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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 3:20 pm
How long had it been since he'd curled up on his couch, and did nothing but stare at the ceiling ? He couldn't even tell. Couldn't even remember. It might have been days for all he knew. His cellphone was going apeshit, with both texts and call, but he hadn't picked up any of them. He just let it ring, and ring, and ring, until the battery finally died and all returned to silence.
The other phone was on the glass table in front of him - sometimes, his left hand would reach for it - look for something, then return it.
And then nothing. Every light of the apartment was turned off, the front door locked - all beside the balcony door. He'd forgotten about it. Ever since the ball, he had left it unlocked. It was an easy access for a senshi, in spite of it being on the 4th and last floor of the building.
Xavier was effectingly right back where he'd started.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 3:35 pm
Bell knew something was wrong. Had known since her first text a few days ago went unanswered. And the ones after that. Not all the texts that left Xavier's phone going crazy were her. She was doing better about not making an ever-present annoyance of herself - for that was what she truly felt like some times, even still. But that didn't stop the worry that coursed through her, although some of that was lessened by the fact that she had, indeed, called the hospital and been told that he was not, in fact, there. And so she finally made the decision that she was going to drop by. Whether or not she had tried calling before then was unknown. She had. And now she was there, and met with a locked door. Several minutes spent knocking, waiting, knocking, and waiting proved fruitless. She sought other means of entry.
Because she was getting in there, damnit.
She observed the building from the outside, and found her one last option. Getting up there would be easy enough. A transformation and a jump or two later, and she was on the balcony. She tested the door, and found herself successful. Bellatrix reverted back to Bell, who clutched close to her a brown paper bag with a clear plastic container of home-made cake-batter ice cream. Quietly she snuc through the apartment looking for Xavier, and there he was, on the couch. Bell stood there in the doorway of the living room and called out gently, somewhat unsure of how he'd react to her sudden appearance. Her breaking and entering, as it were.
"Hey~"
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 3:41 pm
At first, there was no reaction. No sign that he'd even heard her at all. No sign that he'd even noticed she'd come in from the balcony. Nothing.
He looked calm, as he mostly did. But the truth was another story. His eyes betrayed him - they seemed darker than usually, too heavy. Cloudy. Like if there was a storm going on behind them.
It wasn't so far from the truth.
Then, finally, he looked at her. "Bell... ?"
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 3:51 pm
Again, she knew something was wrong. And that had been before she even saw him. Bell wondered just what had caused such trouble to be brewing in those eyes, but that was his information to share, and better for it to be freely given than to take it. Bell gave a soft smile and walked towards him, and stated simply, "I brought you some ice cream," she gestured to the bag that contained the cold Tupperware.
Bell sat the bag down on some safe flat surface, then sat on an unoccupied edge of the couch. She could have said 'I was worried,' could have asked 'why didn't you reply to my tests, or answer my calls?' but she said nothing. Nothing to make him feel eve worse, and Bell knew that would. She merely reached out and combed some of Xavier's hair aside, out of his face, all while keeping that gentle smile. Sigh. She could protect him from everything, anything, except himself. And she knew by now that was a battle she'd never win.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:04 pm
This was a war that he had to fight alone. It had always been this way. Ever since he'd been young, ever since his mother had abandoned him. It all stemmed that far back. Even at the tender age of six, he'd blamed himself. It took him a long time to truly understand what had happened, and how he had never been at fault. It was time he'd never get back.
She sat beside him, her hands reached in to brush his hair away from his face. He leaned into the touch, without truly being aware that he was doing so.
"Why do things keep going wrong ?" He asked, as if she could somehow answer him. But this was more than most other people would have gotten.
It was an opening. It was minuscule, but it was an opening.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:23 pm
"Some things are sent to try us - our hope, our faith. Things will continue to go wrong, because there is always a lesson to learn from them," Bell said, gently running her knuckles along his jaw, "At least, that's what a fortune cookie told me once." A little light-hearted chuckle followed, as if trying to bring a little light in to the dark room.
Silence passed for a moment, before she finally said; "I can't begin to imagine what you're thinking right now, but no matter what goes wront, what went wrong, I'll be here."
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:31 pm
Normally, he'd have laughed at that. Not right now, though. Not even the barest hint of a smile crossed his lips. He was looking straight at the wall again. It was a little pathetic to behold, really.
"He's in the hospital." He finally said. "Because im a damn ********. Why did it have to be me ? Couldn't that cat chose someone else ?" Surely anyone in the damn world would have made a much better Sailor Themis. A Sailor Themis who didn't let people land into a damn hospital with possibly both legs broken.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:41 pm
You know, Freud would say Xavier had an over active id. Not that Bell had ever studied psychology - it wasn't exactly offered at Crystal Academy. However she didn't need psychology to understand by now that Xavier took every so called 'failure' very personally, and hard.
"You might think you are, you might truly believe that, but I don't, and I bet if you ask him, he doesn't either." Bell spoke firmly, but soft. "I don't know what happened, but I'm sure whatever happened wasn't your fault. He is the more experienced senshi, if he couldn't do better, than that is his failure, not yours. Then again, maybe it is neither of your faults. Some things just...happen." And that was the hardest thing for bell to accept, but she was learning, slowly, that such was sometimes the case.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:49 pm
Maybe one day this would all get easier. One day when a world of magical beings, monsters and soul-ripping individuals was no longer so new and alien. It was easy, all too easy for him to forget just how little time he had known about this. Just as it was all too easy to forget that this whole senshi business didn't come with a manual.
"Im sorry." For what ? He didn't say. Maybe he didn't even know how he had meant it. There were alot of things he felt sorry for. "All this... this is just..." The words all seemed to die in his throat, and so instead he just slumped against her.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:58 pm
Bell just wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, "There is nothing to apologize for - you're being you. I accept that. I love you despite that." She placed a soft, short, kiss on his temple.
"So do what you need to do, for as long as you have to. And just when you think you fight this war alone, I'll be there, by your side, on the front line." Reassurance, acceptance. It was perhaps the best she could offer.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:10 pm
It was really the best she could do. And really, so far she was perhaps the most effective being to do the job. Another person would have gotten much less out of him. The more he spoke, the more it all got out of his system earlier. Usually he just didn't do the speaking this early. Or at all. There was no avoiding his thoughts, and by keeping them in, it effectively poisoned him, in a way.
He didn't move from her embrace - a part of him never wanted to move out of it, ever again, even as part of him wanted to hide, wanted to take everything back. He had never wanted for her to see him like this, but it was too late now.
It had been too late a long time ago.
"I still say the cat should have chosen someone else." It didn't work that way, but hell if he knew it.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:34 pm
Bell just smiled, "I know the feeling. I thought the same thing when Astrea awakened me." And that was the truth. The only thing was, "Once I came to terms with being a senshi, my only regret would be having let go of all my hopes and dreams. So, hold on to that. Things will turn around."
For someone who had given up her dreams, Bell did her best, for his sake, to have faith in the future, to spur him on. He was her hope now, and maybe she was just a parasite along for the ride, clinging to the light cause she had none. It didn't change the fact that, in the end, they needed what each other had to offer.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:46 pm
There was something in her words that hit him like a ton of bricks. He tensed under her touch, but he refused to move. He wouldn't move, unless she pushed him away.
"No." He said, softly. "You shouldn't have to give away your hopes and dreams... for a war we're not even sure we can win. That isn't right." How could it be right ?! To hear that the woman he loved so much, the woman he in no way deserved to be in the embrace of, speak those words... It sparked something in him that normally wouldn't be sparked when he was like this. "That isn't right." He said again, in quiet determination.
He'd shape something new, something better. For her. Always for her. If he couldn't do that, then he didn't deserve to be alive. "Promise me... that will never give up your hope and your dreams again. Promise me." She had him now, for the best and for the worse.
And he wouldn't let go.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 6:01 pm
Bell wasn't pushing him away. No, never. She couldn't help the bitter sweet smile, "I promise," she paused as she nuzzled her face in his hair and delivered another light kiss to his cheek this time, then whispered, "Because you're my hope." And that was when she was glad he couldn't quite see her from this position, because all this talk, these thoughts, had her somewhat teary. She wasn't as good at keeping her emotions contained. No. She was the girl that cried at all the sentimental bits in movies, and could go through a box of tissues watching Where the Red Fern Grows. The tears that threatened, though, weren't sad, but bitter sweet. And she was smiling.
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Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 6:07 pm
Normally, he would have noticed. He might actually notice later, when his mind would wander back to that moment one day, and kick himself for it.
He couldn't help but think there was much better hope to cling onto - but now, at least he had regained enough sense to keep quiet.
And that was that. "...You said something about ice cream... ?"
Well, progress was progress. Even if he probably was about to attack that ice cream like a teenage girl whose boyfriend had just broken up on her.
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