Polyamory 102: A Support Thread for Consensual Non-Monogamy

New Poll for...awesomeness!

Yay! Awesomeness!	60.0%	[ 357 ]
Yeah...awesome... [/sarcasm]	15.8%	[ 94 ]
[insert your own thoughts here]	24.2%	[ 144 ]
Total Votes:			[ 595 ]

[Pom Graines]

PiercedPixie2

Woo, a lot of reading on that first page you've done up ;3

But i love the dots example, so many people think that polyamory is the same thing as polygamy. And i always have some issues explaining the difference.

I'm kind of surprised no one has came here with the question x3

It's a bit of a read, but I hope it's all important and not too tangenty.

I'm actually quite tickled by the dot diagram myself, it started just as a silly thing but I ended up liking it. I remember me and a few friends were talking about it and really...without a diagram it could get really confusing. XD So there it is.

I tried to cover the polyamory vs polygamy thing in the common misconceptions part. Hopefully it's that which is holding the comments back, or maybe the people who would ask just haven't noticed the thread yet, who knows, hah.

Good to see a new face PiercedPixie2 :3

[Pom Graines]

Haibane_Gackt

You know I always thought polygamy** was a Mormon thing.

I know of one couple that stries me as wrong, can you help me with this train of thought?

I have a friend who lives with a woman. She has a "fiancee" and a "boyfriend" and they all live in the same house. Does that count as a polygamistic relationship? Sorry Can't Spell It D:/....


...meh.

Polyamory and polygamy aren't really the same thing. At least, polyamory is not what you see about polygamy as a fundamentalist Mormon thing, I'd like to direct you back to the first section fo the Common Misconceptions post as well as the section on what polyamory is for an explaination of the difference between the two.

If this woman has a fiancee and a boyfriend, living in the same house and are all consenting to the relationship... that certainly is a polyamorous relationship.

Hey PiercedPixie2: Guess we spoke too soon?

[Store_Pause_Seemingly]

What kinds of new hurdles have you faced when first trying a poly relationship? What did you have to learn to do better or differently to make things work compared to previous monogamous relationships?
Well...with my first open relationship, the biggest thing was getting used to the idea that it really was ok for me to be with other people. The first time I tried I ended up calling my boyfriend in tears and apologizing...then again I was also crashing off of shiny pain induced endorphins at the time...
When things went from open to poly, I guess I had a hard time getting used to thinking about the third person as a part of the relationship. I would always talk to my boyfriend about things first, and when we'd figured out an agreement on something, we'd bring it it our girlfreind. I also wasn't great at communicating how I felt about things until they got to be a problem. I really should have said something to the effect that I'm not really attracted to girls and if he wanted to date her that was fine, but I didn't...That and made it clear that I wasn't thinking about being with her for the long term.

[Hi Im Reiko]

If I am in a relationship and my woman slept with another man.. I would only be upset if she ...

1) Lied about it. (I probably won't ask, but if I do ask...)

2) Didn't bring back any valuables. Money... jewelry... you know...

[Lexenos the Gypsy Bard]

♂

20/m/fairytale romance land

Awesome job on this thread. I saw it in your sig and got the sudden urge to give my experience. This kinda falls under the weekly discussion.

I started dating person X, and person X (seemingly randomly) decided X was polyamorous. I idiotically decided to accept this new revelation without being comfortable with it; in fact, I was upset with it. The more I went on, the more I realized how painful it was for me to share this person. So I tried to talk to X about it. X Told me X didn't want to hear it, that I was limiting X's freedom, even tried to break up with me over it. I managed to make X stay, and X introduced another person into our relationship, and thus I became polyamorous. This second person I actually loved and wasn't selfish like X. The second person introduced me to his boyfriend, I started actively dating them, and dumped X. The second person ended up dumping both me and our other, so now I'm back in a monogmous relationship.

I guess I wouldn't mind another threesome relationship (both me and the bf are too jealous to share xD), but I'm perfectly happy where I'm at.

[Pom Graines]

@Kage: Thank you for the insight! I think that is a big issue when first getting into consentual non-monogamy of any kind... getting to know that it is 'okay' and you aren't hurting your partner by being with someone else. Learning to communicate better is also is a big deal, this is key for any healthy relationship. Thanks again!

@Lexenos the Bard: Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, I'm glad you're in a relationship currently that makes you happy! I'm sorry to see that you were pushed into a polyamorous relationship and that X really wasn't all that respectful or attentive to your needs in that situation... but I'm glad that things ended up working themselves out for you in the end despite the negative start.

[ScytheWolf]

It's so refreshing to see this kind of Thread. I'm a Bi-sexual, Polyamorous Woman, it makes me really happy to see this.

I found out what Poly-Amory was a few months ago from a panel on it at the Midwest Bi-sexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Confrence (MBLGTACC, you should check it out if you are in College and Live in the Midwest) That is when I realized what I was feeling was Polyamory. And I've felt so much more honest with myself. My boyfriend and I are willing to try an A-frame relationship, but we haven't found the right girl yet (we're both looking for a female) it's difficult in such a small town but we haven't given up yet.

[Pom Graines]

ScytheWolf

It's so refreshing to see this kind of Thread. I'm a Bi-sexual, Polyamorous Woman, it makes me really happy to see this.

I found out what Poly-Amory was a few months ago from a panel on it at the Midwest Bi-sexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Confrence (MBLGTACC, you should check it out if you are in College and Live in the Midwest) That is when I realized what I was feeling was Polyamory. And I've felt so much more honest with myself. My boyfriend and I are willing to try an A-frame relationship, but we haven't found the right girl yet (we're both looking for a female) it's difficult in such a small town but we haven't given up yet.

Sounds like an interesting confrence, can't say that I've been or would be able to attend in the near future, but maybe someday I'd be lucky enough to be able to attend. I think I've heard someone else talking about the confrence and hearing about polyamory there as well, but I can't figure out who... not that it matters I suppose smile Wonderful regardless!

It certainly is a challenge sometimes finding polyamorous people, or at least people open to the concept, but hang in there I'm sure you'll find someone for your relationship. smile

[windy_angel141]

wow I'm really learning a lot about world in Gaia sweatdrop
I never knew such relationships existed...
Throughout my life, I wasn't involved in ANY kind of relationship...but all I knew was monogamous....this boy friend-girl friend dating thing....I see those a lot around me
and then on gaia I learned about gay/les/bi (This, I learned through text books in real life as well...I never met any gay or lesbians though)
And then I learned pansexual in gaia....(I'm still confused about that)
and now I learn there's relationship called polygamous....(did I spell that right?)
I thought this only exists in some far off country like...Africa?
But it was surprising to learn that many people actually make this work.

If I ever start to be in relationship, I would be in hetero-monogamous relationship..most likely because all the people I had crush on were guys...and I can never imagine myself sharing a guy with some other girl, I think that would make me upset.

[Pom Graines]

windy_angel141

wow I'm really learning a lot about world in Gaia sweatdrop
I never knew such relationships existed...
Throughout my life, I wasn't involved in ANY kind of relationship...but all I knew was monogamous....this boy friend-girl friend dating thing....I see those a lot around me
and then on gaia I learned about gay/les/bi (This, I learned through text books in real life as well...I never met any gay or lesbians though)
And then I learned pansexual in gaia....(I'm still confused about that)
and now I learn there's relationship called polygamous....(did I spell that right?)
I thought this only exists in some far off country like...Africa?
But it was surprising to learn that many people actually make this work.

If I ever start to be in relationship, I would be in hetero-monogamous relationship..most likely because all the people I had crush on were guys...and I can never imagine myself sharing a guy with some other girl, I think that would make me upset.

Gaia may have it's faults but sometimes it has the world expanding effect on people. Glad to hear that you're growing, learning and expanding your horizons!

Actually polyamorous relationships are a lot more common in North America than people tend to think.

While it's nice to learn new things, I'm glad that you're still sticking to what you feel comfortable with. Not everything is for everyone, which is why it's nice to have options.

[Bellalisa]

I am in full support of polyamrous relationships. I wish I was in one myself 3nodding

[Pom Graines]

Bellalisa

I am in full support of polyamrous relationships. I wish I was in one myself 3nodding

That's quite nice to hear! Support and kind words are always welcome here.

As for you wanting to be in one yourself...well... hopefully one day you can be smile

[Store_Pause_Seemingly]

windy_angel141

wow I'm really learning a lot about world in Gaia sweatdrop
I never knew such relationships existed...
Throughout my life, I wasn't involved in ANY kind of relationship...but all I knew was monogamous....this boy friend-girl friend dating thing....I see those a lot around me
and then on gaia I learned about gay/les/bi (This, I learned through text books in real life as well...I never met any gay or lesbians though)
And then I learned pansexual in gaia....(I'm still confused about that)
and now I learn there's relationship called polygamous....(did I spell that right?)
I thought this only exists in some far off country like...Africa?
But it was surprising to learn that many people actually make this work.

If I ever start to be in relationship, I would be in hetero-monogamous relationship..most likely because all the people I had crush on were guys...and I can never imagine myself sharing a guy with some other girl, I think that would make me upset.

Well, it's good that you know what you want, and can still be positive towards people who lean in less traditional directions.
Also, Africa is a continent, not a country.

[Pom Graines]

Hm shows how much I paid attention to the country vs continent thing. I think I was looking at the meaning more than the specifics to even notice.... aahh my geography is a little made of fail somedays.

[Rainbow Treats]

Hello all, I am so happy I found this.

Before I start I just want to say I am young (well in some people's eyes) I am sixteen.

So I have always like the idea of sexual having multiple partners, ever since my hormones started to develop. Now, mostly over the past month, I have begun to think about being in a relationship with multiple partners. As I was reading through your terms about different relationships I find myself drawn to the triangle andthe square with the x's through it.

I know I am young and that is why I seaked this out. I want your opinions and advice, could this just be a phase or maybe more?

Very confused. =(