PTSD Support Thread

[xChibi Cannibalx]

Tonight is a bad night. I just want to crawl in bed and cry into my stuffed animals until i fall asleep. Im exhausted

[Petrograd]

xChibi Cannibalx

Tonight is a bad night. I just want to crawl in bed and cry into my stuffed animals until i fall asleep. Im exhausted

Sorry to hear that. *comfort*

Do you have Blue or you boyfriend around?

[xChibi Cannibalx]

Petrograd

xChibi Cannibalx

Tonight is a bad night. I just want to crawl in bed and cry into my stuffed animals until i fall asleep. Im exhausted

Sorry to hear that. *comfort*

Do you have Blue or you boyfriend around?

Yep! Both helped. Right after i posted, my boyfriend and i went and cuddled in bed and talked about different things to get my mind off of everything. Im still feeling shaken up, but i have to see my therapist today so i can rant about it there

[Petrograd]

Had a bit better day today. Could focus enough to do geneology.

[MarigoldMari]

Hi. I'm having a lot of abandonment issues surface, because once again my family is doing the unimaginably wicked when I didn't think it was possible anymore. All of my soup of old awful feelings about what they've done to me in the past is bubbling up, overwhelming me and really causing havoc. I'm putting on a smiley, giggly face for others right now because otherwise I'd be screaming and crying my head off.

What they've done now is kind of just "it", but I don't know how to proceed. I'm pretty scared about it, because one path means more hatred and doubt from them towards me which makes me into a scared child because they treat me like a child who is very stupid (and a pathological liar), and they want to control everything I do. Its ridiculous, but I wouldn't have a choice.

The other option is to cut them off for good, which I tried to do once but it was disaster for me so I went back to them. Going back to them again wouldn't be an option, so I'm a bit scared.

They're just crossing the serious line. Being, they want to dictate which classes I get to take for college, my sister wants access to my username and password on my COLLEGE account so she can MONITOR my work in class, grades, all that. They get this say so because they agreed to pay for my books, however now they're saying they don't want to pay for my books and instead want to monitor my classes and otherwise they'll say horrible things to me about me if i do the wrong thing and make me feel even more like crap that I already do because of them. They basically want to make me the tiny shivering pulp that I was when I was little, through control and shouting and screaming. Otherwise, they'll cut off all relationship to them like they have in the past when I was a "bad girl", in their words. So, if they don't have control they don't want anything to do with me. In fact, if I don't become the person they want me to be, they don't want anything to do with me. My mom even threw away all of my clothes recently and bought new "appropriate" ones because she said my clothes looked "poor". This is an example of their control.

Btw, I don't have enough money for my books on my own (which is why they agreed to pay for them a year ago), and its 3 weeks until classes start. So I am ******** for college basically and am about to face their wrath because of it, and its terrifying me already. When I say I have "no money" i mean it. If I paid for my books myself, it'd be coming out of my rent.

I need to talk about this to somebody, try to figure something out and look at this awful situation clearly. Anybody up for a talk?

I've been talking to my girlfriend about this, but it makes me unsure about what to do for sure and I don't know, I think I'm just scared about the unknown in regards to my family. If I can figure out a plan to sever ties safely, I want one.

Btw, I told my girlfriend today that I put up my avoidance mask (my smiley, giggly face) so that I'm not depressed and crying all the time, and she said that's probably why I have these huge crying outbursts like every four days. I think she's right, but I don't know how to stop that either because otherwise I'd be depressed all the time and I learned the hard way that nobody wants to be around a super depressed person, but she says she loves me so I'm not sure if I could or not. I'd get help for it of course, but the problem there is I can't seem to find a good therapist who can actually handle all of my issues at once and that's what I need.

[Valthier Twilight Shadow]

is anybody awake right now?

[Petrograd]

Valthier Twilight Shadow

is anybody awake right now?

I am! Just woke up.

[MarigoldMari]

Should have known nobody would care.

[Valthier Twilight Shadow]

Petrograd

Valthier Twilight Shadow

is anybody awake right now?

I am! Just woke up.

I'm so glad. I'm lucky, then. now if only I could talk.

I started freaking out, and sent a romantic interest a message, even though I know she's withdrawing into solitude as per her depression routine.

[Valthier Twilight Shadow]

MarigoldMari

Should have known nobody would care.

emotion_hug

I care. I just can't focus on reading anything long when I'm going through my own crisis. elseway I'd be toatlly up for talking with you. as for nayone else, my best guess is just because the sun isn't up yet.

[SinfulGuillotine]

MarigoldMari

Hi. I'm having a lot of abandonment issues surface, because once again my family is doing the unimaginably wicked when I didn't think it was possible anymore. All of my soup of old awful feelings about what they've done to me in the past is bubbling up, overwhelming me and really causing havoc. I'm putting on a smiley, giggly face for others right now because otherwise I'd be screaming and crying my head off.

What they've done now is kind of just "it", but I don't know how to proceed. I'm pretty scared about it, because one path means more hatred and doubt from them towards me which makes me into a scared child because they treat me like a child who is very stupid (and a pathological liar), and they want to control everything I do. Its ridiculous, but I wouldn't have a choice.

The other option is to cut them off for good, which I tried to do once but it was disaster for me so I went back to them. Going back to them again wouldn't be an option, so I'm a bit scared.

They're just crossing the serious line. Being, they want to dictate which classes I get to take for college, my sister wants access to my username and password on my COLLEGE account so she can MONITOR my work in class, grades, all that. They get this say so because they agreed to pay for my books, however now they're saying they don't want to pay for my books and instead want to monitor my classes and otherwise they'll say horrible things to me about me if i do the wrong thing and make me feel even more like crap that I already do because of them. They basically want to make me the tiny shivering pulp that I was when I was little, through control and shouting and screaming. Otherwise, they'll cut off all relationship to them like they have in the past when I was a "bad girl", in their words. So, if they don't have control they don't want anything to do with me. In fact, if I don't become the person they want me to be, they don't want anything to do with me. My mom even threw away all of my clothes recently and bought new "appropriate" ones because she said my clothes looked "poor". This is an example of their control.

Btw, I don't have enough money for my books on my own (which is why they agreed to pay for them a year ago), and its 3 weeks until classes start. So I am ******** for college basically and am about to face their wrath because of it, and its terrifying me already. When I say I have "no money" i mean it. If I paid for my books myself, it'd be coming out of my rent.

I need to talk about this to somebody, try to figure something out and look at this awful situation clearly. Anybody up for a talk?

I've been talking to my girlfriend about this, but it makes me unsure about what to do for sure and I don't know, I think I'm just scared about the unknown in regards to my family. If I can figure out a plan to sever ties safely, I want one.

Btw, I told my girlfriend today that I put up my avoidance mask (my smiley, giggly face) so that I'm not depressed and crying all the time, and she said that's probably why I have these huge crying outbursts like every four days. I think she's right, but I don't know how to stop that either because otherwise I'd be depressed all the time and I learned the hard way that nobody wants to be around a super depressed person, but she says she loves me so I'm not sure if I could or not. I'd get help for it of course, but the problem there is I can't seem to find a good therapist who can actually handle all of my issues at once and that's what I need.

Feel free to PM me if you still need to talk. I also have Skype.

[SinfulGuillotine]

child_of_roses

SinfulGuillotine

child_of_roses

I do like hugs. emotion_hug

I'm not looking forward to the memories coming back, I'm not sure i'm ready to have bad days. and since I live with my non-belving parents, I know I have no support at home. I don't feel like I even have my own space in my home, much less a safe one.
Things at home...are bad. I'm begning to think my father is emotionally abusive. He's threatened to just up and leave...
Finding a safe place is goign to be hard....I don't have one right now.

Yes, little ones make things a bit difficult, but Im glad your working though things, and your healing, that you have that safe space for yourself.

It might be worth looking into if there are any support groups that meet in your area. That would give you a) a safe place to talk about stuff and b) a support system outside of your family. I'd also recommend looking into seeing a therapist if you haven't already. A good therapist is worth his or her weight in gold when it comes to recovering from traumatic events.

How do I even go about finding a support group? Well it is a large city, I would think there may be one.
I wouldn't call my family a support system, They have no idea what I went though ad pretty much ignore the fact that I have dated.
Actually I just decided to do a provider search...and it came up empty. No one in my network in a 50mile radius...which seems really weird. I think I'd like to talk to someone again, its been a very long time.

I think finding a therapist would be a good place to start. A therapist would also be able to point you in the direction of any relevant support groups that might meet in your area. They can be difficult to find sometimes. Unfortunately I don't have any bright ideas on how to find them beyond asking around, and perhaps finding a therapist and asking them. I run two support groups through my work, but they're part of a substance abuse treatment programme.

[Indiberry]

I didn't know this existed, but I'm so glad it does.
Mine causes me to be reduced to a zombie like state. It's like "No, not on drugs or tired, but not okay either."