• Ba-dum-dum-dum, ba-dum-dum-dum. The music in Matt’s room pulses through me, the loud voices lamenting over our teenage lives. We sit on his plush bed, together but apart, he engrossed in his phone, I swept up in his mine. I glance up from my plastic-blue device, taking in the vibrant rainbow that is my best friend’s room. From the boysenberry walls to the apple-red posters, his personality is easily seen. Lady GaGa, Queen of Pop, preaches of sexual equality. Matt smiles slightly. The rainbow flag behind him glares brightly. Gay. Straight. Gay-Straight Alliance. That is our relationship. Forever and a day. He proffers a pastry-shaped tin, opening the lid with a resounding pop.

    “Want one, Kalyn?” He asks me, smiling broader than before, “They’re from the Sanrio store: They taste like cupcakes!”

    I c**k my head curiously, then daintily pick one up from the little box, careful to be lady-like, as my mom encourages me to be. I pop the little cupcake-shaped candy into my open maw, and sure enough, it tastes as he said! We laugh at the similarity, mirthful in our innocence. Our phones vibrate, colorful lights flash. We turn our eyes to them, wrapped up in today’s technology. I am jealous of his phone. He is not jealous of mine. Click-clack, click-clack. My keyboard sends code to the phone’s mechanical brain. A message: “Hi”. I send it. Such power at my fingertips. A few seconds later: “Hey”. My lips curl upward, my teeth glinting in the pale light. The boy has responded. A memory flashes in my mind’s eye.

    Mother had dragged me away from dance class, tutu and pink tights shining. Stopped at Siggy’s, got me a sandwich: it made me ill. Annoyed, I threw a tantrum: She didn’t care at all. In the back seat, I rode with her through a strange neighborhood. Ba-dum-dum-dum. The song I danced to played in my head, and I hummed along, innocent and happy. I heard a purr as the engine slowed, then silence as it shut off. I looked through the glass at a grand house, a weathered basketball hoop in the driveway. My heart sank: I hated visiting. Visiting her friends… Visiting my strangers. I trudged out of the car, slammed the car door. I felt the heat from my mother’s angry glare. I followed her to the house and hid behind her as she knocked, tried to conceal my glaring pink dress. The door opened. A middle-aged woman laughed and invited us in. Mother told me to wait in the front room, as her and the stranger would not take long. I sat. I waited. I got bored. Sounds of cartoons emanated from the other room. I tried to ignore it: failed. I slinked to the other room, tried to keep the rustle of my tutu quiet. I peeked from behind a half-wall, watched the T.V. and became enraptured. Relaxation. Happiness. Content. A blonde head appeared in my peripherals: Caught! Deer in the headlights! I stared for a moment, got lost in his stormy-blue eyes, while he smiled earnestly at my ridiculous attire. I smiled back uneasily. I ran.

    Ba-dum-dum-dum. My heart flutters at the memory. He is my friend, yet he is more. Should I tell him? Yes I should. Ba-dum-dum-dum, ba-dum-dum-dum…Best ask Matt, first. He smiles behind block glasses, nods his head encouragingly. I nod in turn, hard and determined. Ba-dum-dum-dum, click-clack, click-clack. My thumbs type shakily, “I like you”. An eternity passes. Ba-dum-dum-dum. The phone vibrates. Ba-dum-dum-dum. Ba-dum-dum-dum. My screen unlocks, revealing the message inside. Oh sweet God, are my feelings returned? Ba-dum-dum-dum… “Sorry.” Ba-dum-dum-dum… “I don’t date…” Ba-dum-dum… “my friends.” I hang my head, my heart’s drum dimming. Ba-dum… The song ends.