• B E C O M I N G I N S A N E heart

    I have to admit I've become attached to this new found home you sent me to. They wrap my arms around me pulling until I'm strapped down tight. I flinch at the sound of the buckles clicking one by one, sickened by the thought that they think forcing me to hold myself will make me happy. How is there any possible way to happiness when once again I'm sentenced to this padded room, for yet another crime I did not commit. I watch as they turn to me with sick twisted smiles I'm not fooled by their cover up, their smiles are not for reassurance, they're out of pleasure. But I'm too exhausted to care and throw my body on the floor turning away. The door slams shut followed by the "click" of the locks. Then the silence sets in.

    Since when if I may ask did self abuse become a pretentious sin? I was bleeding there crying out to you but your brand new white carpet was more important then me. Still I believe that suicide is a virtue if it's done diligently, It's my right and you had no right to stop me, you're the one being selfish. You pushed me away when I needed you the most. How could you, when I gave you everything! I put my life on trail just to keep you safe, and this is my payment? Why don't you just take a knife to my throat? Please I beseech you, because I'm fed up with all the lies.

    But wait no, that's irrational. I have to remain abstinent to the life in front of me. But How is that even possible when true power exists only in the mind, and the loneliness around me pushes mine into overdrive. These walls are holding me back from my grip on reality and my thoughts seem to never make sense anymore. Go ahead call me ignorant, I'm afraid I have to disagree. There is no way you could ever know me or my pain because you're the one who caused this, and that makes you the ignorant one.

    In a way I should thank you for this sentence. This mentally abusive isolation has given me time to slow down my retrospection and analyze the fine lines. Ha, it astounds me on how ******** clueless I was. Comparing my compassion and concern to your lack of either. I always stood by you throughout everything, even the smallest bullshit that always seemed to get under your skin. I was there but contrary wise if I even showed one twitch of emotion I was automatically condemned of being selfish. To be so blinded by your deceitful words I can't help but laugh uncontrollably so it's going to be a while before they release me. Don't get me wrong because I'm not complaining. I've been trapped inside this room for weeks and giving human characteristics to each of the walls. I have finally found my family and I want to stay, because I'm not ashamed to admit that I have become insane.