Long Distance Relationsips (LDR) Support Thread

[Manther]

BlackRoseoftheSea

Hello all, this is Blackrose_Knight on a new account.

My LDR partner M. and I have been adjusting to our LDR-ness well. Both our spouses have been really good with us adjusting. Chryos, my husband, has been the best, he just lets me cry.

M. (my ldr partner) and I have been doing some kinky Dom/sub stuff which really works for me. It solidifies our relationship with power play. Generally, its kinky commands and pictures sent via phone to "prove" to him I have completed the task.

My thing is, he has indicated he wants to Skype chat, and I have this thing about hearing myself talk? I don't like it. I never have. I think this might push me to get over it though. Anybody have opinions of Skype? Is there better (free!) software available?

I always just muted the computer and talked to my boyfriend on the phone while on Skype.

[raggsey2]

Obika

I began a LDR in October. We met online.
I'm from roughly LA, and he Toronto.
We got engaged in April, I am moving in with him in June, and we're getting married in August.

It was hard, and I know that I have not been in one nearly as long as some other people, but I think it was totally worth it.

That's all very fast....

[Fire of Lilies]

Keifer_2008

Ive tried these LDR's before and it's never worked for me. It is always the other person that loses interest or whatever.

How do people make these things work?

Sadly there's not a step by step to make relationships work in general. Many of my LDR's started out in person, then I went away for college or something which were difficult to cope with. I met my current boyfriend (another LDR) at college, but we didn't start dating until the summer and after I had transferred out of that college. He lives in Florida when he isn't at college and his college is about two hours away when he is there. Also, for the first six months we did not have physical contact due to him studying abroad. I think that the main reason we have worked is that there is equal commitment and dedication in the relationship. It really does depend on the people in the relationship and just being honest and dealing with issues and problems upfront instead of stewing about them.

[igoldensun]

-venting-
my boyfriend is in the military so far away from me. communication is hard cause of his job and cause he is a very jealous type, we get into alot of argument. he doesnt trust me which is making me think that he's the one doing something. we fight alot. i feel like were getting distant but we tell eachother how much we love us and our future plans. im pretty sure he loves me, but lately i havent been sure.
*this guy is more complicated than me* ---____----
- venting here cause my friends doesnt understand LDR-
-FIRST LDR-
-first committed relationship-
-FEELING ITS GONNA END SOON-

[Fire of Lilies]

itough cookie monstar

-venting-
my boyfriend is in the military so far away from me. communication is hard cause of his job and cause he is a very jealous type, we get into alot of argument. he doesnt trust me which is making me think that he's the one doing something. we fight alot. i feel like were getting distant but we tell eachother how much we love us and our future plans. im pretty sure he loves me, but lately i havent been sure.
*this guy is more complicated than me* ---____----
- venting here cause my friends doesnt understand LDR-
-FIRST LDR-
-first committed relationship-
-FEELING ITS GONNA END SOON-

I had a similar situation, though he wasn't in the military. He was a parolee, living in a half-way house and I was about two hours away at college (yes it was a LDR, we only saw each other when I came home for break and such). Communication was hard due to his lack of job (and money for a cell phone) and the restrictions with his living situation. Though I refused to see it at the time, the relationship was very unhealthy and emotionally and mentally abusive. We fought all the time about the stupidest things as well as him implying that I was cheating and then he would be telling me that he loved me and was going to marry me. There was very little trust in me and it left me with a lot of issues that I'm still trying to get over.

Pretty much, you need to take an objective look, and/or take your friends opinions into account. My best friends pointed out how unhealthy the relationship was a lot sooner than I could see it. It really comes down to if he makes you happy more than he makes you sad. Is what he's saying changing the way you view yourself (causing poor self-esteem, not doing things because it would make him mad like going out with friends that you normally wouldn't avoid, ect.) and how much he is willing to work on his issues along with yours. Just a little advise from someone whos been in that kind of situation and I'm not saying that he's being abusive or the relationship is unhealthy. I'm just suggesting that you should make sure its not and if it is, you might want to consider ending it before you get too hurt.

[Kitagawa Yusuke]

It's going to be nine months soon for my girlfriend and I. She's in California and I'm in New York.
Hopefully at the end of the Winter or next year I'll be able to see her. yum_puddi

[sol morte]

Ever have periods where you can't talk to the person you're in an LDR with at all?
My partner is normally 3 hours away, soon he'll be moving 4 hours away, but right now he's like... 7 or 8 hours away or something, and at his annual military training, so I'll get to text him a little here and there, but it's not the same as being able to just talk to him. He's a pretty decent rank (though the military wives in the Military Lovers thread may disagree) and he's been put in several command positions/responsibilities at this training so he'll be pretty busy. Idk, considering he led the convoy on his bus, I'd say hes a pretty big deal. But anyway.... yeah, won't get to be talking to him much while he's there. I think he will end up texting me as much as he can though. I just hope no one is like "LT! GTFO OFF YOUR PHONE." xd Idk what it's like over there...

[Sophisticated Simplicity]

sol morte

Yeah, I've had that happen a few times in the past. I'm rather clingy lol, I just don't feel right if I don't get that time to talk to him everyday. But usually, when I'm the one who can't make it to a computer or something, I'll have been kept so busy that it wouldn't bother me as much. When it's the other way around however, when he's the one that's away like in your situation, that's a bit harder to deal with and I find myself waiting around a lot, which probably made it worse. In which case I just have to keep reminding myself that it's a temporary situation and he'll be back soon enough.

[Erihar_Dragonclaw]

wow, been a long time since I posted in here.... but I wanted to give a happy update :3

I was in a LDR for quite a while, three years... My boyfriend is from Denmark and I'm in the USA... so we were an ocean apart most of the time...

We started dating March 13th 2010... met for the first time in person (though we were like ALWAYS on skype, even slept on skype XD) in December of 2010... he actually proposed to me the day we met for the first time... it was very sweet, and I still can't believe I accepted! lol.

so we were engaged as of December 3rd 2010. sadly we had to part ways... and we didn't get a chance to be together irl again until August of 2011 when I went to Denmark and spent two weeks there with him.

when I came back to the US after that, we started the process to get him into the country. In April of 2012 we officially submitted the paperwork to get him a K2 Fiance visa so he could enter the country and we could get married.... this is about where we were when I last posted here...

Well, I'm happy to announce that we're officially married :3 He was able to enter the country on the visa in February 2013, and we were married April 28th 2013 (we only had 90 days under the visa)

we're now working on obtaining permanent residency for him. We couldn't be happier though to be together :3 Even through all the stress, hardships, and separation, we made it, and we're in it for the long run together.

we're even starting to talk about children now <3 we'll see in about a year lol XD

[Sophisticated Simplicity]

Erihar_Dragonclaw

That's wonderful to hear! Congratulations!

[Erihar_Dragonclaw]

Sophisticated Simplicity

Erihar_Dragonclaw

That's wonderful to hear! Congratulations!

thank you! :3

[sol morte]

Ok...
My LDR is gonna be long distance for at least another 6 months...
And I'm dying of lovesickness even though I saw him less than a week ago.

HOW THE HELL DO I COPE? I'm not eating or sleeping. It sounds retarded and stupid because it is. What do??

[Xklusiv]

I wish all your relationships the best of luck. I tried long distance coming into college, and it did not work out well for me at all. Just remember love is a two way street, folks!

[Sophisticated Simplicity]

sol morte

Ok...
My LDR is gonna be long distance for at least another 6 months...
And I'm dying of lovesickness even though I saw him less than a week ago.

HOW THE HELL DO I COPE? I'm not eating or sleeping. It sounds retarded and stupid because it is. What do??

If it's a situation that can't be helped any other way, then you will just have to adapt to it. If you're prone to ruminations, that's definitely one place to start. It's easy to get onto a train wreck of a chain of thoughts, like 6 months is so long, I won't get to be with him, I'm going to miss him so much, I hate being apart, why do I have to go through all these difficulties, etc. etc., and all the negativity can easily overwhelm you. Keep a proverbial eye on your thoughts and stop yourself if you ever find yourself ruminating. I've heard of people who snap a rubber band worn on their wrist every time they catch themselves doing that to physically remind them to just stop and relax. Or you can make a list of all the "bad" points to the situation and write down all the ways you can think of to remedy that. Exercise, even if it's just a 10 minute brisk walk or something, it can have an effect on your mood and help alleviate stress. And for goodness sake, eat something! The more you wallow in negative emotions, the harder it is to break out of it, so set apart blocks of time for things you MUST get done, like to cook and eat, and that'll physically disrupt the preoccupation that you have with your boyfriend's absence.

Adorable sig by the way. 3nodding

[lividity girl]

Siiiigh, I need a little LDR support.

My boyfriend and I have been together since December 3rd 2010; he is from Florida, I am from South Carolina. As far as distance can be, it isn't that bad. A seventeen hour train ride. The problem is that we had an unfortunate incident the last day I saw him in person (which was last December) and our relationship has been slightly strained since. It is important for us to see each other again in order to move on from it, or at least it is to me, but that is proving harder to do than we expected.

We had hoped to spend several weeks together this summer. However, that was before I took a job that has me working eight hours a day, six days a week and he learned he would have to have a surgery that has a recovery time of a month and a half. As soon as my hours decrease for work, he'll be having the surgery.

I am feeling very poorly about everything. It's already been six months since I've seen him, and with the snag in our trust, I feel like I need to see him even sooner. It just doesn't seem possible until months from now. I would take time off from work, but I wouldn't be able to get enough vacation time to actually justify spending hundreds on train/plane tickets to see him for such a short time. He would visit me as he recovers, but, inexplicably, the surgery is on his butt. Yep.

Thank you for reading this, if anyone does. I just miss him oodles, and I can't stand this being apart for months and months. sad