• Rain drops pelted against the roof tops, rolling down in rivers until they formed into waterfalls that fell over the gutters. Lightning struck the clouds in a flash of white, thunder roared against the sky. I sat on a couch in the emergency room, leaning my head against a window watching as the cars drove by in the down pour. My breath left fog on the cold window, ceasing a little when I took in air, but expanding more when I exhaled. I heard muffled voices of family around me, talking to each other in comforting tones. My mind and body felt numb to the core.
    I heard a door open and close. They talked to everyone except me. My aunts sighed, not in relief but not in a stressed way either. My brother was sniffling in a corner by a magazine table. I felt a warm arm wrap around my shoulders, I looked up slightly and saw my cousin Dawn smiling gently down at me. I only sighed deeply and turned away. She started to speak to me, saying something about my mother having to stay in the hospital for another day, and asking me if I wanted to go home or stay in the hospital for the night. I murmured that I would stay here, and wait for my Mommy to come out of the ER. She only smiled at me once again and nodded, she then left to talk with my aunts and brother.
    I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my small arms around my legs. I felt hopeful that my mother was going to come out healthy and safe. I rocked gently back and forth telling myself that everything was going to be okay continuously. Only then did one of my aunts come to me and ask me if I wanted to see my mother. I said yes, of course.
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    When I entered the room my mother was in, I wanted to turn back around. My mother had tubes coming out of her mouth and nose, and IV’s sticking in her arms giving her fluid and nutrients. I felt the tears sting my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I felt comforting hands on my arms but I didn’t look up. My heart felt like it was constricting in my body. The nurse watching my mother smiled sweetly at me and gave me a tissue. I thanked her and asked if I could go closer to my mother.
    “Yes.” She said.
    I walked up the woman who was my mother. She still looked like my mother, but her eyes were closed and her chest was moving shakily in and out. I felt my lip quiver and my eyes tear up more, but my only thought was to stay strong for Mama. I started talking in a shaky voice, apologizing for the fight we had not two days before, saying that everything was going to be alright and that when we got home we could watch movies and eat all the popcorn we wanted. I told her that she was the best mother in the world and that I loved her so much. When I said these last few words, I saw tears fall down from her closed eyes. I asked the nurse softly for a tissue and she gave me one, I bent down and shakily dried off her newly wet face. I said I loved her again and kissed her slightly sagging cheek. The nurse then said that I must leave and go back to the waiting room because visiting hours were over.
    My aunt got a nasty look on her face but walked out shoving me along. We walked down the empty halls of the hospital, my aunt’s high heeled shoes clomping loudly on the tiled floors. I held her hand tightly, wishing I could suck my thumb again like I did when I was younger. Once again entering the waiting room, we sat back down and waited for more answers.
    My Aunt Connie told me that she had been through seven surgeries and she had lived through them all. She felt confident that my mother was going to survive anything, especially just a little sickness like pneumonia.
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    The next morning, we sat around waiting again. My back was sore from sleeping in a bad position. The sun was shining brightly outside, and the sky was blue with giant puffy white clouds. I felt for sure that my mother was going to be able to come home today. It just seemed that she would on such a beautiful sunny day.
    Yet a few hours later, I heard the worst news in my entire life. The doctor came to me first, surprisingly, and told me that she was sorry for my loss. I asked her what he was talking about and he told me that my mother died earlier that morning. I don’t remember clearly what happened then. I know I started crying and screaming… and I tried to run through the emergency door to get to her, but my brother grabbed me and threw me onto his shoulder. I remember punching him, kicking him, begging him to let me down to see Mama. All I wanted was my Mama… is that so bad? I sobbed until I could cry anymore, and after that I coughed and hiccupped. Why did it have to be my mother? The one person I cared about more than the world and I got her taken from me at so young an age. I know she and I had tough times… but, we still loved each other right?
    I cried more later that day until every limb in my body, every emotion I had, everything was as numb as my heart was. Why my mother? Why do I suffer from this much pain, because it was just her time to go? Yes, it was just her time to go. I knew this, I’ve known this for many years. Death isn’t actually leaving something behind forever, its just like the waiting room in the hospital, except its filled with a lot more people and its not as worrying or as sad. It’s a place where all our loved ones stay and wait for us to come home to them. They know they’re going to have to wait a long while, but in the end… don’t we all have to wait? I loved and love my mother, and I know she’s waiting for me just as I’m waiting for her.