My life always seemed to be missing something. It wasn’t the friends I had around me, nor was it food or shelter. No. These things I didn’t lack. It was something deeper. Something that I couldn’t explain. It felt like I was missing something important, but I didn’t know what it was. Everyday felt like a chore. Every morning lacked meaning. But it was ok. As long as I didn’t know what wasn’t there I couldn’t miss it. So what if my life didn’t have meaning? So what if the sun didn’t shine as brightly as in fairy tales? It was ok. I could live my life as another story. A story that neither began nor ended. It just was.
The smile I wore like a mask contoured to my face. A deceiving mask. What is my purpose in life? To not be a nuisance to others? I guess that’s how I justified my existence. But then why am I here? I don’t have a pretty face. I don’t have phenomenal grades. I don’t have an outstanding talent. I just am. To be. To live. To breathe. To walk. To wander the roads of life. Twisting and turning, winding and meandering into oblivion. Is this what I want?
Living my life without a purpose? Without a goal to strive for? Wandering like a blind man in the dark. Holding the candle, yet not able to see the light. Is this a fault of my own? Is the solution as simple as opening my eyes? Embracing my existence. Is this too much for me to handle?
Will I ever find someone? Someone who will accept me for who I am. My strengths and my weaknesses. Someone who won’t be afraid to hold my hand, and guide me when things go astray. Someone who will be with me. Someone who will stand beside me. Someone who will give my life a purpose. Meaning. The reason for my existence. Will I find this person? Is it possible? Time is vast. I will believe in the future and what it holds. This is my purpose. Until I find my strength.
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