TS Sailor Cronus

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Last Login: 01/05/2022 11:53 am

Registered: 03/29/2009

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content advisory for su***/ ideation

im in a lot of pain.
i dont only mean physically. im in emotional pain.
i left gaia many years ago. this place became a toxic cesspool. i dont know why i came back. hoping to find comfort in the good memories, i guess. but a lot of painful, toxic memories here still remain, and not all of them are related to goldemort.
so many things happened between then and now... very few of them were good. ive lost a lot in life. i do mean a LOT.
people who promised to be here for me betrayed me, walked away. ive had to cut abusive people out of my life. ive lost so-called "friends" and family to the lies they chose over me.
ive been suicidal and attempted twice. and failed.
and dont get me started on how badly my health has plummeted.
most recently ive lost my mom. she died shortly before thanksgiving this year.
i am so very tired. im tired. im tired of people. im tired of the neverending pain. im tired of life. im tired of fighting for it.
i was just reading through my old journal entries and forum posts here. im shocked at how many times the topic of suicide and me fighting for other peoples lives came up.
you know what? those same people who said they were my friends... that they loved me... that they were here for me...
for many months i kept contacting people and trying to talk to them and getting silence or noncommital responses...
one day i posted explicitly about my intention to kill myself. copypasted it across four social media sites. checked and rechecked that it was clearly visible, not hidden or obscured in any way.
nobody gave a s**t.
no response.
a few responded to my surrounding posts, the unimportant, pointless posts.
not a word about the fact that i was planning to die.
you dont walk out of that experience believing you have value.
you dont walk out of that thinking there is anyone who wants you to live.
that anyone loves you.
that theyre here for you.
that they will listen to you when you need to vent.
im in pain.
im in so much pain.
i just want it to end.
i regret being there to support other people who once felt the way i do. for reaching out and hoping to heal them.
and i hate myself for feeling that regret.

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Professor Cypress Report | 01/16/2022 4:59 pm
Professor Cypress
WHOOAAAAAA!

That's some seriously heavy tonic right there, love. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. What else has been happening to make you feel this way?

But I am happy to see that you wanted to say hi to me, love. It is good to see ya again.
Professor Cypress Report | 12/27/2021 10:46 am
Professor Cypress
How're you doing, hon?3
EmperorNapoleonBonaparte Report | 12/13/2021 1:34 am
EmperorNapoleonBonaparte
I read loads of non-fiction too. I am a big fan of history and as im sufecyou could tell im a big fan of Napoleon Bonaparte. As of now im in the middle of couple books. One is called The Disappearing Spoon and the other is called The Renegade History of the US. Send me a PM and we can discuss books further and not fill up our comment sections with our conversation.
EmperorNapoleonBonaparte Report | 12/12/2021 10:41 pm
EmperorNapoleonBonaparte
The classics tend to have really horrible pacing and have long dry spells throughout. What kind of books are your favorite?
kimbruhly Report | 12/12/2021 10:20 am
kimbruhly
yes im so in love with them right now!
EmperorNapoleonBonaparte Report | 12/12/2021 7:02 am
EmperorNapoleonBonaparte
Ah yes well thank you for visiting. It was a good read and I know Lewis is one of the most respected theological thinkers of his time. If you ever want to discuss books, authors or literature please pm me anytime. Its one of my favorite subjects.
Lovely Neptune Report | 06/29/2014 6:24 pm
Lovely Neptune
I just submitted my revamped version of my Eternal Neptune avi to the cosplay arena for next week, if youd like to please rate me next week, and share biggrin Id really appreciate the support. Click Here to Check it Out
All my love,
~Michiko <3
Crystal Tokyo Artemis Report | 05/25/2014 11:05 am
Crystal Tokyo Artemis
Oh hello there Kitti, looks like you have quit Gaia.. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..
TS Sailor Mercury Report | 04/15/2014 11:47 am
TS Sailor Mercury
I know, I'm still going to miss ya on here crying
TS Sailor Mercury Report | 04/15/2014 11:09 am
TS Sailor Mercury
crying I'm going to hate seeing you leave crying crying

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