Silver and Shining

• Artist: TheKhamaseen
• Description: it's a poem- critiques are welcome
• Date: 05/24/2009
• Tags: silver shining

Are those your teeth if feel
Biting into my side
Glowing grey and metallic?
.. ..
Will you stop- No don’t
I’ll be the victim
I’ll be your specimen
The cadaver sprawled out
On that black wax operating table.
Show me the scalpel
Glowing silver and starved
.. ..
I’ll be your lab partner-
I’ll be your lab-
If you’ll show me your hunger
Let me look at all that keeps you empty
Show me what I’m made of,
Before it crosses your lips.
.. ..
Show me what I’m made of-
All that silver and grey.

Comments

[Sunafire]

I don't understand the dots between the Stanza's but with all the imagery going on, it makes me like it.
You could improve by adding a little more punctuation to make it fluent and maybe elaborating on the focus more.

[hot cherries101]

wtf is that and your gonna say crap about my poem!?!?!?!

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

I don't know what the dissection is supposed to symbolize. >_< I still give this a solid 3.