• Mistakes are natural; at least that is what I thought. I thought I found the perfect guy, that I might have fallen in love, but I was wrong. I have been single for a year and honestly convinced myself that I didn’t need any guy for the time being. I later found out I was only lying to myself.
    You see I broke up with this amazing guy for what I thought would be the last time I would ever want him. For the time being it worked, I got on with my life and held a happy single life, but then everything started to come back to me. I started to see him with all these other girls and I couldn’t tell if I was happy for him or just plain jealous. To be honest I was lost for words, not even my mind could come up with an answer for how I was feeling. I hid behind my friends in hopes that it would go away, but every time I saw him and another girl again it just ripped through me again and again.
    The only logical explanation I could come up with was to leave them both alone, but I found that when I was trying to avoid him I would run into him more often. My luck right. Now I just find myself walking through the school hallways to history class, always looking to my left to see if he was there, because that was the one place I always ran into him. I never saw him but I hoped that I could. I didn’t understand; I thought I was over him, that I didn’t love him anymore. I thought a 3 year relationship could pass over time, so I just don’t understand. Was it possible that he was the one and I can’t let him go.
    I question my feelings when I see him. Every time he walks past me it feels as if I was flying once again, and once he was gone I fell. What was wrong with me, was I obsessed with this guy? Or did I just fall in love, and I wasn’t able to give it up. I remember the exact place where I decided that I was going to brake up with him. The only reason I was going to dump him in the first place was because he always made me feel inferior. He made me feel loved but when he was sad I ended up in the dog house. I wasn’t fond of being treated like I was nothing.
    I knew he loved me, loved me a lot, and I took it away from him. I ripped his heart out, and mine as well have ripped mine out with it. He would never want me back, especially after hurting him like that. I was lost in this black abyss where there was no light to be found. Not one corner had any shimmer of hope. That was where I was caged, and never to be let out again. My own stupidity got me here, and I can’t get myself out. All I want is to be with him again, but I know it would difficult and I was afraid to get rejected.
    Every girl should know that feeling. No one likes to get rejected no matter who you are, or what you say. I had my own share of rejection and it was hard to handle. I didn’t want to accept it, so I pushed it off and gave it some time. With him I couldn’t push it off; surely I tried to, but I ended up in the same exact place I left off, HURT. Now he has this girlfriend who is pretty. Pretty is an understatement, but who am I to judge. The thing that annoys me about her is that 1. she wouldn’t even walk with him if he had his earing in. That is stupid right. Not only that, but they broke up like 50 thousand times and yet Alex keeps apologizing, and getting back together with her.
    I can tell he has deep feelings for her but I want them to be for me. I miss him, I love him, I miss the way he loved me and kissed me, and most of all I can’t let go of him. I’ve tried, long enough and I’ve grown weak. I can’t take any more of this, I can’t keep ignoring him. I wish I was strong enough, that I could fight this beating heart inside of me. Was it really possible though; I mean, possible to beat your heart. To tell it no and get over it, because I find it quite difficult.
    No one understands how I’m feeling. They say they do but they really don’t. My friends come up to me every day and go “Jessie I understand what your going through, it will pass.” Well it has been over a year and I can’t let it go. I give up, I give up in every way I know, all I want is for all of this to go away, to seem like a bad dream that I will soon enough wake up from. I will soon realize if I hadn’t already that I made a mistake. If Alex was ever to take me back, would be a true miracle. I am just the girl to believe in miracles though, but this one seems to be fading fast. I only wish I could go back in time and have a second chance.
    People say everyone makes a mistake, and lots of times you will get a second chance. Well where is my chance, nowhere to be found, that’s for sure. I only want to be his girl again, the girl he said I love you to, the girl he hugged and kissed, and made you smile every day. I’m lost, and there is no one to find me. The only one who could find me is with another girl, and all I can hope for is that he still might love me.