. There's just this ingrained sense of wanting your parents to be proud of you. But to be honest, I'm really really hoping for that "we basically knew" reaction you were talking about, since I've been this way for so long. My best friend told me she basically knew after I confided in her, and my sister seem to have at least some subconscious idea. I really hope my parents see it the same way. It sounds like you have a really good therapist, by the way. I hope I'm able to find someone like that when I'm ready to start looking.
Ah, I wasn't aware what exactly the deal was with job discrimination- I've just heard horror stories before that got to me, I guess. I'm actually in NYS so that's great. I'll be sure to research it all a lot more when the time comes.
Heheh. It's not that I would even consider myself feminine, because as I've said I feel male. But then I realize that as far as masculine standards go I still don't conform to that in a lot of ways. But that's really fine with me, because like I said, I'm overall pretty happy with who I am. Even if I got surgery or T I wouldn't quit my hobby of sewing and cosplaying or even baking. Enjoying stuff is just enjoying stuff, and I really think it's society that tries to hard to categorize or stereotype these things. So I'm fine with being seen as a bit feminine because inside I still feel so male, and as long as others see me as male too then I don't think it would bother me much, when I would think that I'd want to try to disassociate myself from being connected with feminine influences so I can fit in and pass easier. It's a nice discovery to find that there are a lot of other trans men who are comfortable with that too, by the sounds of it.
