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"Come in~" bell simply yelled from the kitchen. She knew it was either Xavier or an intruder, and what kind of intruder knocked first? If it was an intruder, she'd probably drop kick them in to next week.

Bell was in the kitchen cleaning for the third time dishes that had already been cleaned. meticulously cleaned. Inside she was stewing, simmering. All her determination and will said that she would not lose to herself. That of course was silly, because in order to lot lose, some part of her self had to.

Bell had been at odds with her sphere from the beginning, before she had been upgraded to Super Sailor Bellatrix. She had been upgraded not because she had grown closer to her sphere, but because at the time she had needed the power. Now that was coming back to bite her, and it raged louder and louder as she approached... Approached what? The stage beyond Super? The demands of her sphere were like that of a bratty, spoiled child that would not be satisfied till it got what it wanted. And Bell was stubborn. She wasn't giving in.

She listened for the door.

Bell didn't look up, she kept at her dis washing, "My carelessness, a crazed Negaverse b***h, my stupidity, and a youma." That was the short story anyway. She decided to elaborate, "I got over confident, got the hell beaten out of me by some Negaverse chick after a sneak attack. Wondered delirious back home and then proceeded to go out for another patrol the following night. Needless to say I wasn't feeling even 50% when I did so," She took a deep breath, "So I had one hell of a battle with a youma, slept in an ally, then wondered back home that following morning."

And still that did not please the powers that be, that even beaten and delirious she had gone back out to perform her duty. That had only made Bell more determined to rage against it.

She hadn't cared that after all that, she probably looked like s**t - a small scrape on her right brow, along with a bruise marked where the Lieutenant's mask had hit her. Her stomach had a deep gash from having fallen against a metal garbage bin. And there were many other scrapes and bruises. She had paint still on her in places from where she'd whitewashed the wall previously.
That morning Bell hadn't bothered to braid her hair, or even put it up, though at least it was brushed, and she still wore the previous night's baggy sleep pants and clingy tank top.

"If I could I would," She replied. Somewhere underneath all this action she was exhausted, but so long as her mind continued to race, so would she. "As it is, however, my sphere is not happy with its owner, and I am thus, engaged in battle with its high expectations for me to be the ruler it is used to having~" Bell spoke as if she were delivering a line from a play. It was cold, hard, and matter-of-fact.

Bell didn't want to change. She was resisting viciously. This was perhaps Bell at her worst.

Change was a necessity to survival.

"We're all senshi now because that's what we were in a previous life, if I am to believe my dreams anyway." Bell began to explain as she put the final glass over in the dish drainer and drained the soapy water from the sink. Her water bill would be extraordinary this month. "Evidently I'm not doing a good job of this whole 'fortitude' thing." She included the air quotes. "I lack the same traits as my previous self, traits necessary to accurately controlling my sphere of power."

The dishcloth was thrown over the faucet as Bell leaned on the counter.

"And I'm not sure I want to be that person I need to be. I don't know who that person was." And it was scary.

Bell allowed herself to be lead - she could fight herself but she couldn't fight him.
"More like a self-help book gone demonic," she grumbled. Bell wasn't even sure she should be giving these dreams this much credit, but she was. Maybe it wasn't anything mystical. Maybe it was simply her subconscious dealing with other issues. Damn did her subconscious have issues, then. She could, and had been, ignoring things during her waking hours. It was up to the powers that be to get to her when she was sleeping. had she had to sleep some time.

"Not about that past life. These dreams however...they feel like I might as well be awake. Afterward I always feel just as tired as I was before - like my mind hasn't gotten any rest." She said as she curled up a little, her head coming to rest between his neck and shoulder. She continued to grumble; "It's like the teacher from hell has me stuck in her classroom for the longest detention ever." That should be a good enough analogy.

"Bellatrix isn't exactly a caring teacher," She said, outing the 'who' right there.

She shushed him, "Not long after I became a Super Senshi. I was given the extra power out of necessity, not out of any closeness I had with my sphere." In fact, she had been very lucky that cat had happened by. "I did this to myself. I'm lazy and stubborn most of the time." She shook her head.

"I've been looking for a compromise. I just can't seem to agree with myself on anything though." Because in the end, Bell was ruled by emotion. Bellatrix ruled emotion. Bell was lazy. Bellatrix had ambition. Bell saw this war in black and white. Bellatrix's world was shades of gray.

"I'm happy with who I am," that was perhaps a half truth, "I don't want to change." No, she simply didn't want to put forth the effort to change. And she was afraid how how she would change. Afraid of what change would take from her.

Bell heaved a heavy sigh, and sat up so she could look at him, "I have to put society above the both of us, is what Bellatrix is saying, but I don't have that much faith in society. Fighting for society means saving the pious and the criminal. Some people deserve to die. I'm not sure I can justify defending them." Much less putting the sake of criminals above them. But then again, neither of them had killed anyone yet, or committed any heinous crime.

Her mind wasn't that open yet. And it probably wouldn't be, till she had blood on her hands, and taint to her own name. Funny how things like that happen. Maybe it was even a little bit hypocritical. And as much as Bell didn't want to change, it would inevitably happen. There was not a person born who could kill and not be changed.

Bell seemed to smile a little as he told her simply to do as she needed, and that he'd be there. She leaned in close, "I think I told you the same thing once."

Because they both had issues they had to work out, and they needed one another.