Desideraht
(?)Community Member
Dapper Phantom
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- Posted: Mon, 05 Mar 2012 23:31:11 +0000
Corrupted Coco
Hitch Slap
My 2cents on going "stealth":
I won't argue against going stealth but I don't feel that the quality of my life is "less" because I am out. It's just different than a cisgender man's experience. And well, I just wholly embrace my transsexuality. If I were treated like a cisgender guy I don't think it would feel right. I am a man but I am not an ordinary man. I do not feel I should be treated ordinary. Sometimes that's the exact thing a guy wants but it isn't really what I have ever wanted. And despite my "outness", I have been accepted into many male-only circles, so maybe the fact that I take ease with my transsexuality also makes it easier for others to accept it. I have been living as male for about 3 and a half years, so I am willing to admit that maybe I just haven't been out long enough to get tired of it. But so far I've enjoyed being the advocate, and the "token" trans person of most social circles. I feel confident in my ability to represent myself as a comfortable member of the community. And I also don't mind the constant questions. I can sometimes be annoyed by misunderstandings, but people will have misunderstandings about you whether you're trans or not. I'm glad it's over my gender identity and not other more personal aspects of my personality. I think my only real annoyance with being "out" is that I am KNOWN as a trans person, and not much else. But that is also true for the guy who is known as someone's "black friend" or "you know, the gay one". People are always going to be categorized and I would rather it be something true about myself... I suppose it's just a little annoying that even BEFORE people meet me, I am outed, but no one really cares much about say, my art or other things that I do, because the most interesting thing about me apparently is that I am transsexual. However, I am humble enough to admit that yes, my oddity is very interesting. Probably more interesting than anything I could ever come up with.
It is on that note that I know many people do not wish to be interesting, and want to go about very mundane, bland, rather uninteresting lives, because that is safe. I can understand that value of personal safety, and have respect for it. I suppose I like to live life "on the edge" in a social sense, even if that puts me in danger of being ostracized or even assaulted. Not everyone has the "calling" to be an advocate or a public figure. Not everyone has the desire to stand up for others because they are hardly maintaining themselves. That doesn't necessarily make them weaker; they're just not cut out to be a public advocate, and a person should not feel that they are entitled to do so just because they are a member of a very small minority.
However, I do have only one issue with some "stealthers". It is when they start to blatantly deny ever being transsexual. That they have transitioned, therefore their past is irrelevant, and they are "no longer transsexual". We will forever be transsexual, because part of being transsexual is including our transsexual history. That history makes us different than any cisgender man, because we have this unique set of experiences, and unique anatomy. Even after a full sex change, it is never quite "right". And even if it was, we would still have female DNA, and the memories of having a female form. It is with that knowledge that we are transsexuals. It is not an inferiority-- quite contrary, actually. It gives us an advantage in understanding women that cisgender men will never have. Even as a gay man, I deeply value this asset, and this unique connection with women, that other men do not get to have.
It is on those grounds that I refuse to EVER deny being transsexual when asked or "accused" of being such. I always just say yes like it's no different than asking if my name is Dan or if my eyes are green. It's as plain as any other portion of my identity. As interesting as transsexuality is, it really isn't all that extraordinary. The extraordinary part is the incredible journey and transformation we must all go through.
To clarify, I understand being "stealth" in the professional world. Many times it is necessary and I am almost always at least partially stealth in most work situations (i.e. only my bosses or a few people know usually). This is more just so that my transsexuality is not a distracting thing to my coworkers/peers. I was also stealth in college for those same reasons.
I won't argue against going stealth but I don't feel that the quality of my life is "less" because I am out. It's just different than a cisgender man's experience. And well, I just wholly embrace my transsexuality. If I were treated like a cisgender guy I don't think it would feel right. I am a man but I am not an ordinary man. I do not feel I should be treated ordinary. Sometimes that's the exact thing a guy wants but it isn't really what I have ever wanted. And despite my "outness", I have been accepted into many male-only circles, so maybe the fact that I take ease with my transsexuality also makes it easier for others to accept it. I have been living as male for about 3 and a half years, so I am willing to admit that maybe I just haven't been out long enough to get tired of it. But so far I've enjoyed being the advocate, and the "token" trans person of most social circles. I feel confident in my ability to represent myself as a comfortable member of the community. And I also don't mind the constant questions. I can sometimes be annoyed by misunderstandings, but people will have misunderstandings about you whether you're trans or not. I'm glad it's over my gender identity and not other more personal aspects of my personality. I think my only real annoyance with being "out" is that I am KNOWN as a trans person, and not much else. But that is also true for the guy who is known as someone's "black friend" or "you know, the gay one". People are always going to be categorized and I would rather it be something true about myself... I suppose it's just a little annoying that even BEFORE people meet me, I am outed, but no one really cares much about say, my art or other things that I do, because the most interesting thing about me apparently is that I am transsexual. However, I am humble enough to admit that yes, my oddity is very interesting. Probably more interesting than anything I could ever come up with.
It is on that note that I know many people do not wish to be interesting, and want to go about very mundane, bland, rather uninteresting lives, because that is safe. I can understand that value of personal safety, and have respect for it. I suppose I like to live life "on the edge" in a social sense, even if that puts me in danger of being ostracized or even assaulted. Not everyone has the "calling" to be an advocate or a public figure. Not everyone has the desire to stand up for others because they are hardly maintaining themselves. That doesn't necessarily make them weaker; they're just not cut out to be a public advocate, and a person should not feel that they are entitled to do so just because they are a member of a very small minority.
However, I do have only one issue with some "stealthers". It is when they start to blatantly deny ever being transsexual. That they have transitioned, therefore their past is irrelevant, and they are "no longer transsexual". We will forever be transsexual, because part of being transsexual is including our transsexual history. That history makes us different than any cisgender man, because we have this unique set of experiences, and unique anatomy. Even after a full sex change, it is never quite "right". And even if it was, we would still have female DNA, and the memories of having a female form. It is with that knowledge that we are transsexuals. It is not an inferiority-- quite contrary, actually. It gives us an advantage in understanding women that cisgender men will never have. Even as a gay man, I deeply value this asset, and this unique connection with women, that other men do not get to have.
It is on those grounds that I refuse to EVER deny being transsexual when asked or "accused" of being such. I always just say yes like it's no different than asking if my name is Dan or if my eyes are green. It's as plain as any other portion of my identity. As interesting as transsexuality is, it really isn't all that extraordinary. The extraordinary part is the incredible journey and transformation we must all go through.
To clarify, I understand being "stealth" in the professional world. Many times it is necessary and I am almost always at least partially stealth in most work situations (i.e. only my bosses or a few people know usually). This is more just so that my transsexuality is not a distracting thing to my coworkers/peers. I was also stealth in college for those same reasons.
I don't tell people who don't already know. Why should I? The only result is that it will inherently change the way they look at me. There's always going to be a point where cisgendered people just will not understand, and honestly I don't see how that should be my problem. Being transsexual is a medical condition, and that makes it none of anyone else's business. I wouldn't tell a random acquaintance that I was transsexual just because they asked any more than I would with any other serious and personal medical condition. I'm not just a transsexual, and I'd rather not be judged as purely such. I'm a woman and I expect to be treated that way.
I feel it is deception to conceal the condition. Obviously our opinions differ. If I had diabetes I wouldn't lie about it, saying "It's none of their business". I do not understand the emotional charge behind transsexualism or the need to hide it.
Not many have ever had issues treating me like a man. Only few oppose it. People are aware that I am a man with a birth defect. I am not treated like a woman or anything else. Though at the same time I do not mind being treated like an "it". I guess that may offend a lot of trans people, but I am at peace with it. And I do not feel it makes me "less of a man" to have others judge me. I can take it.
