Love, fear and life

• Artist: hiopinjo
• Description: Just this thing i wrote, because i wanted to put something in the Arena :D
• Date: 12/05/2008
• Tags: love fear life

To describe love is to describe you,
To desbribe fear is to describe the meaning of life,
To describe you is to describe determination,
To describe life is to describe adventure,
If i had to describe what you do to me,
It would go on for pages,
Let me describe it with three simple words
I Love You!

Comments

[Monokuro No Yume]

.. The second and fourth sentences seem misplaces. While the rest of the poem is talking about a 'you', for those two lines you go off on another subject.
There's nothing great in this poem, and I can't say that it looks like you even tried.
And 'describe what you do to me' and 'I Love You!" ? What someone else does to the narrator isn't "I Love You!".
It's very sloppy, and overall needs more work. I'd hate to sound like a teacher, but I think that you could do better with this.

[breIicious]

Hii pertty Purtty :] 5/5 :]
XD