Out of sadness, I recall days in the past. I probably shouldn’t dwell on them. However, I do. I don’t know why, nor do I ask why. Out of boredom, and to much thinking., I become depressed, or so I’m told. I would never wish my burdens on any other person. In fact I choose to keep them to myself. I would happily take my own life, to escape the real world. If I had to live in this world to make people happy, than I rather be heavily medicated. Perhaps LSD or Nitrous Oxide.
I don’t know why I continue to dwell over certain people. Every moment of every day, that I feel I need someone with me, she pops into my mind just like the sun rises every morning. I know it’s hopeless. I feel hopeless. Is there a reason to get up in the morning, or the night, when it happens. I consider the possibilities of what would happen if I decided to take my own life, yet I never stop to think, What would happen if I choose to keep living.
I see very little point in continuing on. Selfish, I know! But then, I began to think about my friends, my family, my dreams, my hopes, and my imagination. If I were to die, would I be able to keep imagining? To keep thinking? I don’t know. So I will continue to live this…Life. But I still cant help but be melancholy. Maybe it’s just the way I’m suppose to be. Perhaps when were comfortable, we began to think clearly, and when we think clearly we see things that others don’t, or refuse to see.
I’ve lived for 21 years so far. I’ve investigated philosophies, Theory’s, Religion, Occult, and even more intriguing, my own imagination. If you do this. You will quickly find that there are hundreds if not thousands of lies being told every day. We, the free thinking people, those who don’t weigh ourselves down with useless dualities, are at the end of our rope. We’ve lost., or have we? There is little to say about what we think is true. What we think is good or evil, dark and light, and other pointless squabbles. As soon as you begin to think one side is the good or light side, you immediately become evil, and vice versa. Personally staying in the equilibrium has done me well. I no longer behave on behalf of good or bad, dark and light, honor and dishonor, so on and so fourth. I will continue to battle myself, as I have done for many years. When I’m sure of the outcome, I will be sure to let everyone know.
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