Mephianse
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Posted: Sat, 05 Nov 2005 03:13:56 +0000
WARNING: This is long.
As I was vacuuming out a dorm today, I saw this list of things posted on some girl's door. I read them over, and I was appalled. This list of "50 things girls wished guys knew" basically boils down to "men should be totally subservient to our every whim, no questions asked". I know it's been done before, but I took the time to respond to each of the 50 things, just for the hell of it.
1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.
Then you better not comment on other men.
2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
By that logic, the new episode of "Lost" is more important than we are. Whatever happened to, like, talking?
3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
Does that mean you want us to be constantly involved with some kind of drama? I don't really think you want that.
4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
If you want us to remember every important date, you should do the same thing.
5. There is no such thing as too much spooning.
We like to spoon too, y'know. Don't think we hate it.
6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
Ever hear of returning the favor? Did it ever occur to you that maybe we do that because you like it? Don't be selfish.
7. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
Maybe we don't want to call you all the time. You can live a day or two without a phone call.
8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
Or you could just tell us flat-out instead of being callous.
9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
That's a very fine line you're drawing. Chances are we're not going to look for someone else as long as we're happy.
10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
And we're not huge fans of wasting a day shopping for a dress or whatever. Compromise.
11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).
This is contrary to point 6. You want us to return the favor only when it's convenient to you? Unfair, unfair, unfair.
12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
Foreplay is fine, but we're not going to be happy with a 45-minute breast massage. Just make sure it doesn't last way too long.
13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.
That's utterly ridiculous. I think this one refutes itself, if you can think logically.
14. Eye contact is key.
We're not TOTAL morons. We're well aware that eye contact is a good thing, and not just when you're with a woman.
15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
Once again, this doesn't make any sense. If you're ready before we're even aware of it, you'd better give us some time.
16. Laugh at our jokes.
We will if they're funny. If a joke is bad, don't expect us to break out into gales of laughter.
17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
Then you better make DAMN sure you're honest all the time too, if you want us to be.
18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
Okay... what? A large group of women is okay, but not men? Christ, the CONSTITUTION goes against this point.
19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
It's possible for a guy to fake an orgasm, y'know. But it's also not that hard to get a guy off.
20. Do not start with us. You will not win.
You do not define the universe. You are not the all-knowing ruler of everything. It's possible for a male to win an argument too. Just don't be a sore loser.
21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.
You'll have to be a little more specific on this one.
22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
I'll concede this one. However, if you're in a foul mood, at least pretend to be nice if we're nice to you.
23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes!
Just don't expect us to go with you every time you decide that you want another pair of sandals.
24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
Just because you have an excuse doesn't mean you should utilize it to your advantage. Besides, it's easier for a girl to come out on top when she's upset about something. Don't be underhanded.
25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car.
We are not chauffers. Open your own damn door once in a while.
26. We love surprises!
So do we.
27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.
That's fine. We like our sandwich with the crusts. Once again, compromise (that doesn't mean you have to make us a sandwich, I'm just sayin').
28.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
Attention to detail is indeed a good thing, and a lot of us try. Please, though, don't scream at us when we don't notice how your upper lip curls slightly when we tickle you or something.
29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometiems . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
Since when did you get to dictate how we gird our loins? Some of us (not a lot, but some) LIKE briefs.
30. Clean your room before we come over.
Okay, but you're not our mothers. Don't point out niggling details when things aren't exactly to your liking.
31. Always bursh your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.
Brushing your teeth is just common sense, you don't have to tell us that.
32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
You could just tell us that you don't like us going down on you instead of taking a bite out of our wangs. It'd be a lot easier.
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
You sure have a funny way of showing it, then.
34. Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours.
That's terrible. If you don't want us doing something like that, you have no excuse either.
35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight.
Why not? That's the way guys are! We have this thing called "testosterone". Look into it.
36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
Yeah.... we figured that out.
37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.
They're comfortable and versatile. Do we tell YOU what you can and can't wear? We can't without sounding like some overbearing dominant jerk.
38. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
Then why is it that it's always the girl that brings that one up? A lot of us aren't keen on watching porn starring us, desireable as it may sound at first.
39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
This is another one I'll concede. Guys shouldn't be THAT wussy.
40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.
Fair enough. Be sure to keep the ex-boyfriend back, then.
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
Why do so many women harp on this one? My PARENTS forget my birthday, and I don't explode at them. Birthdays aren't that big a deal.
42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
That's fine. We like cuddling, too. It's nice.
43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too.
Trust me, we don't break out the fat chicks jokes around you. That's for when we're with the guys. And c'mon, if you don't want us ripping on the fat girl, we better not hear anything remotely derogatory about someone's race, size, gender, sexuality, financial standing, education or political leanings come out of your mouth.
44. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
Or you could, y'know, just talk to us instead of playing these stupid games.
45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
It's YOU dragging us to the dance floor. Men aren't too big on dancing. It's embarrassing.
46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.
We don't expect you to be, because chances are we won't be either. Sure, we like it when you call, but we don't plan the day around it.
47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
Then please explain why "diamonds are a girl's best friend", because they sure as hell aren't cheap. Balance out the sentimental and the expenise. Although I will agree that a gift that someone thought over instead of something they just grabbed is usually better.
48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
Do the same for us, and we're golden.
49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.
Not to sound like an a**, but you aren't living polygraphs. It IS possible to get away with lying to a woman. It's not a good idea, though, and not just to women.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.
Divulging intimate secrets isn't always good, that's why they're SECRETS. If you tell your girlfriends EVERYTHING, then be prepared for us to tell our males friends about that gross mole on your a**.
Do women really expect men to be like this? I know not all of you do, but the women who do are harboring some serious delusions that they need to get fixed PRONTO, or they'll never be happy with a partner.
As I was vacuuming out a dorm today, I saw this list of things posted on some girl's door. I read them over, and I was appalled. This list of "50 things girls wished guys knew" basically boils down to "men should be totally subservient to our every whim, no questions asked". I know it's been done before, but I took the time to respond to each of the 50 things, just for the hell of it.
1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.
Then you better not comment on other men.
2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
By that logic, the new episode of "Lost" is more important than we are. Whatever happened to, like, talking?
3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
Does that mean you want us to be constantly involved with some kind of drama? I don't really think you want that.
4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
If you want us to remember every important date, you should do the same thing.
5. There is no such thing as too much spooning.
We like to spoon too, y'know. Don't think we hate it.
6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
Ever hear of returning the favor? Did it ever occur to you that maybe we do that because you like it? Don't be selfish.
7. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
Maybe we don't want to call you all the time. You can live a day or two without a phone call.
8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
Or you could just tell us flat-out instead of being callous.
9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
That's a very fine line you're drawing. Chances are we're not going to look for someone else as long as we're happy.
10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
And we're not huge fans of wasting a day shopping for a dress or whatever. Compromise.
11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).
This is contrary to point 6. You want us to return the favor only when it's convenient to you? Unfair, unfair, unfair.
12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
Foreplay is fine, but we're not going to be happy with a 45-minute breast massage. Just make sure it doesn't last way too long.
13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.
That's utterly ridiculous. I think this one refutes itself, if you can think logically.
14. Eye contact is key.
We're not TOTAL morons. We're well aware that eye contact is a good thing, and not just when you're with a woman.
15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
Once again, this doesn't make any sense. If you're ready before we're even aware of it, you'd better give us some time.
16. Laugh at our jokes.
We will if they're funny. If a joke is bad, don't expect us to break out into gales of laughter.
17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
Then you better make DAMN sure you're honest all the time too, if you want us to be.
18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
Okay... what? A large group of women is okay, but not men? Christ, the CONSTITUTION goes against this point.
19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
It's possible for a guy to fake an orgasm, y'know. But it's also not that hard to get a guy off.
20. Do not start with us. You will not win.
You do not define the universe. You are not the all-knowing ruler of everything. It's possible for a male to win an argument too. Just don't be a sore loser.
21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.
You'll have to be a little more specific on this one.
22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
I'll concede this one. However, if you're in a foul mood, at least pretend to be nice if we're nice to you.
23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes!
Just don't expect us to go with you every time you decide that you want another pair of sandals.
24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
Just because you have an excuse doesn't mean you should utilize it to your advantage. Besides, it's easier for a girl to come out on top when she's upset about something. Don't be underhanded.
25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car.
We are not chauffers. Open your own damn door once in a while.
26. We love surprises!
So do we.
27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.
That's fine. We like our sandwich with the crusts. Once again, compromise (that doesn't mean you have to make us a sandwich, I'm just sayin').
28.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
Attention to detail is indeed a good thing, and a lot of us try. Please, though, don't scream at us when we don't notice how your upper lip curls slightly when we tickle you or something.
29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometiems . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
Since when did you get to dictate how we gird our loins? Some of us (not a lot, but some) LIKE briefs.
30. Clean your room before we come over.
Okay, but you're not our mothers. Don't point out niggling details when things aren't exactly to your liking.
31. Always bursh your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.
Brushing your teeth is just common sense, you don't have to tell us that.
32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
You could just tell us that you don't like us going down on you instead of taking a bite out of our wangs. It'd be a lot easier.
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
You sure have a funny way of showing it, then.
34. Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours.
That's terrible. If you don't want us doing something like that, you have no excuse either.
35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight.
Why not? That's the way guys are! We have this thing called "testosterone". Look into it.
36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
Yeah.... we figured that out.
37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.
They're comfortable and versatile. Do we tell YOU what you can and can't wear? We can't without sounding like some overbearing dominant jerk.
38. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
Then why is it that it's always the girl that brings that one up? A lot of us aren't keen on watching porn starring us, desireable as it may sound at first.
39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
This is another one I'll concede. Guys shouldn't be THAT wussy.
40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.
Fair enough. Be sure to keep the ex-boyfriend back, then.
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
Why do so many women harp on this one? My PARENTS forget my birthday, and I don't explode at them. Birthdays aren't that big a deal.
42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
That's fine. We like cuddling, too. It's nice.
43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too.
Trust me, we don't break out the fat chicks jokes around you. That's for when we're with the guys. And c'mon, if you don't want us ripping on the fat girl, we better not hear anything remotely derogatory about someone's race, size, gender, sexuality, financial standing, education or political leanings come out of your mouth.
44. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
Or you could, y'know, just talk to us instead of playing these stupid games.
45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
It's YOU dragging us to the dance floor. Men aren't too big on dancing. It's embarrassing.
46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.
We don't expect you to be, because chances are we won't be either. Sure, we like it when you call, but we don't plan the day around it.
47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
Then please explain why "diamonds are a girl's best friend", because they sure as hell aren't cheap. Balance out the sentimental and the expenise. Although I will agree that a gift that someone thought over instead of something they just grabbed is usually better.
48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
Do the same for us, and we're golden.
49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.
Not to sound like an a**, but you aren't living polygraphs. It IS possible to get away with lying to a woman. It's not a good idea, though, and not just to women.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.
Divulging intimate secrets isn't always good, that's why they're SECRETS. If you tell your girlfriends EVERYTHING, then be prepared for us to tell our males friends about that gross mole on your a**.
Do women really expect men to be like this? I know not all of you do, but the women who do are harboring some serious delusions that they need to get fixed PRONTO, or they'll never be happy with a partner.
