And yet, I wonder why??
I know I said that I'd get back to the last journal, you know, about getting inspiration back, but I got stuck doing other things, basically nothing.
Or idea.
I said I'd have tomorrow, which was Monday, but I was busy yesterday, so I'm doing it today.
This is starting off as a memo on my phone.
I tried listening to people, eavesdropping, but I realized most people just talk about..poop.
Dumb stuff.
I'm trying to think of stuff to go off about but..hmm..
Its not that I feel constricted by rules and s**t, since people think I'm such a goody to-shoe, which I most likely am a bit, I just don't think its a good idea.
I also don't like when Sara, my friend, goes over the caution my school.
My group has a spot that my friend, Emily and I, initially made our own.
There's a bench and a square of grass in front, with a tree in the middle and another small one on the side.
Its ours, since freshman year.
I'm a senior now.
Sara always says how its her tree..
I get annoyed.
I find myself with little patience lately, must be the missing inspiration..
Orlando was funny about it..
Brian ripped the tape and that's the funniest thing I've laughed at lately. I was outraged but not angered.
I fixed it..three times.
Seriously though, its there for a reason. The new grass.
My right big toe hurts.
He says I smell amazing..but I don't know how I smell..
I feel like I smell bad when he scoots away..its okay though.
I get it.
I just wonder..
He didn't come to school today.
Hmm..but he did show up in my dream.
He's the first person to tell me I smell "amazing".
And even though my self-worth get the best of me, whenever I feel ugly, the look on his face says otherwise.
Well, when he'll look at me.
And he always blinks first.
I got called cute the other day, but it was rebuffed when the guy said, "but its creepy because he'd be calling my brother cute, and he don't like that."
Four of my friends (girls) called me beautiful, on seperate occasions.
But I'm just not seeing what they're seeing when I look in the mirror.
What is it?
I look okay, in my thoughts.
Its my same face every day.. I beautiful on the inside?
Separate question.
Who knows?..
I'm sure we all have a "dark side".
I suppose it doesn't matter much to me.
Schools over now, and I'm alone.
I'm walking allll aloooooone..
Emily's staying after school with her boyfriend.
Chapi is going to practice even though he's grounded.
And I'm walking all the heat.
It could be worse. But my toe hurts so bad.
But it could be worse.
It could be bleeding.
Its so hot.
Aside from my toe, my right leg has started to hurt.
The girl in front of me walks strange.
Random chihuaua passing by.
Okay, some guy I passed by said
"Hi honey."
I feel like I'm on high alert.
I keep hearing things.
(Normal enough)
I'm home! And I have to do the laundry!! ; []; I forgot!
Some guy smelled my hair the other day.
It felt intrusive.
I said I was used to it..psshhh..
Whomever it may concern, I have sweaty hands, most of the day..of the week..of my life.
Its not so gross, like other people may think. I can't control it. :T
I have these underwear that I wear every Tuesday, but not today..
I started the day I had a boyfriend..
I dunno why I still keep at it.
Except for today.
Geh.. this long enough?
Well, I'd just like to reiterate, the caution tape is there for a reason.
All those warning signs and stuff are there for a reason.
If you can't see the reason, then its certainly seen by someone else.
Well..I'm tired so I don't care enough anymore.
I've been drained of energy..
I sneezed.
What am I missing?
Psshh, I wouldn't even remember.
Oh, just in case, hi Calvin.
Or Derek.
Or Turkey.
Don't worry, I'm done with calling you a baby.
And Big baby.
And loser.
And weenie.
And dog.
And crybaby.
Hmm..jeez. Sorry.
Haaa..I suck.
You pulled my hair in my dreams and I woke up before you can sniff the crap out of me.
And to everyone else, by now think that's normal.
Now, my body is exhausted.
T ^T