There are many things I regret about my life. Everytime I look back at my yesterdays, for some reason I just want to cry my eyes out. Yes, because of the fact that I gave my heart to someone who'd just retun it broken and that I turned my back to the love that would have lasted me a lifetime.
You might not get what I mean. It happened during my senior year. Of course, many people envied me. I was often surrounded by guys ever since I was small because of me being spoiled by my brother Jacob who's a varsity player. But when I was a senior, he was already in his first year in college. Jacob's always been really kind to me and so were his friends and juniors so despite him being gone, most of his juniors were always there hanging out with me. But all those changed when this guy Richard arrived.
I was never the type to flirt and I didn't want special relationships other than friendship so of course I turned him down and what followed were a series of false humors in school much to my dismay. For their own personal reasons, my friends or now former-friends started to distance themselves from me except for my brother's ex-girlfriend, Risa and her twin brother Ryan whom I got really close to when I was in second year.
If I remember perfectly, things got worse when I met Peter, Ryan's cousin. Peter was the school's new hottie and I can't blame myself for falling head over heels in love with him. He was my first boyfriend so we spent lots of time together and Risa started to avoid me and I rarely---if ever caught a glimpse of Ryan's face again.
After about three months, I caught Peter flirting with Trishia and we broke up. Around these time, I was left alone and I had to stand alone. November 16, the memory was clear when I approached Risa demanding that she tell me why she was avoiding me to which she just anwswered calmly, "If you're not an idiot, you should know why I'm trying to avoid you." Her words left me with lots of questions bugging my mind and I was never able to sleep that night.
That afternoon I saw Ryan and we spoke after I managed to convince him I really needed consolement. Only then did I ever realize how stupid I was to cry over Peter when I was standing in front of the guy I was trying so hard not to fall in love with. Things started to grow better since that day I apologized to both of them and it was as if, there was never a hole in my heart.
Ryan and I started going out soon after but I was never really able to cherish the love Ryan gave me nor was I able to return it. I ended our short relationship after we graduated because I just didn't feel I was really into it and I didn't want to be a burden to him. Two years have passed since we separated and though I still keep in touch with Risa, I lost contact with him.
Ryan taught me how love was unconditional and how you'd be willing to do anything for the person you love. He taught me the pain of loosing someone but until this very day, I still believe when we can be friends again.
Ever since we separated, I've never had a relationship with another guy because the day we separated, I felt I had not just lost someone I love but a precious friend as well.
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