Gone

• Artist: blooba96
• Description: I was feeling a bit down about stuff and decided to try my hand at poetry. I'm sick and tired of all the people who think their life is ruined by a bad high school relationship or something like that. So no, this isn't what the writing is based on. Please leave feedback! I have like never written a poem before other than a few school projects.
• Date: 09/21/2011
• Tags: gone family saddening newbie rhyme

The past I once knew
Is dead and gone
This is a tale you
Will never hear in a song
I punch the wall
I kick and scream
The hurt side of me
You have never seen
This is my weakness
Yet it is my strength
My will to live on
Though for now
It is gone

Comments

[blooba96]

Ahaha, thanks biggrin And yes, this is the first not school assigned poem that I actually put a effort in.

[in a pinto forever]

Fantastic, Brother man. A stylistic A+ across the board in my book.
I grade hard. I almost never give a perfect score.
5/5.
Can't think of anything in particular you need to work on, so I'll just tell you the things that struck me as working well.
Structure is very good. I get the feeling you're a junkie for syntax. Join the club, bro.
word choice is accessible. It doesn't drown us in diction, but it's also not obnoxiously shabby or crude.
You sure this is your first poem?