She shook her head. "I feel like it makes more sense to lead into that, so you can understand how I got there and my intentions for doing certain things. Since you mentioned it, I'll get right to it." She took a deep breathe, listening to the air entering her lungs, expanding them; then as it exits, her chest falling in sync.
"I have done a lot of traveling, and done a few revisits when a local has asked me when I was going to return. I felt it impolite to come around once and never return, especially if someone expected me to come by again at some point. One of the cities I visited had many supernatural beings, and for once I felt like I was part of the culture and population."
"In the library there, I observed someone that shared in my passion for knowledge and study. He was a lycan, much like yourself. He had beautiful ocean blue eyes- and they twinkled every single time he was in that library and made a discovery."
"I was fond of him, of course he didn't know this at the time, because I could never approach him. My courage...Around him it didn't exist. As you can imagine, given the experience we just had, you can imagine why I had no courage or bravery to speak with him. I was terrified of him. Though, I thought it hypocritical for me to be terrified because of his potential for being powerful and a kind I couldn't understand." She looked down and smiled briefly.
"Then I would be no better than the ones who banished me. I talked to myself night after night that he was just another who existed in this world, who was powerful like me, but in a way different and unique to me. I couldn't convince myself, and I never gathered the courage."
"One night, the city was invaded by people- hunters of some sort. I had never experienced a group raiding or pillaging. They wanted to burn everything to the ground and kill us all despite our desire for peace and coexistence. My first concern were the books and parchments that I had spent weeks deciphering. They were going to burn my life to the ground, with no remorse or sympathy." She drank from her mug, suddenly the coffee was hot and she relaxed slightly, shifting in her seat.
"I ran to the library as fast as I could and gathered what I could put in bags and my arms. And when I ran back out...I saw him, his wolf form. He was so scared, cornered. His tail between his legs. He looked over and saw me, his eyes were pleading, he needed me." She looked down and bit her lip, holding back a moment. "I knew it was either I risk my life's work and my own life to only maybe save him; or flee and leave him to be taken by them."
"I abandoned him. I was selfish and wrong, and every day I see him. I see him in my dreams, in my nightmares, in the glasses I drink from, in the mirrors. He is everywhere, and I regret my decision every day. He was a living being and I abandoned him. I can't forgive myself..."