It was the last day of school, this year. I had a crush on this bass player in my Orchestra class. This was never my intention. See, someone told me that he liked me and i had no idea to believe them (I have horrible trust issues), so i sent one of my friends, who was in his Spanish class with him, to asked if he did, and he said that "he liked somebody." So i kinda was like, "okay, maybe he does like me" so i kept trying to think of how i could get him to tell me, and over the course of three weeks, i developed a crush on him.
Well, the Friday before, i asked one of my friends in the Viola section to tell him directly that i liked him. See here's my theory, if you tell a guy directly you like him, that scares them, but you can't beat around the bush and play games, they also don't like that (I don't have a clue how to act around guys so i had to ask for help from my mom), so, on a number scale of 0 to 100; 100 is being direct and 0 is beating around the bush, so you want to be in the middle. I had no idea what the middle was, i figure it's your friend being direct for you.... but this wasn't the case, she also beat around the bush and said, "a girl came up to me in the bathroom and said she liked one of the basses." At first I thought okay, I'll just write him a note, explaining everything. So i told the friend i was going to write the note, but she told me she should so that he wouldn't recognize my hand writing. Okay that made a little sense. So she wrote it... But it still didn't go as planed. She put "Dear Bass player" and even though i wanted to put my name, she said we needed a different name.... she used "Lulu" (i personally don't like that name). And to finally prove how dumb i truly am, i though we would tell him who "Lulu" was.... no way. But what really made me thing this had turned out wrong was when she told them "She came up to me in the bath room with her eyes wide with the note clenched in her hands" I though this made me sound like a stalker!!! So instead of perfectly at 50....... I was at -50!
So on the last day of school, i told myself, "I'm gonna tell him today!" I was going to tell him directly to get me out of the negatives and to 50. See, i though this: you're at a river bank and he's at a tree far off, and you have to meet in the middle, you can't go to the tree and he can't go to the river. So sending the friend sent me into the river, so the only way out is to be direct. So this is what I was going to tell him; "Okay.... I like you, and i know i shouldn't be direct, but beating around the bush got me no where, so I'm telling you that I'm Lulu and I'm sorry I wasn't telling you personally, but it wasn't my idea. I'm sorry and I like you." but he never exactly let me finish.... The bell had rang and he went to his bag and i was at "beating around the bush" when he said that this was going to be awkward because he was already in a relationship. I panicked and apologized and went to my next class shaking I felt so stupid, i had fallen for another lie. I was shaking so bad, it took me longer than i realized to finish my geometry final. Even when i was at my friends house for a while, she noticed that I was "too mellow"
So my mother told me that it was okay and i was just finding out a lie or a truth and maybe he was lying because he wasn't ready. so i felt a little better. And now i realize that the shaking was because i made an utter fool of myself.... the question is, if i see him at one point this summer, how will we react to each other? Well, i don't know, but thats my incredibly long embarrassing moment of my freshman year...
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