Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You're my cheerful pain,
You're my funny pain
I'm Monkey Zero
You're Monkey Zero.

-----------------------------------

I know I can be pretty messed up. Somtimes I surprise myself. I'm the kind of person who one day realizes that she has a lot she wants to get off her chest but can't for the life of her, so she decides to ramble to an infinite number of internet personalities who won't listen anyway. Doesn't that seem crazy to you? I think about poems I could write--then I realize how dumbly generic and only partially better it would make me feel. I can't rhyme anyway, so why bother? Not like I'm gonna be a famous songwriter someday, anyway.

I like talking about what I think, what I feel.

So let it begin.

My summer was...indescribable. Good? I guess. More like crazy Twilight-Zone, but still good. It was insanity, it was bliss. Yes, I was happy. Immensely. Scared, but happy. It was weird. But you don't really know what I'm talking about, and I'd like to keep it that way.

So, summer ended, and, accordingly, so did my dumb happiness. What was I expecting, anyway? Who knows. It still sucked. Obviously, since I still dwell on it. It was probaby my fault, though I don't like to think that. It's a matter of maturity, apparently. Oh, no, now it's a matter of preference. Who the hell KNOWS the reason. I don't. Maybe they do. Reasons get jumbled up in feelings.

Desperate, I let my self sink into the water. Then, suddeny, I knew which way was up...Hope returned. I thrashed and struggled for air. I reached the surface only to be dunked down again. The only left to do was to swim for shore. Right? Reaching the shore, I was relieved. Until sand was kicked in my face. Now it's stuck all over me. I should probably brush it off. I should kick sand back. But I'm too tired from the struggle. I swam too much. I'd rather lie down on my hypothetical beach and take a nice little nap. Maybe with someone new. But everyone's gone, playing with It. My It went away. Right after smashing my face in. It runs around me in little confusing circles. I want It to stop, please.

So, enought with my insane analogies. Lately I'm letting myself get over my stupid little made up problems that no one really gets when I talk about them. Except those little idiotswho do know, who sit and sneer about it like they know something they can use against me. You can't use it against me. So much for that. Blah.

I let myself get carried away. I got caught up in my years of "like." Stop getting swept away by the tide. Stay away from the water completely, for god's sake! I wish I could. But I have no self-control. Stop sneering, what I'm doing isn't wrong. I'll do what I want, no matter how much it shreds me up.

Long car rides are bad for this reason. They make me think. Give me something else! I wish I could stop narrating my own life. I want to erase all the blemishes. That would be too easy, though, right? What if I want easy? What if easy makes you feel better? You crank up the music, but they're just more voices in your head.

I wish I could say everything. Oh, god, yes. But it's too easy. People don't always act and react the way you want them to, unfortunately. I'm really trying to stay off the emo list. I'm not emo. I'm probably a little crazy. I think too much. Maybe some day soon I'll be hit in the head very hard and all my little thoughts will drip out of my ear. I know other people have it worse. I'm not trying to make the unnamed reader feel sorry for me.

You don't even know what I'm talking about.

Neither do I.

We have something in common.

Want to be friends?

Just don't kick sand in my face.




-Boheme-





"I Have Rabies"
[[a sarcastic poem by Boheme]]

Give me KISS KISS
Rainbow happy time
I want to bite you
Ice cream lollipop rhyme

Bunnies tugboat lemonade
Cowboy dance party
I want to bite you
Nothing good rhymes with party

Cherry sunshine snowflake
What a happy song
I want to bite you
Sing it all day long!

-------------------------------------------

o_o