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Bell had taken him home, in spite of any protest he had, and now she was gone again. He hesitated a moment, feeling like he should do something... But in the end, he faked a smile, said a thank you that was genuine, and watched her turn and leave, resisting the urge to call or run after her. The blonde-haired boy watched until she was gone, further than his sight would allow him to see her. And he turned, entered the apartment complex, and started his slow assent of the stairs.

He had wanted to pull her close, and never let her go. He had wanted to tell her that everything was fine, that everything would be alright. He had wanted to invite her inside, stay with her and make sure everything was alright.

Truth was, he wanted to protect her. But there was no way he could do that.

She was hurt. She'd tried to hide it, but he could see it, in the way she'd walked, in the way she'd held herself. She had gotten hurt, and as far as he was concerned, it was his fault. If he'd been in better state, he would have gladly served at the youma punching bag. It was the right thing to do, after all. He couldn't let her get hurt. He just couldn't.

But there he was, his right arm broken, stuck in a cast, and slid in it's sling, and the simple fact of powering up had tired him out – he hadn't even thought about using his attack, and after today, he didn't want to figure it out. It was.... It was a good thing that he'd left her the pen, even if it irritated him at the same time. He had the urge to henshin, and follow her. Just to make sure she made it home. Just too make sure everything was alright. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to resist it if there had been nothing, and no one, to stop him. No matter the pain it would have brought him.

His left hand fumbled in his pockets, and he took out his keys, unlocked the door, and slid inside his apartment. He heard the distant sound of Tempo jumping from the windowsledge of his room and moving forward to greet him, meowing loudly. Even that didn't bring a smile to his face.

“Hey there, girl.” It took entirely too long for him to take off his jacket, replace the sling and then his arm in place. It pissed him off, but it didn't come out as rage. It never did. He stumbled his way and sat on his couch, holding in his hand the only senshi-related item that Bell hadn't confiscated from him. His phone.

He laid it on the couch, and flipped it open. Tempo jumped to curl up in his lap, and his valid hand then went to pet her. A few dots were visible on the map, but the one he was looking for wasn't. There was no Bellatrix. No news were good news... right ?

He sighed, then flipped the phone closed, discarding it on the coffee table, He did the same with his glasses, and he curled up into a little ball on his old couch, his cat moving to make herself comfortable once more, purring with delight at the return of her 'daddy'.

Xavier did nothing but stare blankly at the wall, but there were many things going though his head. Too many things. Most of it berating, some of it confusion. The one thing he knew, through, was that this would be the longest 6 weeks of his life.

Comfort Freely Given [REG12]

YOU'RE MY WHAT ?! (Xavier/Lily reserve) [REG14]

Xavier did not go to bed after he watched Bell leave – after he'd trailed Bellatrix's jumps until he could no longer make out the form of his girlfriend in the distance.

Girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

Holy s**t. Maybe he repeated it to himself enough, it would start to truly sink in. Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. Girlfriendgirlfriendgirlfriend.

Nope, that wasn't working. In fact, that was downright silly. The more he mentally repeated the word, the more it started to sound like a jumble of letters rather than an actual word that meant something. He had to be dreaming. Holy s**t. Holy s**t. It still wasn't sinking in, not truly. How, why...

He could still feel her lips on his own. The touch of her hand though his hair. Her smile, her laughs, and all that made Bell the woman that she was. The woman he was very in love with. The woman who apparently felt the same way for him, in spite of the short time they'd actually known each other.

Maybe love at first sight did exist – maybe it had truly hit him like a 10 ton anvil. Maybe he'd never know just what at truly happened. Maybe it was just unexplainable, a bit like this whole senshi thing also was.

Oddly, it was fine about never knowing exactly the how and the why. As long as he had her by his side, he didn't care for reasons. As long as he could be hers. As long as she would be his.

And to think he'd said there would never be anyone again after his first failed attempt. He'd do wise never to say anything like that again. You never knew what life would throw at you. You never knew what twist and turns it would take next, and where it would take you. See him having a cousin he never knew about, on one hand. And then this whole damn senshi business, on the other. The latter was so full of twists and turns and cluster ******** that it wasn't even funny.

Maybe one day this would all settle in, maybe one day life would stop throwing curveballs at him left and right and this would have settle in some sort of odd normality. He couldn't help but hope so, in a way. This was getting more than a little insane. But no, right now he didn't want to care about that, and so he didn't – instead, he was full of warm little fuzzies and there was nothing that could be done about it. Not that he wanted to do something about it.

When he stepped inside, Tempo was waiting for him, sitting on her hunches like she often did when she was waiting for her 'daddy' to come home. Xavier grinned, and bent over to grap his cat one handed. She didn't really appreciate that all that much, but there was not much he could do about that. The cat meowed in protest, but he held her against his shoulder, supporting her back paws, and she quieted.

He already wanted to see Bell again, and she had only left minutes ago.

Comparing Battle Wounds [REG17]

Damnit. Damnit. Damnit.

Damnit.

He was sick of it all. Sick of all these mixing emotions, sick of something falling on him whenever he dared to even think to feel well again. It was like he was stuck in a roller coaster, and there was no way he could get off. He wanted to run away, forget it all... But how ? Where ?

He didn't even remember how he even got home without getting hit by anything. He was on auto-pilot, a clearly injured young man that could have very easily been perfect youma or negaverse fodder. Some higher power was probably on his side, because none of that happened. He made it to his apartment, and then stumbled his way up the stairs, then went inside his apartment. He ignored his cat, who meowed excitedly at the return of her human.

He just crumbled on his couch, and that was the end of that. He didn't even care about how he landed on said couch. Why should he ? If he wasn't even able to make sure others didn't get hurt, why shouldn't he get hurt as well ? It seemed unfair for it not to be the case.

He was supposed to be... a hero, right ? Then why couldn't he act like one ? Heroes didn't let other get hurt, not like that. The fact that he had directly saved two lives now, and probably indirectly saved many mores by killing youma when he found them, was lost into the sea of self-loathing that was is mind.

This was all too much, too fast for him to deal with. Just when he was young, just when his mother had abandoned him. He'd felt alone then, and he felt alone now. And when things got too much, just like that, he stewed, alone. Thinking the same thing over and over. Hearing the same voices over and over. Omitting all the good and remembering all the bad. Effectively poisoning his own mind until he finally saw what he was doing to himself. It wasn't healthy, it hadn't even been. But he'd learned to do all that he could, on his own. It just wasn't a good coping mechanism. It had never been, and it would never be.

But it was the only way he truly knew.

Serenity. Their queen, Taranis had said. Well, he didn't think their queen... his queen... thought much of him at this moment, if she could see all this. Maybe she could – she had seemed ethereal, out of this world. An angel, perhaps. Perhaps something else entirely.

Taranis. They had an odd kind of relationship – it couldn't be quite called a friendship as he considered Tallulah a friend, but it was nonetheless something based on mutual respect. The two boys were similar in ways and different in others, but yet they seemed to know each others' boundaries and not cross them unless invited to do so. He was the only senshi that he had met multiple times that he did not know the true identity of. Sure, tonight he had seen it, when the paramedics had carried him away – but that was all. He had no name to attach to the face, and wouldn't have until Taranis decided to change that fact. Still, a part of him wanted to make the super senshi proud, in the same way students wanted to make their teachers proud.

His cellphone started beeping, as it did when he had a message waiting for him. He ignored it. He didn't want to deal with anything right now. No, all he could do was stew in his own misery.

He waited, silently, for another phone to start beeping, and a part of him hoped, hope against hope, that Taranis hadn't decided to give up on him like he'd given up on himself for the time being.

He would bounce back, as he always did, no matter what. Xavier always managed to crawl himself back up from the pits back to the light. In time.

That time wasn't yet coming.

Wait, you said -apartment-... [REG18]

ULTIMATE MEGATHREAT TRIPLE-X-TREME ELIMINATION SHOOOOOOOOOWDOWN~~~ [WHATISDISIDON'TEVENXD]