PTSD Support Thread

[grinningjester]

underdog-kitten

I'm glad you don't hang around this person anymore. He sounds like he was completely non-supportive. I think that the "it can always be worse" attitude basically says that one trauma is "worse" than another. Trauma is trauma. One may just be different than another.

Less Than Beth

Stuck Points- Conflicting beliefs or strong negative beliefs that create unpleasant emotions or unhealthy behavior. My assignment: "Write at least one page on why this tramatic event occurred. Do not write specifics about the tramatic event. Write about what you have been thinking about the cause of the worst event. Also, consider the effects this tramatic event has had on your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world in the following areas: Saftey, trust, power/control, esteem, and intimacy." I know this is supposed to help me, but I don't like the fact that I'm having to "dig up" all these memories and issues that I've supressed for a long time. I honestly think I would be fine without therapy because all that it's doing is stirring myself up and making me feel like a "freak".

In the beginning I HATED therapy because it just made me feel worse. But in my case I had to get worse to get better. Ignoring it didn't make it go away. I said I was "fine" but I was having a lot of flashbacks, extreme paranoia, and all the other fun things PTSD brings. Ignoring it was just putting the lid on the boiling pot. Therapy let out that steam, lanced the boil, whatever metaphor you'd like to use...It was what I needed. Therapy didn't magically fix me but over time I have definitely improved. I still hate going into the incident, I hate the feelings thinking about it brings up. I think the exercise your therapist gave you is GREAT. I think I'm going to do it too. Maybe not a page...Maybe I'll post it. I dunno if I have the balls to but I'll consider it.

Smudged_Makeup

It's about time I've seen a PTSD Lifestyle thread. I don't remember seeing one in here before.

Welcome to the thread and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find things here that can help you. Your teacher was a huge d**k. Even if that is your opinion, you shouldn't try to press that opinion on others, especially about something so sensitive.

[The_Spiciest_Mchaggis]

Lil Enslaved Kitten

Thanks :]

grinningjester

In the beginning I HATED therapy because it just made me feel worse. But in my case I had to get worse to get better. Ignoring it didn't make it go away. I said I was "fine" but I was having a lot of flashbacks, extreme paranoia, and all the other fun things PTSD brings. Ignoring it was just putting the lid on the boiling pot. Therapy let out that steam, lanced the boil, whatever metaphor you'd like to use...It was what I needed. Therapy didn't magically fix me but over time I have definitely improved. I still hate going into the incident, I hate the feelings thinking about it brings up. I think the exercise your therapist gave you is GREAT. I think I'm going to do it too. Maybe not a page...Maybe I'll post it. I dunno if I have the balls to but I'll consider it.

I understand what you mean. I think what may be turning me off to therapy is now that actually doing well I don't need it, and want to give myself some credit and handle my problems on my own. Another reason is that after my session I'm drained and moody. Now that I have a job I can't go into work like that, and I don't want to ask for special privilages and have them question if I can handle my job.
The assignment process was really long and emotionally draining. I recommend doing it when your most comfortable and in a calm enviroment/ no distractions. I hope hope it works out for you, and it would definitely be ballsy if you posted it.lol I already admire you and respect what you say regardless if you decided not to post.

[grinningjester]

Less Than Beth

I understand what you mean. I think what may be turning me off to therapy is now that actually doing well I don't need it, and want to give myself some credit and handle my problems on my own. Another reason is that after my session I'm drained and moody. Now that I have a job I can't go into work like that, and I don't want to ask for special privilages and have them question if I can handle my job.

Maybe tell your therapist about this? I'm sure they deal with that all the time. For me, I went to therapy for a bit after the shooting and then figured I was fine and stopped. Three months later I was back to being a basket case. Not saying this would happen to you but it sounds to me like you've just started making breakthroughs in your therapy. It wasn't that long ago that you felt comfortable enough to share with your therapist and your mother (if I'm recalling correctly). That's a HUGE step. Is there a way to schedule your sessions on your days off or to have a very early session and go in to work later?

[The_Spiciest_Mchaggis]

grinningjester

Less Than Beth

I understand what you mean. I think what may be turning me off to therapy is now that actually doing well I don't need it, and want to give myself some credit and handle my problems on my own. Another reason is that after my session I'm drained and moody. Now that I have a job I can't go into work like that, and I don't want to ask for special privilages and have them question if I can handle my job.

Maybe tell your therapist about this? I'm sure they deal with that all the time. For me, I went to therapy for a bit after the shooting and then figured I was fine and stopped. Three months later I was back to being a basket case. Not saying this would happen to you but it sounds to me like you've just started making breakthroughs in your therapy. It wasn't that long ago that you felt comfortable enough to share with your therapist and your mother (if I'm recalling correctly). That's a HUGE step. Is there a way to schedule your sessions on your days off or to have a very early session and go in to work later?

There isn't a possible way to know when my days off are going to be. My session are always on the same week day at the same time and I've informed my manager that I can't come in early on those days. I just don't want the recovery process to interfer with what I have going on now. Also sharing has felt more like an obligation rather than a relief lately. I'll probably just suck it up and continue my sessions anyway.lol wahmbulance

[grinningjester]

After much difficulty, I have completed the PTSD assignment Beth's therapist gave to her. It was HARD to do but I think it did make me think about the hows and whys of my PTSD and helped me see what I'm still struggling with. The prompt is the following:

Less Than Beth

"Write at least one page on why this traumatic event occurred. Do not write specifics about the traumatic event. Write about what you have been thinking about the cause of the worst event. Also, consider the effects this traumatic event has had on your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world in the following areas: Safety, trust, power/control, esteem, and intimacy."

My response:
"Why did it happen? Luck of the draw, really. A man decided he would rather shoot than go back to jail. Me and my partner just happened to be on the receiving end. And things played out in such a way that trapped me with a murderous felon for three minutes before he came to kill me and I had no choice but to use lethal force. Bad training on the part of my partner didn’t help. He went into that apartment when he knew we needed back up, and I knew no better because I was his trainee. He moved in front of me when the shooter came up, forcing me to move further into the apartment and ultimately trapping me in there. And he ran away when the shooting started.
How has it changed my beliefs…
….about myself? In some ways it made me feel more capable of handling terrible situations. On the other hand, it has made me feel like I cannot not trust anyone else to protect me. I must be always on my guard because no one will be able to save me if things go bad except me. And I always think things are going to go bad.
…about others? Everyone is a threat. The old lady walking down the street has a gun. The three year old might be concealing his soccer mom’s pistol. And lord knows, those gang banging thugs have AK- 47s. I have a terrible time trusting people now.
…about safety? I'm never safe. Even in my house I feel like someone could shoot through my windows. The feeling is less now than it used to be, but it still makes everything difficult. Going to the store, going to a restaurant, family parties...everywhere is unsafe.
…about intimacy? My communication skills have degraded a bit and that in turn has made my relationship with my wife degrade. My wife has to be more cautious not to trigger me. Even in sleep, she has to be careful. She is more protective of me in group situations, which makes me feel like less of a man in some respects. I should be able to take care of myself. Call me old school, but it’s a gut reaction.
…about power/control? I feel like the world is always out of my control now. Before, I was powerful, confident, and self-assured. The world was my oyster. And then it was ripped away from me. I cannot control my startle responses, I cannot control my fear or paranoia. I can only cope with it better and better.
…about self-esteem? I feel like a failure. I signed up to join the force, didn’t I? I should have expected that, shouldn’t I have? It’s part of the job description. And I just couldn’t cope. I tried for years to keep working, but in the end I had to let my dream go. I gave up and I don’t know how to forgive myself or learn to love myself again.

[The_Spiciest_Mchaggis]

grinningjester

"Why did it happen? Luck of the draw, really. A man decided he would rather shoot than go back to jail. Me and my partner just happened to be on the receiving end. And things played out in such a way that trapped me with a murderous felon for three minutes before he came to kill me and I had no choice but to use lethal force. Bad training on the part of my partner didn’t help. He went into that apartment when he knew we needed back up, and I knew no better because I was his trainee. He moved in front of me when the shooter came up, forcing me to move further into the apartment and ultimately trapping me in there. And he ran away when the shooting started.
How has it changed my beliefs…
….about myself? In some ways it made me feel more capable of handling terrible situations. On the other hand, it has made me feel like I cannot not trust anyone else to protect me. I must be always on my guard because no one will be able to save me if things go bad except me. And I always think things are going to go bad.
…about others? Everyone is a threat. The old lady walking down the street has a gun. The three year old might be concealing his soccer mom’s pistol. And lord knows, those gang banging thugs have AK- 47s. I have a terrible time trusting people now.
…about safety? I'm never safe. Even in my house I feel like someone could shoot through my windows. The feeling is less now than it used to be, but it still makes everything difficult. Going to the store, going to a restaurant, family parties...everywhere is unsafe.
…about intimacy? My communication skills have degraded a bit and that in turn has made my relationship with my wife degrade. My wife has to be more cautious not to trigger me. Even in sleep, she has to be careful. She is more protective of me in group situations, which makes me feel like less of a man in some respects. I should be able to take care of myself. Call me old school, but it’s a gut reaction.
…about power/control? I feel like the world is always out of my control now. Before, I was powerful, confident, and self-assured. The world was my oyster. And then it was ripped away from me. I cannot control my startle responses, I cannot control my fear or paranoia. I can only cope with it better and better.
…about self-esteem? I feel like a failure. I signed up to join the force, didn’t I? I should have expected that, shouldn’t I have? It’s part of the job description. And I just couldn’t cope. I tried for years to keep working, but in the end I had to let my dream go. I gave up and I don’t know how to forgive myself or learn to love myself again.

Wow. Good job :]

[grinningjester]

Less Than Beth

Wow. Good job :]

It was hard. crying

[The_Spiciest_Mchaggis]

grinningjester

Less Than Beth

Wow. Good job :]

It was hard. crying

I know right. The hardest part for me was thinking about the event and how I felt, and trying to understand why it happened. Even though I still don't know why it happened, I still blame myself for how it turned out. The process in general look a lot out of me though, and like after my sessions it left me moody and questioning everything.

[Jaseur]

I experienced this when my friend committed suicide.

Quite honestly though--and I'm not a cold-hearted b***h or a sociopath, I promise--I went through six of the seven stages of grief all in one day and hit acceptance in a week. When my mom asked me to talk to a shrink, I went into the lady's office and I had an orderly chat about how I knew it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do, etc. She was stunned that I could just absorb the blow like that.

I was a little afraid of myself, but the symptoms were severe enough that I know I cared about her... I just...moved on so quickly. Maybe it's a gift and a curse.

[Lady Sabraeli]

I was raped and I started showing signs of PTSD afterwards including nightmares, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, feeling like it was my fault and I was no good. I am doing better now after journaling my experience and finding a friend who was also raped. I am still hyper vigilant and get tense when I am alone, walking to the car at night, or when a male is walking behind me. The first time my boy friend and I were together, even a month after, I just laid on the bed then locked myself in the bathroom for about 45 minutes with another panic attack.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

Delavie

I experienced this when my friend committed suicide.

Quite honestly though--and I'm not a cold-hearted b***h or a sociopath, I promise--I went through six of the seven stages of grief all in one day and hit acceptance in a week. When my mom asked me to talk to a shrink, I went into the lady's office and I had an orderly chat about how I knew it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do, etc. She was stunned that I could just absorb the blow like that.

I was a little afraid of myself, but the symptoms were severe enough that I know I cared about her... I just...moved on so quickly. Maybe it's a gift and a curse.

i guess in some ways its both. d

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

Lady Sabraeli

I was raped and I started showing signs of PTSD afterwards including nightmares, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, feeling like it was my fault and I was no good. I am doing better now after journaling my experience and finding a friend who was also raped. I am still hyper vigilant and get tense when I am alone, walking to the car at night, or when a male is walking behind me. The first time my boy friend and I were together, even a month after, I just laid on the bed then locked myself in the bathroom for about 45 minutes with another panic attack.

hi there its nice to meet you. so sorry this happened to you. i'm glad you have found a friend that can help you through things. aww the last part about locking yourself in the bathroom makes me wanna give you a hug crying i hope he was understanding and helped you to feel better when you came out.

[Lady Sabraeli]

Lil Enslaved Kitten

Lady Sabraeli

I was raped and I started showing signs of PTSD afterwards including nightmares, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, feeling like it was my fault and I was no good. I am doing better now after journaling my experience and finding a friend who was also raped. I am still hyper vigilant and get tense when I am alone, walking to the car at night, or when a male is walking behind me. The first time my boy friend and I were together, even a month after, I just laid on the bed then locked myself in the bathroom for about 45 minutes with another panic attack.

hi there its nice to meet you. so sorry this happened to you. i'm glad you have found a friend that can help you through things. aww the last part about locking yourself in the bathroom makes me wanna give you a hug crying i hope he was understanding and helped you to feel better when you came out.

Awww thanks. I think he kind of knew what was going on even though I didn't come right out and tell him why. I think the hardest part was the fact that I had come to some point of coping so that I was functional again, but then I had the scare that I was pregnant from a false positive and the PTSD signs started showing back up as more visible signs. Luckily it was a false positive.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

Lady Sabraeli

Lil Enslaved Kitten

Lady Sabraeli

I was raped and I started showing signs of PTSD afterwards including nightmares, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, feeling like it was my fault and I was no good. I am doing better now after journaling my experience and finding a friend who was also raped. I am still hyper vigilant and get tense when I am alone, walking to the car at night, or when a male is walking behind me. The first time my boy friend and I were together, even a month after, I just laid on the bed then locked myself in the bathroom for about 45 minutes with another panic attack.

hi there its nice to meet you. so sorry this happened to you. i'm glad you have found a friend that can help you through things. aww the last part about locking yourself in the bathroom makes me wanna give you a hug crying i hope he was understanding and helped you to feel better when you came out.

Awww thanks. I think he kind of knew what was going on even though I didn't come right out and tell him why. I think the hardest part was the fact that I had come to some point of coping so that I was functional again, but then I had the scare that I was pregnant from a false positive and the PTSD signs started showing back up as more visible signs. Luckily it was a false positive.

i've learned over time that even when you don't come right out and tell the ones close to you that something is wrong they can kinda tell. and if you're like me any kinda scare that makes you a lil stressed throws thing back outta whack for a lil while.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

so rough day so far. it started out good but i got the bright idea to sit and listen to the radio while i played a game and waited on laundry to dry. ever sense i have been crying on and off thinking bout my lil brother. i haven't told Daddy yet cause he's at work and i don't want to bother him but ugh i hate when i get like this