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Where Is My Mind?
Yep. My Journal. On gaia. About my ways and such.- []-
Don't Promise Me: Dialogue
[*work of fiction, didn't happen at all*]
"So, what do you want?"
"I just wanted to get one thing out of my system."
"And what's that?"
"I wanted to tell you I don't believe in you."
"I don't understand. Its not like I'm some imaginary friend of yours."
"That's rude of you."
"So, what do you mean by that? Like, you lost trust in me?"
"I trust you. I just don't believe in what you say."
"Oh. Why not?"
"Because even if you have feelings, what you said before are just words. Words you never meant to say or had no idea why you would say them. You said them, and then you never went by them. You contradicted yourself."
"You have no idea what you're talking about. What are you even saying?"
"I do have an idea. I have many ideas of what I'm saying. You said a number of things to me and about me, and without knowing it, had done the opposite."
"You don't know that. You know I love you."
"Then why did you do those types of things? "
"What? What did I even do?"
"You made so many promises and then pretended you never did. You forgot so many things. You said you'd treat me one way and then all you did was hurt me. You tried to pretend I was a dream. You pretended I didn't exist. But I do exist. I remember so many things. You forgot all about...us. You hurt me."
"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I didn't try to. I didn't mean to hurt you either. I never intended to hurt you."
"You did try though. Don't lie to me. I know you did, because I hurt you too. Didn't I?"
"Of course you did. You did hurt me."
"Then maybe I deserve the way you treat me, I just don't want you to pretend I don't exist."
"It just hurt me so much because I love you. You know I love you."
"I know you do. I understand."
"That. That's why I did those things."
"What?"
"You just never said it back. I know you don't feel the same."
"I don't."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know exactly how it is you feel."
"So you've never been in love. How can you possibly understand?"
"I do understand. I understand why you did certain things. Why you made certain choices. I just wanted you to know that. But--"
"That's bullshit, and you should know that. You don't understand. You don't even know what its like."
"I can imagine--"
"You can't even begin to imagine! Why do you always say things like that? How can you possibly know? How can you possibly understand?"
"I can! I do...you never believe me. You never tried. I do understand. I don't blame you. I never blamed you. Just don't act like I was never there."
"I know you were. But I can't live like this anymore. I need you to leave me alone."
"I can't do that either."
"Please--"
"You made a promise."
"I can't keep it."
"You made so many..."
"I just can't keep them."
"But--"
"I don't want to. I won't. I hate seeing you."
"You said--"
"I do love you, I really am in love with you but I also really hate you. I hate it. I hate this."
"You--"
"I forgot a lot, because I really tried hard. And I'm still trying to forget you. Just stop trying so hard to make me remember."
"I do love you, though. Its just not the same. I don't want you to forget me."
"Exactly. Its not the same. I know you don't want me to but I do. I can't do this anymore. Maybe one day I'll come back to you. And we can be friends instead. Like long ago. I will."
"Don't just leave."
"I'll come back."
"But when?"
"When I don't love you anymore."
"That--"
"I promise."
"Don't make any more promises you can't and won't keep."
"I really do promise."
"Okay, but I won't believe in you anymore."
"Fine, I'll make sure I change your mind when I meet you again."
"Some time you pick to be optimistic."
"Hope is as optimistic I can get."
"I was only optimistic for you, the rest of the times, I was far more negative than you. Hope is a good reason because I hope I'll see you soon."

---------
[Just something random I wanted to try.]
Other than that, my short break is almost over.
I'm drawing a lot more, writing too.
Job hunting with no luck yet.
I've been alright. I could be better.
A little lonely, but maybe that's my fault.





 
 
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